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Reformed Pythons to attend all US executions to determine signs of life 0
Adrian Bamforth 2 days
Mass Extinction 2
Mike Turbine-Hamilton 2 days

Vertebrates and invertebrates face extinction because of human activity, according to scientists. Nigel Lawson is still alive...

Commonwealth Games Viewers Hit the Wall with a Week still to Go. 2
IABP 2 2 days
Child rape victims urged to ‘spice up’ their testimony 1
deceangli 2 days

In a bid to keep judges awake during tedious cases involving alleged child rape, the Ministry of Justice has issued fresh guidelines to defendants. “It’s just the obvious stuff, really. You...

Dylan 'beyond disappointed' after hearing tambourine song 15
Bravenewmalden 2 days

In a song title that's finally come back to haunt him, Bob Dylan today experienced what it's actually like to hear a song played by a 'Mr Tambourine Man'. The verdict? It's pretty dull. It was in...

Agoraphobic benefit cheat’s therapy on Goa beach ‘Slow, but we’re getting there’ 0
beckfordburger 2 days
Games opening ceremony 'seemed like an eternity' said US death row prisoner 6
Scroat 2 days
Waterstones growing weary of teenagers ‘ironically’ stealing ‘The Book Thief’ 1
deceangli 2 days
Oops - double post 2
Smart Alex 2 days
Maverick librarian stacks shelves ‘his way’ 0
deceangli 2 days

Despite several disciplinary hearings and a strongly-worded letter from County Hall, maverick librarian Tom Flint remains determined to take shortcuts and act on hunches. “You can’t live with...

Politics 'Unfair On Anyone Who Looks Like A Twonk' Complains Miliband 5
Titus 2 days
Israeli Politicians Panic As Hamas Threatens To Stop Firing Rockets 2
Titus 2 days
Politicians Demand End of Democracy as it 'Only Elects Idiots' 0
Dun Dunkin 2 days

"What we need is a system where the people from the right families who have been to the right schools get the right jobs"...

Judge was in 'Deep Meditation' During Rape Case 0
Dun Dunkin 2 days

"I don't know what the fuss is about I was very near enlightenment"...

Miliband: 'I'm Not Really As Useless As I Look, Honestly'. 0
Titus 2 days
Illegal Immigrants Trying To Return Home Sent Back To UK 3
MeNJi 2 days

A group of 28 'illegal immigrants', including women and young children have been caught red-handed trying to LEAVE the UK and return to their poverty-stricken homelands. The group smuggled...

Jonah asks ISIS 'Can you stop the cavalry' as they blow his tomb up. 0
MADJEZ 3 days

More obscure stuff soon...

Man crosses threshold with new bride - gets something half-lady half-doorstep 2
Smart Alex 3 days
"UK Economy finds paddle but creek still a bit smelly," says Osborne 0
cinnahmon 3 days
Wanking to be introduced as event to rescue Commonwealth Games 2
Chris Turnbull 3 days

Following a complete lack of interest from the public, The Commonwealth Games Federation (CGF) has declared a state of “national emergency” and has decided to add a new event to engage the...

Stunned RBS boss sorry for making a profit 0
cinnahmon 3 days

Under-fire RBS Chief Executive, Ross McEwan, apologised today for the surprising £2.65 billion pre-tax profit for the first half of the year. Announcing the unprecedented results today, the...

Markets crash as it tuns out no-one knows what 'economy 3.1% bigger' means 0
RobArmstrong 3 days

There was international confusion on stockmarkets today as it became clear that nobody actually understands what the hell it means to say that the UK economy is '3.1% bigger'. Both the Nikkei and Dow...

Israel and Hamas agree to put their problems into Sorgenfresser Worry Eaters. 0
IABP 2 3 days

Both sides have been urged by UN Secretary General Ban-Ki moon to just write or draw their anxieties onto pieces of paper and feed them into the gaping mouth of their favourite wide-eyed...

D & V outbreak in artists’ commune bankrupts The Arts Council 3
deceangli 3 days

An outbreak of diaorrhea and vomiting at a house frequented by eminent artists has caused a financial crisis at The Arts Council. “Initially we were very excited”, said a spokesman. “I mean,...

Toddler brands parents spoon feeding technique as "insensitive" 0
Bigglesworth 3 days
Labour counting the cost of "Miliband's still living crisis" 0
cinnahmon 3 days
Pizza man delivering last meal told "there's no hurry" 1
sydalg 3 days
Woman loses looks; begins to suspect her anecdotes aren’t really fascinating 3
deceangli 3 days

When her 20 year marriage ended, 42 year old Cathy Ronson looked forward to reliving her younger years. “Men used to love my little stories. There was one I’d tell, about me and my mate Stacey...

Tulisa summoned to appear at The Hague next week 3
cinnahmon 3 days

Former singer and X Factor judge Tulisa Contostavalos is to continue her innovative tour of judicial venues with an appearance at the International Court of Justice in The Hague. The feisty ex-NDubz...

Execution in USA safer than flying 2
beckfordburger 3 days

Hat tips to everybody, it's friday...