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UK Government To Close Stable Door By 2019

The Government has accepted plans by an Independent Commission to procure a bolt for the National Stable, fit it to the stable door, and then shut and lock the door by the year 2019. However, plans...

0
Awkward Facts 12.09.11 10:00am
Awkward Facts
Daily Mail launches Fantasy Dictator Assassination League

The Daily Mail is launching Fantasy Dictator Assassination League, where livid readers get to spend £100m on buying 10 International dictators, crackpots and war criminals that they think will be...

0
simonjmr 12.09.11 9:51am
simonjmr
Director of Josef Fritzl movie accused of nepotism 0
Runestone Cowboy 12.09.11 9:49am
Runestone Cowboy
Rick Perry: "Without Capital Punishment There Would Be No Christianity"

Defending his execution of 234 people as governor of Texas, Rick Perry said his fundamentalist religion would be nowhere without it. "If Pontius Pilate sentenced Jesus to 300 hours of community...

3
Supremecourtjester 12.09.11 9:40am
Textbook
‘Gideon’s Way’, the new solution for the UKs stumbling economy

“Cuts will help recovery” was the mantra from George (Gideon) Osborne as he delivered a keynote speech today. The chancellor believes that the economy will thrive simply by removing all support...

1
spoole2112 12.09.11 8:43am
dvo4fun
Strategic world domination board game players forced to fill out Risk Assessment

Manufacturers Parker Brothers claim it's the Nanny State gone mad! However the Health and Safety Executive have pointed out it does contain small parts which could cause choking, repeated shaking of...

4
Ian Searle 12.09.11 8:37am
dvo4fun
Eric Pickles to display nutritional value

Following the decision by McDonalds to label food clearly with levels of fat, salt and protein, fatboy cabinet minister Eric "Jar of and don't skimp on the cheese" Pickles is to be given a tattoo...

8
antharrison 12.09.11 8:35am
antharrison
Sniffer dogs to be taught some manners 1
Runestone Cowboy 12.09.11 8:31am
dvo4fun
Dyslexic Bush counts the days till 11/9 2
Dumbnews 12.09.11 8:24am
dvo4fun
Homeopathic leak threatens catastrophe

An accidental release of highly dilute homeopathic waste from a research institute in Swindon has lead to calls for the centre to be shut down. Plant operators have admitted responsibility for...

16
bonjonelson 12.09.11 8:20am
Sinnick
North Korea to join EU next year

The Democratic People's Republic of Korea (DPRK) will officially join the European Union on January 1 next year, according to a statement from the EU's Directorate of Expansion Rapporteurs. In the...

2
Rick Bradford 12.09.11 8:12am
dvo4fun
Car wash proprietor opens supermarket

Although he always answered "If I wanted a f*cking car wash I'd go to a f*cking car wash" to the attendants hawking £5 mini-valets in his local Tesco car park, car wash owner John Askham wondered if...

4
antharrison 12.09.11 8:09am
dvo4fun
Reading Out The Names Of Those Killed In Accidents

In a monthly ceremony organized by the United States Government to begin in October this year, on the 11th day of each month the United States Secretary of Transportation will stand outside 1200 New...

0
Awkward Facts 12.09.11 8:03am
Awkward Facts
Statisticians Remember 81%

succinct is the new funny., Although, this is sort of now after the even tell this one in a few months time and get an "ey?"...

0
thisisall1word 12.09.11 7:55am
thisisall1word
Godot arrives 3
Oxbridge 12.09.11 7:01am
Sinnick
Autistic Statisticians Remember 81% 3
thisisall1word 12.09.11 6:53am
charlies_hat
Germany set to abandon Grease according to BBC report

EXECUTIVES at Deutche Bank are urging Chancellor Angela Merkel to sever ties with the 1970's hit musical Grease claiming that it's upbeat tunes no longer reflect the spirit of the nation., Right...

0
tedweasel 12.09.11 5:45am
tedweasel
Budget Time-Travel Operator Opens Timeport in 2011

Budget time-travel operator EasyTime has opened a new timeport in 2011. But while it may be good news for local businesses, the tourists from the future are frequently disappointed with its lack of...

3
TokyoTomato 12.09.11 3:20am
TokyoTomato
Ten years on, we now know what celebrities were doing on the day of 9/11

After three days of tireless interviewing the British media can now reveal the whereabouts of every single celebrity in London when they heard about the events in the New York. Celebrity policeman...

3
ronseal 12.09.11 3:09am
TokyoTomato
Insufferable UK Pedants' Mark 11/9 0
thisisall1word 12.09.11 1:27am
thisisall1word
Ricky Gervais Bombs At 9/11 Memorial Service

Controversial comedian Ricky Gervais was a surprise choice to MC proceedings in New York for the tenth anniversary of the World Trade Centre attacks, but it is safe to say that he won't be asked back...

6
Textbook 11.09.11 11:37pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
911 minutes silence deemed excessive, replaced with 60 seconds

Except for Piers Morgan, who is actively encouraged to shut the fuck up for just over 15 hours...

0
Vertically Challenged Giant 11.09.11 9:50pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
10 yr anniversary of 9/11 marked with decimal rename of 0.81818181 0
charlies_hat 11.09.11 7:09pm
charlies_hat
Pre-decimal pedant complains, "9/11, that was nearly 50p when I was a kid" 1
Ian Searle 11.09.11 7:03pm
nickb
Wallace Simpson and Gromit movie opens to mixed reaction at Venice Festival

Could a film successfully combine the hilarious animated antics of Britain's troubled royal family, and the poignant story of a lovesick cheese obsessed inventor and his dog? Directed by Dame...

8
nickb 11.09.11 7:00pm
nickb
UK perplexed as US remembers 9/11 two months & two day early. 0
Steve Wilson 11.09.11 6:50pm
Steve Wilson
Chanel 5 spice things up as incestuous gay enters big brother 5
spoole2112 11.09.11 6:15pm
Golgo13
Obama deeply concerned millions with Alzheimers have forgotten 9/11 0
Dumbnews 11.09.11 4:20pm
Dumbnews
Unexpected twist in Fred West drama when he changes his name to John

and opens a fish canning factory...

0
Ian Searle 11.09.11 4:19pm
Ian Searle
Romanians freed from campsite finally able to return to lay-by 0
Runestone Cowboy 11.09.11 2:47pm
Runestone Cowboy