http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=bbc The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 13:54:55 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62155#post-181212 Fri, 07 Jun 2013 12:31:40 +0000 Sinnick 181212@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, improved. Keep bumping &amp; you might get a NiB.</p> <p>Couple of typos: "inoffensive", and you mentioned cookery twice. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62155#post-181189 Fri, 07 Jun 2013 10:00:29 +0000 theinvisiblecitychannels 181189@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not sure on this I think it has gone a bit dead but here is a bit of an edit. </p> <p>After an organisational review the BBC have unveiled a plan to install Irish comedy wag Dara O'Briain as presenter of almost every single programme on the BBC within 2 years.</p> <p>“Dara may have the noggin of a badly sculpted Mr Potato Head but the versatile art of making scripted material by a hoard of lowly paid writers seem spontaneous and brilliant, even for shows about the history of the North Circular, is a gift” said one BBC source.</p> <p>Formally a money saving tactic the corporation are hoping programmes as diverse as gardening, cookery, science, gardening, cookery, current affairs, gardening and even cookery can be made more interesting if presented by O'Briain. “The aim is to have people laughing their arse off constantly even if the programme happens to be a Panorama special on Syria that shows people being shot in the face. Making fun of Syrian officials in a humorous, slightly whimsical, way and in soft velvety Irish tones will make all the difference.”</p> <p>One Regional Head of Programming said “Our viewers may have the attention span of retarded Bonobos but Dara’s trademark hilarious, none-offensive, comedy wit will keep even programmes on the national debt interesting”. </p> <p>O'Briain was not available for comment but did release a statement through his agent: “I errrm am really pleased errrm…something about kittens…errrm...frowny face”</p> <p>The corporation were keen to point out there would be exceptions; wildlife programming will still be hosted by people with speech impediments, strong unintelligible regional accents and Ben Fogle while the One Show will continue to be presented by the usual bunch of cunts and someone from Wales. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62155#post-181139 Thu, 06 Jun 2013 19:40:14 +0000 Not Amused 181139@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ha ha ... I was just thinking the same thing .. Maybe not for the same reason. I haven't seen Tony Slattery on TV for ages .. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62155#post-181137 Thu, 06 Jun 2013 19:33:49 +0000 Golgo13 181137@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Tony Slattery? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62155#post-181135 Thu, 06 Jun 2013 18:13:57 +0000 Sinnick 181135@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice idea, but could do with a few more funnies - dwelling on the size &amp; shape of his cranium too much could suggest a little fetish on your part.</p> <p>Perhaps some specific examples of programmes would round it off nicely. Observing sexual behaviour of bonobos in Congo, being mistaken for Greg Wallace, presenting Newsnight in a casual but slightly whimsical manner, etc. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62155#post-181086 Thu, 06 Jun 2013 11:07:27 +0000 DraculaBranded 181086@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's true, the bloke is everywhere </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62155#post-181069 Thu, 06 Jun 2013 09:04:09 +0000 theinvisiblecitychannels 181069@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks - the stories of late have been really strong. I guess a combo of lots of good news items and the growing number of really great NB contributors.</p> <p>Thanks for stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62155#post-181001 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 18:17:11 +0000 Wrenfoe 181001@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I liked this (- hence starz aplenty). As always stories can slip down the forum without a comment or stars - particularly when the spam bots go on the rampage.</p> <p>(I am sure that it is a familiar theme, as TV often over exposes certain celebs ...James Corden...Tony Slattery...until we get sick of them. That doesn't mean this isn't a very funny take on it) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62155#post-180968 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 14:21:26 +0000 theinvisiblecitychannels 180968@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bit rough but didn't have a lot of time to check it over. I also have a feeling I have read something like it here already but with some other celebrity comic in the firing line.</p> <p>Sorry if that is the case. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=62155#post-180967 Wed, 05 Jun 2013 14:20:36 +0000 theinvisiblecitychannels 180967@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>After an organisational review the BBC have unveiled a plan to install baldy misshapen Irish comedy wag Dara O'Briain as presenter of almost every single programme on the BBC within 2 years. </p> <p>“Dara may have the noggin of a badly sculpted Mr Potato Head but the versatile art of making scripted material by a hoard of lowly paid writers seem spontaneous and brilliant, even for shows about the history of the North Circular, is a gift.”</p> <p>Formally a money saving tactic the corporation are hoping programmes as diverse as gardening, cookery, science, gardening, cookery, current affairs, gardening and even cookery can be made more interesting if presented by O'Briain. </p> <p>One Regional Head of Programming said “Our viewers may have the attention span of a dollop of congealed rice pudding but the injection of Dara’s trademark hilarious, none-offensive, comedy wit will keep even programmes on the national debt interesting for a least 5 minutes” </p> <p>O'Briain was not available for comment but did release a statement through his agent: “I errrm am really pleased errrm…something about kittens…errrm...frowny face”</p> <p>The corporation were keen to point out that there would be exceptions; most wildlife programming will still be hosted by people with speech impediments, strong unintelligible regional accents and Ben Fogle while the One Show will continue to be presented by the usual bunch of total cunts and someone from Wales. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61564#post-179202 Wed, 22 May 2013 19:44:35 +0000 FlashArry 179202@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Marvellous stuff - *****</p> <p>Scope for a photo-romance piece ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61564#post-179061 Tue, 21 May 2013 11:54:49 +0000 nickb 179061@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ministers Michael Gove and Philip Hammond have both recommended a mandate before gay marriage legislation is enacted. "We had our own mandate. It was just dinner at a discreet restaurant. We started with a few drinks at a quiet club. Then a lightish dinner. Yes there was candlelight, no there was no serenading violinist. We did go on somewhere afterwards. I'm not saying what happened next. But we both came away thinking a proper formal mandate is absolutely essential when it comes to same sex issues." said Gove. </p> <p>Mr Hammond told his side of the story: "Govey just rang me up out of the blue, and said "what about this mandate?" Well. When I got my breath back I said any evening except Thursday, and let's go somewhere elegant but fun! And then maybe on somewhere to dance? I was taken aback, but it was, I can tell you, an evening to remember. We talked about absolutely everything under the sun. Including Queen's speech related matters. "No, not that kind of Queen," I said to Govey. "You are awful, but I like you!" And yes, we agreed David has never had a mandate while he's been in office and maybe he should try one." </p> <p>David Cameron defended his lack of mandate in a letter to Tory activists. "You all do a wonderful job, and I know you feel some relationships are special. We've all of us paid for same-sex education, let's not forget, and those experiences at school are important. They're part of growing up as a conservative. And yes, they stay with you. I promise to try and get a mandate soon, but I'm not very popular at the moment." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61171#post-177689 Sun, 12 May 2013 12:26:56 +0000 drs 177689@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Staff have recently reported witnessing TV programmes being produced in the BBC’s new central London studios.<br /> “We thought all that nonsense had finished when Television Centre was closed at the end of March” one insider is quoted as saying.<br /> The nasty business of actually making programmes had thought to have been moved to the extremities of the UK, with Salford used to placate those with a ‘northern accent’.<br /> BBC press spokesman, Sebastian Russell, promised to look into the allegations.<br /> “We will look into any such allegation. That sort of thing hasn’t happened for a long time. We are moving forward now, building shiny new headquarters in London and around the UK, setting up advisory boards and giving employment to think-tanks and consultancy companies”.<br /> An official memo has warned staff not to leave scripts or ‘programme ideas’ lying around and to clear desks when leaving the office.<br /> “We don’t need that sort of thing ‘polluting’ the clean lines of our desks in a new and invigorated BBC”, newly appointed BBC Director General, James Murdoch, explained. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59727#post-173539 Mon, 15 Apr 2013 14:47:27 +0000 Titus 173539@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yess! Spot-on. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=59727#post-173526 Mon, 15 Apr 2013 13:26:48 +0000 deceangli 173526@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a bid to provide greater focus on BBC-related news stories, such as the recent one involving LSE students used as 'human shields' for a Panorama programme, the BBC is to cease all news coverage on non-BBC topics.</p> <p>"To be honest, the machinations of the BBC are so fascinating that the rest of it - Korea, Thatcher, Nick Clegg's wrist - all just seems trivial by comparison", said Tony Hall, BBC Director General. "Every time the BBC does something good, or something bad, we have to suspend all other news items anyway so the Today programme can consider every possible facet. All I'm suggesting here is that we cut the pretence that we give a monkey's about the filler material we use in between BBC scandals, and cut to the chase. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=52263#post-171189 Mon, 01 Apr 2013 10:44:20 +0000 Tripod 171189@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oof, double spam. Reminds me of school dinners... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56511#post-163570 Mon, 18 Feb 2013 01:31:10 +0000 Squudge 163570@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>VG FP </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56511#post-163569 Mon, 18 Feb 2013 01:29:01 +0000 dvo4fun 163569@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>But it didn't. Good job </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56511#post-163499 Sun, 17 Feb 2013 21:06:37 +0000 DustyBinLaden 163499@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A little late to take out the last para, but I would agree: it could go. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56511#post-163401 Sun, 17 Feb 2013 18:02:39 +0000 Lens Cap 163401@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice, maybe a tad lengthy but many funny bits. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56511#post-163394 Sun, 17 Feb 2013 17:43:58 +0000 Squudge 163394@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love the last para (not the one-liner re abattoirs ...doesn't add anything for me).</p> <p>Guerin adds class to this - perfect casting alongside Paxo. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56511#post-163388 Sun, 17 Feb 2013 17:21:46 +0000 DustyBinLaden 163388@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks dvo. She's been knocking around in my head for weeks. I've always felt that even as foreign correspondents go, she's about as dour and downbeat as a reporter can get. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56511#post-163368 Sun, 17 Feb 2013 14:50:25 +0000 dvo4fun 163368@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely work DBL and right up to the last line managed to avoid abattoir refs.</p> <p>I like the inclusion of Guerin, a vastly underrated comic gold mine. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56511#post-163345 Sun, 17 Feb 2013 12:36:39 +0000 Drylaw 163345@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hawking would do it too. He'll do anything for money these days. Go Compare? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56511#post-163317 Sun, 17 Feb 2013 10:32:47 +0000 Truebiscuit 163317@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very good, but I think Guerin is too obscure. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56511#post-163298 Sun, 17 Feb 2013 08:21:59 +0000 DustyBinLaden 163298@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a bid to place the BBC’s ailing light entertainment reputation in “safer hands” the corporation has announced that humourless war correspondent Orla Guerin and irritable news anchor Jeremy Paxman will front its new <em>It’s a Knockout</em> programme. </p> <p>Meanwhile, in an attempt to give light entertainers more credibility with the general public, Paul and Barry Chuckle will present the <em>To Me, To You, Today</em> programme each morning on Radio 4.</p> <p>‘It’s time we took the problem child of light entertainment and introduced it to its more responsible older sibling of news and current affairs,’ said the BBC’s new director general, Tony Hall. ‘In return, our heavyweight presenters will be used to bolster the reputation of comedy and kids’ programmes.</p> <p><em>Fuckallvision</em>, a new knockabout comedy for under 5s will feature James Naughtie, John Humphrys and Evan Davis as three penniless clowns who live in a pink Bongo and get into all sorts of scrapes as they seek employment during a recession. The programme will include an extended interview with an exasperated employer covered in paint at ten past eight. </p> <p>In clips leaked to the press, the first episode of the new <em>It’s a Knockout</em> has Guerin reporting solemnly on the demise of a Dutch competitor trying to walk up a water slide dressed as a fifteen-foot sponge giant. Paxman is shown repeatedly asking an evasive German captain “Are you going to play your joker? It’s a simple question. Yes or No?” while being sprayed with foam.</p> <p>‘Our problem has been that the programmes with the largest audience figures have been consistently fronted by sexual deviants, racists and arrested-development fantasists,’ continued Hall, ‘while the presenters who truly represent our impressive lineage of journalistic integrity and professionalism have been languishing in places like Islamabad. </p> <p>‘We plan to integrate the two so that light entertainment will be given a much-needed leg up into respectability while <em>Top Gear</em> presenters are shipped permanently to far off places like Mars in the hope that they’ll be slowly and inexorably forgotten about — starting with a race across the red planet on a Sinclair C5, an Austin Allegro, and a Raleigh Chopper, without any oxygen.’ </p> <p>In place of <em>Top Gear</em>, a new prime time programme about personal mobility - <em>Warning, Disabled Physicist Reversing</em> - will be hosted by Stephen Hawking, including a regular slot where Professor Hawking will attempt to explain the daily phenomenon of gridlock on the Hanger Lane gyratory system: <em>The Tragic Roundabout.</em> </p> <p><em>Food and Drink</em> also returns, hosted by Dr Christian Jessen and broadcast live from an abattoir in Romania. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=55011#post-159001 Sun, 20 Jan 2013 16:02:52 +0000 WatcherMark 159001@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Metropolitan Police has announced that Bella, Fizz, Jake and Milo (better known as children's group 'The Tweenies') have all been arrested after reports of association between themselves and repeated pedophile Jimmy Savile.</p> <p>A spokesman stated that the arrests came after a recent tape emerged of a character looking suspiciously like Savile presenting a stage show inside the Tweenies house <em>"We don't know how deep these connections run. For all we know Savile could have been associating with these 'Tweenies' for years, especially as these characters had regular access to children. A full investigation is underway at the moment."</em></p> <p>The Tweenies are currently protesting their innocence, with their spokesman Max stating <em>"This is an old tape that was filmed over ten years ago. We swear we had no idea of how evil Savile was and even if we did, it was only me dressed up. I swear!"</em></p> <p>Despite this comment, the Daily Mail have started a campaign to get the Tweenies imprisoned for what they call a 'disgusting joke'. This comes alongside recent campaigns for the hangings of Jack Whitehall and Jonathan Ross. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53492#post-154389 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 09:20:38 +0000 Username 154389@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>At least pick a town where there's some virgins (for the ancient rituals).</p> <p>(These stylised virgin sacrifice rituals have been practiced for many years, and it turns out that the Mayans do them too, not just the BBC presenters...) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53492#post-154384 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 09:07:07 +0000 Squudge 154384@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice idea, but you should have it over on ITV for 'wake up Britain' or whatever it is called. Allows for alltogether ditsier coverage, with end-of-the-world cupcakes with authentic Mayan spices and some ceremonial dancing. Maybe even a live phone-in chat with the expert. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53492#post-154380 Wed, 19 Dec 2012 08:57:53 +0000 iBarryJ 154380@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>BBC Breakfast News team today issued an appeal to find a Mayan resident in Salford. The Breakfast team are making preparations to cover the Friday 21st global apocalypse and wish to have a real Mayan spokesperson live in the studio to provide insight and comment. "We aren't too worried if they have a Manc or Scouse accent as long as they look Mayan and can explain the 13 B'ak'tun to our viewers," said Bill Turnbull. "We fully intend to give this global story extensive coverage and to minimise costs we will be presenting live from Salford Quays tram station." Any suitably qualified Mayans should contact the duty editor - quickly. </p>