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Arsene Wenger to recall Diana 0
Des Custard 4 years

Having heard that Earl Spencer intends to recall Princess Diana at the forthcoming royal wedding, the Arsenal manager is considering recalling her for the starting lineup against Aston Villa this...

N Korea warns South about [i]WarGames[/1] 0
Grover 4 years

North Korean officials have just issued a warning to their uneasy neighbours to the south not to view the 1983 film [i]WarGames[/i]. “We have just seen this film, starring the young, decadent...

"Got fed up eating chicken, so we ate Seabird" say 3 surviving cannibals... 0
thackaray 4 years

.found alive in Pacific after 7 weeks adrift; 10 other companions still unaccounted for...

Bernard Matthews: did some auto-erotic act go tragically wrong? 2
Doylem 4 years

“We found Mr Matthews surrounded by roast potatoes and seasonal vegetables. There was evidence of soft fruit, possibly cranberries”, the coroner told the press. “It’s difficult to be sure...

Bernard Matthews to be “roasted, not cremated”, say family. “Bootiful!”... 3
Doylem 4 years
Bernard Matthews' body to be stuffed & displayed in Norwich 0
Sinnick 4 years

This follows Jeremy Bentham's precedent at UCL...

Matthews autopsy... 2
Doylem 4 years

Cause of death? “Well, we found Bernard with one of those huge birds sitting on his face”, says coroner, “and I think we all know what that’s like.”...

Failure to promote Thanksgiving Day celebration in UK broke Matthews' heart 0
bonjonelson 4 years
Berbnie Ecclestone in £200,000 mugging was hurt when described as F1 2
arrghgarry 4 years

he said I am least F5...

Bernie Eccelstone said the Insurance job went as well as 0
arrghgarry 4 years

could be expected...

“No flowers”, say Matthews family, “just a choice of seasonal vegetables"... 1
Doylem 4 years
Bernard Matthews dies: Christmas has come early! say turkeys. 6
Zadok the second 4 years
Face of drunken man found on pub table 3
Pabst Blue Ribbon 4 years

it was under his head. Drink responsibly!...

US Thanksgiving Day rejection of Turkey Twizzlers too much for Bernard Matthews 1
pinxit 4 years
Sinister rumours surround Turkey King Bernard Mathews purported death 2
A Crooked MP 4 years

With the annual festive cull of turkeys fast approaching some sources claim that Mr Matthews has actually gone into hiding after death threats from the provisional wing of the Wattled cock fanciers.,...

Ed Miliband to lead student protest march. 0
DiY 4 years

Today Ed Miliband announced that he will be at the front of the next student protest march to be staged in London as he discovers that brother David gets more pocket money...

Derby Council to place vulnerable children in pedalo protection scheme 0
Gerontius 4 years

In a bid to stop paedo gangs targeting children in and around the city centre, Derby District Council have hit upon the idea of putting all 12-18 year olds in a small fishing boat and setting them...

'Colder than cold place' as Brrritain shivers 4
Bravenewmalden 4 years

As Arctic conditions continued to grip Britain, Met men revealed yesterday that some parts of the country were colder than those parts of the world we normally associate with cold. As temperatures...

Pope says condoms acceptable to prevent spread of Tory peers 0
ianslat 4 years

Pope Benedict has today shocked members of the Catholic church by agreeing that the use of condoms is justified in some situations, such as to prevent the spread of dangerous conditions such as being...

Recession makes man nostalgic for the Cadbury Flake ads... 0
Doylem 4 years

“It was a simpler, more beguiling time, when a good-looking girl could be so engrossed in giving herself oral satisfaction that, caught in a summer shower, she’d ignore the raindrops falling onto...

Kim Jong II prepares for succession of Kim Jong III 2
Nick McCarr 4 years
Of course there should be a cap on immigrants. 2
martin.chew 4 years

In this weather, they should put a scarf on too. (from #bbcqt twitter)...

Next Student fees protest will take place "Right after Supermarket sweep" 0
Iamthestig 4 years

Probably done to death by now...

Whenever You Drop Toast It Always Lands Jesus Face Down, says Sod's Law 5
IABP 4 years
Boy with gift of hindsight becomes most boring kid in school 2
brownpaperreporter 4 years
Unions blame Coalition Government for continued North/South Snow Divide 0
brownpaperreporter 4 years
Dr.Aco Malfoy denys that his penis had been slithering 0
arrghgarry 4 years

My magic wand has remained in my underpants ,the only time I take it out is to piss on Daniel Radcliffes car...

Year 10 Pupils 'Fully Committed' to Government's Benefit Breeding Programme 0
IABP 4 years
A quarter of those with Babble Warming Virus 'unaware they have diseased minds 0
arflaethel 4 years

A quarter of people with Babble Warming Virus in the UK, over 22,000, are unaware they have the virus, experts from the Royal Society of Experts have suggested. The 2009 estimate is based on the...

German man bricks himself into cellar... 0
Dexter 4 years

"anything to get away from the bloody 'x-factor", he explains...