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Five Cardinal Supermarket Sins revealed - 2

1. Parking in a 'mother and toddler' space when your child is actually a BTEC student called Chantenay. And she's having a fag., 2. Yes, that is a tenth item on the counter. And you fucking know it,...

Ironduke 16.03.11 9:04pm
Police dogs hunt rogue vetenarian after drive by neutering 1
charlies_hat 16.03.11 8:59pm
Appeal by Katie Price Research UK

It is the sad inevitability that by 2015, every single person in the UK will know someone who has divorced Katie Price. We need your help to fund research into this virulent strain of, nuptialitis....

nilbymouse 16.03.11 8:50pm
Unemployment rises by 2,000. "We can do better than this," says Osborne. 0
deskpilot3 16.03.11 8:36pm
Police to avoid compensation payouts by removing police dogs' teeth...

but they can still deliver a nasty suck....

deskpilot3 16.03.11 8:32pm
Residents disappointed that town's new name will be Wootton Fergie Bassett... 0
deskpilot3 16.03.11 8:29pm
Desperate engineer discovers he can control nuclear meltdown with his iPad 0
Dumbnews 16.03.11 8:28pm
Labour MP Ed Moribund picks daffodils to try and get press coverage...

me and Be Reasonable are trying to get a Radio 4 series out of this, so all votes will be greatly appreciated...

deskpilot3 16.03.11 8:26pm
Law student's case destroyed in drive-by mooting. 0
Ian Searle 16.03.11 7:57pm
Ian Searle
Opera fan left spellbound by drive-by Magic Fluting. 0
Ian Searle 16.03.11 7:53pm
Ian Searle
Acrophobic Trapeeze instructor tells student "Don't make me come up there!" 0
Ian Searle 16.03.11 7:51pm
Ian Searle
Gentleman's hankerchief in drive-by fluting.

Or James Galway implicated in...

Ian Searle 16.03.11 7:49pm
Ian Searle
Cameron denies rift after Foreign Office relocated to tent in Libyan desert. 0
MightyBlair 16.03.11 7:24pm
Sewer men get windfall as chancellor pours taxpayers money down drain..

Sewer worker said "It is fortuitous that my coleagues and I have ascended in affluence do to the unfortunate happenstance of our governers.", His coleage added "Sright mate, we aint goin a kick up...

OldThingy 16.03.11 7:21pm
Police admit Paedophile Ring can only be destroyed in the fires of Mount Doom 0
bonjonelson 16.03.11 6:10pm
MPs queue up to administer suppository to Cameron over painful NHS motion.

More in 2-4 hours...

SingingHinny 16.03.11 5:19pm
C3PO blames 'car keys' for three hour airport security delay 3
allmyownstunts 16.03.11 4:17pm
Tabloid claims ‘Massive online pedophile ring-busted by cops’: sacks proofreader 0
Qoxiivi 16.03.11 4:17pm
'We would have preferred vouchers', say Wootton Bassett residents. 0
The Paper Ostrich 16.03.11 3:24pm
The Paper Ostrich
Jonathan Ross to move out of Wooton Bassett

[more soon]...

bonjonelson 16.03.11 3:07pm
Public allowed to shoot charity fund-raisers who accost you in the street

David Cameron today announced a new aspect of The Big Society, namely that if you are accosted in the street by a student on minimum wages who pretends they are working for Save the Squid and gives...

John Wiltshire 16.03.11 3:01pm
John Wiltshire
C3-PO in "Golden rod" scandal at Wilmslow stationers 1
simonjmr 16.03.11 2:56pm
Trend for eating at your desk inspires the new Deskfast Bar range: Eat'n'click

The Eat'N'Click is for the busy executive who is just so fucking important they can't miss a minute of internet time It's for those whom manners are not an option It's for the guys who just DOn't...

ronseal 16.03.11 2:38pm
Rope and sack makers involved in drive-by juting 0
simonjmr 16.03.11 2:14pm
Sectarian violence erupts at fish pedicure salons in Belfast and Glasgow

The Glasgow and Belfast salon's of Dr Fish had to be closed for several hours yesterday afternoon after violent clashes erupted between Catholics and Protestants and Celtic and Rangers fans....

simonjmr 16.03.11 2:12pm
Obama Deploys Unmanned Drone to Fight for Health Insurance 0
Q William Bacon 16.03.11 2:09pm
Q William Bacon
Poundland to cut everything in half to avoid price rise. 0
SingingHinny 16.03.11 2:01pm
Comedy Embargo on Kobe Earthquake Jokes extended until 2025

The embargo on jokes related to the 1995 earthquake in Kobe, due to end in 2015 has been extended until at least 2025 due to this week's tragic events in Japan. Comedy officials warn that jokes...

bonjonelson 16.03.11 1:48pm
Tickets for Olympic events featuring Victoria Pendleton sold out already

Organisers (to use the term loosely) of the London 2012 Olympics have announced that all tickets for events featuring Victoria Pendleton have already sold out., 'They all seem to have been bought by...

John Wiltshire 16.03.11 1:19pm
UN designates tracksuit bottoms as an official no-fly zone

[More soon]...

dicky37 16.03.11 1:17pm