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US electric chairs to come with "slow cook" option 4
sydalg 1 day
US to introduce border height restrictions 1
Wrenfoe 1 day

In order to combat the flood of unaccompanied children through its southern states, the US is planning to implement a scheme which bans anyone who still watches 'Sesame street', needs help tying...

Footballers more intelligent while playing find scientists 1
ionb 1 day

In a shock announcement today scientists have finally demonstrated that footballers are more intelligent on the pitch than off it. In some cases we're seeing move 100-200% increase in IQ states one...

BBC judo commentator admits to spouting random nonsense 1
bookiesfriend 1 day

The BBC has received dozens of complaints against 5-Live Sports Extra commentator Charlie Hill after it became apparent during the 42-year old's Commonwealth Games judo commentary that he was out of...

Hamilton carried on driving flaming F1 car, thought it was just Adele playing. 2
MADJEZ 1 day
Russia awaits Malaysian Airlines response after 8 hour truce offer 0
Adrian Bamforth 1 day
Farah absence from Scottish Commonwealth Games prompts Proclaimers re-release... 1
The Last Detail 1 day

Lochaber no Mo, Sutherland no Mo, Lewis no Mo, Skye no Mo...

Israel shuns peace deal in favour of a good PR firm 2
Wrenfoe 1 day

The Israeli Knesset has rejected the Gaza peace proposal put forward by US Secretary of State, John Kerry, in favour of a modest 12-hour truce - purposely designed to be long enough for Israeli...

UK welfare benefits to be paid in medals instead of cash. 0
Crayon 1 day

More victory soon...

GDP boosted by brisk trade in corporate tax avoidance and fat brown envelopes. 0
Crayon 1 day

More deals soon...

Hindu complains: 'Why is everyone ignoring the elephant in the room?' 0
Adrian Bamforth 1 day
Reformed Pythons to attend all US executions to determine signs of life 0
Adrian Bamforth 1 day
Mass Extinction 2
Mike Turbine-Hamilton 1 day

Vertebrates and invertebrates face extinction because of human activity, according to scientists. Nigel Lawson is still alive...

Commonwealth Games Viewers Hit the Wall with a Week still to Go. 2
IABP 2 1 day
Child rape victims urged to ‘spice up’ their testimony 1
deceangli 1 day

In a bid to keep judges awake during tedious cases involving alleged child rape, the Ministry of Justice has issued fresh guidelines to defendants. “It’s just the obvious stuff, really. You...

Dylan 'beyond disappointed' after hearing tambourine song 15
Bravenewmalden 1 day

In a song title that's finally come back to haunt him, Bob Dylan today experienced what it's actually like to hear a song played by a 'Mr Tambourine Man'. The verdict? It's pretty dull. It was in...

Agoraphobic benefit cheat’s therapy on Goa beach ‘Slow, but we’re getting there’ 0
beckfordburger 2 days
Games opening ceremony 'seemed like an eternity' said US death row prisoner 6
Scroat 2 days
Waterstones growing weary of teenagers ‘ironically’ stealing ‘The Book Thief’ 1
deceangli 2 days
Oops - double post 2
Smart Alex 2 days
Maverick librarian stacks shelves ‘his way’ 0
deceangli 2 days

Despite several disciplinary hearings and a strongly-worded letter from County Hall, maverick librarian Tom Flint remains determined to take shortcuts and act on hunches. “You can’t live with...

Politics 'Unfair On Anyone Who Looks Like A Twonk' Complains Miliband 5
Titus 2 days
Israeli Politicians Panic As Hamas Threatens To Stop Firing Rockets 2
Titus 2 days
Politicians Demand End of Democracy as it 'Only Elects Idiots' 0
Dun Dunkin 2 days

"What we need is a system where the people from the right families who have been to the right schools get the right jobs"...

Judge was in 'Deep Meditation' During Rape Case 0
Dun Dunkin 2 days

"I don't know what the fuss is about I was very near enlightenment"...

Miliband: 'I'm Not Really As Useless As I Look, Honestly'. 0
Titus 2 days
Illegal Immigrants Trying To Return Home Sent Back To UK 3
MeNJi 2 days

A group of 28 'illegal immigrants', including women and young children have been caught red-handed trying to LEAVE the UK and return to their poverty-stricken homelands. The group smuggled...

Jonah asks ISIS 'Can you stop the cavalry' as they blow his tomb up. 0
MADJEZ 2 days

More obscure stuff soon...

Man crosses threshold with new bride - gets something half-lady half-doorstep 2
Smart Alex 2 days
"UK Economy finds paddle but creek still a bit smelly," says Osborne 0
cinnahmon 2 days