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BP to change name to British New Petroleum in effort to improve image 0
virtuallywill 4 years

more acronyms later...

England to issue BP flags to fans for their first match. 0
Griffin 4 years
Inhabitants of B B House crushed to death as demolishers start work too early. 2
Basil_B 4 years

Three months too early...

Miliband transferred his vote to Lib Dems to ensure as many PMs as possible 0
euankitson 4 years
Labour leadership candidates enter Big Brother house 2
jp1885 4 years
Waitress afraid to ask elephant man in the tea room 3
ramblesnake 4 years

if he'd like a bun...

Graduates to join chain gangs in radical university shake up 0
PluckyMunky 4 years

All graduates are to serve on chain gangs for two years, after graduating. In his Green Paper, 'We Don't Need No Education', the education secretary outlined his big idea. The chain gangs will work...

Capello and Gove battle it out for 'Face of the Year' trophy 0
PluckyMunky 4 years

'Both are handsome men', purred Peter Mandelson. 'I rather suspect that Lord Lloyd Webber may come third'...

Nick Clegg makes surprise visit to Center Parcs 1
Ludicity 4 years

Nick Clegg has made a surprise visit to Center Parcs, Longleat Forest, his first visit since becoming Deputy Prime Minister. 'I take my hat off to all the brave boys and girls currently serving a...

Tom Cruise in shocking heterosexual revelation 0
Zadok the second 4 years

Fans are standing by Tom Cruise today after a tearful press conference in which Tom Cruise, movie star and scientology pin-up, confirmed that he is in fact straight. Rumours that the...

AD 796 Shocker! King Offa been up more dykes than Billie Jean Kings fist 3
Ddigon o broblem 4 years

Whilst a great fan of Dykes, King Offa differed from Billie Jean King by not playing a great deal of tennis. King Offa who reigned from 757 to 796 was responsible for the great earthwork Dyke...

North Korea offers a piggy back for South Korea satellite on their next launch. 0
Ostsee 4 years
Afghans embarrased by Cameron's surprise visit 0
gregle 4 years

The people of Afghanistan were said to be secretly quite miffed by Primeminister Cameron's unannounced visit. "I mean when someone that important is coming you like to make a bit of an effort don't...

One Headline Fits All 0
Doctor Moptop 4 years

The Association of Newspaper Editors today gave their seal of approval to the Con-Dem Coalition Government. "Under New Labour, we were constantly wrong-footed in terms of headline material," said a...

Queen's official birthday 'unofficial knees-up' leaked 0
QorbeQ 4 years

A member of the Royal Household has today given an intimate account of the Queen's unofficial birthday party, which takes place after Her Majesty's official televised birthday bash. Royal worker...

REWRITE: DeAgostini to Publish "The Internet" In Weekly Parts 0
Svendo 4 years

After the success of such periodical masterpieces as "I love Horses" and "The Joy of Broccoli" DeAgostini have decided to tackle a much bigger subject area and are to produce "The Internet" as a...

No 10 to fly flag of St George. No 11 to fly pants of George Osborne. 0
Ludicity 4 years
GP regrets telling Leprosy sufferer to 'give himself a shake'. 1
MightyBlair 4 years

Less digits soon...

Cuts will protect worst-off, "apart from hungry poor schoolchildren" 1
rickwestwell 4 years
FIFA warns North Korean players not to solicit arms deals during matches 0
Dumbnews 4 years
Banking boycott threatens to slow earth's rotation 0
Nick McCarr 4 years

After all, money makes the world go round...

Teenager's arse remains attached despite rolling on the floor laughing 0
Nick McCarr 4 years
Wiley Coyote's Acme Company Makes a Bundle From BP Oil Capping Gizmos 0
rfreed 4 years

Acme Corporation is reporting a huge profit upswing this month. Acme is the chief supplier of underwater doo-dads for BP Corporation, the sponsors of what is now the largest oil spill ever. BP has...

Government to means-test the homeless. 0
MightyBlair 4 years

An independent audit, commissioned by the Centre for Social Justice, has found that government-subsidised homeless projects waste vast amounts of money on people who 'aren't homeless enough'....

Privacy outrage as dustcart captures private data and stores it underground 0
ED209 4 years

Privacy campaigners around the world reacted with horror yesterday when it was revealed that waste companies had been collecting confidential information in dustcarts, and storing it in large holes...

Peter749400 4 years Apple CEO Steve Jobs today unveiled the latest in his company's popular series of small aluminium drinks trays. The new...

BP "Pouring oil on troubled water" not a good idea say US 0
Iscariot 4 years

Abandoning thousands of people in New Orleans in the wake of a devastating hurricane is perfectly OK...

Chelsea to give Cole to Newcastle 0
Mr.3374 4 years

More eventually...

BBC calls in Rentokill after a reported infestation of James Corden. More soon. 2
dominic_mcg 4 years

the comedy equivalent of cystitis...

Metropolitan Police issue photofit of wanted fox. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 4 years