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Newbiscuit subber calls for longer headline character limit after yet another ..

oh fuck I'll put it on the next line and then no bugger will read it ! Less soon probably...

MADJEZ 19.04.10 12:35pm
Brown back-tracks on use of helicopters for rescuing stranded travellers 0
Duncan Biscuit 19.04.10 12:34pm
Duncan Biscuit
Vince Cable success prompts Osborne name-change to George Wifi 0
Duncan Biscuit 19.04.10 12:33pm
Duncan Biscuit
Isle of Wight to be covered in trees in Eyjafjallajoekull carbon-offset scheme 0
Duncan Biscuit 19.04.10 12:33pm
Duncan Biscuit
BBC insists Chiles leaving is news, especially when so little else is happening 0
Duncan Biscuit 19.04.10 12:32pm
Duncan Biscuit
Volcano crisis upgraded; now said to be affecting celebrities.

With the news the DJ Chris Moyles was stranded in the US and several movie stars would be unable to visit Gordon Brown today called for drastic measures.[quote]Ordinary members of the public being...

MADJEZ 19.04.10 12:30pm
Vulcanization expert 'exasperated with non-rubber-related phone calls'. 0
QorbeQ 19.04.10 12:26pm
Anti-smoking lobby denies involvement in volcanic ash travel chaos 0
Scroat 19.04.10 11:57am
Kingston Council advertises Director of Baffling Public Sector Job Descriptions

As the plain english outbreak at Kingston Council worsens, executives have moved swiftly to stifle any understanding that may have filtered through to the public. In the first of many appointments,...

StoopyDeGunt 19.04.10 11:55am
Campaigning in disarray as volcanic ash causes election postponement 0
Scroat 19.04.10 11:53am
Disappointment from ITV viewers as Chiles leaves BBC. More soon. 0
QorbeQ 19.04.10 11:47am
Unwelcome advances in dental surgery - man awaiting sentence

Police in Pendlebury have praised the successful prosecution of a local dentist after reports from several elderly patients that he was 'potentially dangerous'. Mr Paval Irdomiski stood accused of...

QorbeQ 19.04.10 11:18am
Regret over ‘stranded in Spain’ excuse as man bumps into boss in local Tescos. 0
MADJEZ 19.04.10 10:09am
Self appointed Saviour of Radio 1 grounded by act of God

Radio 1 listeners had an unexpected extension to their Breakfast show listening as Chris Moyles is stranded in the US due to Volcanic Ash. "At least something good has come out of this catastrophe"...

simonjmr 19.04.10 10:03am
Vatican's latest attempt to defuse paedophila crisis is a cock up 0
MrChigleysAunt 19.04.10 9:55am
Pope introduces 'dress down Friday' and 'pants down Monday', for clergy

'We must get to the bottom of this', said a spokesman for the Vatican...

PluckyMunky 19.04.10 9:51am
Government takes Dunkirk 70th anniversary re-enactment too far

With the Navy on the way, Brits have been told to head for the beach at Dunkirk, leave all their possessions behind and wade out into the sea to await rescue. Any shop on the Dunkirk promenade is...

brownpaperreporter 19.04.10 9:46am
Budget carrier launches obeseyJet, airline of choice for the larger passenger

Budget airline easyJet has caused controversy by launching a dedicated service for today’s bigger-boned passenger, promising roomy seats, numerous cup holders and a menu boasting the best in...

Genghis Cohen 19.04.10 9:31am
BA Jumbo completes Atlantic test flight in perfect conditions with no cabin crew 1
Ian Searle 19.04.10 8:52am
Gardeners to benefit from ash cloud 0
simonjmr 19.04.10 8:50am
Gordon Brown: 'We'll put a cap on Daily Mail readership'

Uncontrolled Daily Mail readership has been 'damaging' for Britain and would be capped by a Labour government, Gordon Brown said last night. He added: 'The fact that we have had uncontrolled Daily...

roybland 19.04.10 8:26am
Ascot pubs ban World Cup Matches; Liverpool pubs ban women in floppy hats. 1
Ian Searle 19.04.10 8:22am
Mary Evans
Dunkirk spirit returns; German to torpedo Navy if they rescue stranded Brits. 1
Ian Searle 19.04.10 8:21am
Mary Evans
Rising membership of Scouts 'mostly Catholic priests' 0
Ludicity 19.04.10 8:06am
US Government de-classifies ancient 'alien' stairgate

Archaeologists excavating ruins near the Egyptian city of Giza have discovered a stone stairgate covered in hieroglyphs, the United States government have announced today. The US release claims that...

QorbeQ 19.04.10 7:57am
London's new airport to be built in Barcelona

says Mayor Johnson...

Des Custard 19.04.10 7:53am
Des Custard
Trucker poll shows narrow lead for Eddie Stobart 0
Ludicity 19.04.10 7:45am
New poll shows David Cameron almost as popular as Hitler 0
Ludicity 19.04.10 7:19am
US Right Wingers Can Delight In New "Dial-A-Skank" Telephone Service.

Extreme Right wingnut Ann Coulter new telephone 'Dial-A Skank' business venture began its services yesterday. Offering 24 hour titillation to the lusty imaginations of millions of potential far right...

19.04.10 3:23am
Satan enters talks with Pope for leveraged buyout of Catholic Church industry 0
Dumbnews 19.04.10 3:08am