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Sarcozy nationalises Disneyland Paris

French President Nicolas Sarcozy is considering nationalising Disneyland Paris, to prevent foreign visitors being surprised at its inherent 'frenchness'. Despite the best efforts of Disneyland's...

31.08.11 6:54am
Chiswick organist gives woman vibrato.

A Chiswick organist has been accused of performing vibrato on an elderly woman in a church vestry. Turnham Green resident Humphrey Nonce was allegedly seen with 69 year old Doris Clunge sitting on...

rebel not taken 31.08.11 12:47am
rebel not taken
New Facebook feature automatically "likes" all your top friend's posts 0
Dumbnews 30.08.11 11:51pm
JayZ now has 100 problems 0
bonjonelson 30.08.11 11:07pm
Crackdown on rioters starts by only allowing benefits for the first looter

David Cameron today outlined his new hard-nosed approach to rioters and looters “Only the first looter in the family will get benefits, subsequent looters will not bring in more Government cash to...

brownpaperreporter 30.08.11 9:34pm
Police mustard to tackle watercress thieves 0
rickwestwell 30.08.11 9:32pm
Desperate Arsene Wenger recruits Colonel Gaddafi to shore up Arsenal's defence 0
JohnA 30.08.11 7:32pm
Len Ganley takes extended rest 1
rickwestwell 30.08.11 6:45pm
Michele Bachmann Declares Own Candidacy A Warning From God

Hot on the heels of controversial remarks that the recent earthquake and storm on America's east coast were a sign of god's wrath, presidential hopeful Michele Bachmann today added to her portents of...

Textbook 30.08.11 6:16pm
"More bang for your buck" 14 days @ Sirte Hilton starts Saturday 3rd September.

More soon. Get in before the rush. I'll get my flak jacket...

dvo4fun 30.08.11 6:07pm
Coolest Summer for Two Decades "Hangover From Labour Government" 0
thisisall1word 30.08.11 6:02pm
Man killed by Taser offered 'too much resistance' claim police - 2 51
Screenie 30.08.11 5:20pm
Al OPecia
Chiles Set To Star As Bungle As Disney Sings Deal For Rainbow Movie

Cuddly Daybreak presenter, Adrian Chiles, is reported to have singed a contract with Disney USA for a seven figure sum that now sees the way clear for him to co-star as the somewhat effete bear,...

Duff 30.08.11 2:53pm
Danny Alexander Asked By Cameron & Clegg To Justify Poor Summer Weather

The Coalition Government's chief apologist, Danny Alexander, has been handed his toughest task yet since slithering into power with his fellow Lib Dem colleagues. Forget the disgracefully shoddy,...

Duff 30.08.11 2:20pm
Uncle of George W. Bush 'caught thinking' 0
Griffin 30.08.11 12:15pm
Microblogging Site Goes Into Meltdown As Cheryl Cole Posts Her First Tweet

It really is one of those [i]"Where were you when[/i]" moments; surely on a par with the assassination of JFK and Neil Armstrong setting foot on the moon. At 11.30 today Cheryl Cole posted her...

Duff 30.08.11 11:42am
Comedian set to make big splash

Actor/comedian Matt Lucas, star of hit TV shows such as Little Britain and Shooting Stars will be heading for the fast flowing water’s of the Thames at the weekend to play his part in this year’s...

Gerontius 30.08.11 11:03am
BBC Fail To Meet Irritating Accent Quota

The BBC is meeting its quota for presenters who aren't very good and who have odd facial mannerisms. However, it is falling short of its target of having 50% of presenters with excrutiating,...

Wheelright 30.08.11 11:02am
Surprising Behaviour by Queen in Five Live Interview

BBC radio station Five Live thought they had the scoop of the century when The Queen agreed to spend time in the studio on star presenter Nicky Campbell's show yesterday morning. Increased listening...

Drylaw 30.08.11 10:27am
Rebels stop hunting for Muammar Gaddafi between 5.30 am and 7.00 am

because first thing in the morning, most people look like that...

Mother 30.08.11 9:14am
Filey Scarecrow Festival Passes Off Without Trouble

Community leaders expressed relief as the town’s annual Scarecrow Festival came to a close yesterday with no reports of trouble. There had been threats to cancel the event after outbreaks of bad...

Aberdeen Correspondent 30.08.11 8:50am
Aberdeen Correspondent
Mrs Boycott called up for India ODI squad

Indian selectors, still smarting from a 4-0 drubbing in the recent Test series against England have answered criticism from supporters back home by including veteran Yorkshire all-rounder Mrs Hilda...

Gerontius 30.08.11 7:23am
'Now Prime Minister Japan I am' claims Noda 0
Ostsee 30.08.11 6:51am
Every Little Helps World Domination

For the purposes of not naming names, the following theory discusses a hypothetical supermarket chain. Let us call it, ‘Tesbury’s’. It’s often said that stores like Tesbury’s want to...

Glib Hemingway 29.08.11 11:44pm
Glib Hemingway
Athletics World Championship: Bolt screws up.

More soon on this thread I'll get my track suit...

dvo4fun 29.08.11 9:55pm
'I 8-2 be an Arsenal fan at the moment' says comedian Alan Davies. 4
martin2381 29.08.11 9:34pm
Psoriasis of the penis linked to decreased stroke risk 5
29.08.11 8:34pm
the coarse whisperer
RNLI in debt after Joss Bay fund raising event.

writinginbsl 29.08.11 6:20pm
Onlookers shocked as a grandmother is found legless at Bridlington theme park

I am actually ashamed of myself, I suppose there will be some kind of knee jerk reaction now...

writinginbsl 29.08.11 6:12pm
Al-Magrahi to be brought back to UK before end of transfer window, says Wenger. 3
dominic_mcg 29.08.11 6:12pm
Al OPecia