http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=assange The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Wed, 19 Jun 2013 04:41:39 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49655#post-143526 Sat, 13 Oct 2012 10:40:19 +0000 pinxit 143526@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks cc.</p> <p>Guess our sensahuma is out of kilter with the rest on this one. =] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49655#post-143362 Fri, 12 Oct 2012 15:07:46 +0000 custard cream 143362@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>very good, well done! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49655#post-143353 Fri, 12 Oct 2012 14:52:52 +0000 pinxit 143353@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Okaayyyy. I wasn't going to let this boogar go, so have completely turned the story slant around.</p> <p>Not sure about the ending. Any comments, suggestions appreciated. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49655#post-143352 Fri, 12 Oct 2012 14:47:56 +0000 pinxit 143352@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wikileaks founder Julian Assange voluntarily handed himself over to the police this morning after 122 days spent in the Ecudorean embassy. The surprise move followed fast-moving events over the last 24 hours, when the putrefying corpse of alleged serial sex offender Sir Jimmy Savile made a spectacular dash for freedom from its besieged tomb to the embassy in London and requested asylum.</p> <p>Mr Assange emerged from the building and approached officers on the police barriers which had been erected overnight, when torch and farm-implement wielding crowds heard the news about Savile and had attempted to storm the West London building. He seemed pleased to be out of the embassy after his long ordeal.<br /> <br /> <img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/assange_sav2.jpg"><br /> <em>'Rattling Jules' : Tweeted photo of Savile &amp; Assange in the Ambassador's residence.</em></p> <p>Last night a photo was tweeted on the internet from inside the building, showing Savile next to fellow sex-charge refugee Julian Assange.</p> <p>Mr Assange was apparently unaware of who Savile was, nor had any idea about the current furore, so posed happily for the photograph, believing the errant knight to be seeking sanctuary from 'persecution by the media and the government'. But, as Twitter fan Assange tweeted regularly during the night, it soon became apparent he was beginning to have reservations about his new 'room mate'.</p> <p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/asstweets2.jpg"></p> <p>Ecuador are considering Savile's asylum request, while a spokesman for the Phillippines consulate said they too had received an application from the DJ.</p> <p>Mr Assange is believed to be on his way to Sweden. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49493#post-143045 Thu, 11 Oct 2012 08:48:25 +0000 pinxit 143045@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>Rewrite:</strong></p> <p><center><strong>Zombie Savile seeks asylum in Ecuador embassy</strong></center></p> <p>Facing demands from frenzied mobs to be disinterred then hung drawn and quartered, the putrefying corpse of alleged serial sex offender Sir Jimmy Savile last night smashed its way out of its tomb and made a spectacular dash for freedom to the Ecuadorean embassy in London, where it has requested asylum. </p> <p>Police cordoned off the embassy and stationed snipers on adjacent rooftops as torch and farm-implement wielding crowds attempted to storm the West London building in the early hours of this morning.</p> <p>A photo has been tweeted on the internet, allegedly from inside the building, showing Savile next to fellow asylum-seeker Julian Assange.</p> <p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/assange_sav-1.jpg"><br /> <em>"Rattle, Rattle, Jool-reh, Jool-reh…" : Savile &amp; Assange in the Ambassador's residence today.</em></p> <p>Mr Assange, who has been secreted within the embassy for over a hundred days, was apparently unaware of who Savile was, nor had any idea about the current furore, so posed happily for the photograph, believing the errant knight to be seeking sanctuary from 'persecution by the media and the government'.</p> <p>Twitter fan Assange tweeted regularly during last night, <em>'With @jimllfuxit (?) - some weird old fella who says they've all got it in for him. He doesn't smell too good, that's for sure.'</em>,then, <em> ' Strewth! As I shook his hand, it came off!'</em>, and <em>'He just called me 'Jool-reh'! Hmmmm...'</em></p> <p>His latest tweets suggest that the Wikileaks founder is far from happy with his new room mate, <em>'Not sure about this bloke. He rattles, and it's NOT just his jewellery'</em>, followed by his last message,<em> 'FFS! That's it!! The bastard's just scoffed all my Ferrero Rochers!</em>'</p> <p>Theresa May will make a statement later today, as it is believed Mr Assange has contacted the Home Office with a view to leaving the embassy immediately. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49493#post-142944 Wed, 10 Oct 2012 19:34:57 +0000 pinxit 142944@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@cc Thank you. Apologies for misconstruing your intent.</p> <p>That's the difficulty in interpreting intention over the internettal cyber waves.</p> <p>Also, the recent rash of transatlantic trollery here has made one slightly paranoid...</p> <p>You sir, are, as the '80's ad had it, 'a gentleman and a Skolar'.</p> <p>&gt; Emoticon inserted here =] &lt; </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49493#post-142935 Wed, 10 Oct 2012 18:10:15 +0000 custard cream 142935@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Should I infer by the exclamation mark that you feel I've purloined your idea? - No, I was just saying thanks for developing the idea. I like what you have done, so well done! Love the retouched photo! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49493#post-142933 Wed, 10 Oct 2012 17:41:10 +0000 pinxit 142933@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Eh? Should I infer by the exclamation mark that you feel I've purloined your idea?</p> <p>'Fraid not. If I had seen your original sub and worked it up I certainly would have acknowledged it and credited you with the courtesy 'hat tip' and more. I would have also commented on the thread.</p> <p>But I didn't. Your second version (with pic) was posted after mine and I hadn't read your first with the 'extradition from hell' headline.</p> <p>In fact, I had the idea and started work on the extensive retouching of a photo (from yesterday Assange &amp; Lady Gaga), last night.</p> <p>These things aren't as simple and are vastly more time-consuming than simply using a stock photo (which you have), and posting a link, y'know...</p> <p>Posting this sub was my first time on the site today.</p> <p>If the sub is picked up (which looking at the wave of apathy for both of ours is highly unlikely) , it certainly wasn't your 'original' idea that contributed to it. But if it did... then if it makes you happy, credits certainly! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49493#post-142926 Wed, 10 Oct 2012 16:46:17 +0000 custard cream 142926@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks for developing my original idea! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=49493#post-142916 Wed, 10 Oct 2012 15:15:59 +0000 pinxit 142916@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Following on from yesterday's vow by Metropolitan Police Commissioner Bernard Hogan-Howe to hunt down alleged serial sex offender Sir Jimmy Savile <em>(see NB passim)</em> and increasing demands that the DJ be disinterred, it is reported that a desperate Savile has now sought asylum from Ecuador.</p> <p>Police have cordoned off the Ecuadorian embassy in London from torch and farm-implement wielding locals and stationed snipers on adjacent rooftops.</p> <p>A picture has been tweeted on the internet allegedly from inside the building showing him next to fellow asylum-seeker Julian Assange.</p> <p><img src="http://i830.photobucket.com/albums/zz223/pinxit2/Satire/assange_sav-1.jpg"><br /> <em>How's about that then...?</em></p> <p>Mr Assange, who has been secreted within the embassy for over a hundred days, was apparently unaware of who Savile was, nor had any idea about the current furore, so posed happily for the photograph, believing the errant knight to be seeking sanctuary from persecution by the media and the government.</p> <p>He tweeted to his followers, 'With @jimllfuckit - some weird old guy who says they've all got it in for him. He doesn't smell too good, that's for sure.' And later on Twitter, he said, 'Not sure about this bloke. He rattles, not just his jewellery. AND the bastard's scoffed all my Ferrero Rochers.'</p> <p>Theresa May will make a statement later today, as it is believed Mr Assange is ready to negotiate leaving the embassy immediately. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47143#post-135369 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 14:47:36 +0000 The All New Jeni B 135369@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Always thought there was some sado-eroticism behind the whole Vlad The "Impaler" (snigger, fnarr) thing.<br /> Dirty Transylvanians... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47143#post-135353 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 12:55:30 +0000 Lucy4 135353@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Is it for growing mushroomanians? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47143#post-135343 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 10:46:42 +0000 and another one 135343@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Or "earth", at least... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47143#post-135335 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 06:44:42 +0000 Al OPecia 135335@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>try "soil" instead of "dirt". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=47143#post-135334 Wed, 22 Aug 2012 05:46:11 +0000 martin.chew 135334@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Whitby prepares for a late night sailing. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46955#post-134900 Thu, 16 Aug 2012 19:27:42 +0000 ricky33 134900@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Britain’s thousands of bicycle-sniffers, dubious scout leaders and plain wrong ‘uns were celebrating today, having learnt that they are to be reclassified as political dissidents. The legal move comes after Ecuador’s controversial decision to grant asylum to Julian Assange, the impressively self-important founder of Wikileaks, who has tried to flee two democratic nations in a brave attempt to avoid cooperating with the police over sex offences accusations.</p> <p>One such dirty old man turned political activist, Mister X (not his real name), said today: ‘I am blatantly a danger to any woman I come across. For years I’ve hidden my true nature in the dark, just as I hide my hands in the trousers with the pockets cut out when I’m sitting on a park bench. But no longer. The next time I’m caught exposing myself in the woods I’ll have a human rights barrister, a pop star or two and a number of minor celebrities who haven’t really thought the implications through standing beside me.’</p> <p>Mister X then paused to smile unpleasantly at a passing schoolgirl, while a group of cretins in V for Vendetta masks applauded. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=46946#post-134876 Thu, 16 Aug 2012 17:15:44 +0000 BAJDixon 134876@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A source has revealed that Ecuador's reluctance to release serial leaker and alleged sex fiend Julian Assange into police custody was due to an erroneous understanding that their embassy guest was none other than British funnyman John Inman, who died in 2007. </p> <p>Inman, who bore a striking resemblance to Assange before his untimely death, was best known for his portrayal of one-dimensional innuendo merchant Mr Humphreys in long running sitcom <em>Are You Being Served</em>. The shop based farce remains Ecuador's most popular TV show with upwards of 6 episodes per day aired by the state broadcaster. The error was apparently made when a desk clerk misunderstood Assange's request in broken Spanish to 'be served'. After a brief conversation, the clerk mistakenly alerted the ambassador that Inman was seeking asylum with the Republic of Ecuador.</p> <p>An embassy source said "We now realise that a mistake has been made and Mr Inman did die in 2007 as reported. We couldn't understand why the British would extradite such a brilliant comedian but we were so excited that he was here that we didn't stop to think about the diplomatic ramifications. We were hopeful that Mr Innman could help improve Ecuador's comedy output which is regionally recognised as weak and too heavily centered on the industrial extraction of petrochemicals."</p> <p>"We have no particular interest in Mr Assange and would be happy to hand him over in exchange for either Jimmy Tarbucks or Mr One Foot in the Grave." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18696#post-50403 Mon, 20 Dec 2010 10:03:02 +0000 Matt T 50403@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18641#post-50272 Sun, 19 Dec 2010 02:43:19 +0000 Trickster 50272@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A new phrase has emerged from Assange's Swedish ordeal with Miss A and Miss O. Whereas 'sleeping with' used to merely mean 'sleeping in a bed, tent or store cupboard next to or with another person', since Assange allegedly had sex with Miss A while she was sleeping, 'to sleep with someone' has mysteriously entered online dictionaries webwide as a euphemism for 'the act of sexual intercourse'. Thanks Julian Assange for such brilliant linguistic innovation. Miss A and Miss O were sleeping together and unavailable for comment. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18603#post-50194 Sat, 18 Dec 2010 14:32:05 +0000 rikkor 50194@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'ardon? PHWOAR! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18603#post-50151 Sat, 18 Dec 2010 10:31:03 +0000 Trickster 50151@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Assange is back in Wandsworth prison tonight after being arrested by accuser and CIA 'honey trap' Anna Ardon.<br /> According to bail set out by the high court, Assange is set to report to his local police station at 6pm every day. Unfortunately, the recent extreme snow blizzards meant he couldn’t make the dangerous and difficult journey.<br /> Police arrived to arrest him at 6.01, accompanied by CIA under covers operative Ardon (in a miniskirt).<br /> <blockquote>I’m gutted, as I was sleeping at the time,</blockquote> said the wilileaks founder, referring to the fact that he was in fact, having sex.<br /> Questioned recently on the matter of having sex with someone whilst they were sleeping, Assange replied. <blockquote>It's silly really, but I’ve always been confused by the euphemism ‘to sleep with someone’.</blockquote><br /> Ardon said she didn't condome it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18075#post-48616 Thu, 09 Dec 2010 01:08:56 +0000 Alixir 48616@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Assange has threatened to reveal a thousand-strong string of sexual offences he has committed over decades with hundreds of senior diplomats and Heads of State.</p> <p>A Press Release from the incarcerated Assange read: "If I am not unconditionally released I have given instruction to my network of PIMPs to reveal the Presidents, Prime Ministers and members of the Royal Family on whom I have forced myself. I have wikileaked in all of them - and in orifices you wouldn't believe, exposing dark places, and shedding light on things which should not see the light of day."</p> <p>Silvio Berloscuni, who was thought to be most at risk from the embarrasing revelations, could be heard laughing it off behind a gaggle of naked "hunnies". It's not known whether her Majesty the Queen has been violated. </p>