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Dressing room intruder loses sympathy after discovery he's a mortgage adviser. 1
MADJEZ 4 years

More sound investment advice soon...

Budget leaks, "LOL tax will raise billions" predicts Osborne. 0
The Return of DroleNoel 4 years

Incorrect useage of the email shorthand 'laughing out loud' will be subjected to an automatic £1 penalty after Tuesdays budget. Chancellor Gideon Osborne has indicated that social networking sites...

Osborne finalises emergency budget after World Cup discussion with barber 1
Des Custard 4 years

After wrestling for weeks with the seemingly intractable detail of Tuesday’s emergency budget, George Osborne says it has now been sorted with a little help from his barber, Anthony. ‘After his...

Goalkeeper insists on wearing different colour shirt to team dinner 8
Genghis Cohen 4 years

England goalkeeper David James surprised reporters last night by eschewing the England team’s official regalia of Marks & Spencer grey suit, waistcoat and tie at a function at the British High...

Benny Hill named Oxford poetry professor. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 4 years

As I was walking by St Paul's, a woman grabbed me by the arm...

Tony Haywood plans boating holiday in Gulf of Mexico 0
PluckyMunky 4 years

Much, much, more later...

Research uncovers Geordie who wasn't in Lindisfarne. more soon 2
Mrblacker 4 years
Coach insists on wearing football uniform to team's formal award banquet 0
Dumbnews 4 years
Increase in Road Tax for vehicles displaying cross of St. George. 1
Ian Searle 4 years

10% for one., 20% for two., 50%for three., Double for four and above., 25% extra Council Tax for houses displaying Flags, plus 5% per meter of bunting...

Government priority: to stop Gove scarring school children 1
PluckyMunky 4 years

A confident Cameron said: 'we not ruling out anything: paper bags, masks, plastic surgery. David must not scare children on his school visits...

Daily Mail suggests : 'Everything is probably far worse then we ever thought.' 0
PluckyMunky 4 years

Editorial claims: 'The UK may never recover from what is likely to be even more awful than anyone could imagine. This is no time for optimism of any sort. Nor will there ever be a time for optimism.'...

Vuvuzelas could devastate house prices, reveals Daily Mail 1
StoopyDeGunt 4 years
Terry says he fully behind the alleged England manager 0
virtuallywill 4 years

more speculation later...

Tony Hayward says: 'I can't take responsibility for everything to do with BP.' 0
PluckyMunky 4 years

'I'm only the Chief Executive Officer.' 'I'm not paid £4 million pound a year to have the buck stop with me.'...

Budget summary pamphlet to be entitled: 'Let Them Eat Cake' 0
PluckyMunky 4 years
Harry Potter theme park refuses to issue refunds to muggles. 2
Rorschach 4 years

Children paying their £20 entrance fee are being asked to run at full speed at a solid brick wall labelled “Entrance 9 ¾”. Those that fail to pass through to the “wonderous, magical land”,...

Budget shock, straw boaters tax free, duty increased on shell suits. 0
Ian Searle 4 years
Tony Hayward to head nationwide U.S. "Call gas petrol" campaign 0
ramblesnake 4 years

fill 'er up, my man, soon...

ACPO quick to defend "Cross-recognition" CCTV cameras 0
hero2zero 4 years

A spokesman for ACPO said the value of this camera system is immeasurable, "It can be adapted to listen for illegal MP3 downloads, recognise those wearing multiple counterfeit designer watches, in...

Diddy to be reunited with Ken Dodd, Dickie Mint and the others in Knotty Ash. 0
Ian Searle 4 years
England fan was 'Looking for footballers' 1
antharrison 4 years

A man who accidentally stumbled into England's dressing room following the recent world cup match apologised after admitting that he was looking for some footballers. 'I approached a man who called...

England fan 'Never even looked like finding the toilet' claim press. 1
MADJEZ 4 years

The England fan who allegedly trespassed in the team dressing room on Friday has been criticised for his lacklustre performance. He claimed he was looking for a toilet but his lack of motivation and...

Christian groups alarmed by “Cross-recognition” software. 0
hero2zero 4 years

Religious leaders, today expressed their concerns over the, so-called “Cross-recognition” CCTV software. The system, arranged through the Terrorism and Allied Matters fund has been devised to...

No 'Fantastic Day' for BP boss Hayward. Rest of Haircut 100 escape grilling. 0
MADJEZ 4 years

More soon. (Yes it's too late, I've been busy !)...

Fergie hopes to marry Warren Buffet 0
PluckyMunky 4 years

'I fell deeply in love with the multimillionaire, last Thursday afternoon', said the penny-pinching Duchess of York. 'I appreciate the way he gives away so much of his money. He is 89 and I adore...

Fan looking for toilet was merely following England's hopes down the pan 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
BP boss says his yacht trip was to show his commitment to wind power 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Isle of Wight residents puzzled by media interest in yachtsman 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Volume to be turned down and seating provided as Glastonbury turns 40 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Never Laid: Mullah Tallulla' s New Musical. 0
afternoonslow 4 years

Mullah Tallulla, the Leading Radical Muslim Luvvy and Fundamentalist Impresario is to bring his new Show to the West End. Never Laid, The Musical, Synopsis, Mostly self-written, the show...