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Customers of online retail giant 'delighted' order-regret-return cycle sped up. 0
S J Roe 1 day

Customers of an online retail giant that has launched a one-hour delivery service in London are said be overjoyed that stuff they didn't really want but ordered under the influence of hard drugs...

Heathrow expansion plans rejected following shale gas discovery under runway 1
Wrexfan 1 day

More to follow...

England’s Women Football Team go back to being just Women rather than England 11
Stephenlbushell 1 day

A short lived stay in the public consciousness came to a crashing end in the early hours of this morning when the England Women’s Football Team were knocked out of the Women’s World Cup by some...

Consider shorts in Syria, MPs urged 0
Tom Learmouth 1 day

The defence secretary has urged any MPs planning a trip to Syria in the coming months to wear shorts and refrain from wearing trousers or tights. “Hot legs could lead to serious discomfort”, the...

Teen demands right to marry Xbox 2
roybland 1 day

Scunthorpe teen Zac Blake (15) says he wants the right to marry his Xbox when he leaves school. ‘Just like gay people can marry, I think guys should be allowed to get together with their Xbox,’...

Porn Star Admits To Sex-Tape Scandal 2
Reed Arnold 1 day

After weeks of silence, adult film star Kelly Kim announced at a press conference today that she is the woman in the home video that was leaked online a month ago. The film sparked some controversy,...

Journalists demand more atrocities be carried out in holiday resorts 5
Sir Lupus 1 day

Following their members' weekend in Tunisia, the NUJ today issued a statement urging terrorists around the world to consider more "mediterranean or tropical beaches, luxury hotel complexes and elite...

England ladies football team hope for Bronze performance to gain third place 0
Max Stars 1 day
Man with wallet full of loyalty cards has sudden revelation 1
tonyhill 1 day

He is not loyal!...

Cycling bore dominates office kitchen throughout Le Tour De France 1
Stephenlbushell 1 day

Years of being skinny and suffering slow punctures has finally paid off for “bike-mad” accountant Geoffrey Mason, 42, as his sport de jour achieves popularity and, for two weeks, topicality....

Posh Lundun Twats Try To Tell People Of Shrewsbury How To Pronounce Their Town 4
Titus 1 day

(From our correspondent in Hereford [which its citizens at least know how to pronounce], and which is of course a city, not a mere town, so ner ...

Hillary Clinton exposed as Nigerian email scammer 1
6Illuminati9 1 day

Hillary Clinton was exposed today as the mastermind behind the 'Nigerian email scam' after the US State Department released 3000 pages of her private emails. Mrs Clinton was shown to have posed as...

Islamic Estate laments poor performance in first week of Wimbledon 1
blacklesbian 1 day

Officials of Islamic State have expressed dissatisfaction about the performance of their youngsters in the first week of Wimbledon. “We spend millions of pounds on identifying, equipping and...

Val Doonican remembered for not fiddling with kids... 1
hardev 1 day

A star from the past who didn't:)...

Women footballers return home to mountain of washing and ironing 0
Dun Dunkin 1 day
Family of twelve feared to have travelled to Margate 3
throngsman 1 day

Three generations of one family are feared to have taken a perilous trip to Margate after being radicalised by the Margate-tourism website. "We fear they may have been taken in by the swathes of...

Large wooden Horse spotted in Brussels 5
ESJ 1 day

Moving slowly towards the EU building....

Westminster Warmongers want to punch someone 0
Dun Dunkin 1 day
Women's World Cup: English girls denied extra time to reach climax. 0
Crayon 2 days
Someone you've never heard of scores own goal. 0
Tammy Flugh 2 days

More results soon...

Val Doonigone 0
Landfill 2 days

Cardigan-loving goat-botherer croons away to great Rocking Chair in the Sky...

Zemeckis: Back to the Future IV will not be made in my lifetime. Probably 1785. 0
beckfordburger 2 days
Labour wants to give cats and dogs the right to vote 0
Wrexfan 2 days

Labour is pushing ahead with plans extending the right to vote to cats and dogs, Under proposals being drawn up by the party the franchise would be extended to moggies and pooches over the age of 16...

George Lucas' plans to ruin new Star Wars trilogy well underway 1
SamSmith 2 days

The Star Wars director and plaid shirt enthusiast has already revealed his plans to retroactively destroy fan's memories of the films ahead of their release. Even though rival nonsense franchise...

Cats’ tails now safe from rocking chair mishaps… 0
Nomad 2 days
Cadburys disbelief at Henleys Mysterious melting oars 0
Bagger 2 days

King's School Cadbury's rowing team was "scuppered" in its opening race on Wednesday at Henley, after an oar "parted company" from its shaft mid-race. The classic school boy error of using equipment...

Alton Towers to partner with Gaffer Tape 0
Iroquois Pliskin 2 days
Luton or Mosul? You decide...... 1
Robert Koch 2 days
Cameron and Osborne come out as trans class 1
Max Stars 2 days

Prime Minister David Cameron and Chancellor of the Exchequer George Osborne have both admitted they are 'trans class'. 'I've always had the feeling that I am a working class person trapped in the...

Grecians getting urnery about debt 0
sydalg 2 days