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Grateful nation thanks the Queen for keeping Prince Chakes off the throne

Plans to honour the Queen's sixty-year achievement of keeping Prince Charles from becoming monarch are well underway according to organizers of the Diamond Jubilee anniversary celebrations. 'She's a...

roybland 05.02.12 8:05pm
World computer meltdown predicted for 29 February 0
roybland 05.02.12 7:15pm
Police hunt for “white clad Parson Brown” in sham marriages mystery.

An enigmatic figure claiming to be a Church of England Minister is the subject of an extensive rural search after allegedly pressuring a young couple to undergo a marriage ceremony of questionable...

nickb 05.02.12 5:47pm
Mates of man charged with perverting the course of justice say he's a great guy

A man charge with perverting the course of justice is one of the finest men to walk this earth according to his mates and ex-work colleagues. 'He's my best friend,' said one of the man's mates, 'and...

roybland 05.02.12 5:18pm
Laser nose surgeon denies being the “bogeyman” of new medical procedures

For years, Laser eye surgery has been a medical fact of life. Simple, effective, routine and instant. Dr Gary Spring is a pioneer who has earned millions from its widespread use . But yesterday he...

nickb 05.02.12 5:11pm
Shortage of African animals after zoo mistakenly orders a giraffe excluder 1
Smart Alex 05.02.12 4:50pm
CBeebies' Mr Tumble diagnosed with ear cancer

Better to paste it on here than blurt it out to the kids...

05.02.12 4:49pm
Submissions board braces itself for flurry of snow-based double-entendres

The Satireiological Office has issued an unprecedented 'Amber' double-entendre alert, as the Newsbiscuit writers room braced itself for a deep covering of gags about 'Katy Perry/Vicky Price/Norfolk...

Skylarking 05.02.12 3:52pm
Dictionary In Turmoil As "Q" And "U" Announce Shock Seperation 0
sredni vashta 05.02.12 3:44pm
sredni vashta
Treacherous road sold kiss'n'tell stories of bedroom romps to the tabloids

The A308 has been condemned as treacherous, after it was unveiled as the source of a series of Kiss'n'tell stories that appeared in the Sunday Mirror. Though it's foundation was made of hardcore,...

ronseal 05.02.12 3:35pm
Lord Voldemorte stripped of peerage

Well known wizard, Lord Voldemorte has been stripped of his peerage and will henceforth be known as "Mr Voldemorte". This follows allegationa of cruelty to snakes...

apepper 05.02.12 3:20pm
All future knights must prove they have killed a dragon, says Queen. More soon. 1
dominic_mcg 05.02.12 2:53pm
Huge increase in overtime amongst sports journalists

as millions of pages of rugby related copy have to be rewritten...

John Ffitch-Rucker 05.02.12 2:15pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
For Huhne the bell tolls. 7
John Ffitch-Rucker 05.02.12 11:14am
Al OPecia
Glasgow KFC to serve deep-fried ear, after successful trial 2
Sinnick 05.02.12 10:25am
Nails UK
Forget WMDs, Al Qaeda to bring down the West with a big snow machine. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 05.02.12 10:05am
Country gridlocked by surprise, long-predicted, snow fall. 0
riesler 05.02.12 9:51am
MRS A. arrested after series of hospital deaths. 5
Ian Searle 05.02.12 5:29am
Investigate report finds the ony one clicking on facebook ads is Mark Zuckerberg

Claims he clicked on them by accident 100 billion times...

Dumbnews 05.02.12 2:16am
Ryanair profits soar as pick'n'mix introduced at checkin.

some rubbish about profits soaring' Michael O'Leary grinning like a 'kid in a sweet shop', stiff penalties for going over your 100g allowancestuff like that (it's too late to write this rubbishand...

LostLad 05.02.12 2:13am
Man reads 'store in a cool place' on tin so takes it to Greenwich Village 1
Smart Alex 04.02.12 11:17pm
Met Office issues yellow snow warning - Don't eat yellow snow. More soon. 3
dominic_mcg 04.02.12 9:43pm
David Jason loses knighthood after Queen catches glimpse of The Royal Bodyguard 4
jp1885 04.02.12 8:35pm
Hardworking family claims exclusive use of 'hardworking family' tag

A move by the hardworking Mr and Mrs Rupert Deveraux-FilbyMoore family to acquire the exclusive use of 'hardworking family' is likely to be robustly resisted by politicians. Mr and Mrs Rupert...

roybland 04.02.12 6:36pm
Concerned Japanese swordsman to become Samurai worrier 1
Smart Alex 04.02.12 3:29pm
Clegg Fans Dissapointed

Fans of popular TV sitcom "Last of The Summer Wine" were left disappointed at a Day Centre in Worthing, yesterday, when it received a visit by the Deputy Prime Minister., "We were hoping to see...

ColS 04.02.12 12:26pm
Genial 'Arry Redknapp to take charge at Parkhurst 0
Drylaw 04.02.12 11:02am
Big rise in people watching daytime television threatens Big Society

A big rise in the number of people watching daytime television is threatening David Cameron's Big Society say government ministers. 'The Big Society can't even get off the ground,' said a...

roybland 04.02.12 10:25am
New “irresponsibly caught” range of fish launched

A new brand is “angling” for attention on the supermarket shelves, a brand that captures the romance of the one that got away with the thrill of the illicit. Forbidden Fish has all the...

nickb 04.02.12 9:46am
Robotic Inspector allowed niece and dog to solve his cases.

There has been shock today in the policing world with the discovery that one of its top robotic detectives unknowingly allowed his niece and their dog to solve his cases. The detective, who is known...

WatcherMark 04.02.12 9:10am