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NHS consultation hidden in a ‘riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma’ 1
Wrenfoe 5 days

With all the pellucidity of mud, the Government has asked the British public about changes to their Health Service through a process of whispers, winks and carrier pigeon. Not wanting to draw...

Working class Tories to develop affordable initiation rites 0
deceangli 5 days

Young Conservatives in the North have expressed dismay at instructions from Conservative Central Office to destroy the morale of tramps by burning £50 notes in front of them. ‘That’s more than...

Loch Ness Monster to be deployed to find Russian submarine 0
SimonJJames 5 days

Following reports of a Russian submarine being spotted off the Scottish coast and that an RAF plane is "conducting activity", the Ministry of Defence says that the threat is so imminent that it will...

Brussels directive : sprouts should be on by now on a low simmer 0
NotNowCato 5 days
Global communications company finally puts a number on its fucking front door 11
ronseal 5 days

Global communications leader Celestia has finally ended speculation by putting a fucking number on the front of their fucking building. First time visitors, postmen, couriers and taxi drivers have...

Brussels lockdown: Belgium perseveres with its traditional ‘hands-off’ approach 0
beckfordburger 5 days
Rapid response will take 10 years, other military interventions, pls leave a msg 0
throngsman 5 days
Uk to use Trident to find Russian Sub hiding near Scotland 0
Dun Dunkin 5 days

PM ready to press the button...

Essex woman arrested after sending photo of her pussy to Belgian police 0
Teffort 5 days

.. more later...

US drugs giant Pfizer has sealed a deal to buy Botox-maker Allergan for $160bn 0
Hoops McCann 5 days

Eye-brows were raised etc. and so on...

Partially deaf junior docker goes on strike 0
Underconstruction 5 days
Church of England fights back by selling popcorn and pickandmix 0
Underconstruction 5 days
Government’s disdain for the NHS is not yet complete 4
Midfield Diamond 5 days

Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has confirmed that, despite the progress made by his department, the country’s National Health Service is only held in utter contempt by the Government currently, and...

RMT and Unite to advise Cameron on creation of Rapid Strike Forces 0
cinquecento 6 days
Lord Hall: TV Licensing court summonses to include voting slip on BBC future 0
beckfordburger 6 days
Churches refuse to run "far-fetched and incredible" Star Wars trailers 0
sydalg 6 days
KFC to offer extra cold sore 1
CulchaVulcha 6 days

Giant fried chicken outfit KFC has unveiled more cold sore in its restaurants in the run up to Xmas. This originated in Scandinavian countries, but spread like wildfire round Europe and the USA. ...

Novak Djokovic wins 80p at ATP tournament 0
nickb 6 days
Government advises against Christmas decorations 0
throngsman 6 days

"The last thing we want to do is bow down to terrorists," said a government spokesman today, "which is why we're recommending not putting Christmas decorations up, having exhausted all other means to...

Dignitas Xmas ad shows little girl sending grandad box of barbiturates 1
Sir Lupus 6 days
Cinemas ban all ads because they 'insult their customers’ intelligence'... 0
Nomad 6 days
Archbishop 'doubted God' during brief moment of sobriety 5
apepper 6 days

The Archbishop of Canterbury, The Most Reverend Justin Welby, has told Songs of Praise that he had a terrifying 20 minutes of being sober when he doubted the existence of God. "I was staggering home...

Global Jihad due to CO2 says Prince 1
Dun Dunkin 6 days
Odeon to "Slaughter Lamb" before screenings to attract Christian movie goers 0
moanygit 6 days

The CEO of Odeon Cinemas plc. has announced that an ritual offering of a young lamb will occur before all screenings in a latest attempt to improve customer numbers. In a statement released, an...

Increase in madness of monarchy due to climate change says report 0
Dun Dunkin 6 days
Attack DAESH before they change their name again, urges Cameron 0
throngsman 6 days
Cameron: Only thirty-two bombing days 'till Christmas 0
throngsman 6 days
World struggles not to tell Charlie Sheen ‘I told you so’‏ 0
Wrenfoe 6 days

The sad news of that star of ‘Anger Management’ was diagnosed with HIV four years ago, has naturally been greeted by an outpouring of empathy and a subliminal sense of ‘we did warn you’. ...

Hesitation About Launching Air Strikes 'Will All Be Over By Christmas' 0
Titus 6 days
Cameron's Rapid Reaction forces to be called 'the Expendables' and 'Kneejerk 0
Dun Dunkin 6 days