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Shock result as woman's ashes voted in as new Mayor of London

Boris Johnson last night said he was "shocked and astounded" at the news that the new Mayor of London was the late Mrs Doris Gruntly. Mrs Gruntly, an independent candidate from Tottenham, died last...

Nails UK 11.03.12 10:00am
Nails UK
US soldier guns down Afghan civilians "To save our busy Pilots the bother"

more later...

dvo4fun 11.03.12 9:37am
2 dead as pilot mishears instruction as 'land plane on brazilian hair strip' 1
Perks 11.03.12 8:05am
Mother delights grown-up children with stories of food bargains

Proving the saying "a penny saved is a story to be told", Redhill resident Mary Kennedy has been delighting her grown-up children with stories of special offers and food bargains every time they have...

bonjonelson 11.03.12 7:03am
Man who steals horse/donkey hybrids diagnosed with ass-burglars syndrome.

Inspired by Mr. Manley’s fine effort...

John Ffitch-Rucker 10.03.12 10:00pm
Sexually sublimated underwear manufacturer makes Freudian slip

(That's when you mean to say one thing but say your mother)...

beau-jolly 10.03.12 9:42pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Scientists discover a parent 'made of money' growing on trees 0
Perks 10.03.12 7:13pm
Boy with Big Mac stuck up his backside diagnosed with ass-burgers syndrome.

Sorry about that. At least I didn't put Whopper...

Haywood Manley 10.03.12 4:34pm
Haywood Manley
Lib Dems vote in favour of pledge not to embarrass Nick Clegg anymore. 0
10.03.12 2:56pm
Fears 'The Wizard of Oz' may be forced to close over Nick Clegg's Typhoon Tax

Friends of Dorothy disrought...

Ian Searle 10.03.12 11:35am
Ian Searle
Ken Dodd admits 'Tears for Souvenirs' failed to attract holiday makers. 0
Ian Searle 10.03.12 11:34am
Ian Searle
Jonny Vegas and Monkey offer support for Nick Clegg's Typhoo Tax 0
Ian Searle 10.03.12 11:33am
Ian Searle
Prince Harry keen to forge close links with Brazillians. 0
Ian Searle 10.03.12 11:32am
Ian Searle
Boris Johnson to establish pushchair lanes 0
hughesroland 10.03.12 10:40am
Masonic Order "undermined" by electric handshake shockers

Mr. Nigel Ford, Grand Exhibitor of the Masonic Order, today claimed that lighthearted use of electric shockers by younger Masons was undermining the treasured position of the order in British life.,...

Tom55 10.03.12 10:10am
David Cameron to speed up adoption process for Nick Clegg

The prime minister has vowed to tackle ‘absurd barriers to mixed-party adoption’ as he sets out proposals to fast-track Nick Clegg into the Conservative home. ‘Nick has been with us now for...

Ludicity 10.03.12 9:58am
Drew Brees tired of being unappreciated, decides to appreciate himself. 14
Brian Malloy 10.03.12 8:09am
John Ffitch-Rucker
‘Radicalised agnostics’ threaten to derail Middle-East war process

A group of radical agnostics are threatening to undermine the glorious battle that awaits the holy lands, and prevent millions of martyrs from fulfilling their destiny. Renounced by proper atheists...

10.03.12 5:56am
Disco inferno singer to be cremated. Predictably. 1
MADJEZ 09.03.12 10:48pm
Discovery of 13th Century indigestion tablets is proof of "early settlers". 6
seymour totti 09.03.12 9:34pm
Sarkozy dit: ‘Come to France pour une bon holiday et après, bugger off’

Bonjour tout le monde! Exceptez those of you qui est une touché trop foreign. Why not consideréz une holiday ici, avec tout your monet? Les Francais est tres friendly if vous wear une beret et...

09.03.12 8:22pm
House builder goes to the wall. More soon. 2
ianrbland 09.03.12 8:22pm
Cardboard cutout convention falls flat 1
Psycadelic Squirrel 09.03.12 8:19pm
Lib Dems plan to target murderous psychopaths with Manson Tax 2
Skylarking 09.03.12 8:18pm
Apple's new cosmetics app - the iBrowpencil

Its my first attempt...

Rootin Tootin 09.03.12 8:12pm
Viewers thrown into turmoil over which shit to not watch.

Reacting to news that ITV's annual celebration of borderline mental illness "Britain's Got Talent" will be aired at the same time as the BBC's new flagship affront to humanity "The Voice UK", many...

Haywood Manley 09.03.12 7:44pm
Haywood Manley
'Febreze for tents' masks stench of outdoors with fug of damp council flats

Febreze has launched a new air freshener, aimed at campers who are fed up with stench of the countryside. Available in a range of excitingly familiar odours, ‘Febreze Urbane’ masks even the...

09.03.12 7:25pm
Scottish MP claims fine for drunken brawl is an attack on national culture.

More Sterotypes the noo, Jimmy. Falkirk MP.,

MADJEZ 09.03.12 7:08pm
"Mario Ballotelli needs to grow up", says Babysitter 0
paddyparkinson 09.03.12 7:06pm
Catholic Church Denies Existence of Normal Priests

The Roman Catholic Church has strongly denied that there could be hundreds of hard-working priests in parishes across the UK showing no inclination towards homosexuality or paedophilia. This...

medici2471 09.03.12 6:32pm