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Carte Blanc declared off limits so single man settles for solitary wank (again) 0
irreverendJ 4 days
Geldof lines up ‘Do They Know It’s Easter’ and ‘I Don’t Like Easter Mondays’ 0
farmer giles 4 days
Paddington Bear movie given 18 certificate. 3
Tammy Flugh 4 days

"The scene where he was strip searched at the airport after cocaine was found concealed in his jar of marmalade was rather graphic", a BBFC spokesman explained. "As was the scene in the prison...

BBFC passes 'Paddington' after cuts for a bear behind 1
Iroquois Pliskin 4 days

<Hands hat to AB.>...

IDS slams "workshy" Philae lander 0
flash1189 4 days

Government workhouse supremo Ian Duncan Smith is said to be "disgusted" at the "shiftless" performance of Eurospaces' Philae lander. He said, [quote] This bone-idle contraption was transported a...

Geldof plans Christmas charity remix of Stop the Cavalry for people of Ukraine 0
Dick Everyman 4 days
Boffins relieved as organic compounds found on comet 67P confirmed gluten-free. 0
Crayon 4 days

But may contain traces of nuts...

Philae 'bills' NASA £100 for negative Trip Advisor review 1
throngsman 4 days
Salmond blames media bias and scaremongering for 3-1 loss to England 0
bookiesfriend 4 days

Outgoing First Minister Alex Salmond has blamed a campaign of scaremongering orchestrated by the mainstream media for Scotland’s 3-1 defeat against England at Parkhead on Tuesday night. Salmond,...

US government to decide 'who will police Keystone pipeline' 0
throngsman 4 days
Why can't I get Paxmanned by Myleene Klass too? asks everyone 3
Oxbridge 4 days

More soon Oh, just me again then...

Kenneth Bae fined by North Korea for bad review on Trip Advisor 0
Iroquois Pliskin 4 days
UK unaware of previous moon landings 0
Wrenfoe 4 days

Alongside Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and good dental hygiene the British people have long been hidden from the truth that the US put a man on the moon in 1969. Such is their level of denial that a...

England band to take on IRA in friendly 0
Andy Gilder 4 days
Left Alert - what to drink with this evening's TV entertainment 8
NewBiscuit 4 days

At Squudge's suggestion, I've had a go at a left-alert suggesting the right booze to go with your telly. Comment / embellishment welcome. It's already very much a team effort. [u]Radio Times - What...

Estate agent celebrates Charles Manson wedding; "I'm slightly more eligible" 0
apepper 4 days

More to follow...

Ebola promises to stop if Bob Geldof does 12
Jesus H 4 days

The highly contagious Ebola virus has issued a statement today announcing that it will stop causing pain and suffering throughout West Africa and the rest of the world if Sir Bob Geldof does the same...

Geldoff to relocate to Africa to patronise directly to Africans 1
gaijintendo 5 days

Just as soon as the African Embassy gets back to him with a visa...

FIFA awards 1966 World Cup to West Germany 1
blacklesbian 5 days

Independent FIFA Investigator Baron Deutschland von Uberalles has found against England in his investigation into the 1966 World Cup final. Baron Uberalles has revealed that a new witness, believed...

... 0
blacklesbian 5 days
Still no truce in Christmas supermarket ad war 0
Adrian Bamforth 5 days
The rich should pay extra tax on water, says Miliband 0
throngsman 5 days

"It was like a masterclass in government," said Labour leader Ed Miliband, talking about his meeting with Myleen Klass. "I mean, why don't we tax water?" he asked, unaware that the bottle of Evian he...

ISIS To Embrace Sport and Tourism 0
Zaidicus 5 days

As ISIS announced the minting of its own currency last week, Caliph Abu Bakr Al-Baghdadi and his newly-formed Qabinat of Imams has announced further sweeping reforms to get the international...

Ducks complain that they were "fitted up by some birds" 0
throngsman 5 days

"It was some big birds what done it," said a duck who refused to be named. "No way was Eric carrying any disease, he's been banged up in prison in Yorkshire almost since birth," he added. Rumours of...

Pleb is actually youngest daughter admits Geldof in defence of Mitchell. 1
Ref Minor 5 days
NHS announces cull after outbreak of man 'flu 2
Kevin the Swan 5 days

At least 6000 human resources are to be culled after a man yesterday exhibited symptoms of 'man flu' on a Yorkshire farm. There is speculation that the carrier may have ventured to the continent...

Julien Blanc visits Antarctica to teach seals how to p-p-pick up a penguin 0
MikeF 5 days

'nuff said.., "and then attempt to give yourself maximum votes over and over again" :-)...

"Manson Tax on mass murderers" says Miliband 2
MikeF 5 days
Dandy features new comic strip "Inferno" starring "Desperate Dante" 0
sydalg 5 days
Irritating Dolmio family arrested in latest mafia sting 2
Iroquois Pliskin 5 days