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M.O.D confident of winning gold in Olympic shooting competition

Failing that they'll 'remove' the opposition...

Psycadelic Squirrel 13.07.12 9:33am
Psycadelic Squirrel
Disneylogians hail discovery of ritual, horse-shoed mouse fossils

Leading Disney theologians have spoken of their excitement, following the discovery of the fossilized remains of four tiny mice. Crescent-shaped ore deposits hint at feet shod with horse-shoes, the...

13.07.12 8:43am
Life Peers to be replaced by wanking monkeys in house of lords overhaul

In a surprise U-turn this morning, the government have publicly abandoned plans for an elected house of Lords, instead taking the tough decision to replace all life peers with a crate load of wanking...

The Masked Frog 13.07.12 6:39am
GB Olympic rowing team seeking bail-out

more soon Hat; coat; door...

dvo4fun 13.07.12 6:37am
Hoodies Win Toss And Choose To Loot First

In the all-important 2nd Riot of the Ashes series the Hoodies have won the toss and have chosen to loot first., On what’s looking to be green, fresh conditions the Hoodies are expected to open...

daneade 13.07.12 5:23am
‘Wogan’s Run’ programme to solve pension crisis

David Cameron unveiled the coalition government’s controversial new plan to control an ever aging population today, and in doing so solve the current pension crisis. Enforced euthanasia at age 80...

button 13.07.12 5:08am
Theresa May announces new Olympics security arrangements

Home Secretary Theresa May has announced that the Powder Puff Girls have been contracted to provide additional Olympics security. "Their superpowers will come in very handy and they have substantial...

GrahamB 12.07.12 10:48pm
Army called in after singing group G4 left in charge of Olympic security. 0
MADJEZ 12.07.12 10:45pm
G4S changes name back to Group 4 after Olympic embarrassment. 0
MADJEZ 12.07.12 10:42pm
John Terry evidence throws nation into chaos

Britain's normal daily routine was totally disrupted yesterday when Radio 4 listers up and down the country mistook a recording of John Terry's evidence at Westminster Magistrates' Court for the...

Scroat 12.07.12 10:08pm
Heathrow third runway to be built at Stansted

The plan to build Heathrow's third runway at Stanstead will upgrade the Essex airport while easing fears of noise pollution in West London, said Phil Hammond, the doctor, Transport Secretary and...

nickb 12.07.12 9:59pm
Video footage shows Terry had fingers crossed so abuse doesn't count. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 12.07.12 9:42pm
Outrage as Olympic mascot, Wenlock, fails drugs test. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 12.07.12 9:36pm
Soldiers Volunteer to return to Afghanistan early rather than patrol East London

Prime Minister David Cameron was last night spotted breathing a big sigh of relief after the army was called in to provide 3500 troops to beef up security for the Olympic Games. Despite announcing...

HIGNFY 12.07.12 9:33pm
After watching Logan's Run, coalition devises new plan to solve pensions crisis 1
Smart Alex 12.07.12 9:16pm
London still in running to host 2012 Olympic Games 0
custard cream 12.07.12 9:08pm
custard cream
'50 shades of May' to feature Home Secretary that leaves everything fucked 0
Mandy Lifeboat 12.07.12 8:39pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Black Beauty sues Anna Sewell for racist slur 1
rustytruss 12.07.12 8:37pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Savers advised to put something aside for a sunny day 5
Mandy Lifeboat 12.07.12 8:35pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Olympic call for "volunteer missile firers" to free soldiers for gate duties

Olympic organisers are seeking people under sixty with good eyesight and excellent people skills to deploy and fire hi tech ballistic missiles during the Olympics. Successful applicants will be...

nickb 12.07.12 8:05pm
The Masked Frog
Olympic Medals to be decided by general public vote via phone in system

In a refreshing change to how Olympic medals will be awarded the IOC has announced that the public will decide which of the first three competitors in each event will receive the Gold, Silver and...

HIGNFY 12.07.12 7:00pm
Moyles Seeks Popularity Increase By Playing Mass Baby Murderer 0
custard cream 12.07.12 6:39pm
custard cream
Tulisa finally apologises to anyone who may have seen her sex-tape. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 12.07.12 6:35pm
Bisto to launch spicy recipe book "Fifty Shades of Gravy". More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 12.07.12 5:23pm
Tulisa given cameo in next 'Angry Birds' update 0
SpankyMonkey 12.07.12 4:22pm
Premier League Clubs Announce Exciting New Sponsors

With the new Premier League season just a few weeks away and expectation at tepid pitch for the spitting, snarling splendour of dour, tatooed, overpaid 'sportsmen' extravanga, the Premier League has...

custard cream 12.07.12 4:15pm
custard cream
Tulisa : 'This time, Justin messed on the wrong woman' 0
charlies_hat 12.07.12 3:58pm
Team GB hopes high for Whingeing medal

Lord Coe today expressed high hopes that Team GB would bring home gold in the newly introduced Olympic sport of Whingeing. “It’s been a great run up to the Games, training-wise. The weather has...

Nails UK 12.07.12 3:22pm
Nails UK
Pope Delighted With Britvic Recall

Officials at the Papal See have confirmed that the Pope has welcomed the recall of Britvic. Monsignor Luciano Rossi, said, "His Holiness is delighted that the Church of England has finally decided...

custard cream 12.07.12 3:13pm
custard cream
Mauritius hotel workers romp home at 100-1 0
medici2471 12.07.12 2:43pm