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"What's Happened? Is Something Amiss?", Asks Cameron.......

.As a recent poll survey reveals that UK voters are turning into Victor Meldrews. "I don't believe sh(one)t!"...

Jesse Bigg 31.03.12 12:15pm
Jesse Bigg
Tory Petrol Panic A Diversion.........

To allow Cameron to go on another overseas skive...

Jesse Bigg 31.03.12 11:47am
Jesse Bigg
Maude defends petrol position; "You should get your chauffeur to decant petrol"

Government minister, Francis Maude, has explained that he didn't mean for members of the public to decant petrol to store in one of their garages. "Obviously, one's chauffeur should do that sort of...

apepper 31.03.12 11:43am
Greggs launch petrol soaked pasties

Greggs the bakers have launched a new petrol soaked pasty product. It's sold cold and so avoids VAT yet can be easily heated simply by lighting with a match or lit cigarette. They can also be used as...

apepper 31.03.12 11:09am
Maude's position bolstered as gas flare extinguished 0
medici2471 31.03.12 11:05am
Francis Maude to duette with Prodigy at Glastonbury

Details of set list to be confirmed...

Scronnyglonkle 31.03.12 10:52am
Police say fire at Francis Maude's garage was just smoke and mirrors 2
Scronnyglonkle 31.03.12 10:50am
The Queen to get a new waxing. 0
wallster 31.03.12 10:45am
Dolphin friendly tuna invites dolphin to tea 3
nickb 31.03.12 10:34am
nostra da mouse
Strike on hold as fuel drivers receive overtime bonus from Cameron 0
nostra da mouse 31.03.12 10:25am
nostra da mouse
Obama Sin Laden following sexual congress

Americans are outraged to hear that their President has allegedly fathered 4 children out of wedlock. The Republican Senate was quick to condemn his extra-marital congress with the youngest wife of...

3zincold 31.03.12 10:02am
Francis Maude considers his careers options after call from No 10

Minister Francis Maude, considers his career options this weekend after many policians declare him the new saviour of carefully measured market intervention. Economists who have long considered the...

totnes 31.03.12 10:01am
MOD: We are using half-filled tanks to give the enemy less of a target

variant of an earlier one...

weematt 31.03.12 9:40am
“Eat your parents” urges Swift in “demographic bomb” re-write.

It was a classic satirical view, almost as relevant now as it was nearly three hundred years ago, when “Swiftie09” as he called himself then, posted it on Ye Newsmorsel. Eat your children. Now...

nickb 31.03.12 9:38am
Santorum: If Elected, I Promise to Repeal Last Two Centuries

WASHINGTON – Top GOP nominee Rick Santorum announced today that “should I be elected, I will take America back to when it was most pure – the 19th century. Men were men, and women and children...

Clavius 31.03.12 9:07am
Rumours of Aretha and Geroge album denied 0
nickb 31.03.12 8:45am
Police say body "probably no-one important"

Mystery still shrouds the identity of a female body found on a canal bank in Manchester last week, as police say they have yet to formally identify her or her cause of death. Detective Inspector...

jamsieoconnor 31.03.12 8:37am
Fury as Cameron tells queuing motorists to eat a pasty!

Cameron yesterday visited queuing motorists outside petrol stations awaiting a delivery of fuel said that they must keep calm and stay nourished, going from car to car offering free pasties., one...

wilkieone 31.03.12 8:34am
"Set fire to your homes,now."advises Francis Maude,

as Fire Brigades Union contemplates strike ballot...

Zen 31.03.12 8:28am
Francis Maude not part of smoke free homes campaign spokesman confirms 0
Mandy Lifeboat 31.03.12 8:26am
Mandy Lifeboat
Summer type of weather in March, was 'it' says forecasters

The past weeks 'Record' summer type of weather for March, was reported by forecasters today, as 'it'. When asked what they mean by 'it', a very 'matter of fact' forecaster responded, "we have the...

Claire 31.03.12 7:48am
Escorts to charge VAT for hot sex 0
wallster 31.03.12 7:46am
Mystery of travelling pasty!

Cameron's travelling pasty story continues., Cameron stated he ate a pasty at Leeds railway station, this was updated to Liverpool. one eye witness said she saw the pasty headed towards London Kings...

wilkieone 31.03.12 7:23am
Men convicted in Lennon bomb plot 'didn't know he was already dead'. 1
John Ffitch-Rucker 31.03.12 6:55am
New panic buying is loo roll! Environmental groups say, "grow dock leaves"

A rumour that workers in toilet roll factories are threatening strike action, has caused a wide spread case of panic buying of the soft soft soft toilet paper. One super market has confirmed that...

Claire 31.03.12 6:34am
Mr Target
Snow White warned of dwarf shortage 1
rustytruss 31.03.12 1:15am
William & Kate to appear on Escape to the Country

. More soon...

theumpire 30.03.12 11:42pm
Soldiers ready to replace any striking workers claims Government

Following the Government’s announcement that Army and RAF service personnel are ready to perform the work of striking tanker drivers if necessary, it has been revealed that their training has also...

Midfield Diamond 30.03.12 9:57pm
Supermarket designs PastyCan

A leading supermarket has designed a container to keep pasties hot. A spokesperson declined to comment when asked if storage of large amounts of pasties was safe...

GillsImp 30.03.12 8:28pm
Heston Blumenthal admits fish in petrol sauce was an accident waiting to happen. 0
godly1966 30.03.12 6:13pm