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SCOTLAND CENSUS RESULTS - More Scots carry STD's than mobile phones

This week a closer look at the Scotland Census results showed that more Scots carry Sexually Transmitted Diseases than mobile phones. With over 3.2million people admit to carrying a mobile phone...

Mr Brightside 17.12.12 10:03pm
US towns of Lincoln, Garfield, McKinley and Kennedy to review gun controls

Hopefully no more soon...

Dick Everyman 17.12.12 9:05pm
Dick Everyman
Historians concede Stonehenge “just a big Christmas tree stand”

After five years, Dr Zeuss Almonde of the Circle Druidic Ecole Angleterre conceded that the Ancients who had constructed Stonehenge had done so to prop up a giant Christmas Tree “It is true that...

brownpaperreporter 17.12.12 9:05pm
George Galloway: 'Conversion to Islam depends on Mahmoud' 3
Connews 17.12.12 9:02pm
Ravi Shankar's memoirs reveal 'world music' to be a con, shock !

In memoirs released immediately following his death it is claimed that the term 'world music' was just a term fabricated in an attempt to make boring music played on hand-made traditional instruments...

barkingbazz 17.12.12 8:50pm
Leaked David Attenborough sex tape goes viral in animal kingdom 0
charlies_hat 17.12.12 8:41pm
Osborne considers introducing Christmas everyday to boost economic growth

Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, has today announced a possible move to a daily celebration of Christmas to boost the ailing retail sector and help economic growth. First mooted by glam...

Shakes McNails 17.12.12 7:36pm
Shakes McNails
BBC REPORT- Playing 'Guess Who' while Watching 'Crimewatch' makes it More Fun

BBC have encouraged viewers to play 'Guess Who' during Crimewatch in a bid to increase numbers. BBC staff said the move was to bring more 'fun' into the depressing show. "Did Eric do it? Or was it...

Mr Brightside 17.12.12 6:44pm
Chalara Fraxinea wins Spores Personality of the Year. 5
malgor 17.12.12 6:03pm
Dick Everyman
Gary Lineker given royal dressing-down after TV Middleton leak

Gary Lineker, who lead the BBC presentation team on last night's Sports Review of the Year, has been severely reproached by Buckingham Palace. Lineker, a 52 year old commoner from Leicester, ...

17.12.12 5:57pm
Locals rush to take advantage of miser’s breakdown

The people of Tricklewood, East London took advantage of local miser Eric Scrooge after he suffered a mental collapse, a jury at the High Court heard today. Police Constable Stanley Gibbons...

Darkbill 2.0 17.12.12 5:24pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Enraged Tesco staff turn on customers with Value screwdrivers 3
Drylaw 17.12.12 5:03pm
Man takes cold sore to court

A Surrey man has today taken the unprecedented step of suing a cold sore which appeared yesterday on his bottom lip. Peter Williamson, 42, from Wraysbury, confirmed that he took the action as a last...

Shakes McNails 17.12.12 3:33pm
Shakes McNails
Good news for insomniacs - only two sleeps until Christmas

Sadly, not original. I heard it on the radio at the weekend but thought it amusing enough to share here...

Midfield Diamond 17.12.12 3:17pm
Hibernating grizzly bear found in Texas after 3000 mile sleepwalk 0
Idiot 17.12.12 3:06pm
Osborne considers introducing Christmas everyday to boost economic growth

Chancellor of the Exchequer, George Osborne, has today announced a possible move to a daily celebration of Christmas to boost the ailing retail sector and help economic growth. First mooted by glam...

Shakes McNails 17.12.12 3:04pm
Shakes McNails
SHOCK REPORT - All Shampoos 'double up' as Satisfactory Body Wash

Despite the separation in 'shampoo' and 'hair and body wash' bottles, it has been revealed that all shampoos can also be used to wash the skin of any human body. Researchers at Abertay University...

Mr Brightside 17.12.12 3:00pm
Coalition agrees to put Nick Clegg in hibernation

The coalition have agreed to store a cardboard box filled with ripped newspaper, food and Nick Clegg in the attic at 10 Downing Street for the winter months. He is due to be released in April pending...

Perks 17.12.12 2:25pm
Motorcycle News goes out of print as porn mag sales dwindle

Motorcycle News, for many years the wrapper of choice for covering up purchases of adult magazines, is set to cease publication early in 2013 on news that sales of top-shelf publications have reached...

Des Custard 17.12.12 2:09pm
Midfield Diamond
Amy Winehouse inquest to be remixed and re-released by Mark Ronson

with bonus material on the second disc...

grottymonty 17.12.12 1:53pm
'Gherkin' Architect says inspiration came from wife's sex-toy

In a remarkably candid interview, world-renowned architect Norman Foster has revealed fascinating insights into the inspiration behind his most iconic buildings. A favourite with Londoners and...

pinxit 17.12.12 1:18pm
Study finds wearing Santa hats really is ‘fun’

An expensive study into the effects of seasonal hattage has revealed that people who wear Santa caps are 58% more likely to be ‘fun-loving’, ‘whacky’ or ‘a bit mad’. Despite the red and...

17.12.12 11:58am
DISAPPOINTING NEWS - Man begrudgingly uses a Mug for coca-cola

After searching high and low for a clean cup in his kitchen, Scotsman Cameron Shaw resigns himself to using a mug to put his coca cola in. "It's just not the same" he reported later., "A mug is...

Mr Brightside 17.12.12 11:34am
Dick Everyman
Fabrice Muamba over the moon at winning Cardiac Arrest Personality of the Year

Muamba was disappointed not to pick up an award at this years BBC Sports Personality of the Year. More soon...

simonjmr 17.12.12 11:09am
USA to make not owning a gun illegal. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 17.12.12 9:43am
Al OPecia
Greeks stamp on 'Mickey Mouse' economy

Dick Everyman 17.12.12 9:21am
Dick Everyman
Morgan Freeman to analyse tragedies full time say Facebook Chiefs

After the runaway success of his take on the Newtown massacre, Morgan Freeman has signed a two-year deal to provide simple, soothing explanations for all of life's troubles announced Facebook...

The Bogs 17.12.12 8:52am
BREAKING NEWS - Man Cant Decide to order Appletiser or Not

For the last 10 minutes local man Robert Gray couldn't decide of he should order Appletiser or not at his uncles 60th birthday meal. "I know it tastes nice" he was reported saying to his sister,...

Mr Brightside 17.12.12 7:43am
'Biscuit of the Year 2012' Winner being kept under wraps

'Biscuit of the Year 2012' Winner being kept under wraps...

Mr Brightside 17.12.12 12:34am
Exclusive: Secrets of the Hobbit/Potter challenge revealed

During an interview today where Martin Freeman was wearily defending the new cash-cow trilogy digging up Bilbo Baggins, the prequels, the new star of The Hobbit made a startling confession. He was...

Squudge 16.12.12 11:24pm
Psycadelic Squirrel