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Bell End! Hip-Hop excerpts to be sounded 'quarter-hourly' instead

Inhabitants of East London are to drown out church chimes this week, as they start projecting snippets of hip-hop tracks every quarter of an hour, with an extended section on the hour, to keep the...

kga6 14.10.11 7:11pm
Minister Behind Planning Reforms Finds His Garden is Gone

Local Government and Planning Minister Bob Neill woke today to find six new houses going up in his back garden. He also found six sweaty builders making tea in his kitchen and raiding the fridge....

GreyWolf 14.10.11 7:08pm
Slim-Fast model finally figures it out how it works

‘It’s because I was having a fucking milkshake instead of breakfast and lunch isn’t it?’ exclaims Jenny Green, a model who appeared in a late 90s advertising campaign for the Slim-Fast range,...

Vertically Challenged Giant 14.10.11 6:59pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Librarian blames job loss on whispering campaign 0
Runestone Cowboy 14.10.11 6:54pm
Runestone Cowboy
Labour confident Ed Miliband has no friends to fuck him up the arse 0
Runestone Cowboy 14.10.11 6:52pm
Runestone Cowboy
Ministers resign on Friday evening to avoid wrath of satire websites 0
Runestone Cowboy 14.10.11 6:30pm
Runestone Cowboy
Fox bowed to inevitable rearguard action

resigned for interaction with Mr Werritty...

witless 14.10.11 6:24pm
Jockeys' fury reaches new heights

"We're fed up with being sold short.", said a spokesman...

apepper 14.10.11 6:13pm
Jockeys to strike after BHA replaces whips with carrots on fishing rods.

Jockeys are to strike on Monday in protest at the British Horseracing Association's new rule which will replace the traditional whip with a carrot on the end of a fishing rod. Jockeys have claimed...

dominic_mcg 14.10.11 6:12pm
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dvo4fun 14.10.11 6:05pm
Jockeys organise whip round for Richard Hughes 0
Scroat 14.10.11 5:23pm
GP describes 'No-Balls Butt' as 'freak occurrence' 0
kga6 14.10.11 5:22pm
Horses attribute overuse of the whip to small man syndrome 9
charlies_hat 14.10.11 5:20pm
Poison Homme, a new fragrance for the man in your life 'because he's worthless'

courtesy of Christian 'toxic' Dior...

vertical 14.10.11 5:05pm
Wow, this 3D remake of 'Towering Inferno' is amazing, you can almost smell...

Oh shit, this is a 40" Sony!! Arrgh!...

14.10.11 4:33pm
Council to Fill Potholes with Children in Care

Aberdeen City Council announced today that it will save an estimated £12.5million each year by squeezing children who are in the care of Social Services into the City's numerous potholes...

Aberdeen Correspondent 14.10.11 4:31pm
Aberdeen Correspondent
Public Schools to retain Charitable Status: champagne all round

The Independent Schools won a vital legal battle today over The Charity Commission, who had been too narrow in some of the ways it made schools show benefit to society, according to a tribunal ruling...

Drylaw 14.10.11 4:26pm
Daily Mirror Awarded Contract for Weekly Bin Collections

The Daily Mirror have been awarded a lucrative contract to handle weekly refuse collections in and around the Borough of Westminster, despite complaints from residents near St James's Park, where the...

Aberdeen Correspondent 14.10.11 4:25pm
Aberdeen Correspondent
Letwin not thought to be contender for Defence Ministry job 0
Drylaw 14.10.11 4:14pm
Letwin's resignation letter 'may have been posted in wrong box' 0
Long Distance Clara 14.10.11 3:47pm
Long Distance Clara
Liam Fox disposes of career in park bin near MoD 0
Long Distance Clara 14.10.11 3:46pm
Long Distance Clara
Liam Fox steps down from cabnit, and jumps straight into the closet 0
Perks 14.10.11 3:20pm
Adam Werrity denies taking Liam Fox to see 'Friends With Benefits'... 0
deskpilot3 14.10.11 3:19pm
Investigation finds Oliver Letwin's cabinets full of banana peel and coke cans. 0
deskpilot3 14.10.11 3:18pm
Inflated man claims he was let down by NHS 3
beau-jolly 14.10.11 3:16pm
Source of Tory policy traced to garbage bin in park

A leading cabinet minister has been caught by photographers from the Daily Mirror sourcing current Government policy straight from a litter-bin at the bottom of Downing Street., The minister in...

Gerontius 14.10.11 3:10pm
Man wakes up from 'logistical nightmare' in shipping crate halfway up mountain 3
Qoxiivi 14.10.11 3:08pm
Towel manufacturer set for administration after work dries up 1
button 14.10.11 3:06pm
West end shows to merge as recession deepens

Several West End shows will merge in a recession beating measure. "Oliver's mamma will rock the seven carousel lion of the Saigon opera" is expected to be a runaway success. "It's got every thing...

simonjmr 14.10.11 3:05pm
Jockeys threaten to strike up to seven times 0
charlies_hat 14.10.11 3:02pm