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MrQ 12.01.12 11:27am
Met office warns that the warm winter will hurt Climate Change Deniers

The Met Office today warned that the unusually warm winter will prevent the usual flock of Climate Change Deniers from wintering in the country. This will prevent people from hearing their...

steve_l 12.01.12 11:22am
Salmond poaches chef

In a shock move Scotland's first minister,Alex Salmond, has appointed disgraced TV chef Antony 'Borrow' Thompson as the public face of the Scottish independence campaign., Defending the...

JETFAB 12.01.12 11:08am
Throwaway remarks to be banned under EU Environmental Laws. More soon.

Inspired completely and utterly by writinginbsl...

Al OPecia 12.01.12 11:03am
Protestors flock to challenge pigeon-feeding ASBO. More ASBOs soon

there may be some more mileage in this ?...

FlashArry 12.01.12 10:41am
Salsa dancing class flyer respondant, finds only abandoned shopping trolley

Guy Flunt (32) of Clapham was left flabberghasted yesterday evening, as he turned up for his free introductory salsa lesson and found nothing at the address other than an abandoned Asda trolley with...

Newsquelch 12.01.12 10:40am
Government takes concrete steps to cement ties with construction industry 1
Dumbnews 12.01.12 10:39am
Taliban commander hails success of internet roll-out.

Qari Ahmadullah, 47, a district commander and community outreach worker in Kandahar province, has hailed the success of a pilot scheme to supply local teenagers with laptops and access to the...

John Ffitch-Rucker 12.01.12 10:35am
New ‘Ed Mil-ogram’ set to take birthday party scene by storm

Forget Stripograms and Kissograms, the latest craze for birthday parties is an Ed Mil-ogram. This new offering will see the Labour leader deliver a message of your choice and then spend the evening...

Vertically Challenged Giant 12.01.12 10:34am
Friday Nights In Thorne, South Yorkshire Will Never Be The Same Again.......

.Since the death of shopkeeper, Billy Tomkins (nicknamed Billy The Swill) due to his prowess of removing vomit, in next to no time, from his shop doorway., Mourners are thus advised not to drink too...

Jesse Bigg 12.01.12 10:26am
Jesse Bigg
A23 southbound closed after child’s backpack sheds load over both carriageways

Drivers travelling from London to Gatwick or Brighton are being urged to re-plan their journeys and allow extra time after southbound traffic was brought to a standstill this morning at around 8:00. ...

Newsquelch 12.01.12 10:24am
Popular Russian "Down And Out" Antifreeze Drinks To Be Exported To UK.....

.Initial target will be British tramps, but could go nationwide if the recession worsens...

Jesse Bigg 12.01.12 10:00am
Jesse Bigg
Teacher paid £80k after leaving work says she "was doing a lot of marking" 0
charlies_hat 12.01.12 9:53am
Nicolas Sarkozy confirmed as "world's smallest frog" 0
simonjmr 12.01.12 9:50am
The 100 year collision course with James Corden

In 1910, an British engineer called John Pottersby made a number of predictions about what the world in 2010. How did he do? 10 predictions that Pottersby got right 10 - Squeezy Marmite “The...

Newsquelch 12.01.12 9:49am
Funny names invented to relieve tedium of US campaign, Mitt and Newt confess

Worthy of more later ?...

Clarky 12.01.12 9:33am
Cameron To Sell Off Scotland To McDonalds.......

."The Burghers of Edinburgh are lovely, dear."...

Jesse Bigg 12.01.12 9:32am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Ken Loach to direct Happy Feet “ The Heroin Years”

Ken Loach is to direct the sequel to Happy Feet after David Cameron called on the UK film industry to produce more blockbuster movies and less depressing shit about council estates. Cameron said...

Gary Stanton 12.01.12 9:30am
Dickens or Shakespeare
Alton Towers unveil new 'Coalition Coaster'

Alton Towers have today unveiled the latest thrill ride in their collection. The 'Coalition Roller Coaster' has been launched as the theme park's most ambitious ride yet with many twist and turns,...

Perks 12.01.12 9:15am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Scots to vote on independence from Westminster...

subsidising their free university places, free prescriptions, free elderly care, etc...

Smart Alex 12.01.12 9:06am
pere floza
UK to be renamed "The Untied Kingdom". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 12.01.12 8:42am
Al OPecia
Scots independence latest: Tartan Army applies to join NATO 1
Stan 11.01.12 11:13pm
Cinema-goers excited over 3D version of film about invisible aliens

With sci-fi blockbuster ‘The Darkest Hour’, based on an invasion by hostile aliens who cannot be seen, set to hit the UK’s cinemas this weekend excitement is building amongst film fans, eager...

Vertically Challenged Giant 11.01.12 11:02pm
Runestone Cowboy
British film industry urged to focus more on pornography and wizards

Britain's film industry is facing a radical overhaul, as ministers urged studios to stop making arty, elitist guff that can only be understood by philosophy students and focus more on wizards,...

11.01.12 10:52pm
George Michael and Michael Barrymore lined up for Celebrity Bog Browser 0
ronseal 11.01.12 8:14pm
Gardener Loses Plot. - 2

Or, if you prefer, Solicitor Loses Will...

sredni vashta 11.01.12 7:57pm
BBC wins in legal bid to film torture, Attenborough keen to narrate 0
irregular apple 11.01.12 7:54pm
irregular apple
Gary Glitter spotted on Greek holiday 0
irregular apple 11.01.12 7:51pm
irregular apple
Coalition urges Brits to select winning numbers for EuroMillions 0
irregular apple 11.01.12 7:50pm
irregular apple
Cameron keen to introduce tax breaks for philistines 0
irregular apple 11.01.12 7:49pm
irregular apple