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Daily Mail Exclusive; "dying early can prevent most diseases"

The Daily Mail revealed today that dying early is an ideal way of avoiding many diseases; a medical expert explained; "Diabetes, cancer, arthritis, you name it; statistics show that the likelihood of...

apepper 10.06.12 7:23am
High jump competitor clears customs at Heathrow

Tug-of-War team pulls out...

Nerys Hughes 10.06.12 5:16am
Nerys Hughes
Hosepipe use now compulsory in some areas 0
Haywood Manley 10.06.12 4:39am
Haywood Manley
Medieval musician arrested for luting. More soon. 4
dominic_mcg 10.06.12 3:08am
Holidaymakers airlifted from caravan holiday hell

Holiday makers in Wales have been rescued by the emergency services after large numbers of them suddenly realised that caravan holidays really are that bad...

BabyDinosaur 10.06.12 2:58am
John Terry compares Auschwitz experience with winning the Champions League

After visiting Auschwitz today with other members of the England squad John Terry spoke of how it put his achievement of single handedly winning the Champions League into perspective. "Having...

A Wagonload Of Monkeys 09.06.12 9:15pm
Spanish footballers to bail out Spanish banks 0
Drylaw 09.06.12 9:01pm
Adverts on Newsbicuit Writers page continue to be bizarrely irrelevant

comfort in continuity...

virtuallywill 09.06.12 4:29pm
Queen's Diamond Jubilee enthusiasts 'now feeling like twats'

People who backed the Queen's Diamond Jubilee celebrations say they now 'feel like complete twats'. 'What was all that about?' said Jack Peters who helped organize a street party and wore a plastic...

roybland 09.06.12 4:27pm
London man makes heroic decision to subscribe to online edition of newspaper

After years of indecision, an Islington man is paying £9.99 a month for access to the online edition of a national newspaper. Sam Pierce said he was still kept awake at night wondering if he'd made...

roybland 09.06.12 3:21pm
Fry-ups Under Fire As Ministers Favour Fags

The Coalition is intending to implement new legislation in relation to one of the nation's best-loved signature dishes - The Full English. And if the changes are green-lighted, then from July 2013 it...

Duff 09.06.12 3:04pm
Tom Windsor promises to take action on Police Operations Names.

Incoming Police Regulator today slammed the falling standards in Police Operations naming as the Met revealed a raft of serious crime task forces called Operation Thingy, wordswordswords and Your...

Lemon difficult 09.06.12 1:10pm
Lemon difficult
Prince Philip leaves hospital in time to offend foreigners at Euro 2012

A nation celebrates as Prince Philip will be able to go to Poland and offend foreigners after all...

apepper 09.06.12 11:32am
Manchester man provides deep insight into Euro crisis

Terry Jenkins of Manchester unwittingly made an enemy of most of Britain with his accurate, but unfortunate, summation of the Greek crisis when interviewed by the BBC this week. "As far as I can...

kga6 09.06.12 8:18am
Greek debt crisis solved through sale of alphabet to Apple

The continuing debt and currency crisis wracking Greece appears to have been solved this week with the sale of the Greek alphabet to Apple. Western countries have long been baffled by Greece's...

Nick McCarr 09.06.12 7:30am
Nick McCarr
Autopsy reveals Robin Gibb had lethal levels of music in his blood

As yet another prodigiously talented musician passed away before his time, medical experts are becoming more vocal in highlighting the health dangers of having music in the blood. At the coronial...

Yikes 09.06.12 6:55am
Dalai Lama surprised at omission of Rio Ferdinand from England squad 2
grottymonty 08.06.12 11:44pm
UEFA gets tough on racism by sticking fingers in ears and going "la-la-la".

More firm measures soon...

seymour totti 08.06.12 9:47pm
Zeus, God of rain & Lord of the sky intervenes in England cricket team selection

Following the England selectors outrageous decision to leave Jimmy Anderson out of the final test against the West Indies at Edgbaston, Zeus himself has intervened to ensure no one gets a bowl by...

grottymonty 08.06.12 9:43pm
Austerity cuts leave Greece with 10 men 0
Not Amused 08.06.12 8:49pm
Not Amused
Older people advised to stop going on about how they've worked all their lives

Britain's older people should stop telling people how they've worked hard all their lives and always paid their taxes, says Oxford University geriatrician Dr Margaret Soames (21). 'In the first...

roybland 08.06.12 8:31pm
Former lover claims Cheryl Cole mimes in bed. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 08.06.12 7:49pm
Scots enter Olympic spirit by lighting fags off Olympic torch.

More healthy activity soon...

MADJEZ 08.06.12 7:08pm
Jimmy Anderson fury at sitting in a different changing room watching the rain

England fast bowler has expressed his anger at being "rested" for the third test; "I'd particularly wanted to sit in the Edgbaston dressing room watching the rain come down. Now I'm forced to sit in...

apepper 08.06.12 4:56pm
Merkel agrees "double or quits" with Greece over Euro 2012 0
quango 08.06.12 4:52pm
Divorce Looming For Leading Seismologist After Infidelities Rumbled By Wife 1
Duff 08.06.12 4:30pm
Polish supporters claim they were just singing "Funky Gibbon". UEFA close case 0
grottymonty 08.06.12 2:48pm
Racists at Netherlands practice grateful for training opportunity.

“One of the best squad sessions we ever had.” claimed Euro 2012 racial abuse co-ordinator Jan Terleki at the close of the Netherlands training session. “The only thing it lacked was a dust up...

weematt 08.06.12 1:43pm
"Say Cheese My Son" As Eastenders Sets The Pace Again

Never one to shy away from the big topics and issues of the day, BBC flagship drama, Eastenders, is once again setting the agenda and is on course to shock its fans and critics alike. In the past...

Duff 08.06.12 1:21pm
Masonic secret handshake upgraded - extra digit required

More to follow...

apepper 08.06.12 12:46pm