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Prayers Being Offered For Stricken TV Royal Anchors

A frantic race is on this evening to find an urgent cure for a virus that's wreaking havoc throughout the UK's media community. The infection named, [i]Chronic Sycophantosis[/i], believed to be a new...

Duff 07.06.12 9:16pm
Dejected Clinton cards buyer returns home with £35million worth of weasel balls 0
Mandy Lifeboat 07.06.12 9:16pm
Mandy Lifeboat
Olympic ladies' soccer tickets unsold "for footballing reasons". 0
nickb 07.06.12 8:29pm
Hitler confirms invasion of the Sudetenland for 'footballing reasons' 2
Alan Sundry 07.06.12 8:24pm
Psittaphobic Chinaman has cleft palate 1
cinquecento 07.06.12 8:23pm
Queen ‘As Fit As Kate Middleton’

As celebrations for the Queen’s Diamond Jubilee took place in all parts of the Uk over the bank holiday weekend, politicians and famous people have queued up to pay tribute to our monarch. David...

Mark Gregory 07.06.12 6:55pm
Mark Gregory
PM in Merkel gaffe storm

Latest: PM David Cameron was caught in a diplomatic storm after his latest round of Euro-crisis summitry with German Chancellor Merkel, when overheard muttering 'Two World Wars and one common...

Miss Hegas 07.06.12 6:25pm
Miss Hegas
Austerity Cuts See An Am-A-Drama Ding-Dong At The BBC

During these past two years we've all become accustomed to the concept of "Austerity Britain" and nowhere are the cuts biting harder and deeper than at the BBC. Budgets have been trimmed back so...

Duff 07.06.12 6:11pm
'Lease this pub' now the most popular pub name survey reveals

A comprehensive survey of pub names has revealed the changing face of British pubs. The Campaign for Real Ale (CAMRA) survey has showed how a whole host of new names has burst on the scene,...

Mandy Lifeboat 07.06.12 5:01pm
MOD shocked at sponsorship deals for the British Army

Following a series of cuts and funding problems the MOD was shocked today to find some of the oldest regiments are being merged and sponsored. From November this year - The Gordon Highlanders will...

Mart1054 07.06.12 5:00pm
Ray Bradbury to be buried on monday

a joke so obscure I've only put it up to tease...

Mandy Lifeboat 07.06.12 4:25pm
The real Nick Clegg found washed up on a beach in Oregon

It has been confirmed that a man who was found washed up on an Oregon beach is the real Nick Clegg. The leader of the Liberal Democrats disappeared just over two years ago in a Tsunami of public...

Not Amused 07.06.12 4:00pm
Not Amused
Weather and River Event Spoil BBC Presenter Jamboree

Weather and River Event Spoil BBC Presenter Jamboree - 'But we are proud of what we achieved' say BBC. A once in a lifetime opportunity for BBC presenters to massage their egos, celebrate their...

l0w 07.06.12 1:32pm
Researchers invite you to meat the veg.

A team of researchers at the University of Hertfordshire have finally succeeded in creating the world's first meat based vegetables. The project was undertaken as a means to combat food shortages...

wallster 07.06.12 1:27pm
Rio Ferdinand left out of drug tests for not turning up reasons 0
ronseal 07.06.12 12:50pm
Malaysians admit they meant to buy Battersea dogs home 1
Mandy Lifeboat 07.06.12 12:22pm
Sensation as Queen harnesses Jubilee fever to stand for election

Buoyed by a wave of patriotic fervour, an invigorated Queen has seized the moment and announced that she will throw her crown into the ring and stand for election as Head of State in order to silence...

Stan 07.06.12 11:36am
Semantic fundamentalist researchers successfully split infinitive. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 07.06.12 11:21am
Future editions of The Guardian to end all paragraphs with "Whatever." 0
Textbook 07.06.12 11:15am
New Jeans Test For Foetuses Divides Fashion Community

The fashion community is today divided following the announcement of a new test that has been developed and can be applied to unborn foetuses; one that will enable designers to see just how good, or...

Duff 07.06.12 9:17am
Murray blames poor form on the change from Scot to Brit ahead of Wimbledon

"It happens every year. I can feel my whole body changing, like some sort of werewolf. It really does ruin my gameplan," Murray told reporters. "It feels like I've had some sort of personality...

Scroat 07.06.12 9:06am
Paul McCartney booked to play The Apocalypse

Fans of music and doomsday prophecies were celebrating last night after God confirmed that he had booked the former Beatle Sir Paul McCartney to be the closing act at the end of mankind. A...

Rizzo 07.06.12 8:48am
Scientists access parallel universe where Ed Sheeran isn't inexplicably popular

Physicists say they are close to understanding one of the greatest conundrums of recent decades: why unremarkable Suffolk songwriter Ed Sheeran has achieved massive commercial success. The...

Skylarking 07.06.12 8:45am
Mumbai man with broadband problems annoyed that helpdesk is located in Surrey 1
Smart Alex 07.06.12 8:20am
Hosepipe ban scuppers Drunken Sailor song 1
nickb 07.06.12 7:53am
Tories to pass new "tug your forelocks to bankers" act.....

for all the wonderful things that bankers have done for us over the last few years., It makes you want to cry in your beer...

Jesse Bigg 07.06.12 7:44am
Jesse Bigg
Lower French retirement age means Hollande out of a job in two years

French President Francois Hollande admits lowering the retirement age to 60 was a “slight error” as he is due to turn 60 on August 2014, almost 3 years before his Presidential term expires....

Yikes 07.06.12 5:11am
Cheryl Cole sadly DOESN'T have a brain tumour.

More shit songs soon...

MADJEZ 07.06.12 12:05am
Dutch workers with ADHD applaud Hollande retirement age cut 0
Yikes 06.06.12 11:34pm
Israel to build 300 giant middle fingers in occupied West Bank 1
grumblechops 06.06.12 10:09pm
Vertically Challenged Giant