14750 The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Thu, 23 May 2013 17:55:53 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56752#post-164190 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 23:36:19 +0000 roybland 164190@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Fears that the Duke of Edinburgh may have returned to rude health were strengthened yesterday when he told a nurse from the Philippines that her country must be 'half empty' because so many of her compatriots have come to the UK to work for the NHS.</p> <p>'Unfortunately,' said psychiatrist Dr Karen Young, 'the Duke seems to be back to that previous period of robust health when, during a state visit to China, he told a group of British students: 'If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed'; or when he told a student who had been trekking in Papua New Guinea:'You managed not to get eaten,then?''</p> <p>Dr Young said that she was afraid the 91-year-old royal's good health could continue for several more years.</p> <p>'By which time,'she said,'presumably the rest of the 94.8 million Filipinos will be working for the NHS.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56562#post-164163 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 17:10:22 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 164163@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't think the headline on the NiB works either.</p> <p>Impossible to please some people isn't it? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56562#post-164160 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 17:01:50 +0000 Perks 164160@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nice NiB </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56562#post-164156 Thu, 21 Feb 2013 16:25:24 +0000 Boutros 164156@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Nicely rewritten for a NiB, whoever does that bit. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56703#post-164048 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 21:30:14 +0000 nickb 164048@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Muggles, the new royal corgi is to be trained by a top media and public relations agency, after being accused of being a "plastic pooch" selected only because of her breed.  Long held convention forbids a royal corgi to speak out in when attacked,   but close friends of the dog have sprung to her defence.  </p> <p>Springer Spaniel Smythers, owned by the Duchess of Kent, said Muggles is a sincere fun loving party animal especially fond of Duran Duran's music.  "She adores smelling the faeces of other dogs." said the Duchess. "It is typical of her that she doesn't care if they are the faeces of a street mongrel or a thoroughbred.  As long as they are really smelly and full of personality, like her own. She doesn't discriminate." Muggles  is said to be "hurt" by media suggestions that she sniffed the bottom of media celeb dog  Churchill at a recent street party.</p> <p>The media training is understood to include teaching Muggles how to beg the media to leave her alone, to sit on command and remain silent, and to "shake hands" with people from all walks of life. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56602#post-164017 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 19:24:00 +0000 Squudge 164017@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>indeed - I suspect this is the last year you can get away with this one </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56602#post-164016 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 19:22:41 +0000 reforse 164016@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Maybe you could explain to younger readers just what a "cheque" is </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56602#post-163946 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 13:27:30 +0000 rickwestwell 163946@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56674#post-163941 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 13:18:30 +0000 jamsieoconnor 163941@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The Vice-Chancellors of both Oxford and Cambridge Universities have today issued joint statements apologising to all the victims of the Magdalene regimes over the decades.</p> <p>"We realise the hurt and stigma that this treatment has caused", they said. "It is totally unacceptable in this day and age that anyone at university should be persecuted for coming from such a working class background that they pronounce the name of one of our colleges "Mag-da-linn" even though it should clearly be pronounced "Mawd-linn."</p> <p>In recognition of the hurt and suffering which this "linguistic snobbery" has caused over the years, both universities have announced their intention to make substantial donations to Trans-late-Atlantic,a charity that educates Americans how to pronounce things properly. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56602#post-163929 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 12:37:10 +0000 Tripod 163929@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><blockquote>Wasn't this joke discovered along with the terracotta warriors? </blockquote></p> <p>Or in a Christmas cracker? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56602#post-163927 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 12:30:11 +0000 Lucy4 163927@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Wasn't this joke discovered along with the terracotta warriors? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56602#post-163909 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 11:04:11 +0000 markburgle 163909@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>that's a winner </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56602#post-163902 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 10:33:25 +0000 Username 163902@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>ticker... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56636#post-163899 Wed, 20 Feb 2013 10:26:28 +0000 Username 163899@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>'Gravity cheats' is terrifyingly zeitgeist! but the story itself doesn't yet flow when read out loud. 5* </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56636#post-163826 Tue, 19 Feb 2013 20:57:40 +0000 roybland 163826@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thousands of people who falsely claim they can't stay upright without NHS walking sticks, are costing the tax-payer millions of pounds, says work and pensions secretary Iain Duncan Smith in a speech attacking Britain's 'gravity cheats'.</p> <p>The government believes that too many people have come to rely on the state for support, resulting in a soaring bill for walking sticks and crutches.</p> <p>'It costs the tax-payer millions of pounds every year for walking sticks, zimmer frames, crutches and wheelchairs, 'said Mr Duncan Smith, who wants 'people to stand on their own two feet, even if they haven't got any'.</p> <p>'Gravity is no excuse,' Mr Duncan Smith added.</p> <p>But double amputee Jim Benjamin disagreed.</p> <p>'Talking of gravity,' Mr Benjamin said, 'I think this Duncan Smith character must be living on the fucking moon.' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56562#post-163812 Tue, 19 Feb 2013 20:18:49 +0000 Oxbridge 163812@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very strange and very good. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56562#post-163809 Tue, 19 Feb 2013 20:09:27 +0000 sponge finger 163809@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>super timing [<a href="http://www.telegraph.co.uk/gardening/gardeningpicturegalleries/9880141/Shed-of-the-Year-2013-entrants.html">shed competition...</a>] </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56576#post-163766 Tue, 19 Feb 2013 12:05:16 +0000 Squudge 163766@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I think it'd make a lovely NiB </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56576#post-163765 Tue, 19 Feb 2013 12:00:42 +0000 button 163765@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Yes, very good! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56576#post-163756 Tue, 19 Feb 2013 11:12:10 +0000 Username 163756@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>***** and a generous five star bonus </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56562#post-163742 Tue, 19 Feb 2013 03:00:02 +0000 Boutros 163742@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Thanks VCG.<br /> It's not the greatest headline.<br /> Maybe...</p> <p>Surrey shed man shafted by sharp shard sales practices. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56562#post-163734 Tue, 19 Feb 2013 00:12:05 +0000 Vertically Challenged Giant 163734@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like this but the headline feels like it doesn't quite work for me, not sure why.</p> <p>Idea and story are cracking though. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56576#post-163733 Tue, 19 Feb 2013 00:05:52 +0000 Boutros 163733@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I've often suspected this goes on.<br /> Stars for highlighting it. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56602#post-163732 Tue, 19 Feb 2013 00:03:40 +0000 Boutros 163732@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>good </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56602#post-163730 Mon, 18 Feb 2013 23:42:51 +0000 Scronnyglonkle 163730@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Funny or fun yi as they say at hsbc </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56602#post-163729 Mon, 18 Feb 2013 23:35:22 +0000 Smart Alex 163729@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'll be bringing this one out every year from now on... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56576#post-163723 Mon, 18 Feb 2013 22:40:48 +0000 J Vine 163723@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Now this I like. I may run the story on panorama. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56562#post-163714 Mon, 18 Feb 2013 22:00:11 +0000 markburgle 163714@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like the guys tone of mild exasperation </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56576#post-163687 Mon, 18 Feb 2013 20:05:29 +0000 Yikes 163687@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Very funny! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=56588#post-163671 Mon, 18 Feb 2013 18:55:43 +0000 Gerontius 163671@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>The funeral of actor Richard Briers is to take place next Wednesday at a council run allotment in his home town of Kingston upon Thames.<br /> Following a short service read by close friend Monty Don, the veteran actor who starred alongside Felicity Kendall as Tom Good in the BBC sitcom The Good Life will be laid to rest on a south facing compost heap along with a bucket of lug worms and some organic carrot tops.<br /> Funeral directors have requested family flowers only, but if well-wishers happen to have any old cabbage leaves, unwanted teabags or potato peelings they’re desperate to get rid of, then please bring them along with you to the funeral on Wednesday morning.<br /> Although Briers will best be remembered for his light comedic touch he was a versatile actor, once starring opposite Donald Pleasance in the 1962 horror film Night at the Circus in which he played one half of a demonic pantomime horse alongside childhood sweetheart Hattie Jacques. </p>