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Local Mother Mentions Someone You Did Not Know With ACTUAL Good News 0
fitzgb10 2 days

A local mother is quoted as saying, “Do you remember Tom Walker? No? Well, he just passed medical school!” It is unclear why a mother would tell their child good news about a complete stranger,...

Decrease In Honey Production Leads to Increase in Teen Marijuana Use 0
P-Whitty 2 days

Due to a dramatic decline in the production of honey, more and more juveniles are being incarcerated for the possession of marijuana. With out the sweet, sugary taste of honey for teens to turn to in...

BBC Demand Infinite Resources in Never Ending Tax 0
Dun Dunkin 3 days

'shall we have a phone vote?' Never!...

Emwazi "seemed all right to me" - man in street 4
waggers 3 days

A man who once walked past Mohammed Emwazi in the street has said he "seemed all right". Jason Bishop, 39, of west London recalled the meeting to our reporter following our offer of a reward for...

Henry II to lead investigation into death of Thomas a Becket 2
ianslat 3 days

King of England Henry II has announced that he will do 'everything within his power' to ensure that the murderers of Archbishop of Canterbury Thomas a Becket are brought to justice. 'I will...

Adam Johnson still trails Thatcher in the 'Let's fuck miners' league table 0
irreverendJ 3 days
Ringo claims George Harrison is dead. John Lennon calls Ringo 'a whacko' 0
throngsman 3 days

Macca isn't getting involved...

Investigation reveals Nemtsov arranged his own assassination to implicate Putin 0
blacklesbian 3 days

.. his dead body has been arrested and is to be charged with murder...

Big Data unaffordable as mobile phone companies only offer Small Data plans 0
Dumbnews 3 days
Emwazi ‘couldn’t flip burgers for a toffee’ says former co-worker 0
farmer giles 3 days

In a sensational new revelation, it has emerged that Mohammed Emwazi (also known as Jihadi John) worked at a cheap burger joint for two weeks, earlier on in his life. To protect anonymity, we will...

Ticker headline 0
Reddy 3 days

Shock as New face on coins resemble the Queen.More to follow...

Netanyahu To Remind USA Who Really Is Boss 0
Dun Dunkin 3 days

Will sign 'Bomb Iran' T Shirts after speech...

Adam Johnson accused of underground sex with a miner 0
irreverendJ 3 days
How to post a funny to newsb 0
Reddy 3 days
Doctors warn Norfolk residents not to use Ancestry.com as a dating site 3
custard cream 3 days
Cameron denies election bribe claim as every voter in Britain gets a free house 0
apepper 3 days

More to follow...

IS threat turns out to be just one bloke named John 1
Wrenfoe 3 days

The terror levels in the Middle East were significantly reduced today, when Intelligence agencies revealed that large swathes of Syria and Iraq had been conquered by just one disgruntled computer...

"Assassination of Boris..." Londoners eagerly await surname 1
sydalg 3 days
Jihadi brides' homework now 2 weeks overdue, warns Bethnal Green headmaster 1
pere floza 3 days
Virgin Trains Unable to Enter Tunnels 0
De-scribe 3 days

The east coast mainline rail network was brought to a halt today as the entire rolling stock of the new Virgin Trains franchise were found to be unable to enter tunnels...

Man Posts Useful Object in Local Facebook "For Sale" Site 0
De-scribe 3 days

Residents of Cleckheaton in West Yorkshire reacted with astonishment today as an advertisement appeared on their local Facebook "Free or For Sale" page for goods that someone actually wanted. Worth...

Emwazi 'was head boy material' says ex-head 0
Dick Everyman 3 days
Scientists starting to wonder how bright Stephen Hawking actually is 3
Fantastijem 3 days

World famous physicist Stephen Hawking is at the centre of a heated scientific debate concerning his braininess or lack thereof, it has emerged. The controversy arose following a recent lecture by...

Charles: When I said I wanted to be Camilla’s tampon, I was in a very dark place 0
beckfordburger 3 days
New Lagoon Power Plants just create mental images of Brooke Shields topless 0
Wrenfoe 3 days

Despite their importance to the UK’s environment and energy reserves, all internet searches related to lagoon power leads directly to 1980’s soft porn. Although six new tidal plants are being...

Prince Charles to go on gap year before becoming King 0
sydalg 3 days

As his succession to the throne draws nearer, Charles fears 66 years may not be enough preparation for being monarch. Camilla agrees. “One feels one should take time off to 'find oneself' before...

Manufacturer of faulty memory drug "can't recall" 0
sydalg 3 days
Cat signs record book deal for nine autobiographies 0
sydalg 3 days
New bride threatens daily wedding photo updates until she is pregnant 0
jonessgl 3 days

Recently-married Kate Hughes has pledged to modify her profile picture on a daily basis until she is 12 weeks pregnant. Initially angered that new husband, Sean Hughes, had not even updated his...

Jihadi John was bullied at school and did not have many friends 0
Dun Dunkin 3 days

education system say teachers not to blame for allowing a culture of bullying and isolation. "He should have made friends, joined a gang and fought back er..'...