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David Cameron: Country can survive despite Olympics and Diamond Jubilee

In a new year message, David Cameron calls on Britons to show a 'stiff upper lip' in the face of the 2012 challenge of the Olympic Games and the Queen's Diamond Jubliee.,  , 'The government will...

roybland 02.01.12 4:25pm
All ELC and CBeebies CDs to come with Parental Warning stickers

"this product may cause parents to go insane, when played constantly" More soon...

simonjmr 02.01.12 4:04pm
Hotpoint washer's new 'Hydro-thermal' technology. So, hot water then. Who knew?

It's a fucking washing machine! What did we expect? Cold water and stones?...

dvo4fun 02.01.12 4:00pm
Rosencrantz and Guildenstern Charged in Connection To Life Insurance Scam 0
sredni vashta 02.01.12 3:46pm
sredni vashta
Rupert Murdoch's twitter account hacked. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 02.01.12 1:38pm
Iran Triggers Tit for Tat Displays of Military Might

NATO and other Western bloc allies responded over the new year to news reports of the Iranian Military's test firing of a Medium Range Surface to Air Missile. Many cities around the world...

StevenRolland 02.01.12 1:07pm
Clarkson, Murdoch and Morgan top New Year Honour Killing List 5
Ironduke 02.01.12 11:25am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Andrew Sachs left gloating message on my answering machine, sobs Russell Brand 7
ronseal 02.01.12 11:16am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Sachs sings "I kissed a Boy and didn't like it" on Brand's ansaphone. More soon 0
Al OPecia 02.01.12 10:57am
Al OPecia
TOWIE and Made in Chelsea to be Hadron collided to create Ultra-reality

or just for a laugh says bored Scientist...

SimonJJames 02.01.12 10:53am
Santa criticised for putting post-xmas list of naughty girls on eBay 0
nickb 02.01.12 10:18am
Jonathan Ive to be made iKnight in The Queen's New Year Honours

Apple 'design guru' Jonathan Ive is to be knighted by The Queen this month in a live webcast to be be streamed around the globe. Sir Jonathan, or just iKnight as he prefers to now be addressed, is...

irregular apple 02.01.12 3:46am
irregular apple
Osborne plots monarchy privatisation as Jubilee costs threaten economic recovery 0
irregular apple 02.01.12 3:38am
irregular apple
US to use "Stealth Hangovers" on Taliban

The Pentagon has admitted that it has begun usung "Stealth Hangovers" in their war against the Taliban in the Afghan border region. "Over the last few years we have been researching those kinds of...

Quaz 01.01.12 10:32pm
The All New Jeni B
Old Macdonald still undecided about wind noise

"With a whoosh-whoosh here, a whoosh-whoosh there.oh dear, it's not right, is it?" In a rare interview the man responsible for the public face of UK agriculture (with special responsibilities to...

nickb 01.01.12 9:39pm
Scottish culinary experts still hope to develope deep fried heroin 0
ronseal 01.01.12 8:20pm
Panda battered in Scotland

Police have revealed that a panda has been taken into custody in Edinburgh charged with domestic abuse. Police have released the following statement: "Officers were called to Edinburgh Zoo not long...

Psycadelic Squirrel 01.01.12 7:14pm
Psycadelic Squirrel
Rebekah Brooks hot tip for Queen's Award to Infamy. More soon. 1
Al OPecia 01.01.12 4:37pm
New Year's Honours latest; James Murdoch becomes "Lord Voldemort"

In a surprise New Year's honours list, James Murdoch has received a peerage to become Lord Voldemort...

apepper 01.01.12 3:53pm
Al OPecia
Russell Brand follows up My Booky Wooky with My Divorcey Worcey

More to follow...

victimms 01.01.12 3:03pm
CERN launches new TV channel "Faster than light - 1"

More before...

antharrison 01.01.12 3:02pm
Excitement as IOC announces online bingo will be included in the 2012 Olympics. 0
dominic_mcg 01.01.12 1:41pm
Sam Ollerenshaw, 94 of Barnsley, applauded by onlookers on way to outside privy. 1
Al OPecia 01.01.12 1:24pm
Runestone Cowboy
Intelligence service fears that Round Robin writers may develop Twitter capacity

Christmas Round Robin writers may have learned mass demoralisation techniques that can be deployed any time of the year, security chiefs have warned. Reports are emerging of a new generation of...

ronseal 01.01.12 11:46am
Des Custard
Paul McCartney Confesses to Bloodlust Orgies.

In a shock interview with the One Show, former veggie and tripod lover, Sir Paul (97), admitted to crazed and depraved afternoon orgies of eating meat flavoured crisps., "Smoky bacon, beef and onion...

arthurminnit 01.01.12 11:34am
Thousands of revellers took the the streets for New Year, reveals news story

It was the event that nobody could have predicted. Thousands of people in Britain took to the streets to celebrate New Year, according to the BBC, which led with this story on its main news channel....

ronseal 01.01.12 1:33am
Jeremy Clarkson fires his gynaecologist 0
nickb 31.12.11 8:07pm
Parents given blades in an attempt to 'slash' knife crime

Metropolitan Police have today confirmed they are going to look at arming parents with blades in a last gasp effort to cut knife crime. The pilot scheme will be using the well known principle of...

Perks 31.12.11 5:58pm
Jesus Excited About New Solo Project After Splitting From Christianity

After his recent split from Christianity Jesus gave his first press conference today confirming that he is going solo. Sat with PR representative Max Clifford, Jesus sported a new style of shorter...

SimonJJames 31.12.11 5:56pm
Cameron Makes It To The Shortlist .......

Of the "Fannying Around" Award., "What's a Cabinet for?"...

Jesse Bigg 31.12.11 5:56pm
Jesse Bigg