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Free nicotine patches for smokers provided they put them over their mouths 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Million UK children lacking computers forced to use their parents' smart phones 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Gordon Ramsay’s books ‘more proof of Neanderthal man’s culinary sophistication' 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Terrorists thwarted in attempt to make Big Ben go bang rather than bong 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Extinction set to return... 0
victory V 4 years

'in the highly-charged world of sub-atomic particles, I'm positive I can make it', he said...

'Sloppy gaggers' set to make a come-back. 0
victory V 4 years
John Tomsett arrested by police after saving DJ 's life 0
Malcum eggs 4 years

Greater Manchester Chief superintendent Andrew Holt said a lot of Morrissey fans had gone to a lot of trouble to follow out their leaders orders and had successfully shoved the irritating DJ into...

Muslims “taking more relaxed view of infidels”... 1
Doylem 4 years

Khadim Ahmed, Iman of Manningham Mosque, reaches out the hand of friendship to the wider community. “We’ve decided to loosen up and not be so aggressive. You know, burning books, burning...

Expert claims "I'm not bad for my age." 0
victory V 4 years

More soon., (With a nod to Mr. Blacker)...

Homosexual Innuendo Particle found by Large Hardon Collider. More soon. 2
VictorMeldrew 4 years

Titter ye not!...

“Unnecessary journeys can be resumed”, say hauliers... 2
Doylem 4 years

“It’s quite a relief to get back to normal, after all the arctic weather”, said Bob Hargreaves, president of the Road Hauliers Association. “We have consignments of foodstuffs in our North of...

SPAM ALERT: don't read anything from "NEEDYUOO" 0
Sinnick 4 years
Scientists fear pandemic as despondent boar confirmed with man flu. More Soon. 2
VictorMeldrew 4 years

Can't be original, surely?...

Cold turkey lover turns addict. 0
Trickster 4 years
UK to ship 1500 tonnes of leftover Christmas turkey to Darfur. more soon 0
Mrblacker 4 years
Minimalism to be known simply as m from now on. 2
malgor 4 years
, 9
Trickster 4 years
Government unveils new Manifesto sharing website: YouTurn. More soon. 0
VictorMeldrew 4 years Feel free to use the image if you feel like expanding on this...

In latest deficit busting measure, Agoraphobics facing Panicker Tax. More Soon. 0
VictorMeldrew 4 years

Boom, boom. Again! I had much worse along the same lines, such as a new Spanish "Terrorista Tax" but I couldn't mould them into anything even remotely funny. Here's wishing for a ticker before the...

'Do they Know its Jihad' Single fails to make it to No 1 0
Dun Dunkin 4 years

Comedy group UBL are gutted after their Single 'Do they Know its Jihad-Bomb the World' pastiche of the Band Aid song 'Do they Know its Christmas' wasn't bought by anyone except by the lead singer's...

Large flocks of winged pigs with dandruff head East for the winter 3
Hunter F. Thompson 4 years

The Time has come, the Walrus said, to have a cup of tea,, So put the kettle on, my Pet, and snuggle up with me!, Pet filled the kettle from the tap,, And lit the gas and - fancy that!, While a...

Taxi Drivers-Only, Lottery Game To Be Launched In 2015 6
Jesse Bigg 4 years

Rules: Driver with the last six Lib-Dem MP's in his cab, wins and must include Clegg-iron...

LibDems list post-election achievements: “still room for more on Post-It note”. 0
Doylem 4 years
Palin shoots Santa 9
Sinnick 4 years

[open to ideas if anyone wants to take this further]...

Recently discovered human sized Ant ,refuses to lift a London bus . 6
melody 4 years

above it's head,especially the bendy ones...

After struggling to think of a new name Messiah,forgives and returns 0
melody 4 years
After Pope watches Gymnastic event at the Vatican he wants to Canonize 0
melody 4 years
William and Kate will “revive interest in life-long relationships”... 0
Doylem 4 years

Top churchman, Dr Rowan Williams, expressed his hope that Prince William's wedding in 2011 could help restore the popularity of life-long relationships. He admitted, when pressed, that this was a...

Somerset police: “We’re still looking for the pizza. No particular reason”... 0
Doylem 4 years
12 Christians arrested 0
ramblesnake 4 years

for planning to starve themselves to death during next Ramadan...