http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=badger The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Sat, 25 May 2013 09:34:20 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-139066 Wed, 19 Sep 2012 16:49:56 +0000 dvo4fun 139066@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Lovely work Dusty. Belated stars from me </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-139002 Wed, 19 Sep 2012 09:08:39 +0000 Sinnick 139002@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Make my day, punk<br /> <img src="http://s3.amazonaws.com/hypertextopia/public/uploads/6584/squirrel_with_machine_gun.jpg"> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138983 Wed, 19 Sep 2012 08:31:31 +0000 Re Pete 138983@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Brilliant FP! Congrats! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138979 Wed, 19 Sep 2012 08:28:46 +0000 button 138979@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cracking FP Dusty, and cracking picture Pinxit. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138977 Wed, 19 Sep 2012 08:21:57 +0000 Sinnick 138977@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>... and yet another "newbie" does a fine FP. Nice work, sir, even if you did restrain your fucks. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138965 Wed, 19 Sep 2012 08:00:49 +0000 DustyBinLaden 138965@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Worth the wait pinxit. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138964 Wed, 19 Sep 2012 07:59:35 +0000 pinxit 138964@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Congrats on the FP. Photobucket now working and this is the CCTV footage I was trying to send... </p> <p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/nutwood.jpg"> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138952 Wed, 19 Sep 2012 06:27:58 +0000 DustyBinLaden 138952@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice edit on the FP. Thanks. Typo on first par (as part [of] Government plans)? Just sayin' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138931 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 21:05:23 +0000 Sinnick 138931@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Please don't restrain your fucks. Only Sting can do that safely.</p> <p>I suspect not that many 6-12 y/o visit this website, apart from the obvious contributors. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138924 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 20:29:01 +0000 button 138924@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good work Dusty, nice re-write. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138918 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 19:42:30 +0000 DustyBinLaden 138918@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I love the liberal use of the Anglo-Saxon, but this is aimed at the 6-12 age group, hence the restraint on the 'fuck' front. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138916 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 19:24:36 +0000 Very Little Else 138916@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This is lovely. Really enjoyed ‘irretrievably poorly’. Agree with Sinnick, more sweary would be even better. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138904 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 18:07:04 +0000 Perks 138904@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yep, what they said. Great rewrite of a really good piece </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138902 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 18:02:09 +0000 pinxit 138902@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>V. good. Just tried posting a wee pic on this thread but limitations at bottom of page seem to spit it out.</p> <p>I'll send on new thread. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138887 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 16:03:41 +0000 Rizzo 138887@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great rewrite Dusty </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138879 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 15:46:32 +0000 DustyBinLaden 138879@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><center>RUPERT KILLS A FARMER</center><br /> <em><center>Rupert sees him coming, a man with a gun. “He’s here to kill Bill. Run Bill, run!”<br /> “Take your TB and get the hell out, while I turn this landowning prick inside out!”<br /> “I’ll shuffle off then,” said Bill, in a hurry. “Save some for me, we’ll knock up a curry.”<br /> "Just go, you fat fuck, get gone rampant Billy. Get back to your sex-set and bang Tigerlily."</em></center> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138876 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 15:35:57 +0000 Sinnick 138876@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wow! You've been led out of the wilderness by the Lord O'Farrell. Not seen that for a while. Did you bribe, or was it just the usual sex thing ?</p> <p>Anyway, this is more focussed &amp; tells a clear story. However, since it originated as a kids story, I'd like to see a lot more swearing. Saying "fuck" where it shouldn't be said always gets a giggle - or is that just me?</p> <p>If you extend the poem, you might get a Left Alert as well - I'd suggest keeping to the badger theme for this. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138833 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 11:28:40 +0000 DustyBinLaden 138833@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><em>Rewrite... thanks to all for the great advice.</em></p> <p><strong>Rupert Bear mauls farmer to death defending Bill Badger from cull attempt</strong></p> <p>Rupert the Bear has been sedated by armed police officer PC Growler and transferred to a secure pen after killing a Nutwood farmer who tried to execute the bear’s close pal, Bill Badger. </p> <p>Shocked residents of the idyllic English village, including Podgy Pig, Pong Ping and Ming the dragon, looked on helplessly as Rupert tore the helpless farmer limb from limb, and then proceeded to eat him.</p> <p>George McDonald, 74, was pronounced ‘irretrievably poorly’ at the scene.</p> <p>Despite generations of children believing Rupert to be an amiable, gentle-hearted young bear, brought to life by artist Mary Tourtel, the reality may be different. Local twig man, Raggety, said: “Are you kidding? Hello? He’s a polar bear, one of the most violent, pea-brained predators on the planet. Don’t let the checked yellow trousers and red jumper fool you. He’s a monster in a scarf and we’re all shit scared of him. Bingo the Brainy Pup won’t even be in the same room as him.”</p> <p>While chum and local elephant Edward Trunk sobbed “I’ll never forget this day” Rupert’s parents seemed unfazed by the brutal slaughter. “This happens all the time,” said Mrs Bear. “I send him on a simple errand, like returning some library books tied together with a pretty ribbon, and suddenly he’s face down in an opium den or walking around on the moon. Last week the police brought him home with food poisoning after finding him raking through bins in Ipswich town centre with Freddie and Ferdy Fox. But he’s always back for tea. I say tea, but actually there’s nothing. It’s the end of the winter and he hasn’t eaten since August. I don’t know why I bother with this stupid apron.”</p> <p>“Search me as to what he fucking gets up to,” said Mr Bear, without looking up from his copy of the Nutwood Chronicle.</p> <p>Countryside Alliance spokesperson and Master of the Nutwood Hunt, Sir Archie Heartcondition-Redface, has declared open season on anthropomorphised animals. “They’re not talking their way out of this one,” said Heartcondition-Redface. “As soon as we’ve thought of a particularly cruel and inhumane way of terrorising and killing them, there won’t be a polar bear left in any of the southern counties. And that Rollo, the Gypsy kid, he’d better watch out too. Tally Ho!”</p> <p>Publication of the Rupert stories have been suspended from The Daily Express until further notice. Richard Desmond, owner of Northern &amp; Shell, which publishes the paper, has moved quickly to distance himself from the tragedy, planning to sell the popular daily to Italian publishers, Mondadori.</p> <p>Bill Badger, 56, is being comforted by new wife, Tigerlily, 19. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138822 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 09:33:49 +0000 newsbiscuit editorial team 138822@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Stick to the news story is our advice. As waylandsmithy says, a full poem might work well as a left alert, but you have a really strong idea for a spoof news story here which could make an excellent FP.</p> <p>Perhaps the story could mine more humour from juxtaposing Rupert's usual adventures (running an errand for his mother, visiting a friend) and his latest outing tearing a farmer limb from limb. And there may be mileage in thinking about how else the Rupert stories have evolved to reflect modern rural life - EU subsidies, foot and mouth, and foxes leaving for the cities to rummage through bins. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138818 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 09:28:28 +0000 gregle 138818@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I've got the Rupert the bear theme song stuck in my head now... Thanks Dusty </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138816 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 09:16:23 +0000 DustyBinLaden 138816@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bit of a dilemma. Not sure how the Ed team would view an entire poem. Might just rework the main piece. Dunno. Confused. Bad copywriting day too. I'll come back when I've cheered up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138789 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 07:39:37 +0000 gregle 138789@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice angle and I like the poem at the end. Takes me back... I think charlie has a nice idea with wind in the willows too </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138788 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 07:26:54 +0000 charlies_hat 138788@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Badger culled, Ratty eaten on a market stall... There's a wind in the willows sub hiding in the news at the moment as well. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138780 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 06:28:08 +0000 Sinnick 138780@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent, 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138772 Tue, 18 Sep 2012 00:28:47 +0000 Boutros 138772@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Great. Love the poem. Wasn't the badger a copper?<br /> Oh no Google tells me I'm thinking of Policeman Badger from the Tufty Club. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138758 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 20:58:07 +0000 FlashArry 138758@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Effete ponce turns <em>Panserbjørne</em> - what's not to like ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138757 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 20:52:48 +0000 waylandsmithy 138757@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I really, really like this, but I think it would work better as either a 'straight' news story (the first bit is great) or a full 'Rupert' poem explaining the story, as a left alert.</p> <p>The verse you've written is properly funny, I think I prefer the whole poem thing personally. And that comes from someone who hates poetry. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=48212#post-138753 Mon, 17 Sep 2012 20:48:31 +0000 DustyBinLaden 138753@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Rupert the Bear has been sedated by armed police officers and transferred to a secure pen after killing a Nutwood farmer who tried to execute his close pal, Bill Badger.</p> <p>Shocked residents of the idyllic English village, including Edward Trunk, Podgy Pig and Ming the dragon, looked on helplessly as Rupert reverted to violently defending his territory and tore the helpless farmer limb from limb. He then proceeded to eat him.</p> <p>Despite generations of children believing Rupert to be an amiable, gentle-hearted chap, anthropomorphised by artist Mary Tourtel, the reality may be different. Local twig man, Raggety, said: “Are you kidding? He’s a bloody polar bear, one of the most violent predators on the planet. Don’t let the yellow trousers and red jumper fool you. He’s a fucking monster and we’re all shit scared of him. Bingo the Brainy Pup won’t even be in the same room as him.”</p> <p>It is believed that Bill Badger is currently being comforted by close friend, Tiger Lily.</p> <p>Publication of the Rupert stories have been suspended from The Daily Express until further notice. Richard Desmond, owner of Northern &amp; Shell, which publishes the paper, has moved quickly to distance himself from the tragedy, planning to sell the popular daily to Italian publishers, Mondadori. </p> <p><center>RUPERT KILLS A FARMER</center></p> <p><center><em>Rupert sees him coming, a man with a gun. “He’s here to kill Bill. Run Bill, run!”<br /> “Take your TB and get the hell out, while I turn this landowning prick inside out!”<br /> “I’ll shuffle off then,” said Bill, in a hurry. “Save some for me, we’ll knock up a curry.”<br /> “I’ll do my best, I’ll try to remember, but I’ve eaten nothing since early November!”</em></center> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41405&page=2#post-118838 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 12:31:38 +0000 Scroat 118838@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Let us know how you go next time Shits. Food helps to soak it up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41405&page=2#post-118712 Mon, 16 Apr 2012 18:22:11 +0000 beau-jolly 118712@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Glass of wine and in bed by 8:30. Now that is a cheap date! </p>