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Time runs out for sell by dates 3
spoole2112 15.09.11 12:49pm
Overworked Union bosses plan mass walkout

‘We simply don’t get paid enough to do this job,’ explained trade union leader Patience Jefferson, ‘with the state of the economy and all the government cuts there’s always some group that...

Screenie 15.09.11 12:43pm
Pro-life groups denounce embryo culling as soluton to midwife crisis.

More later...

spoole2112 15.09.11 12:37pm
Audi to withdraw rear window stickers, "BMW drivers do it on their own"

A spokesman for the PR company explained the retraction, "after receiving many phone calls from BMW drivers it became clear that many of them had indeed had a very 'close' relationship with their...

Pagantroll 15.09.11 12:36pm
Online criminals allowed to return home after being hash-tagged by police

[#More soon]...

dicky37 15.09.11 12:35pm
Welsh police investgate celebrity leek photos

More later...

spoole2112 15.09.11 12:34pm
Shares down on news of rogue data at USB 0
spoole2112 15.09.11 12:25pm
Cameron Unveils 'Because I'm Worth it!' Slogan to Tackle Unemployment

Under mounting pressure to tackle head on the 2.5 million and growing number of unemployed, David Cameron today will unveil a vaguely worded slogan which will, it is hoped, give the unemployed a...

TokyoTomato 15.09.11 12:20pm
Scientific breakthrough sheds light on Dolphins low sense of worth

After decades of research into speech patterns, behaviours and general intelligence, Scientists at the University of Miami have revealed the true emotions that Dolphins experience on a daily basis....

Iamthestig 15.09.11 11:45am
Greenpeace sends fleet to protect a pod of russet love gods

Japanese Whalers plans to hunt a pod of russet love gods have been hampered by the arrival of a flotilla of Greenpeace ships soundtracked by Supertramp's Fools Overture. In Japan the pelts of russet...

simonjmr 15.09.11 11:16am
Overpaid MP's plan mass condescension 0
Iamthestig 15.09.11 11:13am
Man called 65,000 times by a woman still forgot to get the milk 2
Duncan Biscuit 15.09.11 11:09am
UBS announce 3501 job losses 0
Ostsee 15.09.11 11:01am
Free the Windows 8 4
beau-jolly 15.09.11 10:59am
Australian third gender removes all English doubts. 1
Griffin 15.09.11 10:58am
Avon Gentlemen join Avon Ladies in European Sales/Eugenics programme.

She is a familiar suburban figure – well turned out, approachable and friendly, offering a personal service in the realm of skin care, cosmetics and fragrance. Now she is to be joined by male...

nickb 15.09.11 10:56am
Yeti joins search for a GB world heavyweight boxing champion 0
simonjmr 15.09.11 10:35am
Tri-sexual Australian 'has more fun than most' 0
Ostsee 15.09.11 10:33am
Gervais & Merchant Admit Karl Pilkington "Not Terribly Funny" 3
Duff 15.09.11 10:13am
Death of a salesman (or two) as Tesco's porkies are exposed! (V3.1)

Advertising gurus at omnipresent retailers Tesco were condemned today after making a pigs ear out of a recent campaign to promote the company's latest range of organic sausages. Having been called to...

spoole2112 15.09.11 10:02am
Child urges parents to ignore UNICEF 'love, not brands' report

A UNICEF report claims that children in the UK are unhappy because they are obsessed with brands, starved of 'quality time' with their parents and never play outside. But the authors of the report...

15.09.11 10:01am
Vertically Challenged Giant
RSPCA raid illegal Jason Statham farm

RSPCA officials working with the police uncovered a secret Jason Statham farm yesterday, in the Welsh border town of Wrexham. Over two hundred Jason Statham's were taken into care, and several had...

Runestone Cowboy 15.09.11 9:52am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Jones Bootmaker hit by losses due to brogue trading 1
Duncan Biscuit 15.09.11 9:50am
Henry Wanker gets honorary OBE for helping dyslexic children in UK

Queen asks for forms to be checked more carefully in the future...

Ian Searle 15.09.11 9:48am
Hurricane Katia causes butterfly to flap its wings in Japan

Scientists say research revealed the wind, which has now dropped to a gently breeze, may have caused a startled butterfly to quickly adjust its position as it clung to a twig...

Ian Searle 15.09.11 9:47am
Ian Searle
Architects complain over size of Great Britain

‘It simply isn’t big enough,’ explained architect Geoff Crabfoot,‘We suggest the minimum size a kingdom needs to be to comfortably house four countries is 249450 SQ kilometres, at just...

Screenie 15.09.11 9:32am
Chinese minivan driver offered job on London Underground

tickets please...

Gerontius 15.09.11 8:03am
Midwife shortage could leave dads holding the baby 0
Duncan Biscuit 15.09.11 8:03am
Duncan Biscuit
B&Q plan to make 1200 jobs this year on hold after instructions go missing 0
Duncan Biscuit 15.09.11 8:02am
Duncan Biscuit
The Great and the Good Attend London Alms Fair

Sharply dressed men and women representing every niche of the alms industry arrived in London Docklands this week for 'Income Defence and Security International', a bi-annual London alms fair. The...

TokyoTomato 15.09.11 7:53am