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Cock stabs porn star with Cock 0
Mrblacker 4 years

Police in the United States are hunting for a porn star, after he used his weapon to kill a rival cocksmith. Stephen Hill is wanted after using his concealed weapon to stab fellow wangmeister Tom...

Further Shock as Gardener Unearths Potato That Bears No Resemblance to Rooney 0
thisisall1word 4 years
Rio arrives home while Heskey is still on the ground claiming HE was fouled. 0
dominic_mcg 4 years
Woman forces husband into 'murderous' spree 2
QorbeQ 4 years

A Carlisle man is barely speaking to his wife this weekend after she took him on what he has insensitively described as a 'murderous' all-day shopping spree. Geoff Phelps, originally from...

Political Correctness sectioned under the Mental Health Act 5
MightyBlair 4 years

Readers of The Daily Mail and Mein Kampf claimed victory today after it emerged that Political Correctness has finally and officially gone mad. Speculation has surrounded the mental state of the...

Investigators probe motive for mass killings 0
MrChigleysAunt 4 years

As another two bodies were recovered today, investigators looking for motives behind the mass killings in Iraq and Afghanistan had say that the British Government had been suffering from ongoing...

Scouser Gerrard to be tagged just in case he gets a chance to lift the World Cup 0
Basil_B 4 years

'Take the boy out of Liverpool but never Liverpool out of the boy' said a cautious Fabio Capello today on his decision to make Liverpool midfielder Stephen Gerrard England World Cup Captain in the...

Al-Qaeda designers launch summer bomb-vest range 7
Genghis Cohen 4 years

Terrorist group al-Qaeda today unveiled its hotly-anticipated 2010 collection for the fashion-conscious fundamentalist. As bearded models took to the catwalk deep in the Pakistan mountains, style...

Finance declares war on Marketing after sweepstake draw 1
Peter 4 years

A petty office rivalry between two workers at JR Holdings in Sussex escalated into full scale war yesterday afternoon after Terry from finance and Nigel from marketing drew North and South Korea...

Cumbrian house prices tumble after killing spree 0
curry muncher 4 years

Latest update from the Daily Mail headline generator...

Outdoor pursuit shops in the Lake District to stock flak jackets. 0
Basil_B 4 years
Manufacturers handbook recommends the Mexican Gulf is due a 3000 mile oil change 0
Basil_B 4 years
Heskey scores first own goal of world cup 0
Mr.3374 4 years

More injuries soon...

Dyslexic Israeli Soldiers aid bored ship... 0
allmyownstunts 4 years

raining playing cards, cross-stitch kits and Sudoku puzzles down onto the decks of a ship bound for Gaza...

Nick Clegg on the nuaghty step after big tantrum with David Cameron. 0
4 years

News has just come in from Downing Street that Deputy Primeminister Nick Clegg has been put on the naughty step by David Cameron after he allegedly 'had a big tantrum' and 'started getting stroppy'...

Scientists prove football is not a game of two halves. 0
MADJEZ 4 years
EU ruling means next year’s ‘BGT’ becomes ‘Europe’s Got Talent’. 1
Stan 4 years

It has been confirmed that this year’s series of ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ will be the last of its kind following a EU ruling that will force the talent contest to be opened up to all European...

Cumbrian Murders Luxury Coach Tours Co 1
ramblesnake 4 years

advised to leave it a week...

'Data leads to Knowledge, Knowledge leads to Power', Yoda now works at Google 0
dan_waterworth 4 years
Brycreem claims record for world's biggest oil slick 0
roybland 4 years
Englands captain curse sees Ferdinand sidelined. Fans want Heskey as replacement 0
TerribleTim 4 years
Ahmadinejad dismantles nuclear armoury after discovery of Iranian Dale Winton. 0
MightyBlair 4 years

Search ongoing for North Korean Alan Titchmarsh...

Gravediggers forced to cheer-up in funereal service overhaul 0
MightyBlair 4 years
Sky News Gives a Child a Chance 0
Doctor Moptop 4 years

Sky News defended its decision to broadcast an interview with a nine-year-old boy who witnessed one of Derrick Bird's murders. "Going over the traumatic event that has shaken the community to its...

Higgs-Bowson particle discovered during Hotpoint spin-cycle. 0
MightyBlair 4 years

Large Hadron Collider 'not redundant' after discovery that 'it washes beautifully at 30 degrees'...

Society of the Bleedin' Obvious unsure of purpose 1
roybland 4 years
Corpse left outside florists as tribute to murder victim 1
roybland 4 years
Writer downs his tool as knob gag gag hits home 0
andhrimnir 4 years

no more soon...

Ed Balls lands new role 0
euankitson 4 years

Amist speculation MGM have tonight announced that the new James Bond actor is to be Ed Balls. After the departure of Daniel Craig from the franchise the film-makers allowed actors to put themselves...

(reposting) Newsbiscuit starts Anti-Smut Campaign 4
PluckyMunky 4 years

'We just don't need this schoolboy, peurile, filth', says Merton solicitor, Brian Kane, a tall man with a very long but flacid cock. (It may be clearer, now, why it was deleted)...