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See Saw sales up and down claims ELC

"This industry is all swings and roundabouts" said a senior economist at the Early Learning Centre. More soon...

simonjmr 19.09.11 3:25pm
Man forced to buy carrier bag reurns it to M&S with excuse "It's not really me" 1
ronseal 19.09.11 3:20pm
Lord Sugar to be promoted to Baron Splenda after diabetes diagnosis

Billionaire businessman Lord Sugar has made a triumph out of a potential medical tragedy. Diagnosed this week with diabetes at the same time as being awarded a Baronetcy, he promptly did a deal...

nickb 19.09.11 1:58pm
Penicillin tops list of most wanted things for the man who has everything 0
simonjmr 19.09.11 1:52pm
'We're not going anywhere' insist travellers. 5
Gerontius 19.09.11 1:33pm
Midfield Diamond
"We're here" pleads Lib Dem conference

As Dale Farm evictions and Red Rum's trainer dying dominate the UK headlines. More soon...

simonjmr 19.09.11 1:22pm
Authorities employ rotavirus to instigate mass evacuation at Dale Farm

More later...

spoole2112 19.09.11 1:15pm
Kindle users told 'Never judge a book by its 167 ppi digital interface'. 1
wallster 19.09.11 1:03pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
L'Oreal admit $2billion lost by rouge-trader. Leaves them in the red. 0
MADJEZ 19.09.11 12:58pm
Spontaneous celebrations erupt as Justin Rose qualifies for Tour Championship

The cross of St George was much in evidence across the whole of the UK as Justin Rose qualified for the end of year Tour Championship in Atlanta. Bars stayed open through the night as millions of...

grottymonty 19.09.11 12:15pm
Faceless men to receive facelifts 0
Nick McCarr 19.09.11 12:00pm
Nick McCarr
Harsh winter predicted as early migration of UK tramps to harder drinks observed 2
simonjmr 19.09.11 11:37am
As Rugby World cup hots up UK employers braced for the Great British Fake Cough 0
simonjmr 19.09.11 11:34am
Torres tipped for Man Utd's player of the season.

Following his breathtaking performance in Sunday's early season potential title decider at Old Trafford, new Stretford End poster boy Frenando Torres has been installed as favourite to carry off the...

spoole2112 19.09.11 11:33am
Kate Winslet gong for 'Cringing Sincerity II' Enjoy....

Dick Everyman 19.09.11 11:16am
Dick Everyman
Crinkly-scone cutting blamed for worker's anal fixation

A pastry cook has been awarded £1.2m in damages after becoming anally fixated following years of cutting out crinkly scones. Mavis Pierce, aged 54 was sacked after more than 30 years of ‘loyal’...

Dick Everyman 19.09.11 10:45am
Dick Everyman
9 year old accused of genocide after entire generation of Miis ‘disappear'

Based on a true story. When 7 year old Lewis awoke this morning he discovered that all his beloved Miis had been ‘disappeared’, and erased from memory in a coup d’etat by his elder brother...

Ian Searle 19.09.11 10:12am
Midfield Diamond
Davina McCall to cover Dale Farm evictions. More soon. 2
Al OPecia 19.09.11 9:49am
Al OPecia
NATO jets readied as UN imposes 'No-fly zone' over Basildon 1
pinxit 19.09.11 9:05am
Doctors Separate Conjoined Twins. NHS Dispute splits Coalition 0
Pagantroll 19.09.11 8:30am
Gaddafi "may be hiding in Dale Farm". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 19.09.11 7:24am
Al OPecia
London Looters Hit UBS

A gang known as ‘The City Boys’ are believed to be behind a looting spree in the City of London where UBS, a Swiss based bank suffered a $2billion loss after criminal elements went on the rampage...

Quaz 18.09.11 11:33pm
Not All Wankers "Self-Indulgent" Claims Kent Masturbator - 2

Incensed at the frequency with which wanking and being self-indulgent are linked, seasoned masturbator Norman Standstill of Kent is launching a campaign hoping to improve the image of wankers like...

Textbook 18.09.11 7:15pm
Strictly spoiler: Russell Grant knows "for a fact" he will win.

Fans of the BBC's sequinned Saturday night dance show are up in arms at unguarded comments made by celebrity contestant Russell Grant. "I only entered because I was able to predict I would win,"...

Boutros 18.09.11 5:24pm
Taxi Drivers, Dogs Respond Equally to Super High-Pitch Whistle 0
Drylaw 18.09.11 11:12am
NHS Midwife Shortage blamed on NHS midwives not having babies on NHS says BUPA

56 year old NHS midwife Sharon Henderson’s mother was a midwife. So was her mother and her grandmother. But Sharon is amongst the growing group of NHS midwives who have refused to have children,...

antharrison 18.09.11 9:39am
Danny Alexander forms bunch of ‘Merry Men’ to take from rich and give to poor

Danny put out a call to the greatest tax inspectors in the land to meet at a tavern on the green. There they will be asked to swear a vow to help the ordinary people. They will also be expected to...

Ian Searle 18.09.11 9:34am
Lib Dem Danny Alexander talks about life after Friends.

The Treasury Secretary talks exclusively to Newsbiscuit about his ten years playing Chandler Bing on hit show Friends and his new role as a token Lib Dem in the cabinet. As he is now.,...

MADJEZ 18.09.11 8:22am
Golgeau Treize
Club Hit "Dick And Balls" Brings Pop Music To New Lyrical Heights - 2

"Going to the club with my dick and my balls (WHUT?), My dick and my balls (HEEEEEEEY), My dick and my balls (HOOOOOOO), Going to the club with my dick and my balls (WHUT?), And they as big as...

Textbook 18.09.11 8:04am
Jane Hair Salon grand opening this week in Haworth. 3
rikkor 18.09.11 6:18am
Golgeau Treize