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"Actually" says Fate, my finger is very focussed 0
brownpaperreporter 26.07.11 7:53pm
Age Concern launch their Winter campaign and urge the UK to “Wall up OAPs”

“We have seen Winter fuel bills increase, deaths on icy roads spiral and more and more pensioners clogging hospital casualty wards, so walling up the old folks is the only answer. No more housing...

brownpaperreporter 26.07.11 7:44pm
Two active geysers discovered in Yosodomite National Park 18
Dick Everyman 26.07.11 6:35pm
North London crematorium explodes. 0
be reasonable 26.07.11 6:25pm
be reasonable
Google + to include a new Circle of Hell option 0
ronseal 26.07.11 2:32pm
Nick Griffin re-elected as BNP leader by ‘crushing’ nine-vote margin

British National Party members have given Nick Griffin an overwhelming mandate after re-electing him as leader by the crushing margin of nine votes. His humiliated opponent Andrew Brons managed a...

Christopher Frost 26.07.11 2:17pm
Christopher Frost
Maternity wards to be adopted by wolves

The NHS has welcomed an agreement to hand maternity care to the wolves. Long recognised as the ideal animal for raising children, the successful bid was supported by references from Mowgli and a...

26.07.11 2:13pm
Commuter deodorant Crisis

As all major labels continue to push "Lasts 48 hours or Longer" Anti Perspirant/Deodorants experienced Commuters commented. "Dear god please no!" . Interviewed one Stephen Giles of Surrey said "Its...

Wellsonian 26.07.11 2:13pm
Dull hosts fake 'edgy' parties by hiring 'Strop-A-Grams'

A new service is being offered to the socially inadequate, so they can pretend to live life in the fast lane. For a price, a 'strop-A-gram' will turn up to your party and make it an event no-one can...

26.07.11 1:40pm
Hamilton "I'm Quitting" stuns motor racing fans

Acknowledging that "I have just been wasting my life" 26 year old Lewis Hamilton, Formula 1 World Champion in 2008, revealed this morning his immediate retirement from the sport. His McLaren car...

dvo4fun 26.07.11 1:20pm
Criticism For Zoo Autopsy Plan

Edinburgh Zoo has announced plans to carry out a post mortem on a large mammal before a live audience in August. Zoo bosses emphasised that it was part of their remit to educate as well as entertain...

Drylaw 26.07.11 1:05pm
Altruism Alert Raised to 'Severe' as Londoner Acknowledges Fellow Man

Central London was brought to a standstill last night after an explosion of politeness ripped through the city. The spontaneous outburst of avuncularity was attributed to Martin Kimble, 27, a graphic...

f0zz 26.07.11 12:45pm
Good day to bury "Bad News" is correct due to lovely weather

Today, was hailed by the vicar, as a good day to bury Bad News since the weather forecasters had predicted rain and gales but it instead turned out sunny and pleasant for the mourners. Mr Bad News,...

thackaray 26.07.11 12:17pm
Retail sales fell in may. Government blame good/bad weather

select as appropriate...

virtuallywill 26.07.11 12:11pm
Ryanair buy Space Shuttle fleet and Kennedy Space Centre for Disneyland holidays 0
Iamthestig 26.07.11 11:01am
Justin Bieber To Quit Music Over Lack Of Critical Recognition

Justin Bieber may have millions of adoring teenage fans and indeed the millions of dollars spent by those millions of fans. His face is on computer screens, TV screens, best-selling CDs, a popular...

Textbook 26.07.11 10:03am
Scientists create human-ape hybrid. Rooney sues for copyright breach.

Son of Barnabas 26.07.11 9:20am
Winehouse dubbed “heroine” by top heroin dealer

Britain’s top drugs dealer paid tribute to Amy Winehouse, calling her an “A class ambassador for class A drugs”. The dealer, who asked not to be named, was speaking from his multimillion pound...

nickb 26.07.11 9:01am
All BBC cafeterias to move to Salford, staff voice concern

The BBC is to move all staff catering facilities to its new Salford Quays complex. Staff in London say they could face round trip journeys of as long as two days to get lunch or a snack. But BBC...

nickb 26.07.11 8:40am
Winehouse dies, Pete Doherty to play Kerry Katona in the final. 1
MADJEZ 26.07.11 8:11am
Will all those with Amy Winehouse jokes please form a line.

It's what she would have wanted...

Iscariot 26.07.11 7:49am
Son of Barnabas
ToysRUs recall ‘Hadron Kaleidoscope’ product after black hole consumes toddler. 6
Corrigan 25.07.11 10:46pm
Fussy young dung beetles spurning dung, older beetles complain

To zoologists, they are nature’s great recyclers, the 5,000 or so species that feed on faeces and maintain the ecological balance of the deserts, farmlands, forests and grasslands of the world....

Oxbridge 25.07.11 10:41pm
Hate me! Hate me again! says Nick Clegg, pissing on the Cenotaph

Liberal Democrat leader Nick Clegg today threw several impoverished students, a cute puppy dog and Sir Bruce Forsyth onto a blazing bonfire of the lovely frocks of a naked, shivering Duchess of...

FraserWords 25.07.11 8:56pm
Celebrities criticised for failing to make trite comments about Amy Winehouse

Dozens of celebrities faced mounting criticism today for failing to make trite comments about Amy Winehouse via various social networks., “It’s almost as if they think their opinions don’t...

FraserWords 25.07.11 7:48pm
Frank Miller detained at airport after his gonads set off metal detectors.

In an ironic twist of fate, given he is about to release an anti-al Qaeda/Islamist graphic novel , comic book author Frank Miller was detained by airport security yesterday after his testicles set...

Corrigan 25.07.11 7:43pm
Google stumbles on unique revenue generating model of charging users 0
Dumbnews 25.07.11 5:57pm
Mobiles Show Us The Light

The world renowned Psychic Derek Acorah has struck a deal with Apple. He plans to release his own range of mobile phones. The I’m-Dead will now enable you to speak to, not only your living...

victimms 25.07.11 4:50pm
Pipe Smoker of the Year 2011 to be awarded posthumously. More soon. 5
dominic_mcg 25.07.11 4:21pm
Flightless, South American bird wins "rhea of the year" award. More soon. 4
dominic_mcg 25.07.11 3:19pm