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USA declares war on atmosphere for destroying satellite 0
RJWinter 22.09.11 6:05pm
McIntyre proves how shit he is with 3 month sell-out tour

Would be comedians and second rate satirists were cheering loudly today after much maligned comic Michael McIntyre proved just how right they all are to question his comic timing by quitting as a...

Gerontius 22.09.11 6:00pm
Georgia judge pardons white rappers for murdering black art form

Georgia judge Thomas Peters caused controversy today by pardoning a group of white rappers who had been found guilty of murdering the hip hop genre. While the majority of American states enforce...

Des Custard 22.09.11 5:55pm
Des Custard
Newsbiscuit contributor dies of heart-failure...

‘he had a dodgy ticker’ say medics...

John Ffitch-Rucker 22.09.11 5:49pm
Vast Reserves of Seaside Fun Discovered in Blackpool

The UK tourist industry is gearing up for a bonanza after huge reserves of seaside fun were discovered in and around Blackpool in the north-west of England. If fully developed the find could...

TokyoTomato 22.09.11 5:33pm
Spin the Bottle Ouija board slammed by spirit of deceased Puritan

Teenagers defend the new game saying "fingering a spirit is not the same as necrophilia. Nobody is getting hurt here. Can't you old people just move along and complain about heating bills?"...

gaijintendo 22.09.11 4:49pm
Putting fighting children in cages "likely to catch on". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 22.09.11 4:24pm
Al OPecia
Spaghetti, shit compared in fan-metaphor test

As metaphors go, the one about a highly messy semi-solid hitting a rotary ventilating device has always divided users along decency lines.  Who among us has decided to use the shit version, only to...

nickb 22.09.11 3:52pm
Government stockpiles excuses in readiness for flu vaccine shortage

More later...

spoole2112 22.09.11 3:50pm
Jane Fonda to donate skin to the American people.

She’s an actress, an agitator and a ceaseless campaigner for worth-it older women. Now, in what many see as the culmination of a brilliant career, Jane Fonda is to donate her total skin area to a...

nickb 22.09.11 3:37pm
S&P reduce credit rating for Yorkshire to A-up 4
bonjonelson 22.09.11 3:30pm
Feild Of Funny Phalluses Found In Formby

A farmer from Formby on Mersyside who was harvesting fields of root vegetables got more than he bargained for, and was completely flabbergasted when it was discovered that every single one of them...

Duff 22.09.11 3:26pm
Pensioner arrested over napalm ‘intruder’ death

A Norfolk pensioner has been arrested in connection with the napalm death of a suspected intruder at her home on Saturday night. A charred pile of human remains was discovered on the welcome mat...

Dick Everyman 22.09.11 3:19pm
Dick Everyman
Massive demand for "I was Troy Davis" T-shirts

bit nasty, but humour is humour I guess...

RJWinter 22.09.11 2:57pm
Mini Cooper estate is more of a back yard say motoring journalists. 0
martin2381 22.09.11 2:22pm
Man-flu epidemic averted as Bird-flu wouldn't let him out 1
Perks 22.09.11 2:20pm
Junk falling from sky not our space ship say Chinese. 1
greg various 22.09.11 2:19pm
"No stairway" signs in decline in music shops as Adele tops list 0
simonjmr 22.09.11 1:51pm
Countdown contestant's submission of "felch", left a nasty taste in the mouth

Claims Gameshow host. More soon...

simonjmr 22.09.11 1:37pm
"Heavy Petting" investigated at children's zoo

Marland's children's zoo in East Sussex  may have  to regulate contact between young visitors and livestock  after health concerns were raised about small children lifting chinchilla  rabbits...

nickb 22.09.11 1:35pm
New Met boss offers Guardian journalists get out of jail free cards

In what is widely regarded as an embarrassing climb down by the Metropolitan Police, Guardian journalists  will be offered a six month immunity from gratuitous prosecution. The news comes after all...

nickb 22.09.11 1:25pm
Michael Winner marries himself

"All my life I have been looking for someone who could understand me.  Accept me for what I am.  Someone sympathetic,  giving, intelligent and in their own way, beautiful.  One night,  it came...

nickb 22.09.11 1:22pm
Mass plate-mending "unlikely to help Greece crisis"

You can see them in the kitchens of tavernas and restaurants the world over.  With the heady smell of superglue masking the familiar smokey fragrance of kebabs they hunch over piles of tragic...

nickb 22.09.11 1:18pm
Tesco now officially owns 'every fucking thing'

Tesco CEO Sir Terry Leahy has announced that, after completing the acquisition of the Co-Op and the Happy Garden Chinese takeaway in Bromsgrove, it now owns every fucking thing in the whole fucking...

Oxbridge 22.09.11 1:18pm
Beware of Greeks bearing interest. 2
rikkor 22.09.11 1:18pm
Jethro Tull, Breakup.....

.To re-concentrate on development of seed drills...

Jesse Bigg 22.09.11 12:58pm
greg various
"What's An Apple Pie Bed?".......

.Says university fresher, with big holes in his sheets...

Jesse Bigg 22.09.11 12:48pm
Jesse Bigg
"What's An 'Apple Pie Says University Fresher..... 0
Jesse Bigg 22.09.11 12:44pm
Jesse Bigg
Spectators demand money back as child fight deemed 'not dangerous'

The organisers of a cage fight involving two boys under the age of ten have received a backlash from members of the public after they suggested the fight was ‘not dangerous’ to either of the boys...

Screenie 22.09.11 12:37pm
World stock markets crash on news of REM split 0
grottymonty 22.09.11 12:15pm