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Tube driver union Aslef "to torture puppies" during royal wedding 3
4 years

Aslef has announced plans to torture puppies, kittens and possibly orphans on the day of the royal wedding, according to documents released this morning. A spokesman for the tube driver union told...

Lloyds TSB voted ‘Most Trusted Bank in Britain’, against all that competition... 0
Doylem 4 years
Max Mosley and me: we’re both strapped for cash... 1
Doylem 4 years
Australia in floods after woeful summer of cricket 0
simonjmr 4 years
BBC to get Jimmy Young out of retirement 3
4ty2 4 years

to show that they do not discriminate for Age. Kirsty Young given life time contract and some of the older faces will get promoted to microphone duties...

Australian Authorities To Add Beer Flavouring To Flood Waters 1
Textbook 4 years

In the hot arid outback environs of Australia, the hard working populace enjoy nothing more than quelling their thirst with a nice big beer. They love their beer. They love their country. And as...

Bankers apologise 0
Zadok the second 4 years

Bob Diamond, the chief executive of Barclays, has apologised to the Government and the British people for ‘the profligate and insouciant way we have treated your support and your money’. He also...

Audley Harrison in frame for 2011 Nobel Peace Prize... 0
Doylem 4 years

In short-listing Audley Harrison for the prestigious award, Lars Christensen, Chairman of the Nobel Committee, recognises Harrison’s unique contribution to the cause of non-violence in contact...

Wikileaks to reveal plot of next James Bond film. Order your Guardian now. 0
Griffin 4 years
Aunty axed for being too old at 89 wins reprieve 0
arflaethel 4 years

Veteran broadcasters now in line to continue gibbering on about cricket indefinitely BBC accepts ruling and apologises to itself, Tribunal shares BBC obsession with bloody cricket, Corporation is...

China conducts first test-flight of stealth plane. 6
DiY 4 years

The 15 minute flight was tracked by a US military satellite and by the USS George Bush II sailing just off of Taiwan., :-p...

BBC to hire Ann Widdecombe to cohost strictly 0
4ty2 4 years

and to prove they are not suffering from age discrimination...

A change to our programming... 0
Doylem 4 years

BBC2, 9pm, ‘What not to Wear’, presented, under the corporation’s revised regulations about ageism and sexism, by Ann Widdicombe and Patrick Moore...

Logical Expansion? 0
Jesse Bigg 4 years

National Grid Company to expand its remitby copying Dutch 'white bike' scheme...

Man finally has solid reason to cancel gym membership 0
MC One R 4 years

Martin Spencer today cancelled his membership to SuperBody gym claiming he was just economising as the austerity measures start to bite. He was unavailable for comment but his wife said, "Finally he...

flash crowd turns out to be under cover meeting 2
4ty2 4 years

of informers discussing their protection from unfair dismissal in case they swap sides. After all they are paid to be with the crowd and have a right to civil disobedience which cannot be used...

New telescope proves there are "shit loads of stars up there" scientists admit. 0
MC One R 4 years
MySpace to be renamed JustSpace after jobs cut. More soon. 0
MC One R 4 years
Modern rituals, no 27: hiring a rubbish skip... 4
Doylem 4 years

Living a hundred metres from a kebab take-away, as Kevin Jarvis does, is a mixed blessing. While it’s undeniably handy for a late-night, post-pub snack, there are downsides too. After a convivial...

Nick Clegg admits past as undercover Liberal Democrat 4
Chip Paper 4 years

Conservatives expressed shock today at the news that Deputy Prime Minister, Nick Clegg, was in fact an infiltrator from the Liberal Democrat Party. "I'm absolutely stunned, frankly," said Tory Chief...

BBC Director General 'but we employ lots of old hags..' 0
MADJEZ 4 years
BBC apologises to Miriam O'Reilly but bans her from HD TV programmes 0
roybland 4 years
David Miliband to be a teacher for 1 hour per week... 0
victory V 4 years

"Don't overdo it", say teachers' unions...

The Union of Black Labs: " We need a new methphor for depression" 0
simonjmr 4 years

The Union of Black Labradors have today called for a universal change to the methphors used for depression. A spokesman said "Everybody knwos that a visit from a black dog is fun and friendly...

Boat trips around Brisbane. Book now to avoid disappointment. 5
Griffin 4 years
Prison chiefs refuse to name escaped inmates 'in case they go into hiding'. 2
DiY 4 years
UK bankers phone in rich 0
ciderpunk 4 years

Due to the excessive amount of dosh kindly donated by the British taxpayer, city bankers have decided to knock off early and tuck their spoils safely behind the bar of the local hostelries...

Pro-Wrestling welcomes psychometric testing for new wrestlers 2
Zadok the second 4 years

In a global first, personality tests will be used to weed out ‘unsuitable’ professional wrestlers. England is to become the only country in the world where all smackdown hopefuls will face...

Meerkat stolen from Kent wildlife centre. 1
Tammy Flugh 4 years

Breaking news., Police are investigating reports of a man with a silly moustache being bundled into a car. A spokesman refused to say if they thought it was retaliation by, or...

Sacked managers laughing all the way to the bank... 1
Doylem 4 years

Brian Smith, Chairman of the League Managers Association, could barely keep a straight face as he learned that yet another member of his association had got the sack. “It’s ridiculous”, he...