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Millions of self-winding smart watches "are being over wound" 0
apepper 2 days

Boffins are trying to explain why the latest, self-winding, smart watches are damaged by being over wound. "I can't understand it.", said one expert, "It's almost as if smart watch owners spend most...

Lord Not Well enough to Stand Trial But Can Still Vote on Laws. 0
Dun Dunkin 2 days

Dementia no barrier to scrutiny of the government...

UKIP immigration points system 'to give credits for East European sex workers' 0
pere floza 2 days
Farage's 'boat people' remark sparks momentary anger at Henley 0
Risko 2 days
Man cajoled into 'funky' new look in frantic midnight receipt hunt. 0
Risko 2 days
Sterling scores crack-trick 0
Underconstruction 2 days

Put that in your pipe and smoke it you pun-lovers...

YOUR WITTICISMS HERE 0
Iroquois Pliskin 2 days

I'm sub-letting. Geddit?...

Job ad - come and "work" for us in the Public Sector! 11
Simon Pinkerton 2 days

Your local council has a number of employment opportunities, so why not apply today? It will be six months before you hear anything anyway, so what is there to lose? Why should you choose a position...

Experts dismiss Fray Bentos Mars expedition as 'pie in the sky' 1
blacklesbian 2 days
Men in red trousers may be colour blind say psychiatrists 6
roybland 2 days

Men who wear red trousers in public places may suffer from a rare type of colour blindness, according to an article in this month's medical journal 'Lance it!' The condition prevents sufferers from...

Shit Parking 'Ok' with Hazard Lights say Council 3
captaincroc 2 days

http://nutsville.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/cctv-spy-car.jpg Cheshire County Council have issued an apology to local resident Peter King after he recently got a ticket for bad parking even...

Postie handling parcel labelled 'Photos do not bend' finds that actually they do 0
Smart Alex 2 days
Oxymoronic Phrase of 2015 Award has hot favourite: "Smart Watch Owner" 1
ronseal 2 days
YouGov Poll: Penalties or Duckworth-Lewis method decide election draw 0
Thundi 2 days
Bill Turnbull leaves flies open in breakfast tv ratings war with Susanna Reid 1
farmer giles 2 days
£ Party promises ‘real small change’ for Britain 0
farmer giles 2 days
Nick Clegg heads to Ikea, In bid to build new cabinet 0
Thundi 2 days
Eeny, Meeny, Miney & Mo expecting high workload May 7th 2
throngsman 2 days
Nick Clegg launches sinister dating site: ‘Salmond, Farage or Me’ 5
Wrenfoe 2 days

In attempt to help voters lose their lunch, the Lib Dems have promoted their answer to C4’s ‘The Undateables’. Offering a stark choice of sexual extremes, Nick Clegg has positioned himself as...

GP shortage to be solved ny NVQs 0
throngsman 2 days

David Cameron defended his election promise to "provide every taxpayer with a dedicated GP, on hand day and night, 365 days of the year." He denied reports from the BMA that a third of existing GPs...

Newspaper barons promise to pay tax in desperate attempt to save non-dom status 1
blacklesbian 2 days

Evgeny Lebedev, proprietor of the London Evening Standard, David and Frederick Barclay, owners of the Daily Telegraph, 4th Viscount Rothermere, owner of the Daily Mail and Rupert Murdoch, owner of...

Man Avoids Game of Thrones Spoilers by Masquerading as PM 0
S-Bahn 2 days

A man in West Bromwich intends to spend the next two months impersonating David Cameron as part of a last ditch attempt to avoid Game of Throne spoilers. “I like to binge watch the show and I got...

Ryan Air launches premium seats with a generous extra quarter inch of legroom 0
Dumbnews 2 days
Mrs Lesbian to be given £50 more a month to spend on family health and education 0
blacklesbian 2 days

I am pleased to announce today that Mrs Lesbian will be given an average of £50 more each month to spend on healthy food, medicines and educational items such as books and magazines (but not comics)...

Auction of Titanic deckchair to be rearranged for 7 May 0
Wicked Lady 3 days

. More to follow...

John Buchan's "The 39 Steps" rewritten to allow for wheelchair access. - 2 44
seymour totti 3 days
Sadistic torturer "works hard, flays hard" 1
sydalg 3 days
Green manifesto ‘recycling same old rubbish’ 2
farmer giles 3 days
New Apple phone has revolutionary "not-selfie" camera 1
apepper 3 days

There are strong rumours that the upcoming iPhone 7 will have an extraordinary "not-selfie" camera; a camera specifically designed to take pictures of things other than the phone's owner. One owner...

Search for water 'top priority' after Coffee machine is sent to space station 0
Underconstruction 3 days

Giving this another try...