http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ The NewsBiscuit Community en-US Mon, 20 May 2013 17:58:54 +0000 http://bbpress.org/?v=1.0.2 q http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/search.php http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61535#post-178959 Mon, 20 May 2013 17:58:48 +0000 andrewl81 178959@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A top level Conservative Party official has claimed that the party faces it's "worst nightmare" after a swivel eyed loon was attacked by an aggressive homosexual.</p> <p>The official said, "It was our worst nightmare. The swivel eyed loon was just going about his normal swivel-eyed business when he was attacked by an aggressive homosexual. And then without warning the aggressive homosexual was joined by a faun, three dragons, Santa Claus and Pete Townsend's book on paedophilia. It was just horrible because at the end of the attack it turned out that the only one of those things that was real was the swivel eyed loon"</p> <p>More soon. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61534#post-178958 Mon, 20 May 2013 17:47:17 +0000 andrewl81 178958@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A Glasgow nightclub has come under fire after secretly installing mirrors in the gents bathrooms that allow people to see the impact they'll have on the planet.</p> <p>"We meant to install one way mirrors that looked into the female toilets so that our male customers could have a perv but unfortunately we have these ones that tell the men how meaningless and insignificant their lives are"</p> <p>The mirrors work by forcing men to confront where they are in life. This works on both a spiritual level and a literal level. </p> <p>As soon as men realise they are literally in Shimmy's they realise how awful their life is and feel spiritually bereft. The effect is devastating.</p> <p>The mirrors caused havoc in the past when they were installed in the gents toilets at the Daily Mail. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61521#post-178957 Mon, 20 May 2013 17:39:35 +0000 Al OPecia 178957@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I wish he'd fix the shower. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61484&page=2#post-178956 Mon, 20 May 2013 17:37:07 +0000 Al OPecia 178956@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Some nice tags appearing - I wonder where they came from? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61503#post-178955 Mon, 20 May 2013 17:27:55 +0000 Oxbridge 178955@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I don't see why. I never had to. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61533#post-178954 Mon, 20 May 2013 17:26:35 +0000 Dumbnews 178954@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61532#post-178953 Mon, 20 May 2013 16:59:08 +0000 irreverendJ 178953@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Chelsea claim he has an injury:a bruised ego </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61515#post-178952 Mon, 20 May 2013 16:53:04 +0000 Not Amused 178952@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Tweaked a bit </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61374#post-178950 Mon, 20 May 2013 16:30:34 +0000 Skylarking 178950@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Scholars regularly accuse God of using multiple online personae to bump His work into the final OT canon (Take a bow 'Joshua', 'Isiaih', 'Habukuk'...) but nothing has ever been proved. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61530#post-178949 Mon, 20 May 2013 16:14:38 +0000 Darkbill 2.0 178949@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A 20-year old straight man has told of his terror at being set upon by a gang of openly gay thugs.</p> <p>The victim told reporters that earlier that evening he had been the subject of a series of bitingly waspish remarks from what had either been two men and a woman, or one man and two women, three very effeminate men or three very butch women. Their comments, which were of a ribald nature, were accompanied by a lot of oohs and ahs and high-pitched shrieking.</p> <p>The man, who was singled out by the group for looking a bit ‘buildery’, had been drinking in the Queen’s Head, which was known to be popular with local heterosexuals. After leaving the pub, and on his way to a nearby lapdancing club he was cornered and subjected to a series of unprovoked slaps. </p> <p>Despite his cries of ‘oi’ the victim continued to receive further poorly co-ordinated blows, accompanied by more remarks in Polari about his interest in ‘lady parts’. His attackers then left the scene laughing outrageously. </p> <p>While his assailants remain unidentified, Police have said that CCTV footage of the attack shows it was unremittingly camp. Several passers-by merely stopped to admire the attacker’s outfits before walking on.</p> <p>Det Sgt John Hoskins, who is leading the case, said: “This was an appallingly bitchy attack. A young man was singled out simply because he favours the vagina. Incidents such as this remind us that anti-heterosexual violence must not be tolerated.”</p> <p>Last month, four angry lesbians from Gloucester were sentenced to 3 months each for ‘straight bashing’ a 26-year old housewife. The dykes admitted taunting the woman about her lack of motorcycle repair skills and then accused her of ‘taking it up the front bum’.</p> <p>Bill Butler, a student at the University of West London, said: “I try not to walk around in public with my girlfriend holding hands etc., it’s just too dangerous. I’ve had friends bitched at in public, normally by more than one gay. We shouldn’t have to go around pretending to like Dusty Springfield, to act like we care about Eurovision or worrying endlessly about our skin care regime.”</p> <p>Campaigner Tony Tucker said: “For a lot of straight people it’s simply not an option to get back in the closet; often because it’s now filled with stacked heels and shiny hotpants.” </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61527#post-178947 Mon, 20 May 2013 15:58:17 +0000 Ref Minor 178947@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Cold dead eyed loon maybe </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61524#post-178946 Mon, 20 May 2013 15:54:01 +0000 theinvisiblecitychannels 178946@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hahaha classic, I love aquatic puns. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61499#post-178945 Mon, 20 May 2013 15:51:05 +0000 Al OPecia 178945@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>"spanking the arse of complacency" - oh joy. perhaps you could suggest Jimmy Edwards is to be made Head of Ofsted? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61515#post-178944 Mon, 20 May 2013 15:49:50 +0000 theinvisiblecitychannels 178944@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Ha ha ha I got it the wrong way round I thought it was just a statement about what should happen to the Chelsea Flower Show. Bomb them, bomb them now...with liquid concrete and decking. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61499#post-178943 Mon, 20 May 2013 15:43:58 +0000 A Typical NewsBiscuit Reader 178943@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I'm with Skylarking on this one. I found another small typo on the web only this morning, and two yesterday. It makes me sick. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61529#post-178942 Mon, 20 May 2013 15:29:59 +0000 Crooked Man 178942@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>He can't believe his mince pie, according to a friend. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61528#post-178940 Mon, 20 May 2013 15:15:12 +0000 John Wiltshire 178940@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Bill Gates regained the title of World's Richest Man after taking out a loan from Wonga of 5 trillion dollars.</p> <p>'I saw their ad on my 58 TVs,' he said today. 'The old people looked so nice and friendly, so I thought "What a great idea!" It makes me the world's richest man again, which is a title I'm proud of.</p> <p>'And it's a great deal I got. Borrowing 5 trillion dollars at the rate of 9,385% every 5 minutes means, according to the free Microsoft calculator in Windows 9, I only have to repay $8.29. That shows just how clever I am!' </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61527#post-178939 Mon, 20 May 2013 15:13:57 +0000 sillybugger 178939@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61490#post-178937 Mon, 20 May 2013 15:10:59 +0000 sillybugger 178937@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>or can you respond to the daleks who are just jumping on the band wagon (which is very low and doesn't have any steps and its more of a slide than a jump actually) </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61490#post-178936 Mon, 20 May 2013 15:07:46 +0000 sillybugger 178936@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>stars stars stars...although am now conflicted as I like JWs daleks too - can we have a SEL feature do you think to cover them all? </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61516#post-178935 Mon, 20 May 2013 15:02:42 +0000 sillybugger 178935@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>love it..maybe Daleks insist they are swivel eyed loons? Adopting doesn't sound very dalek-like. Either way its tippity top. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61484&page=2#post-178934 Mon, 20 May 2013 15:01:39 +0000 Titus 178934@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>I like Scroat's "Schism". The best bit is when the various different phantom personalities start arguing with each other. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61456#post-178933 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:58:17 +0000 Titus 178933@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Surprised he didn't say that he was disappointed, that they had let their schools down, had let themsleves down blah blah. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61484&page=2#post-178932 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:56:53 +0000 nickb 178932@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>a jism </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61525#post-178931 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:55:23 +0000 nickb 178931@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61524#post-178930 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:43:58 +0000 topfotogmw 178930@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Another obvious one so apologies for any repitition! </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61456#post-178929 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:40:38 +0000 topfotogmw 178929@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Hand on heart, didn't see it....It is quite an obvious one though.... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61484&page=2#post-178928 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:25:45 +0000 Scroat 178928@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>A schism. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61484&page=2#post-178927 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:25:36 +0000 Not Amused 178927@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>@ORP<br /> I thought you professional people referred to them as an "income" or a "bonanza" depending on how many personalities there were </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61484#post-178926 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:22:47 +0000 Our Resident Psychiatrist 178926@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>There's enough cases here to stock an off-licence. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61521#post-178925 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:21:04 +0000 nickb 178925@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p><strong>*sings*</strong> Wrenfoe's mum has got it going on... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61521#post-178924 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:19:31 +0000 Our Resident Psychiatrist 178924@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>You could re-invent yourself. If you do then I suggest an alias that people won't want to argue with, such as "Testosterone Sac" or "Loaded Weapon".</p> <p>Avoid weak and effeminate implications, as with "Mummy's Precious Virgin", "Sissy" and anything to do with lady sailors. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61514#post-178923 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:19:30 +0000 Skylarking 178923@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>Front Page probably doesn't need 'holding' but in case it did... </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61523#post-178922 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:19:25 +0000 nickb 178922@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p> http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/topic.php?id=61522#post-178921 Mon, 20 May 2013 14:15:46 +0000 Titus 178921@http://newsbiscuit.com/forum/ <p>. </p>