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Isle of Wight braces itself for flares to drainpipes switchover

With the long anticipated switchover from flares and bell-bottoms to the more up-to-date drainpipe scheduled for tomorrow, residents of the Isle of Wight have only a few hours before their current...

6
jp1885 07.04.11 7:58am
Screenie
Perceived importance of location, location, location...

leads to calls for quantum housing...

1
Screenie 07.04.11 7:54am
Screenie
Branson publicity machine designed to scrape the bottom 8
beau-jolly 07.04.11 7:32am
Nick McCarr
Thorntons accused of using sweet shop labour 5
beau-jolly 07.04.11 5:48am
be reasonable
Timeshare tragedy as mad matador mauls mascot

Bernardino the Bull, the mascot of the children’s club at a popular timeshare resort in Mallorca, was brutally slain mid hokey-cokey by an out of work matador who had fatally erred in his bovine...

0
fernandomando 06.04.11 10:50pm
fernandomando
Crowds Tell Osborne To "Give Us Something Harder Next Time"

Thousands of protestors stormed London yesterday to let the government know that they were unhappy with the proposed spending cuts. "They're right soft these cuts are" said protestor George...

2
Textbook 06.04.11 10:50pm
thisisall1word
Royal Wedding Build Up "Celebrities Behind Closed Doors" Special with Neil Sean

http://t2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQmkWPhVEKr7YXuF-pwKQDQXnWIAJI98-NKjS-UyOT1KbNmIojg * Diminutive Pop Princess Kylie Minogue has no plans to attend the Royal celebrations this April; "I...

0
thisisall1word 06.04.11 10:02pm
thisisall1word
Theists Threaten Strike Unless Universe Improves Dramatically

Believers around the world have threatened to down scriptures after yet another round of negotiation prayers resulted in complete silence from God. "He's just trying to freeze us out and hope we...

0
Textbook 06.04.11 9:34pm
Textbook
Body in ploughed field. Police say its their most harrowing case ever 0
brownpaperreporter 06.04.11 9:07pm
brownpaperreporter
OED changes definition of 'comedy' to include Lenny Henry 0
Mrblacker 06.04.11 6:46pm
Mrblacker
Man with large biro and pencil collection...

goes into administration...

9
be reasonable 06.04.11 6:04pm
Intense pleasure as young lady looks for three men in her boat

more coming soon...

5
OldThingy 06.04.11 5:55pm
ADAM HENSON TELLS FARMERS TO 'BUFF UP'.

http://www.performingartistes.co.uk/assets/photos/kate_humble.jpg, http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01864/Adam-Henson_1864940c.jpg,...

2
06.04.11 5:48pm
Woman you don't recognise has makeover so you still don't recognise her

A woman that no-one has heard of and no-one would recognise has had a makeover to ensure that she stays totally anonymous. Donna Connor, who appeared for 5 seconds in an audition for a fixed TV...

5
John Wiltshire 06.04.11 3:43pm
beau-jolly
"They said it couldn't be done" says turd polisher

More swoon...

0
beau-jolly 06.04.11 3:39pm
beau-jolly
Berlusconi sex trial adjorned on discovery that Berlusconi was a wax model 0
simonjmr 06.04.11 3:31pm
simonjmr
US Man arrested for barking at police dog

An Ohio police report said 25-year-old Ryan James Stephens was charged with teasing a police dog in the Cincinnati suburb of Mason. Officer Bradley Walker wrote that he heard the dog barking...

2
Vertically Challenged Giant 06.04.11 2:54pm
beau-jolly
Naked soldier story "required punch line"

When thieves broke into a house in Salford in the middle of the night, little did they expect that the owner was as hard as nails. Chasing his stolen car down the road, while still naked, he punched...

0
beau-jolly 06.04.11 2:51pm
beau-jolly
Joan Collins Reveals Threesome With Gandhi and Rock Hudson

The superannuated sex kitten recalls "I felt like an untouchable" during the long-ago romp at Beverly Hills' Chateau Marmont...

0
rikkor 06.04.11 2:03pm
rikkor
Anglia Ruskin launches new 'Philosophies of Microsoft'

The university today announced that as of 2011 the course, fully titled 'Philosophies of Microsoft and the increase in thought experimentation linked to Office applications', will be offered to all...

0
MagnusOpum 06.04.11 1:57pm
MagnusOpum
Outrage as universities charge as much as they were told they could. More soon. 1
MC One R 06.04.11 1:57pm
pineapple incident
Chelsea to erect statue of Fernando Torres at Stamford Bridge

A spokesman for the club said "we admit we are jumping on the bandwagon, but we realised we had an individual who has been as irrelevant to Chelsea, and who has spent even less time in close...

3
MC One R 06.04.11 1:21pm
charlies_hat
Hunting of Noel Edmonds to be curbed in push to preserve leather trouser stocks.

Animal conservationists are calling for a quota system to be enforced upon Noel Edmonds hunters after a survey by the WWF revealed that the species is facing over-predation from leather poachers. ...

0
SingingHinny 06.04.11 1:03pm
SingingHinny
Robert Langdon Joins 'NO to AV' Campaign

Fictional Professor of Religious Iconography, Robert Langdon, has announced his support for the 'NO to AV' Campaign amidst fears that numbers would over-complicate and dilute the Westminster...

0
pineapple incident 06.04.11 11:55am
pineapple incident
Bryan Ferry recovering after nazi turn. 0
MADJEZ 06.04.11 11:38am
MADJEZ
NHS GIVES GO AHEAD FOR LINDA McCARTNEYS VEG SAUSAGES

To count as one of your '5 a day', though not to be eaten with meat sausages...

0
06.04.11 11:35am
ABBA and ACDC collaborate to release ‘Ba Ba Back In Black Sheep’ 0
Qoxiivi 06.04.11 10:34am
Qoxiivi
Environmentalists fear damage to green belt as...

Jolly Giant drops trousers...

0
Screenie 06.04.11 10:23am
Screenie
Irish Republican dissidents establish cyber wing with Virtual IRA

A new just-in-time scalable terror network, that operates in the cloud, is set to revolutionise terrorism. The Virtual IRA, a breakaway faction from the Real IRA, says its new Terror as a Service...

4
ronseal 06.04.11 10:19am
ronseal
After program crash Windows searches for a solution and actually finds one 1
Nick McCarr 06.04.11 10:08am
John Wiltshire