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New Italian leader's penis promises restraint.

In a specially arranged press conference, the penis of newly appointed prime minister Mario Monti vowed not to emulate the excesses of its predecessor. It also refused to comment on any of the...

nickb 15.11.11 6:01am
Reality Couple With Too Many Kids Expecting... Again

"Fucking is ace. We really enjoy it, and we want everyone to know that contraception is for idiots." They added, "Having a reasonable number of kids and being responsible about the earth's limited...

moggies 15.11.11 4:05am
Torture Inquiry: 'We'll get the truth from witnesses by using "waterboarding"&#0 0
thackaray 14.11.11 11:36pm
Woburn man to donate testicle to Nick Clegg. More soon. 3
Al OPecia 14.11.11 11:33pm
Arab Drug Killer waved through Bristol Airport security with "Allo Moi Luvver" 0
Drylaw 14.11.11 10:38pm
Capello expecting Sweden to play with flat pack four 8
charlies_hat 14.11.11 10:10pm
BP discover fifth pipeline leak 0
medici2471 14.11.11 10:03pm
Police praise Chav-curfew as 'I'm a Celebrity..' returns. 0
MADJEZ 14.11.11 9:51pm
Spanish giant killing sends town bonkers in Little England on the Handcart

Minnows Little England on the Handcart have gone football bonkers, after the local team pulled off a shock giant killing against might Spain from the premier league of world football. OK, our goal...

ronseal 14.11.11 9:35pm
Google to close whilst they 'search for answers' to soaring search times.

The Internet search giant Google have announced they are to close down all of their search operations, after it admitted search times had slowed over the last 5 years. The search times, which are...

Perks 14.11.11 8:54pm
Missiles may improve viewing figures for 2012 Olympics 1
medici2471 14.11.11 8:53pm
Passenger terror as Ryanair plane circles above Turkey for over 8 hours.

They might be giants of the air industry, but the young pilot and elderly co-pilot argue about landing at Istanbul or Constantinople...

Bryan with a Y 14.11.11 8:19pm
Cowell fury as Minty Challis releases re-mix of 'Caravan of Love' for Christmas.

Minty to travel the country to promote single...

Bryan with a Y 14.11.11 7:41pm
Bryan with a Y
Jordan calls on Assad to resign. André thinks he should stay. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 14.11.11 7:39pm
X-Factor finally remembers to put the Kitty out! 0
Ian Searle 14.11.11 7:33pm
Ian Searle
'Clearasil' shares in spot of bother as teenagers stay indoors.

Company heads pore over latest results...

Bryan with a Y 14.11.11 7:20pm
Bryan with a Y
Noddy gets a Holder himself and escapes annual slaying early.

Legendary fuzzface, Noddy Holder awoke this this morning to the sound of "IT'S CHRISTMAS" on local radio station SH1 TFM, and knew it was time to pack his platforms. Despite earning around £1.25...

Bryan with a Y 14.11.11 7:05pm
Bryan with a Y
Sir Jimmy Saville’s coffin encased in concrete “just to be sure” 1
Duncan Biscuit 14.11.11 5:37pm
Runestone Cowboy
Evo-stick announce business is insolvent 0
charlies_hat 14.11.11 4:55pm
In today's Daily Star:

Katie Price answers your questions on thermodynamics & Planck's blackbody law...

vertical 14.11.11 4:49pm
Hacking probe judge denies being a puppet. Nation can clearly see the strings

grottymonty 14.11.11 3:42pm
Victims of Lloyd Grossman sauce botulism to undergo keyhole surgery 2
Duncan Biscuit 14.11.11 2:59pm
Santa Claus issues prior notice of strike action citing inadequate pension.

Union representatives for Santa Claus issued a prior notice of strike earlier today citing poor work conditions and inadequate pension planning as the basis for a strike planned for 25 December this...

Mr Pineapple Lumps 14.11.11 2:16pm
Mr Pineapple Lumps
Internationals. Latest Score: Arab Spring 3 - European Autumn 2

Still playing...

pinxit 14.11.11 2:14pm
Gary Barlow accuses Take That of being predictable, announces dubstep album

Take That star Gary Barlow has been casting his critical judging eye over his own band, and has reached the conclusion that they are ‘predictable’. The same damning criticism that the...

Vertically Challenged Giant 14.11.11 1:41pm
Vertically Challenged Giant
Burlusconi to quit Italy and set up new political party in Libya

"I want nothing to do with countries where democratically elected leaders are simply thrown out of office."...

grottymonty 14.11.11 12:49pm
Nintendo target fatties with Wii-Unfit

After complaints that exercise games are too demanding, enter Wii Unfit which dispenses with leaping round the lounge waving a plastic bat because it's uniquely controlled by brainwaves. You just...

vertical 14.11.11 12:46pm
Colonel Gaddafi found: Working as a Fatima Whitbread lookalike. 2
whickerman 14.11.11 12:25pm
Worlds rarest comic to be sold at auction.

The Worlds rarest and oldest comic will go under the hammer today at a much anticipated auction in London., After years of investigation, researchers tracked Roy Winterly 102, to a nursing home in...

DavidBlame 14.11.11 11:52am
OFCOM condemns Channel5 for showing The Great Escape “too early”

2,500 calls were made to the regulator following the screening of The Great Escape last Sunday evening Every call was a husband in either shock or blind panic. Colin Jones is a prime example...

brownpaperreporter 14.11.11 11:48am