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General Motors announces world's first ventilator with front-wheel drive. 0
Newsdesk 31.03.20 12:25am
With Deaths Doubling Every 3 Days, In 80 Days We'll Have To Import Victims

2^(80/3) = 106,500,000 UK population = 70,000,000 Does this mean we'll all be able to go down the pub in 2 or 3 months time? ...

Titus 31.03.20 12:00am
BBC: Coronavirus will not affect Mrs Brown’s Boys repeats schedule

The BBC has stated that the crisis caused by the coronavirus outbreak will not cause a reduction in Mrs Brown’s Boys repeats currently scheduled for the rest of the summer. Programming will...

Adrian Bamforth 30.03.20 10:57pm
Adrian Bamforth
'I've a global telecom at 2pm, after that we can get shitfaced' confirm bosses.

The directors of some of the UK's most important businesses have all confirmed that they will be 'Very busy' from 8am to 2pm tomorrow, connecting to urgent global teleconferences on such matters as...

antharrison 30.03.20 9:37pm
Women's Institute to knit facemasks for NHS

Responding in the only way an august institution such as the WI can, its members have gathered together - while maintaining a healthy 2 metre gap between members - to knit facemasks for NHS staff. ...

throngsman 30.03.20 8:40pm
Miserable Old Git Gets Just As Many At His funeral As Anyone Else 0
Titus 30.03.20 8:26pm
'Like More Roads Create More Traffic, Hospitals Encourage Sickness' Say Greens

More eco-bollosck soon ...

Titus 30.03.20 8:04pm
NEC Hospital to be allocated CV19 postcode 0
Micca 30.03.20 7:00pm
World cheers up after realising Justin Bieber turns 27 next year 2
Oxbridge 30.03.20 6:46pm
Smart Alex
Locksmiths and pianists identified as key workers 1
Midfield Diamond 30.03.20 6:34pm
Amazon launches new service for vulnerable over 70s - 'Past your Prime' 2
jimmydodger 30.03.20 6:01pm
Critics fear post-pandemic surfeit of Zombie flicks.

With deserted towns and cities the length and breadth of the country, horror film directors have never had it so good. Gone is the need for lengthy negotiations with local authorities, costly street...

AdrianJ 30.03.20 4:50pm
Councils take advantage of no traffic and fix all the roads - You wanted satire 3
camz 30.03.20 4:48pm
Max Stars
Entire CV9 post code area to be sealed. 0
Max Stars 30.03.20 4:47pm
Max Stars
Govt. to appoint National Clap Co-ordination Czar

Downing Street officials confirmed today that they are actively considering appoint a national clap czar. A spokesman said, "The first national clap for the NHS was such a success that lots of...

Max Stars 30.03.20 4:45pm
Max Stars
Riots in France as French Government pursues policy of Merde Immunity 0
camz 30.03.20 4:27pm
Syrian Opposition Forces Require "Kurd" Immunity 0
thackaray 30.03.20 4:01pm
Essex a coronvirus hotspot as women there are all super-spreaders 1
Oxbridge 30.03.20 4:00pm
Al OPecia
Trump moves Easter to November 2021

More to follow...

apepper 30.03.20 3:59pm
Al OPecia
'Wife was in boot because I haven't got a roof-rack' explains M6 driver

Was she wearing a gimp mask?...

Gerontius 30.03.20 3:06pm
Ornithologists worry about bird immunity 3
Mick Turate 30.03.20 2:17pm
The Mash Report to return but told to keep its punchlines even further apart 0
Adrian Bamforth 30.03.20 2:10pm
Adrian Bamforth
How to travel the world under lockdown

Travel plans cancelled by Coronavirus? Feel trapped under lockdown? Never fear! With the aid of our step by step guide, you can embark on a world tour without taking a single step outdoors. 1....

Alexispn 30.03.20 1:55pm
Irish introduce another new immunity after 2 others: "The Turd Immunity" 0
thackaray 30.03.20 1:38pm
Government relaxes definition of Fruit: "Chips & Fruit Pastilles 2 of 5 a day" 0
thackaray 30.03.20 1:35pm
Johnny Depp isolates himself from Amber to achieve Heard Immunity 0
camz 30.03.20 1:28pm
Hipsters worried over Beard Immunity

Joining in the cheap and vulgar rhyming attempts...

camz 30.03.20 1:26pm
Latest Poll - Corona Virus preferable to Dominic Cummings as Policy Maker 0
camz 30.03.20 1:23pm
Retired Tory minister recalled due to Hurd immunity 0
chrisf 30.03.20 1:04pm
Dominic Cummins rushed to intensive don't care

More to follow...

apepper 30.03.20 12:48pm