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I just wanna see my kids, says founder of protest group SpermDonors4Justice 1
StoopyDeGunt 4 years

Dressed as a giant penis, John Quinn brought London's traffic to a halt as he symbolically lobbed sticky solutions into an over-sized plastic receptacle. After years of desperately seeking access...

Gillette promises metrosexual men their smoothest ball-shave yet 1
Darkbill 2.0 4 years

Gillette today launched what it claims is the next generation of male grooming product. The Defoliator, is a hi-tech multiblade razor, which the manufacturer claims will give metrosexual men a groin...

Wall's delivery mix-up creates new flavours, some complaints 0
QorbeQ 4 years

A Wall's distribution centre in Halesmere has accidentally created 'thrilling new flavours' after confusing ingredient deliveries for Unilever's ice-cream concern with Kerry Group's sausage factory....

Tesco's own Ball deoderant designer in dock under new Ludicrous Design Clampdown 3
StoopyDeGunt 4 years
Times readers to holiday in Greece this year to help Greek economy. 0
Ostsee 4 years

'After all', said a spokesman, 'we learnt their language at school.'...

UNITE to provide DIGNITAS Health Care plan for striking Cabin Crew 1
rivergarry 4 years
Admiral Thad Allen of the U.S. Coastguard All At Thea 1
afternoonslow 4 years Hope thith works...

BP to consult Simon & Garfunkel about their 'Bridge' building skills 0
rivergarry 4 years

Directors at BP claim to have uncovered an obscure document published by what appears to be a singing architectural duo in the 70s. In a statement BP claimed the duo's publication refers to the...

Taxing every inch of travel, Government launches seasonal metering 0
brownpaperreporter 4 years

Some things are always guaranteed on a British summertime; rain, a rash of BBQ food in Tesco and most hated of all, queues on any road capable of bearing the width of a car. In an enterprising move...

Porn star falls off Cliff. Peter Pan of pop unavailable for comment. 1
MADJEZ 4 years
Between the Icing and the Sponge: Battenberg 2010 4
Doctor Moptop 4 years

The annual assembly of the top secret organisation, The Battenberg Group, is being held in Spain. Delegates from Betty Crocker, Sara Lee and Twinkie are all thought to be present at the conference...

CCTV cameras to be monitored by CCTV cameras; Daily Mail explodes 2
Mrblacker 4 years
Reading of Bletchley Park memos, on line, expected to reach double fiqures 0
PluckyMunky 4 years
Man charged after using wrong cleaning product 0
Mrblacker 4 years

A 45 year old man has been charged after using his bathroom cleaner on his kitchen surfaces. William Davies from Porthcawl in South Wales is alleged to have used a spray cleaner marketed for use in...

World Cup cancelled owing to lack of interest 3
PluckyMunky 4 years
BAE Systems stage pro-war protest 2
Mrblacker 4 years

The UK's largest weapons manufacturer and dealer BAE Systems has blockaded the headquarters of the Stop The War Coalition in London, saying the group represents a very real threat to their freedom....

Yoda refuses to attend Jedi council meeting over 'high-chair prank' 0
MightyBlair 4 years

More soon, there will be...

Smoking ban causing 'uncontrollable numbers of cigarettes in the wild'. 0
MightyBlair 4 years

Illegal snarings also on the rise...

Bill Clinton sends Queen birthday cigar 0
Mr.3374 4 years

" like the taste?" Absolutely no more later...

Political Correctness 'officially mental', says Department of Health. 6
MightyBlair 4 years

(HEAVILY EDITED VERSION OF EARLIER POST) A statement released this morning by the Department of Health has confirmed that Political Correctness has officially gone mad, and has been detained...

Al-qaeda stockpiling water bombs and super-soakers 0
Mr.3374 4 years

More wet t-shirts soon...

Clinton sends Queen 21st birthday card, by mistake 0
PluckyMunky 4 years
Cock stabs porn star with Cock 0
Mrblacker 4 years

Police in the United States are hunting for a porn star, after he used his weapon to kill a rival cocksmith. Stephen Hill is wanted after using his concealed weapon to stab fellow wangmeister Tom...

Further Shock as Gardener Unearths Potato That Bears No Resemblance to Rooney 0
thisisall1word 4 years
Rio arrives home while Heskey is still on the ground claiming HE was fouled. 0
dominic_mcg 4 years
Woman forces husband into 'murderous' spree 2
QorbeQ 4 years

A Carlisle man is barely speaking to his wife this weekend after she took him on what he has insensitively described as a 'murderous' all-day shopping spree. Geoff Phelps, originally from...

Political Correctness sectioned under the Mental Health Act 5
MightyBlair 4 years

Readers of The Daily Mail and Mein Kampf claimed victory today after it emerged that Political Correctness has finally and officially gone mad. Speculation has surrounded the mental state of the...

Investigators probe motive for mass killings 0
MrChigleysAunt 4 years

As another two bodies were recovered today, investigators looking for motives behind the mass killings in Iraq and Afghanistan had say that the British Government had been suffering from ongoing...

Scouser Gerrard to be tagged just in case he gets a chance to lift the World Cup 0
Basil_B 4 years

'Take the boy out of Liverpool but never Liverpool out of the boy' said a cautious Fabio Capello today on his decision to make Liverpool midfielder Stephen Gerrard England World Cup Captain in the...

Al-Qaeda designers launch summer bomb-vest range 7
Genghis Cohen 4 years

Terrorist group al-Qaeda today unveiled its hotly-anticipated 2010 collection for the fashion-conscious fundamentalist. As bearded models took to the catwalk deep in the Pakistan mountains, style...