http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=baby-oil The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 02:36:39 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17173#post-46758 Tue, 30 Nov 2010 13:01:58 +0000 Erlang 46758@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>So whilst it's untrue about Boris eating babies, he still might have to explain himself? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17173#post-46698 Tue, 30 Nov 2010 10:53:18 +0000 crlncxn 46698@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks guys. Yes - Stan - and, of course, your intros too. </p> <p>"dare I say it, Oxbridge" - am I missing something here?</p> <p>"Who the fuck is Kodac1?" - a very good question that I'm trying to answer. I had the idea for the piece and then, when Googling for research purposes, as you do - oil exttraction techniques etc. - I came upon a piece by this guy with similar ideas to mine, and tried to contact him because I want to be honourable - and failed - so I thought I'd credit him. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17173#post-46628 Tue, 30 Nov 2010 08:05:41 +0000 saltire 46628@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You dared..how dare you.</p> <p>Who the fuck is Kodac1 ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17173#post-46624 Tue, 30 Nov 2010 07:55:19 +0000 Stan Laurel 46624@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hello Newbie. Some nice ideas here, but suggest you have a look at the structure, especially the intro. </p> <p>Have a look at the intros on pieces by Des, IanSlat and, dare I say it, Oxbridge. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17173#post-46528 Mon, 29 Nov 2010 17:26:25 +0000 philhurdwood 46528@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Most entertaining. Now think how almonds feel. And ti trees </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=17173#post-46450 Mon, 29 Nov 2010 11:29:40 +0000 crlncxn 46450@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Newly-released UK census figures show a strong slowdown in the birth-rate, giving rise to speculation that families anticipated hard times by having fewer children.<br /> "It’s a complete disaster for baby oil production," lamented Olej Kochanie, Director of Scientific Affairs at New Jersey-based pharmaceutical company, Johnson&amp; Johnson. “Babies are in really short supply at the moment and our extraction plants are operating on a three-day week to conserve resources.”<br /> With a scientific breakthrough that is being called “a significant advance,” baby oil production has developed considerably since the early “cheese grater” method, common in the latter part of the twentieth century.<br /> Now, the preferred technique is by chemical extraction which produces higher yields and less mess. The most common solvent, Ribena, dissolves the baby from the inside out and then with the use of a centrifuge, the oil is separated from other matter at unprecedented rates.<br /> “We are justly proud of the progress we’ve made,” said Kochanie. “In these eco-friendly times, we’ve even devised a strategy to recycle the baby husks. Mixed with badger droppings they make fantastic potting compost. Or, when split in half and dried out, nimble-fingered children in Vietnam form them into tasteful bread baskets. Ikea have shown great interest in this product and plan to sell it under the name Smaklös Brödkorg which they tell me is Swedish for ‘tasteful bread basket.”<br /> Even an exhaustive media campaign fronted by Rod Stewart has failed to achieve the baby quotas required for full production of baby oil. Stewart, already father of eight, has taken the noble step of conceiving another baby for the campaign, expected early in 2011.<br /> “Sex has become a bit of a chore really,” said the 65-year old rock star. “I’d rather go to bed with a nice cup of Horlicks and a digestive biscuit but when I heard about the shortage of baby oil I wanted to do my bit.”<br /> “He’s a national hero,” asserted Kochanie. “Competition for baby oil wealth has fueled violence between innumerable ethnic groups in Nigeria. We don’t want that sort of thing going on in Tunbridge Wells.”</p> <p>(Credit too to Kodac1) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4594#post-12886 Mon, 17 May 2010 09:30:54 +0000 Mrblacker 12886@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>For generations mothers have used it to smooth their child's skin and porn stars have wrestled in it.</p> <p>But now the world's supply of baby oil is under threat from human rights activists, who claim the method of production is inhumane.</p> <p>Alice Heathcote-Smythe from the Free World Coalition is to address a meeting of the United Nations next week, calling on all governments to outlaw the production of the product on the grounds of cruelty.</p> <p>"For too long, people have suffered to make this oil and it's about time the world woke up and took notice." she says.</p> <p>"I can't believe that in the 21st century we allow such abuse to continue in the name of profit."</p> <p>The current method of baby oil production is to compress as baby no more than 18 months old under huge weights until the liquid runs out. The world's largest producers are Brazil and China, where it's estimated 5 thousand children a day are drilled for oil.</p> <p>SC Johnson (a family company) sells more baby oil than any other manufacturer. </p> <p>Spokesman Ted Johnson (no relation) said the firm was watching the debate closely and would give a considered 'sod off' afterwards. </p>