http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/tags.php?tag=apprentice The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Tue, 18 Jun 2013 05:46:51 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=57884#post-167811 Wed, 13 Mar 2013 13:09:43 +0000 GreyWolf 167811@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>An uninspiring first week. The task was to search the conclave of cardinals for homosexuals, and burn them at the stake. Neither Team "Synod of Whitby" nor Team "Diet of Worms" found more than a handful each, despite having 115 suspects to choose from. Archangel Sugar (aka "Sweetie"), unimpressed by the blazes, told the teams they would have to try much harder, if they wished to stay out of the Eternal Fires of Hell. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24997#post-67866 Thu, 12 May 2011 12:53:52 +0000 OllieP 67866@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>What they need are mould-breakers, like the accountant from the first episode who decided to eschew his training and showcase all of his other skills. Turned out he didn't have any other skills. Who knew?</p> <p>Like it by the way. Stars. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24997#post-67858 Thu, 12 May 2011 12:24:19 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 67858@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not just yourself, Iself never used to notice itself that much but once myself's dadself pointed it out to myself itself drives myself insane. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24997#post-67855 Thu, 12 May 2011 12:13:30 +0000 Screenie 67855@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Excellent work. I've not actually watched it but I reckon I can figure out pretty accurately what a bunch of cocks the people on it are. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24997#post-67854 Thu, 12 May 2011 12:13:01 +0000 The Paper Ostrich 67854@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Obrigado - yourself's fine suggestions added. And thanks for pointing out the overuse of 'self' - I thought myself might be the only oneself who noticed it as it's gone far beyond the Apprentice. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24997#post-67849 Thu, 12 May 2011 12:05:08 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 67849@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Good stuff. 5*.</p> <p>After they've stepped up to the plate can they get their ducks in a row and think outside of the box? And can Cable claim that Clegg was too full of himself to see the granularity? And Chris Huhne say 'if you make myself project manager' instead of the grammatically correct 'me'. Because nobody says 'me' or 'you' or 'us' any more, it's 'myself', 'yourself' and 'ourselves', and it makes myself want to strangle people on a daily basis.</p> <p>I'll stop, take a deep breath and get back to some blue sky thinking now. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24997#post-67843 Thu, 12 May 2011 11:48:30 +0000 Ostsee 67843@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Did God have a purpose when he made Lib-Dems? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=24997#post-67841 Thu, 12 May 2011 11:39:59 +0000 The Paper Ostrich 67841@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nick Clegg, the embattled Liberal Democrat leader, has promised that his party will be ‘more like Apprentice contestants’ as the Coalition government enters a ‘more businesslike’ phase .</p> <p>Mr Clegg conceded that the Liberal Democrats had not been pushy or irritating enough to win over voters at last week’s local elections. He compared his party's humiliation at the polls with the millions of people who tune in regularly to The Apprentice, fronted by earthy business panjandrum Lord Sugar.</p> <p>‘We got trashed, while Alan Sugar gets eight million viewers by sitting in a boardroom full of vain, shallow, self-serving morons who spout meaningless cliches in an effort to conceal their ignorance and outlast their colleagues,’ he said. ‘It’s time the Cabinet was more like that, so the Liberal Democrats are going to step up to the plate, give it 150 per cent, think outside the box and deliver incredible results.’</p> <p>Business Secretary Vince Cable criticised Mr Clegg’s plans to change the name of the party to ‘Team Win’. ‘He didn’t manage the team very well at all on that last task,” Cable complained. ‘I could have told him that we didn’t have a strong concept but he was unfortunately too full of himself to see the granularity, whereas I am a key cog in the wheel and he should have made better use of my extensive skillset and unstoppable charisma. I would have given this task two hundred per cent.’</p> <p>In an open challenge to Mr Clegg’s authority, Energy Secretary Chris Huhne emailed party supporters to tell them: ‘I admit that we dropped the ball on this task, but if you make myself the project manager going forward then I promise you I will give it four hundred per cent and get astronomical results that will rock your world, transforming your notion of success.’</p> <p>The Prime Minister, David Cameron, has said he ‘broadly supports’ Mr Clegg’s efforts to shore up party discipline and denied rumours that he is preparing to start firing one Liberal Democrat a week until only one is left standing. ‘But I’ll be watching Nick very closely in the next few weeks; he needs to prove he’s up to the job,’ Mr Cameron said. ‘I'm not a charity. It’s sink or swim: I don’t do lifeboats - at least not since we cut funding to the RNLI by 40%.’ </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18917#post-51053 Thu, 23 Dec 2010 09:39:12 +0000 dogwheels 51053@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Love it! You could expand it to other shows - BBC show not strictly about the dancing; I'm a Celebrity... next to be investigated. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=18917#post-51050 Thu, 23 Dec 2010 09:35:39 +0000 MC One R 51050@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Producers of The Apprentice have admitted fraud in court, following the accusation that the phrase "...sixteen of the country's brightest business prospects..." is clearly incorrect.</p> <p>The judge has ruled that all future series must contain the following phrase in the title sequence:</p> <p>"Whilst the majority of the country's brightest business prospects work in the City with FTSE 100 listed companies, or with international law firms, sixteen of the country's biggest self-centred, odious, ill-mannered, unorganised, vomit-inducing twenty-somethings have come to London to compete for a position with a miserable barrowboy-come-good for a salary that the 'brightest business prospects' wouldn't consider, unless it was meant as a weekly figure." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=4527#post-12721 Fri, 14 May 2010 21:18:19 +0000 themews 12721@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"Business." Lord Alan Sugar told us yesterday, "is all about potential talent. Education or qualifications don't mean shit when it comes to making money. It's all about getting the right people at the right time"</p> <p>It seems he's putting his words into practice, as younger people are in for a treat as Alan Sugar extends his flagship television project to upcoming talent in the new TV show, 'Junior Apprentice'.</p> <p>But no one is more excited than one of this year's contestants, up and coming entrepeneur Jordan de Courcey, 17.</p> <p><img src="http://www.yeahbaby.com/baby-includes/article-images/nerdy-baby-boy-names.jpg"></p> <p>One of the most promising candidates, Jourdan started early at just age 12, setting up his own business. "My sister was being soooo annoying. She kept playing with my Pogs. Mum said I had to share, but I didn't want to!" he bawled, stamping his feet as he explained his inspiration. "It could either go to bed without dinner or just let her have them. In the end, I made her buy them off me."</p> <p>His enterprising young mind soon realised he could double his current income through this newly discovered market. "I sold her old stuff from my room I didn't want. I could get two lots of pocket money a week!" he said, pausing as the finger up his nose dislodged a large wad of snot, "That's, like, twice the amount!"</p> <p>It appears the sky is the limit for this rising young star. We have learned that he's currently setting up interviews with his mother to start aggressive negotiations to push back his bedtime a further 10 minutes on non-school nights and extend his market influence to all 5 rooms in the de Courcey household.</p> <p>"We're very proud of him", gushed Jourdan's grinning parents, "He's always had that flare, and we've love to see him on TV. "He's especially excited as we've promised him a trip to Disneyland if he does really well." </p>