The NewsBiscuit Writers' Room
Everything on these pages has been submitted by readers of the site and appears here unedited. Potential front page stories as well as one-liners for the ticker bar are welcome, so if you would like to write for NewsBiscuit please post your article on this submission board and then attempt to give yourself maximum votes over and over again. The most prolific and successful contributors will be considered for the coveted title of 'Writer of the Month'.
|Topic — Add New »||Comments||Votes||Author||Freshness|
|NHS consultation hidden in a ‘riddle, wrapped in a mystery, inside an enigma’||1||
With all the pellucidity of mud, the Government has asked the British public about changes to their Health Service through a process of whispers, winks and carrier pigeon. Not wanting to draw...
|Working class Tories to develop affordable initiation rites||0||
Young Conservatives in the North have expressed dismay at instructions from Conservative Central Office to destroy the morale of tramps by burning £50 notes in front of them. ‘That’s more than...
|Loch Ness Monster to be deployed to find Russian submarine||0||
Following reports of a Russian submarine being spotted off the Scottish coast and that an RAF plane is "conducting activity", the Ministry of Defence says that the threat is so imminent that it will...
|Brussels directive : sprouts should be on by now on a low simmer||0||
|Global communications company finally puts a number on its fucking front door||11||
Global communications leader Celestia has finally ended speculation by putting a fucking number on the front of their fucking building. First time visitors, postmen, couriers and taxi drivers have...
|Brussels lockdown: Belgium perseveres with its traditional ‘hands-off’ approach||0||
|Rapid response will take 10 years, other military interventions, pls leave a msg||0||
|Uk to use Trident to find Russian Sub hiding near Scotland||0||
||Dun Dunkin||5 days|
PM ready to press the button...
|Essex woman arrested after sending photo of her pussy to Belgian police||0||
.. more later...
|US drugs giant Pfizer has sealed a deal to buy Botox-maker Allergan for $160bn||0||
||Hoops McCann||5 days|
Eye-brows were raised etc. and so on...
|Partially deaf junior docker goes on strike||0||
|Church of England fights back by selling popcorn and pickandmix||0||
|Government’s disdain for the NHS is not yet complete||4||
||Midfield Diamond||5 days|
Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt has confirmed that, despite the progress made by his department, the country’s National Health Service is only held in utter contempt by the Government currently, and...
|RMT and Unite to advise Cameron on creation of Rapid Strike Forces||0||
|Lord Hall: TV Licensing court summonses to include voting slip on BBC future||0||
|Churches refuse to run "far-fetched and incredible" Star Wars trailers||0||
|KFC to offer extra cold sore||1||
Giant fried chicken outfit KFC has unveiled more cold sore in its restaurants in the run up to Xmas. This originated in Scandinavian countries, but spread like wildfire round Europe and the USA. ...
|Novak Djokovic wins 80p at ATP tournament||0||
|Government advises against Christmas decorations||0||
"The last thing we want to do is bow down to terrorists," said a government spokesman today, "which is why we're recommending not putting Christmas decorations up, having exhausted all other means to...
|Dignitas Xmas ad shows little girl sending grandad box of barbiturates||1||
||Sir Lupus||6 days|
|Cinemas ban all ads because they 'insult their customers’ intelligence'...||0||
|Archbishop 'doubted God' during brief moment of sobriety||5||
The Archbishop of Canterbury, The Most Reverend Justin Welby, has told Songs of Praise that he had a terrifying 20 minutes of being sober when he doubted the existence of God. "I was staggering home...
|Global Jihad due to CO2 says Prince||1||
||Dun Dunkin||6 days|
|Odeon to "Slaughter Lamb" before screenings to attract Christian movie goers||0||
The CEO of Odeon Cinemas plc. has announced that an ritual offering of a young lamb will occur before all screenings in a latest attempt to improve customer numbers. In a statement released, an...
|Increase in madness of monarchy due to climate change says report||0||
||Dun Dunkin||6 days|
|Attack DAESH before they change their name again, urges Cameron||0||
|Cameron: Only thirty-two bombing days 'till Christmas||0||
|World struggles not to tell Charlie Sheen ‘I told you so’||0||
The sad news of that star of ‘Anger Management’ was diagnosed with HIV four years ago, has naturally been greeted by an outpouring of empathy and a subliminal sense of ‘we did warn you’. ...
|Hesitation About Launching Air Strikes 'Will All Be Over By Christmas'||0||
|Cameron's Rapid Reaction forces to be called 'the Expendables' and 'Kneejerk||0||
||Dun Dunkin||6 days|
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