15100 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Fri, 24 May 2013 09:11:09 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=53757#post-155147 Mon, 24 Dec 2012 17:03:09 +0000 Boutros 155147@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A father of 2 in Hinchley Wood has drawn up a price list on the fridge for providing IT support over the Christmas period. Based on gifts already purchased, his family could face a £480 bill. He accepts pocket money, Christmas card cash from relatives, Argos and Amazon gift cards.</p> <p>* Fitting batteries: £5<br /> * Retrieving email receipts for online purchases when returning unwanted presents £10 per receipt<br /> * Sourcing missing manuals and instructions online £20<br /> * Installing new TV including configuring lists of favourite TV channels and deleting shopping channels £30<br /> * Configuring Kindle accounts £40<br /> * Setting up iPad / iPhone /Blackberry £50 + £30 for parental controls<br /> * Figuring out a DAB radio £60<br /> * Installing essential software updates £65<br /> * Connecting anything to living room hi-fi £75<br /> * Figuring out how to get photos from one device to another £80<br /> * Figuring out how to stream music from one device to another £90<br /> * Copying address books from device to device £100<br /> * Anything to do with Wii, XBox, PS3 £90<br /> * Anything to do with Windows 7 £120<br /> * Anything to do with iTunes £150 </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=591#post-2058 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 16:00:51 +0000 simonjmr 2058@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>System<br /> To<br /> Usually<br /> Manage<br /> Prosthetics </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=591#post-2028 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 12:24:11 +0000 exigo 2028@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Catholic Church denies going for the populist vote after ISIHAC host is beatified to become St 'Ump. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=591#post-2008 Thu, 11 Mar 2010 10:07:06 +0000 simonjmr 2008@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Sylvester<br /> Tickles<br /> Umpteen<br /> Male<br /> Prostitutes </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=591#post-1817 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 22:12:31 +0000 theumpire 1817@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>Pirates of the Caribbean</strong></p> <p>Jim Hawkins couldn’t find an empty apple barrel to hide in, so he crouched down behind the remains of an old palm tree to watch the three pirates as they crouched in the soft white sand.</p> <p>Cap’n Morgan: “If we are to beat the British Navy, we must combine our efforts and our defences. What say you, Cap’n Silver?”</p> <p>Cap’n Silver: “Aye, Aye, Cap’n Morgan – they prove more and more difficult every week. Our Pirates Cooperative is our only chance, lad, if we are not to become a dying breed.”</p> <p>Cap’n Morgan: “Are you with us, Cap’n Hook?” Will you throw your, er, your er, your hook in with us?”</p> <p>Cap’n Hook: “Can you insure me against that crocodile?”</p> <p>Cap’n Morgan: “Of course we can - as long as you keep paying your subscription to the cooperative. Think of it as an insurance premium.”</p> <p>Cap’n Hook: “But I can’t afford it. Those lost boys cost me a king’s ransom in food bills.”</p> <p>Cap’n Silver: “Morgan has paid and so have I. Come on, Hook. Stump up!”</p> <p>{Alright - I won't judge this entry; just wrote it for fun.) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=591#post-1806 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 21:21:10 +0000 virtuallywill 1806@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Stump to reform</p> <p>Irish indie rock legends Stump are to reform later this month.<br /> Emily Eavis has already said they can have a Saturday night slot on the main stage at Glastonbury and record label Ensign have re-released "Charlton Heston" on iTunes and as an illegal download.<br /> Global success eluded Stump as their fan-base grew more selective, though fans knew that a band from Cork would rise again.<br /> Lead singer Mick Lynch is hopeful that "Charlton Heston" could climb higher that 72 in the charts, which was the original high in 1988.<br /> The recent success is due to being a featured question on BBC4 series "Only Connect" in the what is the answer to the words with the vowels removed, in the "failed indie bands round". Geeks from Tavistock and Elderly bikers from Thurso failed to recognise STMP. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=591#post-1771 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 18:56:38 +0000 Mrblacker 1771@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Overly physical stumping threatens Anglo-Australian relations</p> <p>An aggresive stumping in a grade cricket match in New South Wales is threatening to disrupt relations between the ACB and the ECB.</p> <p>Ian Fletcher, a 27 year old batsman with the Birmingham League side Moseley had his testicles removed when Dubbo wicketkeeper Roger Danson stumped him in a match against local rivals Rugby.</p> <p>Fletcher, batting at number 3, was on 54 when he was deceived by a fizzing leg break from Dubbo's Steve McQuarrie and Danson acted quickly to stump the english player.</p> <p>However, it's alleged Danson was too aggresive, by not only removing Flecther's bails, but also his testicles and a large portion of his middle stump.</p> <p>Andy Rayne from the ACB said complaints over Danson's attitude on the pitch in the overs preceding the incident are unfounded. "He's a good grade player and plays a hard game. If the pom can't handle it, that's his hard luck."</p> <p>But the outgoing head of the ECB, Giles Clark, said the Australians are taking the game too seriously.</p> <p>"It's a really unfortunate incident and the Australian attitude is unacceptable. Cricket has never been a contact sport. Unless you count the post-match horseplay and bottling chains in the showers." </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=591#post-1741 Tue, 09 Mar 2010 11:53:20 +0000 edward hack 1741@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Bonce on the beach' murderer wins appeal<br /> Man convicted of murdering an Ayrshire teenager in 1999 whos arms and legs were hacked off leaving just a <strong>stump</strong> had his sentenced quashed in the high court earlier today.<br /> Although the teenagers mutilated torso was found in Loch Lomond and his head washed up on the beach near Troon he was still complaining of being bored while at the same time texting his mates telling them what an 'awesome' time he was having.<br /> The judge ruled this was reason enough (to kill the teenager) and it was a pity there were not more concerned citizens like him prepared to make a stance </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=415#post-1644 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 18:16:32 +0000 virtuallywill 1644@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I notice it says "ONLY 3 votes so far"... only...3 is fab "these days" </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=591#post-1605 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 14:02:43 +0000 Scroat 1605@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>England’s Ashes hopes dashed by MCC sex scandal</p> <p>One down in the series, England needed to win the final test match at Lords to retain the Ashes. But now a sex scandal has hit the otherwise straight-laced world of test cricket, and the match has been abandoned.</p> <p>MCC Chairman’s wife Samantha Legover-Wickett was unavailable for comment yesterday after allegations that she pleasured herself with a match stump in the Members’ Room before the vital final test. However in a statement she maintained that the incident was easily explained. “I was carrying the stump when I tripped on a piece of loose carpeting in a side room and it happened to slip between my legs.”</p> <p>This explanation would have been accepted and the incident forgotten, had it not been for the fact that Mrs. Legover-Wickett was carrying a stump with a built-in camera for television coverage purposes. The unfortunate “accident” was captured by a Sky Sports production team as they were testing video links before the match was due to begin. A junior member of the production team was treated for shock at the scene. It is believed that DVDs carrying the footage are already available, and it has also been circulated via the Internet. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=591#post-1603 Mon, 08 Mar 2010 13:58:55 +0000 theumpire 1603@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Please, pretty please all you competition enterers - can you submit the STUMP entries here. Else your umpire will have to trawl the entire website searching for your works; while that may indeed be a delectable opportunity, it might delay the judging by some weeks.</p> <p>If you have already submitted your masterpiece, would you mind adding a repeat here? </p> <p>I shall be eternally grateful.</p> <p>Now, I must get back to the gorgonzola gussets if I am to keep up with the demand which has rocketed in the last 6 days. Recession - what recession? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=415#post-1357 Fri, 05 Mar 2010 13:33:35 +0000 virtuallywill 1357@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>we all have to have a hobby....</strong>[center] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=415#post-1341 Fri, 05 Mar 2010 10:09:09 +0000 MADJEZ 1341@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Not guilty, belching into a sieve was mine. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=415#post-1214 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 20:03:07 +0000 virtuallywill 1214@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>did MADJEZ add "fart in a colander" to the Tags </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=415#post-1200 Wed, 03 Mar 2010 15:48:08 +0000 virtuallywill 1200@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>more later </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=297#post-866 Sun, 28 Feb 2010 16:50:16 +0000 virtuallywill 866@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>Helen Skelton today used the word canoes as a verb, but refused to apologise after her 2,000 mile paddle.</strong><br /> The badge wearing adventurer said <blockquote>In some cultures the coldness of the night is measured by how many dogs it takes to keep warm, such as a Three dog night.<br /> I can honestly say that I have worn out several pairs of trousers; this is a Five gusset river.<br /> My bottom is bruised, my shoulders are sore and the muscles in my neck are making it hard to differentiate between my head and my shoulders but to be honest I am proud of the war wounds, though I am reporting the crew for sexual harassment.</blockquote> </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=254#post-737 Sat, 27 Feb 2010 10:27:31 +0000 virtuallywill 737@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>US troops are to be allowed to use social networking websites such as Twitter and Facebook following a review of internet use and security.<br /> In the first 24 hours of Tweeting the most common messages appear to be “we are about to start bombing” , “how do you reload this” and “Red leader, what shape is Helmand”. </p>