http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=argentina The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 20 Jun 2013 03:13:12 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57810#post-167636 Tue, 12 Mar 2013 19:11:12 +0000 pinxit 167636@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The three islanders who voted for Argentine rule of The Falklands in yesterday's referendum have been tracked down and unmasked.</p> <p>From the haven of Port Stanley prison they have given very different reasons for their choice.</p> <p>Bachelor farmer Des Barnes, 49, was hoping for a fresh intake of "dusky hot-blooded latino maidens" on the island, as "my chances of meeting a decent bit of scrannet over here is zero and I'm getting bloody frustrated. Besides, my ewes are getting pretty bolshy nowadays."</p> <p>Portly civil servant Charles Champion, 58, an avid gourmet, said he made his decision because he's "fed up of a diet of horse and mutton," and hankers to eat "real top-quality prime Argentinian beef."</p> <p>The third dissenter, Darren Larrikin 19, said 'I was pissed when I voted and did it for a laugh."</p> <p>All three are expected to remain in detention, for their own safety, for at least ten years. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54123#post-156266 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 12:53:34 +0000 Oxbridge 156266@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks for input, Simon, I've spliced it together as best I can. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54123#post-156260 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 11:57:21 +0000 gregle 156260@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice one. Made me laugh </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54123#post-156245 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 09:52:52 +0000 simonjmr 156245@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Here's my similar take onthis from last year - feel free to use any of it in the above.</p> <p><a href="http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38736" rel="nofollow">http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=38736</a> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54123#post-156244 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 09:46:40 +0000 Dawsons creek 156244@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I thought that England won on the submarine-hindreds of dead method?</p> <p>I don't really understand this this doesnt seem to be just replacing one island name with another? I think it needs a better ending with a channel opening up. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54123#post-156243 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 09:44:37 +0000 Tripod 156243@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice... works for me. ***** </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=54123#post-156241 Fri, 04 Jan 2013 09:39:42 +0000 Oxbridge 156241@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Argentinian president Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has categorically refused to negotiate over the sovereignty of the Isle of Wight, despite the provocative behaviour of Britan's right-wing Coalitionista dictatorship, which recently put a full-page ad in El Diario de Buenos Aires asserting its claims to the barren island. </p> <p>Diplomats say this is the tensest stand-off since the two countries fought a brief war 30 years ago, which Argentina won on the Duckworth-Lewis method. La Isla Blanca, as it is known there, is a vital link in the South American nation's two-way trade with Europe in corned beef, polo ponies and ageing Nazis.</p> <p>'General Cameron is cynically trying to raise nationalistic fervour over this issue, because they are no longer able to distract the downtrodden British people since the X-Factor ended,' warned a UN-appointed mediator. 'However, Argentina's recent posting of its native-born singer Chris De Burgh to the island has also provoked justified anger in Britain.'</p> <p>In the recent ad, Britain denounced Argentina's 200-year possession of the Isle of Wight as a legacy of colonialism that should be corrected. Geographically, it claims, the Isle is part of Britain and could be reached in less than two hours from the abandoned port city of Southampton, in the unlikely event that anyone wanted to go there. </p> <p>The Isle of Wight is rumoured to have huge untapped reserves of clotted cream and, with heavy investment, it could rapidly be brought into the 1960s. Britain's ight-wing tabloids have urged the Coalitionistas to invade, scoffing at the very idea that a country on the other side of the world and led by a woman would fight back. Fernandez, however, dismisses this as reflecting the latent inadequacy of men in a country that has Katie Price as its icon of feminitity.</p> <p>'The future of the Isle of Wight is for the inhabitants alone to decide,' said President Fernandez. 'And, with no economic activity to speak of, constant harking back to an idealised but short-lived past and their prejudice against incomers despite being mostly immigrants themselves, they are clearly Argentine in every respect. We will use force if we must to save these poor people from the tinpot British regime, which should hopefully fall from power soon anyway.' </p> <p>[A joint effort with simonjmr. Hat tips to Sinnick and Dawsons creek. Recycled and updated from last time this was topical.] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53669#post-154972 Sat, 22 Dec 2012 20:48:34 +0000 custard cream 154972@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wonderful, great stuff! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53669#post-154883 Sat, 22 Dec 2012 08:15:36 +0000 Golgo13 154883@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Don't worry Squudge....I've cut and pasted from newspaper articles and wikipedia...</p> <p>I think it's an acceptable technique </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53669#post-154881 Sat, 22 Dec 2012 08:12:52 +0000 Squudge 154881@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ok - here is another go without 'cut and paste', but the facts sort of need to go in as a framework.</p> <p>-------------------------------------version 2--------------------------</p> <p>Despite mounting anger from Argentina, after a part of Antartica was named after the Queen this week, it has been reported that the Falklands are to be renamed the "Nyah nyah ne-nyah nyah Islands".</p> <p>The UK ambassador to Argentina was summoned yesterday to explain to officials in Buenos Aires why part of Antarctica has been renamed 'Queen Elizabeth Land'. He was handed a formal protest note "strongly rejecting" the UK's claim to the land and thus the right to rename it.</p> <p>The UK ambassador denies blowing a raspberry and making the surprise announcement re the Falkands/Malvinas renaming in a provocatively plummy British accent.</p> <p>East Antarctica already has 'Princess Elizabeth Land', so named before the Queen took the throne, and a mountain range in the Antarctic peninsula named the Princess Royal Range in 2006 in tribute to the Queen's daughter. The Foreign Office has denied that it had anything to do with her 'splendid rack'.</p> <p>A palace official has since revealed that the Queen has asked William Hague to consider redesignating South Georgia as 'Prince Harry Redoubt' if he doesn't mend his ways quite soon.</p> <p>Media requests to view the Palace globe, which is thought to comprise 'mainly pink bits', have been politely declined by the Queen's equerry today. When asked he denied that HRH Prince Phillip had requested that Argentina be renamed 'Loserville', stating "That would be insensitive". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53669#post-154877 Sat, 22 Dec 2012 07:41:51 +0000 Squudge 154877@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes - it was sort of the point.</p> <p>You think a re-write is in order with the facts in less-BBC English? Might make it more coherent I suppose. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53669#post-154867 Sat, 22 Dec 2012 06:39:52 +0000 Perks 154867@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Although I like the idea, the second, third, and all but the last line of the fifth paragraphs have been cut and pasted from the BBC report. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53669#post-154862 Sat, 22 Dec 2012 05:49:07 +0000 Squudge 154862@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Despite mounting anger from Argentina, after a part of Antartica was named after the Queen this week, it has been announced that the Falklands are to be renamed the "Nyah nyah ne-nyah nyah Islands".</p> <p>The UK ambassador to Argentina was summoned yesterday, to explain to officials in Buenos Aires why part of Antarctica has been renamed in honour of the Queen. He was handed a formal protest note "strongly rejecting" the UK's claim to a piece of land known as the British Antarctic Territory.</p> <p>The southern section was named Queen Elizabeth Land by Foreign Secretary William Hague on Tuesday. The note claimed the area was part of the Argentine Antarctic sector. It stated that the Argentine government "strongly rejected" Britain's right to rename the area.</p> <p>The UK ambassador denies blowing a raspberry and announcing the suprise news re the Falkands/Malvinas renaming, in a provocatively plummy British accent.</p> <p>The Foreign Office said on Tuesday there was a precedent for naming parts of the Antartcic continent after members of the British royal family. East Antarctica is home to Princess Elizabeth Land, named after the Queen before she took the throne, and in 2006 an unnamed mountain range in the Antarctic peninsula was named the Princess Royal Range in tribute to the Queen's daughter. The Foreign Office has denied that it had anything to do with her 'splendid rack'.</p> <p>Media requests to view the Palace globe, which is thought to comprise 'mainly pink bits', was politely declined by the Queen's equerry today. When asked he denied that HRH Prince Phillip had requested that Argentina be renamed 'Loserville', stating "That would be insensitive". </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=45905#post-132047 Wed, 25 Jul 2012 13:11:41 +0000 HIGNFY 132047@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The British Government is holding emergency talks with Argentina after the Argentine navy stole the Falkland Islands and moved it to within just 1 mile of the Argentine mainland.</p> <p>The daring raid took place late last night under the cover of darkness and involved over 200 tugs and 2000 miles of rope.</p> <p>Despite earlier reports no casualties were incurred on the Island though several buildings were damaged and crockery smashed as the earth literally moved.</p> <p>One Islander reported that several snow globes, part of his vast collection, perished during the theft and one man claimed several pictures hanging on his bathroom wall fell crashing to the ground; but luckily no damage was done and he returned them to their original positions once the Island reached its new geographical location. </p> <p>Crowds in Buenos Aires welcomed the news with many Argentines screaming like baboons, setting fire to Union Flags and eating candy floss.</p> <p>Simply Red singer, Mick Hucknall, in Buenos Aires for a series of concerts, was pelted with soft fruit including dates and prunes as he returned to his hotel and has suspended his tour of South America.</p> <p>It is understood that a flotilla consisting of over 300 tugs, crewed by Cockneys and Scousers is being readied as Britain prepares to steal back the Island and tow it back to its original position.</p> <p>As yet no Argentine has set foot on the Island however it is understood that Argentina is now claiming full sovereignty of the Falkland's and that plans are afoot to construct a bridge linking the islands to the Argentinian mainland. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=44586#post-127712 Wed, 27 Jun 2012 06:51:22 +0000 Denis Dijon 127712@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>More to follow </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42579#post-121702 Tue, 08 May 2012 10:13:39 +0000 kimllfixit 121702@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ha ha, very good! Cinco estrellas! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=42579#post-121698 Tue, 08 May 2012 09:46:37 +0000 Oxbridge 121698@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>As sabre-rattling from Britian's right-wing Coalitionista dictatorship raises fears of renewed conflict, Argentina's president Cristina Fernandez de Kirchner has refused to negotiate away the sovereignty of the Isle of Wight. The two countries fought a brief war over the windswept island 30 years ago, which Argentina won on the Duckworth-Lewis method. Passions have been simmering ever since.</p> <p>'In times of economic hardship, General Cameron and the Coalitianistas are playing the nationalism card because they are no longer able to distract the British people with success on the football pitch or even high quality entertainment ever since Strictly Come Dancing ended,' warned the Spanish president Jose Maria Aznar, who has tried to broker a peace deal. </p> <p>'Their leading tabloid the Daily Mail has even dismissed the idea that a country led by a woman would use force to defend its overseas territories and be a full-time working mum. To be honest, though, I think views like this mostly reflect the latent inadequacies of the men in a country that has Katie Price as its icon of feminitity.'</p> <p>Britain has repeatedly denounced Argentina's 200-year possession of the Isle of Wight as a legacy of colonialism. Geographically, it claims, the Isle is part of Britain and could be reached in less than two hours by sea from the abandoned port city of Southampton, in the unlikely event that any British people wanted to go there. </p> <p>Cynics argue that Britain's true motivation is the Isle of Wight's largely untapped reserves of clotted cream and crabmeat. Some economic analysts believe that, with a few decades of intensive investment, the underpopulated Isle could rapidly be brought into the 1950s. For Fernandez, however, the issue is simply about respecting the wishes of the few thousand inhabitants.</p> <p>'The people of the Isle of Wight are Argentine in every respect,' she said. 'No economic activity to speak of: Argentine. Constant harking back to an idealised but short-lived past: Argentine. Mildly prejudiced against incomers despite being mostly immigrants themselves: Argentine. We will use all the power at our disposal to save these people from this tinpot regime. And Katie Price. Eeew.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41776#post-119155 Wed, 18 Apr 2012 17:41:49 +0000 HenryMJUK 119155@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Spain has today told Argentina to stop using Spanish as it’s language of choice (or give back the shares it has stolen YPF - the oil company owned by Repsol).</p> <p>They have until midnight to make their mind up.</p> <p>The decision is simple, said a spokeperson for the Spanish Government, it shouldn’t take them too long to weigh up the consequences – we have suggested they adopt Esperanto or Latin as neither are in use and immediately available. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41683#post-118988 Wed, 18 Apr 2012 09:09:37 +0000 Old Hat 118988@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Can't edit title now, but cheers </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41683#post-118956 Wed, 18 Apr 2012 07:55:15 +0000 Oxbridge 118956@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like it, though not the last line. Agree with FlashArry's title (though Mr Permatroll will probably say that's because I'm FlashArry..). There you go, we're a bunch of miserable bastards who get off on disagreeing with each other. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41683#post-118954 Wed, 18 Apr 2012 07:45:31 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 118954@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like the last line </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41683#post-118952 Wed, 18 Apr 2012 07:35:15 +0000 Yikes 118952@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'd end it after the nice myspace line as it is funnier than the last line (just one man's opinion tho ...) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41683#post-118946 Wed, 18 Apr 2012 06:40:29 +0000 Old Hat 118946@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Many thanks guys, appreciate the feedback. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41683#post-118924 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 23:21:48 +0000 The All New Jeni B 118924@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I disagree, I actually clicked purely on the basis of the headline, and think it's 'snappy' enough as it is.</p> <p>I'm hardly qualified to give feedback, since I seldom bother to actually sub anything, but this made me chuckle several times.</p> <p>I really liked the whole premise, and loved the facebook line.</p> <p>On the whole, in my opinion, this is a fantastic debut piece, and I look forward to more in this vein. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41683#post-118922 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 23:03:10 +0000 FlashArry 118922@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nicely done piece, made me chuckle - have some stars. VCG has a point on the headline though. Carrying the theme through with - maybe - 'Argentina on naughty step warning for upsetting Spain' ? Supernanny intervention ? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41683#post-118908 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 21:50:46 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 118908@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm not normally the best at giving constructive feedback, but I'll give it a go as you asked.</p> <p>I quite like it. The idea is good, it's well written, and there are some good lines in there, although I didn't find it laugh out loud funny. But I'm a miserable sod.</p> <p>I think the headline needs to be stronger - it's sometimes good to keep headlines as short as you can, but I think you need a bit more than you've got here. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41683#post-118873 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 16:22:19 +0000 Old Hat 118873@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It's my first contribution to the site, would appreciate some feedback... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41691#post-118868 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 16:00:27 +0000 yens123 118868@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>In a dramatic development to the on-going row over ownership of the Falkland Islands, the British Government has offered a sovereignty swop deal - the Falklands for Lionel Messi.</p> <p>A source close to the government confided;<br /> "Since nobody in England speaks Spanish at all, we've drawn up some pictures and helpful arrows. Hopefully our message will come through loud and clear. We're confident of getting our man." </p> <p>The source continued "Prior to oil being discovered, we privately would have settled for some beef, the commercial rights to Evita and a dozen Tango lessons. But the discovery of natural resources has upped the 'beef stakes' no pun intended."</p> <p>If a deal can be reached, it would allow Messi to potentially be included in the England squad for Euro 2012. Messi, whose hidden talents include a typing speed of 34 words per minute and knowing both sexual positons (in and out), currently stars at 'football' for both Barcelona Rovers and Argentina.</p> <p>It's thought a delegation from the UK, including Gerry Adams MP, Jespar Carrott and a red telephone box, will tunnel its way to Buenos Aires on Thursday to continue negotiations. </p> <p>There was no comment from the Argentine Government as it's expensive to call Argentina from our offices and after several attempts, none of us could get past the gatekeeper. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=41683#post-118855 Tue, 17 Apr 2012 14:33:50 +0000 Old Hat 118855@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Spain has warned Argentina that he will ‘tell on him’ after the rogue South-American shambles seized Spain’s favourite oil exploration subsidiary whilst Spain wasn’t looking, presumably in the early afternoon, shortly after Spain’s midday meal.</p> <p>Spain’s Dad, and head of the European Commission, Jose Manuel Barroso, said that he was “seriously disappointed” at Argentina’s behaviour; his worst since 1982 when he kicked Britain in the nuts and tried to take his ball, before storming off and saying that he wasn’t playing anymore.</p> <p>In a recent interview, Britain said that “Argentina tried it on with me before but I proper done him”, adding that “Argentina’s always trying to skank stuff off the other kids, but he ain’t as hard as he reckons, especially when he’s not with his mates from Mercosur. My mates are harder than his mates anyway so I’m not bothered”.</p> <p>It is widely believed that Argentina’s behaviour is largely caused by his stuff not being as good as the other kids’, and that he is visibly getting less pocket money. Things came to a head recently when Britain turned up in Argentina’s neighbourhood daubed in Eurofighter Typhoons and a brand new Dauntless, he then proceeded to diss Argentina for wearing 1967 Mirage 5As, before repeatedly pointing at Argentina and asking who he was.</p> <p>Argentina's Dad stated that “we thought we’d turned a corner with his behaviour after the ’82 debacle, but ever since his debt default in 2001 he’s had problems with his anger. People don’t understand him, deep-down he’s not a bad kid, he just takes expropriation of assets very seriously”.</p> <p>It is unclear just how this saga will unfold, but many international observers believe that Spain will unfriend Argentina on Facebook, with some believing that he will go so far as to unfriend him on Myspace, if he can remember his login details.</p> <p>Bono is due to hold a press conference on the issue over the next few days. Sean Penn was unavailable for comment. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=39732#post-112814 Sun, 11 Mar 2012 21:08:16 +0000 Username 112814@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice yarn! </p>