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Australia qualifies for Eurovision song contest after census of London pubs 0
apepper 3 days
Australia qualifies for Eurovision song contest after census of London pubs 0
apepper 3 days

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Shock as Miliband Enters Eurovision Song Contest 0
S-Bahn 3 days

Political commentators have set their faces to stun as Ed Miliband is announced as a last minute entry for Britain in the Eurovision song contest. The former labour leader replaces Electric Velvet,...

Police recover zimmerframe from Hatton Garden bank vault 1
Gerontius 3 days

Police hunting for suspects in connection with the Hatton Garden safety deposit raid say crucial evidence left at the scene has led to a number of arrests in and around North London., Seven men,...

Trophy wife junks Rembrandt -- 'It don't match the curtains.' 0
Renrag 3 days

'That there old picture's real gloomy anyways,' said Cupcake Cassidy, 27, who returned last week from her Maldives honeymoon after marriage to 21-year-old dot com billionaire Billy Baggs. 'Billy...

Composer of atonal music loses his keys 1
Smart Alex 3 days
Grange Hill's Benny Green found dead, Gripper Stebson wanted for questioning 1
Kramaring 3 days

more soon sir...

Finland tells 900,000 reservists 'Basically, we’re fucked' 0
beckfordburger 3 days
Everyone claims better handicap as sinkhole appears on golf course. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 3 days
Officials refuse to count gays' votes in same-sex marriage referendum. More soon 0
dominic_mcg 3 days
Fears for ancient site as coach-load of schoolchildren moves closer 4
Adrian Bamforth 3 days

Schoolchildren from a South London comprehensive have entered the county of Wiltshire, and are heading toward Stonehenge, according to reports. The group, from Park Hill Juniors, Bermondsey, who's...

Vatican accidentally emails Guardian that Pope is catholic 0
apepper 4 days

The Vatican has been embarrassed by an unknown individual accidentally emailing a detailed report that reveals that the Pope may be a catholic. The report, entitled "Toilet habits of forest dwelling...

Baker refuses to bake cake with "Worlds Greatest Dad" message 9
bonjonelson 4 days

A baker in Northumberland is unrepentant after refusing to decorate a cake for a customer. Sonya Foolscap, 27, claims that a customer, Laura Brannigan, 19, came into the shop on Thursday with a...

Tesco opens 'dementia friendly tills' 3
throngsman 4 days

"Our new dementia friendly tills in Chester use specially trained staff," said store manager Alan Bates. "Now, instead of just asking 'have you forgotten anything today?' when a customer arrives at...

Teenagers complain life not 'true to TV' 0
Renrag 4 days
Holy Communion wine to be replaced with gay spunk and thrown in your face. 19
Crayon 4 days
Turkeys vote not to sever links with Christmas 4
Wicked Lady 4 days

The leader of the Turkeys Union for Christmas (TUC), Cluck McCluskey, has said his union is considering ending its ties with Christmas. The Grand Old Bird Brain Leader (or Gobbler as the leader of...

Correction: Bankers NOT imprisoned‏ 3
Wrenfoe 4 days

It has come to our attention, that a typographical error may have given a false impression that employees at the world's five largest banks are facing trial as a result of constant acts of...

Flamboyantly gay cowboy boasts: "I shocked the sheriff" 0
sydalg 4 days
N Korea updates Clapton hit to 'I shot the sheriff, uncle, general...' 0
throngsman 4 days
Finland calls up reserves on eve of Eurovision 0
throngsman 4 days

"This is the closest we've come to war since the regional Morris dancing contest two years ago," said Vlan Slastiburger, Finland's defence minister. "We've heard their entry and it could be 2008 all...

Hokey Cokey society to hold in-out referendum 1
apepper 4 days

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Toddler rejects her gay mums 0
Dick Everyman 4 days

A two year-old toddler stamped her feet in protest after realising that she has two mummies and no daddy. The shocking scene was witnessed by several shoppers in Dublin’s Nutgrove Shopping Centre...

Canute Claims He Can Turn Back the Tide 1
Dun Dunkin 4 days

"I know I said this 5 years ago as well and the tide just keep coming in faster but really i can do it"...

Immigrants "clearly to blame" for Kent earthquake 2
Philip Kendall 4 days

The combined weight of migrant workers arriving on Britain's shores is causing the country to tilt, it was revealed earlier today as areas of Kent were violently rocked by a small earthquake....

Police uncover Germanic State bomb plot near Wembley 0
Scronnyglonkle 4 days
Deflowered Kent virgins amazed that "Earth really does move" 1
apepper 4 days

More to follow...

Kent Earthquake: 'God venting his wrath for not voting UKIP', says Farage 2
Vespus 5 days

While today’s earthquake, measuring 4.2 on the Richter Scale, shocked most of Kent, Nigel Farage said he was not surprised in the least. ‘It is God venting his wrath for not voting UKIP’. He...

Cameron opens EU talks with a raspberry noise 0
Wrenfoe 5 days

The Prime Minister has begun his discussions with other European leaders, with the bold gambit of pulling his trousers down and inviting spectators to ‘kiss my pink tushie’. Many political...

Titanic: Police closing in on Iceberg - confident of arrest 1
ronseal 5 days