http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=beowulff-points-for-having-read The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 22:21:10 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4141#post-11896 Tue, 11 May 2010 04:49:43 +0000 rfreed 11896@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thank you kindly. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4141#post-11683 Mon, 10 May 2010 06:47:13 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 11683@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Take 5 for the Icelandic Saga. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4141#post-11674 Sun, 09 May 2010 23:41:22 +0000 rfreed 11674@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Iceland, hammered by massive financial debts to Europe and Britain in particular, has come up with a hammer of its own to strike back with. Returning to its traditional religious roots and the old gods of the Norsemen the Icelanders have invoked their wrath to aid them in their revenge on an unforgiving European economic situation that spells doom for them. Odin, head man of the fierce Gods of the Vikings, called forth his son Thor and his magical hammer Mjollnir (pronounced 'ham-mer') to strike the Icelandic volcano Eyjafjallajokull (pronounced 'ice-land-ic vol-cano') causing it to erupt and bury Europe in ash. The ash shut down air traffic on the continent and most of the rest of Europe for weeks, costing airlines and governments billions in lost revenue.<br /> Eyjafjallajokull and the Norse gods show no sign of relenting. Odin and his men subscribe to the Viking philosophy of fighting to the death and therefore have no intent on relenting until the European Union (or the 'Union of Earth Eunuchs' as Odin and the boys derisively call them when they're tanked up on a few pints of grog) agrees to their demands.<br /> These demands include: </p> <p>A. A weekly shipload delivery of German Doppelbock beer, Doppelbock having twice the alcohol kick of regular beer which the Norse gods and hearty Icelanders need to get them off. </p> <p>B. A regular shipment of St. Pauli girls for the same reason. (St. Pauli is the red light district of Hamburg.) A lot of Icelandic farmers have only sheep to keep them company and if you ever saw what Norse goddesses look like you would have sympathy for Thor and the big boys and would understand why they died out. </p> <p>C. Free two week timeshares in Costa del Sol the first week of every February. Even Valhalla gets cold in the winter. </p> <p>D. 300,000 copies of Mr. Bean's Greatest Hits for everyone on the island and in Valhalla. Even in Icelandic he's funny. It might help them forget that the British wanted to put thumbscrews on them over the bad investments they made in Iceland. </p> <p>E. 300,000 Swedish pornos. It can only be SWEDISH pornos, no other. Blonds are the only thing that can get them off. And, yes, they do know that their kids shouldn't be seeing these things, but they want them trained to only go after their own kind.<br /> Should Europe not meet these demands, Odin has declared things could get worse. "Ever hear of the Norwegian word 'Tsunami'?" he asked in a thick, Scandinavian accent. </p> <p>Greek authorities, inspired by the Icelandic example, are checking into revitalizing Zeus for<br /> similar reasons. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-8156 Sun, 18 Apr 2010 12:22:52 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 8156@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><a href="http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2010/04/100416145314.htm">Jay Miller, Texas A &amp; M</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-8065 Sat, 17 Apr 2010 13:18:08 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 8065@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nature's poetry is sublime: Icelandic debt brings the UK to a financial standstill, while it's volcano not only drifts ash all over the place, but also delays the national funeral of a widely-disliked neo-Con nutter, snatched from his duties by a forest similar to that in which the victims he was to commemorate, were executed.</p> <p>There is such a neat loop the loop in this story, I will not even attempt a limerick or <em>bout rhymé</em>, but rather a retake on ...what was that Icelandic epic entitled? <em>Beowulff?</em> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-8064 Sat, 17 Apr 2010 12:54:13 +0000 MADJEZ 8064@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent news : We are all doomed according to the Daily Express.</p> <p><a href="http://www.dailyexpress.co.uk/posts/view/169811">Daily Express : Volcanic ash is deadly.</a></p> <p>Such lazy journalism, I would have expected a story on 'What Princess Diana would have thought about the volcano'. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-8057 Sat, 17 Apr 2010 12:30:18 +0000 The All New Jeni B 8057@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh well, that's alright then. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-8055 Sat, 17 Apr 2010 12:26:27 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 8055@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Besides, volcanic ash doesn't cause cancer; it crusts the alveoles in the lungs and suffocates the user. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-8053 Sat, 17 Apr 2010 12:05:22 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 8053@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think you'll find that the harmful effects of volcanic ash, much like radiation fallout from Chernobyl, stop at national borders through a biological reaction referred to as "sovereign immunity". This feature is quite distinct from inherent toxic debt, liability for which is not, as scientists had expected, limited by sovereign immunity.</p> <p>Hope this note clarifies the matter. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-7811 Fri, 16 Apr 2010 04:33:47 +0000 cazzbar 7811@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So planes have been grounded because Anne Robinson has been flossing her vagina? That will come as cold comfort to some (clearly not that close) friends of mine who have been at Bristol Airport all day intending to fly out to Barcelona on a long stag weekend.</p> <p>(Edit: Happy ending, after 12 hours and still no flight, one of them found out there is a Barcelona down in Cornwall, so they've hired a mini-bus and gone there instead.) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-7749 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 13:40:31 +0000 edward hack 7749@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I read on a packet of fags that The Daily Mail causes cancer<br /> Nasty, abbrassive grit...isn't that what happens when Anne Robinson flosses her vagina? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-7733 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 12:35:39 +0000 The All New Jeni B 7733@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ooh! Let me guess. Was that in The Daily Mail? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-7731 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 12:34:05 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 7731@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I read somewhere that this volcanic ash stuff causes CANCER! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-7712 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 10:45:20 +0000 Scroat 7712@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think you'll find it's ok for us, but jet engines get clogged up with it. Our lungs tolerate loads of muck anyway. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-7701 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 10:09:44 +0000 AdrianJ 7701@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm decorating at the moment, so I'm hoping it blows my way. It'll be worth the crippling lung disease, if it's abrasive enough to sand the walls for me. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-7696 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 09:58:22 +0000 MADJEZ 7696@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What if it rains, think I'll buy shares in a carwash. It'll be like cement. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-7691 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 09:48:30 +0000 Zadok the second 7691@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Six kilometers up in the air right now, yes. But everything has to fall down at some point, doesn't it? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-7689 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 09:46:53 +0000 Sigmund Freud 7689@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Relax, unless you are really really tall, like 6 kilometers tall. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-7682 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 09:33:35 +0000 The All New Jeni B 7682@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's ok Madjez, it's the same sort of nasty abrasive grit and sand we've been breathing in since the snow melted, so we should be fine. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=2591#post-7671 Thu, 15 Apr 2010 09:03:18 +0000 MADJEZ 7671@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The news keeps going on about this nasty abrasive grit and sand from the volcano and the effects it would have on an aeroplane, what about us breathing this shit in ??? </p>