http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=balls The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 11:13:42 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-169469 Fri, 22 Mar 2013 00:24:55 +0000 medici2471 169469@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>zzzzzzzzzz... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-169465 Fri, 22 Mar 2013 00:09:44 +0000 LensCap 169465@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In fairness there doesn't appear to be any grammatical errors? I always think you have to try to see the good in people, apart from Americans. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-169411 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 19:03:54 +0000 Tripod 169411@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>Do you think Gary Gonads is his real name?</blockquote></p> <p><em>Garfield</em> Gonads, if you please... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-169357 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 14:35:51 +0000 bonjonelson 169357@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Do you think Gary Gonads is his real name? If it is, it would explain everthing. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-169355 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 14:15:50 +0000 Dawsons creek 169355@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was going to comment on this, but I couldn't think of anything positive to say. At all. Not one thing, it seems to be completely devoid of all merit.</p> <p>So I won't say anything about it, and hopefully it'll slip into obscurity. I'm sure it won't, though: I'm sure Gary will want to bump it and complain that he's being ignored. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-169348 Thu, 21 Mar 2013 13:08:59 +0000 Lucy4 169348@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Looks like they've gone for the maximum age option. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-169031 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 10:26:29 +0000 Midnight Dreary 169031@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>You'd lose half the contributors at a stroke Midnight.</blockquote></p> <p>Yup, that's the general idea... :-) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-169030 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 10:25:12 +0000 Tripod 169030@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>You'd lose half the contributors at a stroke Midnight. </blockquote></p> <p>No problem for me... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-169029 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 10:23:57 +0000 Lucy4 169029@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You'd lose half the contributors at a stroke Midnight. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-169028 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 10:20:12 +0000 Midnight Dreary 169028@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Can't we have a Facebook-style minimum age of 13 here? It wouldn't hurt, would it? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-169027 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 10:18:50 +0000 Dickens or Shakespeare 169027@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@Gary Gonads: Time you were back at nursery school. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-169011 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 09:41:18 +0000 Titus 169011@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Is Hell, Damnation and Eternal Torment worse or better now that they have installed high-speed internet connection down there? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-168965 Wed, 20 Mar 2013 03:09:16 +0000 Paddy Berzinski 168965@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Maybe you lampooned the wrong guy. Because this needs a miracle to make it remotely funny. Still, I'm sure He'll forgive you. Although I doubt anybody else will. Ever. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-168939 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 22:46:30 +0000 Tripod 168939@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I was pullin' ya plonker, Gonads... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-168935 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 22:38:18 +0000 Gary Gonads 168935@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>We fought two world wars to give us the freedom to express our different senses of humour.</p> <p>And let's not be naïve, our children hear and say worse as school. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-168905 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 21:18:00 +0000 Tripod 168905@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Did we fight two world wars so that our children can read this kind of filth?</p> <p>Yes, probably... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=58244#post-168903 Tue, 19 Mar 2013 21:03:38 +0000 Gary Gonads 168903@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=43513#post-124531 Wed, 30 May 2012 17:09:29 +0000 LPWright 124531@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There was shock today among leading analysts as Lord Leveson made the bizarre decision to call the BBC Test Match Special team to the inquiry as his new co-commentry team.</p> <p>The trio of Geoffrey Boycott, Jonathan Agnew and Michael Vaughan have been requested by Lord Leveson to provide their famous detailed analysis of the technique and ability of some of the world's leading smarmy media figures appearing before the committee. </p> <p>However some of the early analysis has baffled leading members of the media. Jonathan Agnew described Tony Blair as 'an old pro' although pointing out that 'he's been out of the side for quite a long while now'. Geoffrey Boycott praised Blair's ability to bat away questions: 'look at his hands Jonathan,' he said 'some lovely supple wrists there, working the question off his chest to safety. It was a mighty deflection but he was in control as he gave Leveson the slip. Smashing.' He also had a very favourable opinion of Rebekah Brooks 'Would you look at her! She's a cracking lass that one. I like her. I'd like to touch her thigh pad. I hope she doesn't wear a box.' He also had great praise for Heather Mills, calling her the best short leg he'd ever seen.</p> <p>The judgement on inquirer QC Robert Jay has been mixed, with his attack on James Murdoch getting praise from Michael Vaughan: 'Ooh that was a hostile delivery there from Mr. Jay but the Lad's done well there, played it nicely off onto the politicians'. However Geoffrey Boycott expressed a much lower opinion of Mr Jay claiming: 'That's buffet questioning for me. He's not asking difficult questions of the bastards. My Gran could've mumbled her way out of that one. If he'd been questioned back when I played, he would've got a right caning. Police brutality my arse. Uncovered Truncheon in the back of the head.' </p> <p>However the association between Judge Leveson and TMS appears to have ended before it's begun, after Rupert Murdoch had a cricket ball thrown at him by Mr. Boycott, crying 'You stole cricket from terrestrial, you SKY bastard'. Luckily for Boycott, he escaped down the corridor of uncertainty. The result of Murdoch's testimony had to be decided on Duckworth/Lewis method, and thus he is to be executed next thursday. On a lighter note, all witnesses will now be required to wear pads and a helmet from now on. And security will be checking everyone's balls before they go in. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41738#post-119045 Wed, 18 Apr 2012 11:34:37 +0000 yens123 119045@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The premier event of snooker was today thrown into disarray as reports surfaced today that the 'Blackball' has refused to take part in this years event unless her wage demands are met.</p> <p>Blackball is apparently dissatisfied with the money on offer from Snookers governing body and was quoted as saying "not only do I get hit more than the other colours, Im worth more points".</p> <p>Reverend Al Sharpton commented "Its a shame to see a white ball hitting all the coloured balls, especially the blackball. I thought we had overcome this kind of abuse and inequality based on colour decades ago".</p> <p>Blackball has caused controversy previously in major snooker events, the most famous of which was when she decided not to go into the pocket during the deciding frame of the infamous 1985 world championships' final frame because "[Steve] Davis wasn't giving me a big enough cut".</p> <p>Organisers are considering bringing in a special purple ball that was first made famous by Oprah Winfrey's portrail in "The Color Purple" when she played an unwanted sphere set in the environment of the Welsh Snooker Open of 1982. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31059#post-87621 Tue, 27 Sep 2011 15:01:04 +0000 Gary Stanton 87621@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Danke sehr . </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31059#post-87563 Tue, 27 Sep 2011 11:11:06 +0000 Screenie 87563@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant. I imagine he would also be using some colourful language. Stars of all different colours. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31059#post-87562 Tue, 27 Sep 2011 11:05:29 +0000 Sinnick 87562@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Plenty of stars</p> <p>In hindsight, might have been interesting to do this last week, with (I forget the name) changing between yellow/orange and blue ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31059#post-87559 Tue, 27 Sep 2011 10:53:58 +0000 waylandsmithy 87559@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Didn't the Labour party use a chameleon colour-change for Cameron in their election campaign? Seems familiar. Maybe it was about a different Tory? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31059#post-87549 Tue, 27 Sep 2011 10:35:31 +0000 TokyoTomato 87549@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Damned amusing, this one. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31059#post-87522 Tue, 27 Sep 2011 09:27:47 +0000 Golgo13 87522@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Chameleons are the David Bowies of the reptile world. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=31059#post-87514 Tue, 27 Sep 2011 09:07:49 +0000 Gary Stanton 87514@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ed Miliband will take on the mantle of political chameleon in a closing speech to the party conference later this week by adapting the colour of his skin to appeal to all shades of the electorate.</p> <p>Keen to shake off the tag of ‘Red Ed’, Miliband’s performance will leave his critics grasping for labels such as Sometimes Red, Sometimes Blue, Sometimes A Daring Combination of Crimson, Violet and Magenta ‘Ed’. </p> <p>In a break with the New Labour years, Miliband will dispense with the carefully choreographed style of recent conferences by scaling a specially erected dead tree stump using his prehensile tail. From this high vantage point the Labour leader is expected to use his stereoscopic vision to survey the entire political landscape. </p> <p>Miliband’s extraordinary abilities were first highlighted last year in a speech to the TUC where the Labour leader used his tongue – itself a complex arrangement of bone, muscle and sinew - to catch, at lightning speed, a fly which had been plaguing Neil Kinnock’s bald patch. </p> <p>And Conference can expect a dazzling light show as Miliband alternates in hue from blue to red when attacking vested interests such as unions and irresponsible bankers respectively. Asked if there was any room for a coalition with the Liberal Democrats, party delegate, Derek Simpson, said ‘You’ve obviously never seen Ed do yellow . ’</p> <p>Later, in what is likely to be seen as an olive branch to environmentalists, Miliband will set out his credentials by turning a vivid shade of green as he warns of the danger of over-reliance on nuclear power, but the green should pulsate and become tinged with blue when he reads out a moving letter from a six year-old girl who was attacked on her way home from school by a wind turbine.</p> <p>Summing up, he will add:</p> <p>“Let me tell you what the 21st Century choice is : are you on the side of those whose narrow vision allows them to focus solely on one object at a time or are you on the side of those who can rotate and focus their pinhole-like eyes separately to observe two different objects simultaneously. “</p> <p>Miliband, however, is not alone in his unique talents amongst the party hierarchy. Shadow Chancellor Ed Balls’ influence is thought to stem from his ability to fill his chin with air so that it expands to three times its normal size and emits a heavy ‘croak’. Balls is known to reserve his ‘party trick’ for the damp conference ante rooms where food sources are plentiful. </p> <p>Former Secretary of State For Trade And Industry, Margaret Beckett, said the experience left her feeling ‘moist’. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10335#post-28526 Fri, 13 Aug 2010 11:42:03 +0000 pinxit 28526@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hmmm. I feel there <em>may</em> be a story here worth working up, but seem to have waylaid myself with irresistible gags about the Dark Lord. I recall both New Labour and later 'New Tory' missions to the States to crack the secret of Clinton's successful campaigns of the 90's.<br /> Whichever Milliband takes over the Labour leadership will be looking abroad to see how to approach the next election, unless, of course, the Coalition implodes... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10335#post-28363 Thu, 12 Aug 2010 17:27:03 +0000 Dangerfield 28363@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Throw in some comments about "Dear Leader" and badly tailored suits and some unflattering Blair references and I'll give it 5 </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10335#post-28335 Thu, 12 Aug 2010 14:28:19 +0000 pinxit 28335@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'We'd like to find out just how Mo and Kimmy have successfully won so many elections, so that we can take a leaf out of their books.' says Lord Mandelson. 'We have to get New New Labour back in power as quickly, and for as long as possible. What better paradigms could we have?'</p> <p>'Along with Ed Balls, I feel the hand of history in our trousers,' Mandelson continued, ' and that I am about to come into my own.'</p> <p>Their jet-setting tour will also take in Zimbabwe and Cuba. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4925#post-13664 Sat, 22 May 2010 21:07:59 +0000 deskpilot3 13664@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Although Miliband Balls doesn't really sound right... </p>