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Harry Potter defies super injunction to reveal He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named to press 1
acwanaut 05.05.11 3:13pm
pineapple incident
Gordon Sumner injured by US drone

as Sting operation goes badly wrong., Queen expresses condolences...

0
Deacon 05.05.11 2:11pm
Deacon
Al-Qaeda's Anwar al-Awalaki: radicalised during the filming of Jewel of the Nile

http://cf1.imgobject.com/backdrops/5c6/4bc92d6b017a3c57fe0125c6/the-jewel-of-the-nile-original.jpg http://www.anorak.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/anwar_al-awlaki.jpg...

0
simonjmr 05.05.11 2:09pm
simonjmr
James Bond resigns from MI5: too much paperwork

James Bond, the secret agent formerly known as 007, has resigned from MI5, citing excessive paperwork and boring villan's lairs as making his life as a government assassin unbearable. He said "When...

2
steve_l 05.05.11 2:07pm
OldThingy
US reassures doubters that secret death squads will only ever kill bad people 2
rickwestwell 05.05.11 1:53pm
Screenie
Loads of piles rise and wank turnip bags on Discovery 0
Deacon 05.05.11 1:47pm
Deacon
Contaminated Zam Zam holy water sold from Mecca really from the Thames Thames 0
Basil_B 05.05.11 1:43pm
Basil_B
Website moderators veto all internet references to Scunthorpe.

Offa's Dyke is given 2nd written warning...

0
Deacon 05.05.11 1:38pm
Deacon
Voters told to cast vote in telephone boxes as alternative voting booth. 0
Basil_B 05.05.11 1:14pm
Basil_B
Shock victory for "meh" campaign 1
rickwestwell 05.05.11 1:14pm
Screenie
Geography experts stunned by shock Israeli Eurovision win. 1
Deacon 05.05.11 1:01pm
Deacon
US Attorney General says Bin Laden killing was lawful.

In other news:, Turkeys have voted AGAINST Christmas;, Bears express a preference for shitting in wooded areas; and, Pope said to be "broadly not in favour" of Atheism...

0
Deacon 05.05.11 12:18pm
Deacon
Mary Whitehouse bequeaths house to American Diplomatic Assassins

Proviso: No bad language, sex or violence please...

4
OldThingy 05.05.11 12:02pm
OldThingy
Little Red Riding Hood: "My concerns over 'lone wolf' attacks" 0
charlieworth 05.05.11 11:38am
charlieworth
Vince Cable demands to know why Competition Commission should not be reformed

in 15 words or less. Winner will receive a luxury spa treatment...

1
Deacon 05.05.11 11:35am
bonjonelson
10p returned to carrot after lengthy roadside justice campaign. 0
Deacon 05.05.11 11:08am
Deacon
Myleene Klass clones self.

In a final bid to monopolise all TV and Radio broadcasts until the end of time the unavoidable media personality, smirker and "musician" has manufactured 700 biologically exact copies of herself. ...

4
Deacon 05.05.11 10:48am
Deacon
Entire generation deleted as Save the Children forgets to back up its data 1
Qoxiivi 05.05.11 10:42am
OldThingy
Bin Laden killed ingesting an uncooked bullet 0
simonjmr 05.05.11 10:39am
simonjmr
Vince Cable to launch male neckwear collection : Cable ties in shops this Autumn 0
simonjmr 05.05.11 10:31am
simonjmr
Violinist with London Philharmonic Orchestra killed by dyslexic Mossad agent. 0
be reasonable 05.05.11 10:19am
be reasonable
ICC seeks to arrest Gaddafi for bringing cricket into disrepute.

More confusing acronyms soon...

0
be reasonable 05.05.11 10:17am
be reasonable
Malcolm Tucker "was present in Situation Room". More soon.

http://i.telegraph.co.uk/multimedia/archive/01885/situation_room_1885490c.jpg Third from right, seated, just after shouting "shoot the fucking fucker!!!"...

5
Al OPecia 05.05.11 9:49am
bonjonelson
Circus clown, seen gasping for air in restaurant, reveals he “was only choking" 1
Qoxiivi 05.05.11 9:39am
Qoxiivi
Lloyds loses three and a half billion

"But hey, who cares? There's plenty more where that came from."...

0
greg various 05.05.11 9:08am
greg various
Fergie rings up Mourinho for tips on losing disgracefully to Barcelona 0
Basil_B 05.05.11 8:53am
Basil_B
Swindon driver with 39 points :'Actually a railway line' 1
antharrison 05.05.11 8:36am
bonjonelson
Richard Dawkins "used to be one half of Hinge and Bracket"

Speculation continued today that the freakish-voiced rent-a-boffin honed his gift (for banging on about things long after most people have lost interest) by publicly debating doilies and being of a...

0
Deacon 05.05.11 8:09am
Deacon
Syrian government forces launch Alternative to Voting campaign 0
Duncan Biscuit 05.05.11 7:30am
Duncan Biscuit
Obama relents and agrees to send Arsene Wenger a trophy photo 0
Duncan Biscuit 05.05.11 7:29am
Duncan Biscuit