28352 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 17:58:37 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23481#post-63680 Tue, 05 Apr 2011 15:22:47 +0000 Screenie 63680@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scientific studies, probably costing millions of pounds, have proven that if all cars move at the same speed on the motorway the traffic as a single entity will get to where it is heading faster than if the cars are all doing various speeds, both above and below the set speed of the first set of vehicles. Taking this research on board the Mayor of London, Boris Johnson, is considering the introduction of immobility scooters to slow down the capital’s faster pedestrians.</p> <p>The scooters, which will not go over three miles an hour - the average speed of a London pedestrian, will become compulsory for any person caught on any of the cities many congestion zone cameras persistently perambulating at over four miles an hour. A further measure, born out of this idea, would be the use of registration plates for pedestrians so that high velocity walkers can be easily identified and fitted with the scooters.</p> <p>When questioned on how the measures would be funded Mr Johnson stated, ‘these scooters do not run on air, they are designed to run on petrol so the users will be paying for the measures whenever they fill them at the pumps. This will also help to make people think before they walk. Trying to get somewhere quickly by walking slightly faster is a menace to a city in which time is money.’</p> <p>However there are also fears as to the safety of these devices; as the aim is to maintain a set velocity the scooters have amazing acceleration, going from zero to three miles an hour in nanoseconds, some people are suggesting such velocities are dangerous to the health of the passenger and may lead to pavement pileups.</p> <p>‘People will soon learn to hold on tight’, laughed the scooter manufacturer’s safety executive ‘there is no more danger in using one of our scooters than there is in continuing to walk faster than the pavements are designed to take’</p> <p>If the idea comes to fruition fleets of scooters will be slowly making their way on the streets of London by April 2012. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23469#post-63644 Tue, 05 Apr 2011 10:38:33 +0000 Screenie 63644@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>It has also been confirmed on the back of these findings that scientists are now looking with suspicion at the taste of bacon sandwiches. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=23469#post-63640 Tue, 05 Apr 2011 09:50:26 +0000 Screenie 63640@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>‘If it seems too good to be true, it probably is’ is one of the favourite sayings of Agnes Rassiter of Banstead in Surrey and so her son, George Rassiter, a self proclaimed Geek's geek and Laser Quest fanatic thought this must be the case when he first laid eyes on a lady wearing just her ‘birthday suit’.</p> <p>In November 2010 George reached his forty third birthday and his mother decided he was finally old enough to experience some more adult-themed entertainment. To this end she tucked around four thousand pounds under the clamp on his clipboard and booked him in for three nights solid at the famous Spearmint Rhino in London. </p> <p>Three months later, after George had recovered enough for his clipboard to be prised from his hands, scientists discovered the saying ‘If it seems too good to be true it probably is’, plus the scientific equation proving it to be the case, scrawled in pink lipstick on the first few pages. The workings on the clipboard suggested that the female form was a solid state hologram similar to that used in the comedy series 'Red Dwarf' and went on to conclude that, underneath this projected charade, human females were actually constructed from masonry.</p> <p>George went on to state; “When it looks as though makeup has been applied with a trowel, it is quite possible that this may actually be the case”</p> <p>When questioned about worldwide discrepancies between forms George explained that, “In some areas the hologram is affected, both negatively and positively, by the surrounding environment. The clean air of Sweden means the holograms are almost one hundred percent efficient and project a near perfect version of the female form, whereas in some areas of Essex the effect can be considerably less successful.”</p> <p>There has been a far greater than usual response to George’s research from the general scientific community, ‘It appears to have struck a nerve, especially with our younger male students’ explained Dan French, head of scientific research at Cambridge university, ‘with such intense interest I had no choice but to put a large lump of our budget towards this research and head it up myself.’</p> <p>George, meanwhile, has returned to the Spearmint Rhino for further investigation into the subject. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=22808#post-61599 Mon, 21 Mar 2011 09:34:03 +0000 Screenie 61599@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>he claims he’s simply “not felling very well” </p>