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Grant Schnapps denies hacking Wikipeadoia 0
farmer giles 1 day
'Shame them Thin' Singer Jamelia Calls for Fat People to be Pelted with Buns 0
S-Bahn 1 day

Thin, rich person, Jamelia, has caused a kerfuffle after saying that high street shops should not sell plus sized clothes. The singer, who you'd have thought could afford minders to warn her about...

Remains of 100 year old station found at location of 100 year old station 0
Bigglesworth 1 day
Dinosaur movie successfully cloned from old VHS cassette 0
Iroquois Pliskin 1 day

Technicians at Legendary Pictures say they have succeeded in cloning Jurassic Park. The imaginatively titled ‘Jurassic World’- to be released in June - is the culmination of a 15 year project to...

Giant “Fat Ball” Removed From London Sewer 1
doctowhodini 1 day

A giant “Fat Ball” found blocking a Chelsea sewer this week has been removed after complaints by local residents. The massive lump of congealed fat was so heavy that it caused severe damage,...

Miliband criticises Pompeians for lack of post Vesuvius planning 0
Adrian Bamforth 1 day
HSBC 'HQ likely leaving London due to strict regulation'; looking into Mogadishu 0
pere floza 1 day
Mediterranean cruise-company offers no frills crossings to Sicily 11
Dick Everyman 1 day

With the strap-line ‘See Naples and diebefore you get there’ one Tripoli based cruise company is reporting a bumper season by tempting hundreds of African tourists to take up the offer of no...

Man with window cleaning round announces end of year loss of almost £700 1
Underconstruction 1 day

George Kerr, a 68 year old window cleaner from Birmingham has stunned friends and family by reporting a loss of £693 for the financial year ending 5th April 2015., The loss starkly contrasts with...

Apple fans queue to watch the novelty of no queues at a product launch 0
throngsman 1 day
Labour asks IFS if they read both sides of fag packet 2
harrypalmer 1 day
Quentin Wilson buys phone chargers, ipads, satellites – waits, waits, waits 1
SuburbanDad 1 day

Minor TV personality and car warranty salesman Quentin Wilson confirmed yesterday he’d invested in kit that made it “completely impossible not to get hold of me”, but categorically denied he...

Sergeant told 'be less shouty' as programming bootcamp has massive drop out rate 3
ronseal 2 days

A popular training course which promised the make its students rich and fulfilled has suffered an inexplicably high drop out rate. The devisers of "Open source Coding Boot Camp" were initially...

Prince Philip Accused of "Persistent and Aggressive Stalking" by Herd of Deer 0
doctowhodini 2 days
Government to send Fire Service to bolt fire doors in Libya shut 0
throngsman 2 days

"Some of the hotels the refugees are living in are death traps," said a fire expert today, pointing out that whenever refugees flee from these places, "they end up heading for Europe, just to save...

Alex Salmond to run for London Mayor 0
throngsman 2 days

"Of course, I'm hoping to become an MP - the expenses are better and with enough SNP MPs in Parliament we can force the canteen to deep fry Mars bars the Holyrood way," said Alex Salmond today, "but...

Worst thing in Scotland is the midges, not the Nats. 2
Titus 2 days
USA to Save Europe By Nuking It 0
Dun Dunkin 2 days
Tower Hamlets Lose 'Most Corrupt Borough' Status- Vow to Get it Back 0
Dun Dunkin 2 days
'Mr Straight Banana' to rejuvenate flagging UKIP election campaign 0
blacklesbian 2 days

In an attempt to rejuvenate their stumbling general election campaign UKIP will tomorrow unleash their secret weapon ‘Mr Straight Banana’. Mr Banana, who is eight foot tall and bright yellow,...

Motorway chaos as farmer takes control of tractor 2
scribbler 2 days

Bruce, a mature alsation with an impeccable driving record was unable to prevent the dangerous swerving which resulted when his farmer took control of the 7 tonne vehicle...

Cameron “Not Well Enough” to Lose the Election 4
doctowhodini 2 days

Doctors have declared that the Prime Minister must be allowed to continue in power on medical grounds. After carefully studying David Cameron’s low poll ratings, medical experts quickly...

Few surprises expected from Islamic State election manifesto. 6
MADJEZ 2 days

The main talking points are likely to be cutting the deficit through a mixture of plundering ancient art treasures and kidnapping foreigners for ransom. They will also promise strict Sharia law for...

Eton School house band drummer told to get off his Hi-Hat 0
Robert Koch 2 days

hi hat tip to Maverick...

Twitter Gaff Puts Labour Three Points Clear 1
RolandJ 2 days

An unlikely Twitter phenomenon and an illiterate Conservative candidate have combined to propel Labour three points clear in the latest YouGov poll. What started as an innocent teenage crush on...

Introduction of ‘strip-snooker’ smacks of desperation says former champion 7
harrypalmer 2 days

Following Ronnie O’Sullivan’s decision to remove his shoes and play in his socks during his World Championship match on Tuesday snooker bosses are set to extend the idea in an attempt to lure...

Boys named Jaiden, Zaiden and Raiden think Sue got off lightly 1
sdritchie 2 days
St George's Day Not Just for Fascists 0
Dun Dunkin 2 days
Poor quality fake moustache blamed as Armenian genocide recognised again 0
sdritchie 2 days

The calibre of disguises available in western Asia is once more in the spotlight after yet another country recognised the Armenian Genocide. Having been on the run for exactly 100 years, the...

Dubstepping Into the Future - Miliband Takes Style Tips from Skrillex 2
S-Bahn 2 days

In an attempt to appeal to ‘Da Yoof’ vote, Labour leader Ed Miliband has enlisted the help of well know young person and bass-dropper Skrillex. Skrillex, best known for making dance tracks out...