http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=birmingham The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 19 May 2013 17:14:00 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142377 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 18:19:06 +0000 custard cream 142377@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant! max. stars! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142356 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 15:18:07 +0000 reforse 142356@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>5* for the Leon Brittan line </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142329 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 12:54:20 +0000 button 142329@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love this Dusty </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142328 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 12:46:05 +0000 DustyBinLaden 142328@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>pinxit that is awesome. What's really brilliant is that if you cross Gove with Pink you get Deborah Meaden </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142317 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 11:28:21 +0000 Midfield Diamond 142317@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Some great lines in this, and the spiders' web on the face tattoo would make a great pic, even if the idea has been used before - I'm pretty sure a suitably-edited version of this made NiB: <a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34444" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=34444</a></p> <p>(There was a bloke down the fairground where I worked with such a tattoo, so I can't claim it was wholly my idea) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142308 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 10:50:14 +0000 pinxit 142308@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good stuff. Plenty of scope for pix... tho' it doesn't really need any.</p> <p>As for Gove... well, there's plenty of depths there to explore.</p> <p>Did you know he'd released a 'Pink' tribute album? Here it is from a couple of weeks ago...</p> <p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/pinky_GOVE.jpg"></p> <p>Stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142302 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 10:17:43 +0000 dvo4fun 142302@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sadly, I only just got the 'GOVE'/'LOVE' bit of "‘GOVE’ and ‘HATE’": </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142270 Mon, 08 Oct 2012 08:21:04 +0000 moanygit 142270@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"‘GOVE’ and ‘HATE’":</p> <p>...superb. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142181 Sun, 07 Oct 2012 18:21:29 +0000 DustyBinLaden 142181@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Please don't shout. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142038 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 16:21:34 +0000 The Secret Cabal 142038@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>YOU ARE NOW A MEMBER OF THE CABAL. RESISTANCE IS FUTILE. YOU HAVE BEEN ...(what was that? stimulated? who the fuck are the borg? Oh)...ASSIMILATED. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-142032 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 15:40:11 +0000 dvo4fun 142032@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Made me laugh Dusty esp "Weirdly though, when she sits down it looks like Leon Brittan is trying to climb out of her trousers." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-141984 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 11:29:26 +0000 waylandsmithy 141984@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely job, that's a brilliant punch line. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49205#post-141977 Sat, 06 Oct 2012 11:15:14 +0000 DustyBinLaden 141977@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A regrettable night on the razz has left Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne sporting a massive spider’s web tattoo on his face, just a day before he presents the country’s headline economic strategy at the Tory conference. Michael Gove will deliver his keynote address with “The poor don’t need no education” scribed on his forehead.</p> <p>The incident-filled night out in central Birmingham has left many of the senior cabinet members, coalition ‘friends’ and media politicos with regrettable inkage, including the words ‘GOVE’ and ‘HATE’ on Vince Cable’s knuckles and ‘Dave’s Biaaaatch’ on Nick Clegg’s left buttock.</p> <p>Commenting on his tattoo, Mr Osborne said: ‘This, this… thing on my face, it’s… well, let’s see now… It’s about doing everything in my power, my Spidey power… yes, that’s it. I will use every sinew of my Spidey power… Nope. Something about representing the main strands of my economic dream for the nation? How does that sound?’ At which point, the Chancellor broke down. ‘Bollocks. Bollocks. Bollocks. I am fucked. I am properly, properly fucked,’ he sobbed. </p> <p>An aide then led Mr Osborne gently from the room. </p> <p>Mr Gove, on the other hand, appears unrepentant and even rather proud of his tat. He’s been seen prodding it angrily with his finger and saying to people ‘See that? That’s what I’m fucking talking about.’</p> <p>Theresa May now has an epic ‘tramp stamp’ on her lower back, comprising an elaborate HR Giger-style biomechanical landscape, heavy on fetishistic sexual activity between humanoid aliens and futuristic machinery.</p> <p>‘Yeah, that didn’t really work,’ said Home Office minister James Brokenshire. ‘Too complex. Weirdly though, when she sits down it looks like Leon Brittan is trying to climb out of her trousers.’</p> <p>In an ironic twist, Sky presenter Kay Burley actually cried for the first time in her life after waking up to discover that two blue tears had been tattooed on her face, falling gently from her left eye. There are rumours that these were scribed some time before the night out, under direct instruction from Rupert Murdoch.</p> <p>Perhaps one of the most surprising revelations came when two strippers dressed as police officers playfully removed Andrew Mitchell’s clothes in the lobby of the Hyatt Regency hotel, whereupon it was discovered that Mitchell has long been tattooed from neck to ankle in tweed.</p> <p>Prime Minister David Cameron escaped a piece of permanent skin art, although not for want of trying. Tattooist Danny Brown said: ‘He asked for a heart and the name Richard Clayderman on his cheek, but I just couldn’t get the ink to stay on. It was like trying to tattoo an uncooked Poundland sausage.’</p> <p><em>Hat tip to waylandsmithy</em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31138#post-93231 Fri, 28 Oct 2011 12:20:55 +0000 medici2471 93231@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>suspenders sentence </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31138#post-87786 Wed, 28 Sep 2011 11:30:38 +0000 medici2471 87786@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>thanks, yes, RIP DC </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31138#post-87739 Wed, 28 Sep 2011 08:21:46 +0000 Clarky 87739@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice one. Mrs Slocombe's creator would have approved. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31138#post-87733 Wed, 28 Sep 2011 08:13:55 +0000 medici2471 87733@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>the trial continues.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=13514#post-36714 Tue, 05 Oct 2010 23:32:34 +0000 Kazytc 36714@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>West Midlands police, have been forced to apologise to Muslims living in several suburbs of Birmingham UK, for spying on them using 2,000 newly erected CCTV camera's, all strategically placed, to watch how curries are cooked, in the residents kitchens.</p> <p>Police manning the camera's, were tasked with the job of trying to identify the type of curry each resident was cooking, in a bid to set up a rival curry house chain of restaurants, throughout the area.</p> <p>One angry resident of by name of Gita Lod-a Diss, living in Ruby MurrayRuby Murray Street, in the suburb of Spark-trouble, noticed the CCTV camera zooming in on her, as she nipped into her kitchen, half clothed to check on a curry she was cooking, whilst dressing in advance of expected guests.</p> <p>Whilst another resident by the name of Causer Chipatti, living in Korma Street in the suburb of Washed-out, was distressed to find a camera was zooming right in on her, as she bent over to get something out of her oven, causing her to feel intruded upon.</p> <p>A residents meeting was called by the Muslims in these two areas, headed by Dinash Cookabati ,whose wife was also abused when a CCTV camera, zoomed in on her breasts, instead of the chicken breasts she was cooking, and made her feel abused.</p> <p>Din-ash Cook-a-bati ,took the residents case to the MP for the area, Mr Sham Bum-farti, and a complaint was then lodged with the Chief Constable of West Midlands Police and also Birmingham City Council.</p> <p>A full investigation into the complaint was then carried out, and this has revealed that 70% of the residents cooked Bin-to-the-loo curry, whilst 10% cooked Bin-the-army curry, 10% cooked Bomb-a-gay Curry, 5% cooked Romer -Kosh Curry and a further 5% cooked Bail-me Curry.</p> <p>Other statistics revealed by the investigation, show that 70% of residents cooked whilst wearing Sari's, 15% show that residents cooked whilst half clothed, 5% cooked whilst naked between showering and cooking, 5% cooked in nightclothes, and the final 5% cooked in underwear only.</p> <p>Muslims in the two affected areas, are said to be irate at these statistics, as they believe that they paint them in a bad light, and show a racial prejudice, toward favouring Bin-to-the-loo Curry, and the wearing of Saris for cooking in.</p> <p>A Muslim revolt is now underway, to force the West Midlands Police and Birmingham City Council to remove these cameras, and a class action against the police and the council has been launched, in order to achieve and injunction, to prevent the police and Birmingham City Council opening rival curry houses.</p> <p>We shall of course keep you updated on this story. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2417#post-7238 Tue, 13 Apr 2010 05:36:35 +0000 sauce 7238@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Has he promised he'll promise? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2417#post-7185 Mon, 12 Apr 2010 19:46:20 +0000 Mrblacker 7185@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>possibly...... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2417#post-7155 Mon, 12 Apr 2010 15:53:14 +0000 edward hack 7155@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Are you saying he might not actually keep his promise this time? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2417#post-7136 Mon, 12 Apr 2010 14:10:24 +0000 Mrblacker 7136@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Major reforms to the House of Lords, a global levy on banks and a pledge not to increase income tax have been revealed by Gordon Brown as just some of the promises he says he'll try not to keep if returned as Prime Minister.</p> <p>Launching his party's manifesto in Birmingham, he told supporters and the media that if Labour's voted in on May the 6th, he'll set about keeping his promise to forget everything he says he'll do.</p> <p>"I want to be crystal clear about this" he said. "We are not about doing things that will be difficult. The hardest thing a politician can do is to keep his promises. Therefore I pledge that if you let me have another go at the job, this time without voting for someone else, I promise that I can let you all down in my own right."</p> <p>The plea went down well with supporters in the hall, with some activists openly weeping at the power of the Prime Minister's convictions.</p> <p>"Number one in my list of priorities is for us not to increase taxation. Therefore I promise that if we're return, we'll restore the public's faith in politics by breaking that rule straight of of the gates."</p> <p>In response, The Conservatives accused Labour of stealing David Cameron's policy, while Nick Clegg told anyone who'll listen that the bigger parties have been mean to him and if they're not nicer he'll take his rosette and go home, </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=534#post-1453 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 11:33:14 +0000 Mrblacker 1453@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A Birmingham-based insurance firm has closed for business and left hundreds of professional motorists out of pocket, after settling just one claim.</p> <p>Unique Accident Cover, based in the city's Sparkbrook area, targetted taxi drivers and other groups who drive for a living, charging average premiums of £500 a year.</p> <p>However, after a claim from Ahmed Ali, a 54 year old cabbie from Handsworth, it has ceased trading.</p> <p>A spokesman for the administrators said the firm was sticking to the inference in its name.</p> <p>"Unique Accident Cover, while guaranteeing cover for a client, made it clear in the very small print of each policy, that only one would ever be settled, in accordance with the company name."</p> <p>"Mr Ali had a typical shunt with another driver and while that doesn't seem out of the ordinary, it was enough for the clause to kick in an invalidate any further claims."</p> <p>A statement on the firm's website states that after the first claim, all other claims were of a similar pattern and therefore not unique. Mr Ali had the good fortune to be the first to claim, and would therefore be the only one covered and compensated.</p> <p>"This was a time-bomb waiting to go off." Sheila McGregor from the Association of British Insurers said.</p> <p>"It has been suggested that we should have made people aware of the company's 'unique clause. To be hionest, as long as they paid their subs we didn't care. It is down to the client to ensure that they have read the very small print, even if it is in one point and covered by the company's logo."</p> <p>But at least one driver is set to challenge the firm's decision in court.</p> <p>Terry O'Dwyer, who had just taken out a policy, said his accident with a unicorn should have been settled, because as far as he can tell, no other claimaint had an accident with a mythical beast. </p>