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Clegg claims victory after coming second in AV poll

Liberal Democrat Leader Nick Clegg claimed victory last night despite the nation having apparently delivered a resounding ‘No’ to the adoption of the Alternative Vote for future Parliamentary...

1
Des and Stan 05.05.11 4:56pm
Golgo13
Election officials employ poll dancers in a bid to boost turnout.

Well, it's alternative...

7
wallster 05.05.11 4:24pm
Screenie
Met Police welcomes new "naked-only" surrender rule.

and have cited a number of cases in recent years where this rule should be retrospectively applied...

1
Deacon 05.05.11 4:14pm
DiY
Portugal to be rebranded "Germany-on-Sea" 7
Deacon 05.05.11 4:10pm
DiY
Overwhelming Turnout in Referendum

Around the country, votes have got up off their back sides and actually gone to the polls, early indications show. Constituencies around England are reporting turnouts consistently above 90%. ...

2
pineapple incident 05.05.11 4:08pm
DiY
Archbishop fears start of US-lead "Beardie Bloke Pogrom". More soon.

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01483/rowanwilliams_1483015c.jpg...

0
Al OPecia 05.05.11 4:05pm
Al OPecia
Fatwa issued against Mecca Bingo Halls. 0
Deacon 05.05.11 3:43pm
Deacon
US Navy SEAL given life ban from hide and seek competitions

The World Hide and Seek Federation, governing body for professional hide and seek contests, has taken the unprecedented step of handing a lifetime ban to US Navy SEAL Lance Johnson. The ban is in...

3
Vertically Challenged Giant 05.05.11 3:20pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Harry Potter defies super injunction to reveal He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to press 1
acwanaut 05.05.11 3:13pm
pineapple incident
Gordon Sumner injured by US drone

as Sting operation goes badly wrong., Queen expresses condolences...

0
Deacon 05.05.11 2:11pm
Deacon
Al-Qaeda's Anwar al-Awalaki: radicalised during the filming of Jewel of the Nile

http://cf1.imgobject.com/backdrops/5c6/4bc92d6b017a3c57fe0125c6/the-jewel-of-the-nile-original.jpg http://www.anorak.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/anwar_al-awlaki.jpg...

0
simonjmr 05.05.11 2:09pm
simonjmr
James Bond resigns from MI5: too much paperwork

James Bond, the secret agent formerly known as 007, has resigned from MI5, citing excessive paperwork and boring villan's lairs as making his life as a government assassin unbearable. He said "When...

2
steve_l 05.05.11 2:07pm
OldThingy
US reassures doubters that secret death squads will only ever kill bad people 2
rickwestwell 05.05.11 1:53pm
Screenie
Loads of piles rise and wank turnip bags on Discovery 0
Deacon 05.05.11 1:47pm
Deacon
Contaminated Zam Zam holy water sold from Mecca really from the Thames Thames 0
Basil_B 05.05.11 1:43pm
Basil_B
Website moderators veto all internet references to Scunthorpe.

Offa's Dyke is given 2nd written warning...

0
Deacon 05.05.11 1:38pm
Deacon
Voters told to cast vote in telephone boxes as alternative voting booth. 0
Basil_B 05.05.11 1:14pm
Basil_B
Shock victory for "meh" campaign 1
rickwestwell 05.05.11 1:14pm
Screenie
Geography experts stunned by shock Israeli Eurovision win. 1
Deacon 05.05.11 1:01pm
Deacon
US Attorney General says Bin Laden killing was lawful.

In other news:, Turkeys have voted AGAINST Christmas;, Bears express a preference for shitting in wooded areas; and, Pope said to be "broadly not in favour" of Atheism...

0
Deacon 05.05.11 12:18pm
Deacon
Mary Whitehouse bequeaths house to American Diplomatic Assassins

Proviso: No bad language, sex or violence please...

4
OldThingy 05.05.11 12:02pm
OldThingy
Little Red Riding Hood: "My concerns over 'lone wolf' attacks" 0
charlieworth 05.05.11 11:38am
charlieworth
Vince Cable demands to know why Competition Commission should not be reformed

in 15 words or less. Winner will receive a luxury spa treatment...

1
Deacon 05.05.11 11:35am
bonjonelson
10p returned to carrot after lengthy roadside justice campaign. 0
Deacon 05.05.11 11:08am
Deacon
Myleene Klass clones self.

In a final bid to monopolise all TV and Radio broadcasts until the end of time the unavoidable media personality, smirker and "musician" has manufactured 700 biologically exact copies of herself. ...

4
Deacon 05.05.11 10:48am
Deacon
Entire generation deleted as Save the Children forgets to back up its data 1
Qoxiivi 05.05.11 10:42am
OldThingy
Bin Laden killed ingesting an uncooked bullet 0
simonjmr 05.05.11 10:39am
simonjmr
Vince Cable to launch male neckwear collection : Cable ties in shops this Autumn 0
simonjmr 05.05.11 10:31am
simonjmr
Violinist with London Philharmonic Orchestra killed by dyslexic Mossad agent. 0
be reasonable 05.05.11 10:19am
be reasonable
ICC seeks to arrest Gaddafi for bringing cricket into disrepute.

More confusing acronyms soon...

0
be reasonable 05.05.11 10:17am
be reasonable