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Tesco to compete with Quorn with new Disappointing Meat range

the new Tesco Everyday Value ham slices will emulate the taste of Quorn without the need to actually stop eating meat...

gaijintendo 15.07.12 4:50pm
Al OPecia
Olympic Games in last minute switch to Afghanistan to improve security. 0
Al OPecia 15.07.12 4:48pm
Al OPecia
Police foil evil terrorist plan to bring their own drinks to Olympics

Anti-terrorist police squad members have arrested several people believed to have links with al-Qaeda. Examination of files stored on confiscated computers, indicated that they had a plan underway to...

apepper 15.07.12 2:47pm
British cyclist tests positive for talent. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 15.07.12 1:52pm
Homeopaths mass antibiotic consumption in protest against conventional medicine

Homeopaths the length and breadth of Britain are to protest against conventional medicine today by mass consumption of prescription drugs. A spokesman from the Society of homeopaths told us " Just...

The Masked Frog 15.07.12 1:10pm
Team GB odds on for gold in relay using new rule interpretation.

Team GB are set to shock the athletic world in the 4x100 metre relay next month. While the other teams are sticking to the tradition of four runners doing 100 metres each, the British athletes have...

MADJEZ 15.07.12 12:18pm
Whale fined for breaching new Thames Bylaws

A Northern Bottlenose whale has been the first person to be fined under new Thames Bylaws introduced earlier this month. Nanuq Naartok, of The Gully, Nova Scotia, spoke only to confirm his name in...

ginty 15.07.12 9:55am
The Masked Frog
BNP New Campaign Strategy “We’re Being Sarcastic.”

The British National Party today unveiled the new campaign strategy; to lace each bigoted remark with irony. It is felt within the party that people will be less morally outraged by their vile hatred...

Hooch 15.07.12 8:47am
The Masked Frog
Olympic poncho shortage gives green light to water bomb terrorists

Home Secretary Theresa May says she was unaware of a serous shortage of ponchos for the London Olympics. The shortage means that over three thousand military capes will be redeployed to the Games...

roybland 15.07.12 7:35am
Government announces the 'Electrification of the M1'

The government has today announced the electrification of the M1 between London and Sheffield. Transport Minister Justine Greening also explained many other upgrades to the route that will see safety...

Perks 15.07.12 7:28am
Yorkshire man requests bail out from IMF

Frederick Arkwright, a plumber from Cleckheaton, West Yorkshire has formally requested an economic bail out from the IMF. This follows a downgrading of his credit rating by local agency 'the man at...

Alfred Noakes 15.07.12 6:17am
John Terry and Anton Ferdindand share Daddies Sauce Ambassador of the Year awar 1
ronseal 15.07.12 1:26am
Queen to holiday in NZ for duration of Olympics: astonishing revelation 0
Drylaw 14.07.12 7:59pm
Nick Buckles 'disappointed' as G4S works brewery piss up was 'badly organised' 0
writinginbsl 14.07.12 6:47pm
Kazakh Olympians need Horsemeat fix – Equestrian teams warned to remain vigilant

Kazakh Olympians need Horsemeat fix – Equestrian teams warned to remain vigilant...

HIGNFY 14.07.12 5:18pm
John Terry lawyer: we used the OJ defence 'I'm a famous football player' 1
MADJEZ 14.07.12 3:50pm
Merkel backs right not to wear a hoodie 5
charlies_hat 14.07.12 1:00pm
Home Secretary Admits Illegal Chips May Infiltrate Olympics

Theresa May today admitted she had grave doubts about G4S’s abilities to keep non- McDonald’s potato products from entering Olympic Park. ‘It’s a nightmare scenario really,’ said May....

daneade 14.07.12 11:40am
Olympic Security - Tabloids On Red Alert For Jessica Ennis Wardrobe Malfunction 0
14.07.12 11:28am
Fully functioning feudal state found in remote part of Norfolk. 3
Thor 14.07.12 11:06am
G4S blames "staff shortages" for shortage of staff

No G4S spokesman available...

apepper 14.07.12 10:34am
Man quits his attempts to get 'analogue retweets' trending

Social media addict, Billy Granite from Rochdale has decided to stop attempts to bring virtual interaction in to real life following a number of embarrassing incidents. His latest habit saw him...

Perks 14.07.12 8:42am
Man walking dog "astonished" to not find body. More soon. 6
Al OPecia 14.07.12 7:01am
Al OPecia
Victoria Beckham bloats to 34 stone as diet drops to ‘homeopathic levels’

Victoria Beckham has ballooned to nearly 35 stone, after accidentally adopting a homeopathic diet. Beckham is said to have skipped a crucial mung-bean salad last week, diluting her calorie intake to...

14.07.12 6:19am
Court declares Terry is "whiter than white" 0
bonjonelson 13.07.12 11:14pm
Judge claims he said 'not guilty' to John Terry in a sarcastic manner only 4
charlies_hat 13.07.12 8:27pm
Terry: 'This has been a black day for English football'

after Spitting Image...

Mark Gregory 13.07.12 7:23pm
Mark Gregory
I didn't say 'Invade Poland,' I said 'Invade Poland?' claims Hitler 1
Hooch 13.07.12 6:24pm
custard cream
UK Olympic Pole Dancer Arrested

Police swooped on a Hammersmith sports club at 1.00a.m last night and arrested acclaimed UK Olympic pole dance medal prospect, Vanessa Fosdyke-Smythe. Ms Fosdyke-Smythe (23) and her...

13.07.12 5:39pm
Relegated to Div3, but bookies still make Rangers second favourite for SPL title 0
oblongscone 13.07.12 5:27pm