http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=ba The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 15:02:17 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10786#post-29470 Thu, 19 Aug 2010 13:42:26 +0000 Coldstream 29470@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>it was me actually cos I seen this before on some tv show. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10786#post-29468 Thu, 19 Aug 2010 13:38:48 +0000 Sharpehunter 29468@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I reckon twas 'afternoonslow' apparently he is a bit dist-wrought at the moment... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10786#post-29456 Thu, 19 Aug 2010 12:23:23 +0000 SingingHinny 29456@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Who voted this down?! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10786#post-29455 Thu, 19 Aug 2010 12:16:53 +0000 SingingHinny 29455@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Quality. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=10786#post-29453 Thu, 19 Aug 2010 12:07:23 +0000 Ludicity 29453@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As part of budget cuts the entire Ministry of Defence is to be dismantled and replaced by four soldiers of fortune sent to prison for a crime they didn’t commit. </p> <p>‘We need a leaner, less centralised MoD,’ said Defence Secretary Dr Liam Fox, ‘and the A-Team are the perfect replacement. We were committed to spending billions on Trident but these guys have already managed to build us an independent nuclear deterrent using only bits and pieces they found in a garage.’</p> <p>Dr Fox is understood to have got the idea after seeing an advert in the back of Guns &amp; Ammo magazine: ‘If you have an unsustainable budget deficit, if no one else can help, and if you can find them, maybe you can hire...The A-Team.’ </p> <p>‘We are delighted to be helping the British government tackle their deficit,’ said the new head of British Armed forces Lieutenant Colonel John ‘Hannibal’ Smith, adding, ‘I love it when a strategic defence review comes together.’</p> <p>Lieutenant Templeton ‘Faceman’ Peck will handle weapons procurement; the new head of the RAF becomes Air Chief Marshal ‘Howling Mad’ Murdock; meanwhile B.A. Baracus will supply British troops in Afghanistan with essential supplies of milk and Snickers.</p> <p>To save on costs, the MoD offices in Whitehall will be sold off and replaced by a specially adapted GMC Vandura van with a built in missile launcher that can be sent to trouble spots around the world.</p> <p>The A-Team have already pledged to resolve the situation in Iraq by driving round the country at tremendous speed and blowing everything up. However, unlike previous invasions, they have promised to get things sorted in under an hour with miraculously no loss of life. </p> <p>The team are expected to fly out to Iraq next week, or just as soon as they manage to persuade B.A. Baracus who is currently refusing to budge saying only, ‘I ain’t getting on no underfunded neo-imperialist campaign, fool.’</p> <p>Shadow Defence Secretary Bob Ainsworth criticised the government. ‘These guys are a bunch of mercenary criminals and one of them is certified insane,’ he said, ‘and the A-Team isn’t much better.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5833#post-15986 Mon, 07 Jun 2010 09:56:03 +0000 virtuallywill 15986@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>industrial inaction... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5611#post-15276 Thu, 03 Jun 2010 18:05:38 +0000 Dumbnews 15276@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Superb! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=5611#post-15268 Thu, 03 Jun 2010 17:51:59 +0000 thackaray 15268@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>BA passengers stuck in far flung exotic destinations such as Thailand, Australia and Iraq, are being offered the chance to come back on BA flight 1 week later than planned or book with the local agent of Human Trafficking gangs.</p> <p>Tracy from Essex, on holiday in Dubai with her 3 kids, said 'Well, I wasn't sure which option to take: on one hand, you had agents who looked dodgy, didn't give toss and wore BA uniforms, or the well dressed man, wearing big 80's shades, greasy slicked back hair and going by the name of "Ahmed". I chose "Ahmed" in the end, because I'm part-time at Tesco's and I was promised a well paid job as a nanny in the UK as part of the deal."</p> <p>Other repatriated BA passengers told similar stories. Margaret, 83, speaking from the "Oriental Flower" massage parlour in Wolverhampton, said "I've had a wonderful journey coming back, visiting countries I never expected to visit, meeting new and wonderful friends along the way. Even though some of the long journey was by coach, hanging on for dear life underneath it, the gang members were so helpful. They even told me I didn't need to repay the cost of the journey, I told them I wouldn't take no for an answer. And at my age in life, I'm having a wonderful time working here."</p> <p>Although, stranded BA passengers are profusely praising the trafficking gangs, others are outraged at the preferential treatment. Iqbal, from Pakistan said "I've been waiting to get into Britain for 14 months, and they're barging in front of the queue. Who do they think they are? British?!"</p> <p>The surprising nature and success of the trafficking gangs in getting people home, travel insurance companies are offering travellers a new type of insurance so that they don't become indentured to the gangs so by having to work in Kebab shops in Leicester.</p> <p>One passenger, David Marshall, summed it all up by saying "For the ticket price of £10,000, I got warm meals, all my luggage arrived with me at the same destination. Even the free accomodation and the movie choices was first rate. BA has many lessons to learn."</p> <p>They are reports that Ryanair and Easyjet are getting in on the Human trafficking act by under cutting the large criminal players by forcing people to book online and charging extra, for food, luggage and for paying large amounts in cash. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4781#post-13349 Thu, 20 May 2010 09:14:32 +0000 OffTopic 13349@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More soon... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4655#post-13118 Tue, 18 May 2010 19:50:39 +0000 Gary Stanton 13118@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm supposed to be flying to Germany on Saturday funnily enough. If you all face the north and blow really hard I might just make it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4655#post-13103 Tue, 18 May 2010 19:15:50 +0000 arthurminnit 13103@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>as there has been no incidences of planes crashing through the effects of the ash whilst they have been grounded, i see no reason why willy walsh and richard branson, and that twat from ryanair, should not be aboard the first flight that goes through the ash cloud.<br /> obviously they are quite comfortable about the risks, so they surely will not mind being at the vanguard of the defiance of the CAA? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4655#post-13053 Tue, 18 May 2010 12:34:36 +0000 MrChigleysAunt 13053@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>This was travelling steadily down the page but I think it's worth rescuing. Probably an ashy grain of truth in this. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4655#post-13040 Tue, 18 May 2010 09:30:39 +0000 Gary Stanton 13040@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A good number of aeroplanes are probably fine with huge amounts of ash clogging up their engines, airline chiefs said today . </p> <p>As henpecked safety officials and worried passengers were ‘preparing for the big one’<br /> airline bosses backed up my maverick scientists with a devil may care attitude to public safety insisted that the chances of you and your loved ones being wiped out in a horrific sulphur-tinged fireball of death are significantly less than fifty-fifty. </p> <p>The news follows the results of a recent research flight which came back down coated in a heavy layer of soot with most of its engines working ‘just fine’, despite some minor damage to the fuselage , a heavily congested tail fin and an indeterminate problem with the landing gear. </p> <p>Captain Stanley Leonard, lead pilot on the research mission, emerged from the plane white-faced and, with what appeared to be a large damp patch in the region of his groin, told a group of scientists funded by BA : ‘I pray to God you know what you are doing’ . </p> <p>His co-pilot, Jeff Snelson, is reported to have bailed out at twenty thousand feet somewhere over the Faroe Islands after what officials describe as ‘an attack of hysterics’ brought about by ‘inexperience’ and an ‘insane wish to see out the rest of his adult life with all the existential problems that such a choice poses’.</p> <p>Meanwhile scientists have drawn up new guidelines which will allow pilots to make informed choices as to the risk posed by millions of tonnes of highly-corrosive soot being sucked into engines which are primarily designed to cope with clean air and the occasional goose. The zones, published in conjunction with the Met Office, are listed as:</p> <p>a) ‘Instant Death’ - a region which contains fifty thousand particles per cubic inch and indicated by a deep crimson colour with a superimposed skull and crossbones</p> <p>b) ‘Iffy’ – between twenty and fifty thousand particles per cubic inch, shown as red on the map and an accompanying ‘worried face’ emoticon.</p> <p>c) 'We Just Don’t Know' – fewer than twenty thousand particles pci, easily recognisable by the ‘person scratching their head’ emoticon and highlighted on maps by a striking yellow hue which closely resembles the gigantic piss stain on Captain Leonard’s trousers. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4198#post-11809 Mon, 10 May 2010 16:12:36 +0000 virtuallywill 11809@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't want a holiday in the sun, </p>