http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=baftard The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sun, 26 May 2013 06:33:46 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17580 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 16:17:49 +0000 andhrimnir 17580@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Overdose of sherry, fruit, cream and sponge leaves man a trifle poorly.</p> <p>(well you started it) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17572 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 15:56:02 +0000 Scroat 17572@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Japanese tourists leave Paris disappointed after two-week quest for Rifle Tower</p> <p>More soon</p> <p>Well not actually, but it made me laugh. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17515 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 12:41:05 +0000 Scroat 17515@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Naming of Parts, by Henry Reed</p> <p>To-day we have naming of parts. Yesterday,<br /> We had daily cleaning. And to-morrow morning,<br /> We shall have what to do after firing. But to-day,<br /> To-day we have naming of parts. Japonica<br /> Glistens like coral in all of the neighboring gardens,<br /> And to-day we have naming of parts.</p> <p>This is the lower sling swivel. And this<br /> Is the upper sling swivel, whose use you will see,<br /> When you are given your slings. And this is the piling swivel,<br /> Which in your case you have not got. The branches<br /> Hold in the gardens their silent, eloquent gestures,<br /> Which in our case we have not got.</p> <p>This is the safety-catch, which is always released<br /> With an easy flick of the thumb. And please do not let me<br /> See anyone using his finger. You can do it quite easy<br /> If you have any strength in your thumb. The blossoms<br /> Are fragile and motionless, never letting anyone see<br /> Any of them using their finger.</p> <p>And this you can see is the bolt. The purpose of this<br /> Is to open the breech, as you see. We can slide it<br /> Rapidly backwards and forwards: we call this<br /> Easing the spring. And rapidly backwards and forwards<br /> The early bees are assaulting and fumbling the flowers:<br /> They call it easing the Spring.</p> <p>They call it easing the Spring: it is perfectly easy<br /> If you have any strength in your thumb: like the bolt,<br /> And the breech, and the cocking-piece, and the point of balance,<br /> Which in our case we have not got; and the almond-blossom<br /> Silent in all of the gardens and the bees going backwards and forwards,<br /> For to-day we have naming of parts. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17470 Tue, 15 Jun 2010 09:24:55 +0000 andhrimnir 17470@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Arts Festival in Glastonbury like sell out. Rye full. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17408 Mon, 14 Jun 2010 22:43:50 +0000 Mrblacker 17408@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Teenager left with 95% burns after Fire arms incident. more soon </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17227 Sun, 13 Jun 2010 17:49:30 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 17227@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>...settling on the place like flies on sh*t... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-17222 Sun, 13 Jun 2010 16:29:52 +0000 edward hack 17222@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Piers Morgan to host live TV debate from Cumbria<br /> Residents of Whitehaven are split over the controversial decision to hold a live TV debate in their town, so soon after the traumatic events of last week.<br /> The debate, to be hosted by former journalist Piers Morgan is to go out on BBC Cumbria this Friday night at 7:30pm<br /> 'I think it's a positive move' said one resident 'at least it will help those involved with some sort of closure. The people in this town need to know what turns a seemingly innocuous, ordinary family man into a crazed, loathsome, despicable beast like that.<br /> And if there is time towards the end, we could also discuss what drove Derrick Bird to do the things he did too.<br /> There was going to be a rifle ban in the town, but I think that's been lifted now, following this news'.<br /> As a mark of respect Morgan will drive through the town in an open top limousine, scattering rose petals along the route taken by Bird on that infamous day.<br /> 'Can't wait' said one old farmer 'I was hoping to get a better view from up there in the library window but I hear it's already packed.<br /> This grassy knoll will have to do'. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-16912 Fri, 11 Jun 2010 15:16:18 +0000 PluckyMunky 16912@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'I had a rifle through Margaret's drawers' says Cameron.</p> <p>Sorry...but it is quite late in the afternoon. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=6184#post-16898 Fri, 11 Jun 2010 13:52:24 +0000 QorbeQ 16898@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>After meagre consideration in the car on the way home from a visit to one of a well-known chain of computer stores, I have magically come up with the Neat-O word for this week.</p> <p>This word shall be RIFLE, and its variants.</p> <p>You've got till, let's say, next Wednesday (unless someone else tells me it's traditionally a week?) when I'll <strike>pick one at random</strike> select the best suggestion, be it headline or wordy laugh-o-tron. Go to it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3204#post-9205 Sun, 25 Apr 2010 07:55:20 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 9205@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Holy condoms are the ones with pinpricks in them. Pricking them with a pin is what nuns do recreationally, by the busload. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=3204#post-9203 Sun, 25 Apr 2010 07:52:07 +0000 roybland 9203@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>more soon... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1289#post-3506 Mon, 22 Mar 2010 20:05:25 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 3506@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"George and his brother <strong>E</strong>douard..." E. Tron. Look it up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=1289#post-3372 Mon, 22 Mar 2010 07:29:23 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 3372@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>PARIS, the very next day. <em>Le Monde</em> reports that their defeat in the regional elections has forced reconsideration of at least five prominent ministerial portfolios. But surely the most savory dish has been served by Monsieur G. Tron, Villepenist, to whom a portfolio can now not be denied. </p> <p>He, and his brother, Edouard, will no doubt seize the opportunity to serve a cold collation of <em>vache enragée</em> to the president and his so-called "reforms". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=923#post-2397 Mon, 15 Mar 2010 10:39:26 +0000 Ostsee 2397@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>University of East Sussex has a vacancy. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=923#post-2365 Sun, 14 Mar 2010 21:11:47 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 2365@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>HIGHLEAT, Saturday. Wearing a quilted velvet smoking jacket and holding a meerschaum pipe, Britain's former Prime Minister announced plans to embark on a new career as a hot gospel preacher.</p> <p>Since leaving office Mr Blair's speaking engagements, though lucrative and in exotic locations, have not provided the scope for his talents that Bible-bashing God-bothering religious revivalism offers. Mr Blair spoke feelingly and at length of the roar of the crowds and evoked the memorably photogenic qualities of wet T-shirts after full-immersion baptism.</p> <p>Big-Tent Fascism has always held fascination for Britain's politicians, as has politics for America's Big-Tent Fascists. </p> <p>Mr Blair's future plans are also understood to include a university. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1831 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 23:49:51 +0000 rikkor 1831@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Oh! I think I've caught an ague. (Aigu.) Thanks for the ALT key suggestions, 2, 2 terribly much trouble pour moi, but I appreciate the thought. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1703 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 07:05:09 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 1703@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>P.S., Mr Kor, if you want the <em>accent grave</em>, hold down the Alt key and go 137 on the keypad. è! Voilà! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1686 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 00:13:18 +0000 rikkor 1686@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Some turd burglar changed my original post. Tres, tres childish to use editing powers that others don't have in a fit of misdirected pique. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1554 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 09:02:48 +0000 bang2rights 1554@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>sauce: SO, the gloves are off, are they? Right! You asked for it!</p> <p><strong>The Spelling and Pronunciation of Shakespeare's Name<br /> by David Kathman</strong></p> <p>One of the most common articles of Oxfordian faith is that there is great significance in the various spellings of Shakespeare's name. The spelling "Shakespeare," according to most Oxfordians, was used to refer to the author of the plays and poems, while the spelling "Shakspere" (or "Shaksper," in the version sometimes promoted by more militant Oxfordians such as Charlton Ogburn) was used to refer to the Stratford man. A milder version of this claim acknowledges that Elizabethan spelling was not absolute, but still says that the usual and preferred spelling of the Stratford man's name was "Shaksper(e)," as opposed to the poet "Shakespeare." These claims about spelling are usually accompanied by an assertion that the two names were pronounced differently: "Shakespeare" with a long 'a' in the first syllable, as we are accustomed to pronouncing it today, but "Shakspere" with a "flat" 'a,' so that the first syllable sounds like "shack." A separate but related claim involves hyphenation: the name was occasionally hyphenated in print as "Shake-speare," a fact which Oxfordians say points to it being a pseudonym. These claims are given more or less prominence in different presentations of the Oxfordian theory, but they are virtually always present in one form or another. Indeed, they are vital for the Oxfordian scenario, since they make it easier for Oxfordians to believe that the "William Shakespeare" praised as a poet was some mysterious figure with no apparent connection to the glover's son and actor "William Shaksper" from Stratford-upon-Avon.</p> <p>As it turns out, though, all of the above claims are false. Specifically:</p> <p> 1. "Shakespeare" was by far the most common spelling of the name in both literary and non-literary contexts, and there is no significant difference in spelling patterns when we take into account such factors as handwritten vs. printed and Stratford vs. London spellings;</p> <p> 2. there is no evidence that the variant spellings reflected a consistent pronunciation difference, but there is considerable evidence that they were seen as more or less interchangeable;</p> <p> 3. there is no evidence whatsoever that hyphenation in Elizabethan times was ever thought to indicate a pseudonym, and other proper names of real people were also sometimes hyphenated.</p> <p>More than you would ever what to know can be found right <a href="http://shakespeareauthorship.com/name1.html">here</a></p> <p>See?! See what a crashing bore you've turned me into, with your thoughtless throwaway challenge?! Oh, it makes me so. . . so dull!! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1550 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 08:40:13 +0000 the coarse whisperer 1550@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I believe she's working on a sequel "Eat, shit and die: why are you pretending you can write English you sub-literate baftard!". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1549 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 08:36:47 +0000 Scroat 1549@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wheres' Lynne Truss when you need her? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1544 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 07:45:08 +0000 sauce 1544@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wasn't it the case that the Bard's name was spelled in many different ways but the one spelling he <em>didn't</em> use was "Shakespeare"? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1540 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 06:43:29 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 1540@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is disappointing news, Mr Algor. I had taken it as 17th Century spelling. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1490 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 21:05:24 +0000 malgor 1490@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The BAFTArds sounds like it could be the name of an awards ceremony where prizes are given to <em>subliterati</em>. Example usage: </p> <p><blockquote>'Ooops! I've only gorn 'n won a BAFTArd,' said the man in charge of apostrophes.</blockquote> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1487 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 20:04:00 +0000 the coarse whisperer 1487@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm always at the point of descending into self-parody. But I've already pointed out my own typo elsewhere. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1486 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 20:00:35 +0000 Hunter F. Thompson 1486@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Is the former contributor <em>the_coarse_whisperer</em> being parodied by an impostor? This seems as good a place as any to point out a discrepancy in his screen name. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1483 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 19:42:33 +0000 PluckyMunky 1483@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>p.s. Rikkor, i always thought that 'baftards' was spelt 'bastards'. i may be wrong. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1482 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 19:32:02 +0000 PluckyMunky 1482@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>tell me: why are grammar and punctuation so important as long as accurate communication is maintained? i worked as a university full professor for years and a vice dean for 10 and still fail to see what the fuss is about. i often wonder why we don't adopt the texting form of writing. communication is the key, surely, not some elitist need to keep things locked in stone? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1480 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 19:12:32 +0000 the coarse whisperer 1480@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>*Ahem*, there's no hyphen in <em>subliterate</em>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=514#post-1465 Sat, 06 Mar 2010 15:31:23 +0000 AdrianJ 1465@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Let's just call it "Righter's' Room" and have done with it! </p>