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L'Oreal shares "no longer worth it". More soon. 0
Al OPecia 11.08.11 11:50pm
Al OPecia
Fat bloke admits, “I eat too much”.

Twenty-five stone John Whittaker has finally discovered the source of his life-long weight gain that has had doctors puzzled for two decades. “It’s a real relief to finally get to the bottom of...

theboot 11.08.11 11:10pm
Mugged student gutted, 'bastards stole all the stuff I'd just looted' 0
MADJEZ 11.08.11 10:20pm
Chelsea’s rivals send Torres best wishes for speedy recovery from injury 2
Duncan Biscuit 11.08.11 8:43pm
greg various
Rupert Murdoch behind riots

Today, it can be exclusively revealed that Rupert Murdoch is the man behind the riots which have taken place across England in the last week. In an ironic twist to the scandal it has been exposed...

cuckoowatoo 11.08.11 7:37pm
Oldsters turn feral after Alco Werthers mixup

"I could have told them there would be trouble.and there was." So said despondent care home manager Ron Parks yesterday as he picked his way over a pile of broken glass, smashed easy chairs and...

Drylaw 11.08.11 4:05pm
Closure of NoTW forces Indian team to make it more obvious they've taken a bung 0
charlies_hat 11.08.11 3:05pm
David Cameron promises to stop the looting just needs the 635 MP's 0
als-jazz-era 11.08.11 3:03pm
Large Indian buffet available at Edgbaston ... 4
brownpaperreporter 11.08.11 2:38pm
Jesse Bigg
Cameron and Boris to appear on Pointless

David Cameron and Boris Johnson are to appear as a team on the BBC Show POINTLESS to test the limits of their pointless knowledge., A spokesman for No 10 said "Both are reputed to be skilled in the...

Warrenpeace 11.08.11 12:05pm
Tests show that Gavin from Autoglass's accent can crack a windscreen

from two streets away...

greg various 11.08.11 11:51am
greg various
Novelty microphones getting out of hand say media watchers

virtuallywill 11.08.11 11:50am
Coca Cola to launch Arab Spring and British Summer brands

"Democracy is coming. democracy is coming. Arab Spring is the real thing" "I'd like to teach to Brits to loot and riot in perfect disharmony. English Summer it's the real thing" More soon...

simonjmr 11.08.11 11:08am
“Thank F*ck for that!” says Met riot officer after hearing of Boris’ return.

Riot Police in London are breathing a collective sigh of relief today after receiving word of the return to UK of Mayor of London Boris Johnson and Prime Minister David Cameron. Territorial Support...

Corrigan 11.08.11 10:46am
Candle shops targeted as riots turn into vigils 0
Fake Vegetarian 11.08.11 10:43am
Fake Vegetarian
Looters apologise to communities for causing two days of visits by politicians

Senior looters have returned early from their summer riots to apologise to local communities across England for unleashing a wave of visits by annoying, insincere politicians. There was widespread...

The Paper Ostrich 11.08.11 10:36am
The Paper Ostrich
Parliament and Jeremy Kyle show recalled

In an emergency move, Jeremy Kyle has been rescheduled for August., Not only has his absence caused rooters to stop watching television, but it is hoped that his depth of understanding in social...

Greysetter 11.08.11 10:04am
Rioting in the rain? We're not THAT thick, say Mancunians 0
Oxbridge 11.08.11 8:56am
Police intelligence learns criminals planning to assemble in Westminster today 0
Duncan Biscuit 11.08.11 8:37am
Duncan Biscuit
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Duncan Biscuit 11.08.11 8:35am
Duncan Biscuit
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Duncan Biscuit 11.08.11 8:35am
Duncan Biscuit
Tottenham looter was Old Etonian toff.

Two public school boys who took part in widespread looting have told friends on Facebook that the rioting was "Awesome" and have boasted about "getting freebies from rich tossers." The posh yobs,...

rebel not taken 11.08.11 8:21am
rebel not taken
New Mr Men launched for 40th Anniversary

Marking the anniversary and also the change in economical and cultural styles the Mr Men launched a new range Mr Benefit - never worked in his life and has claimed for any and everything, Mr Spam -...

brownpaperreporter 11.08.11 8:14am
Cheapskate e-book lit fans hail 70th anniversary of F. Scott Fitzgerald's death

December 21st will mark the 70th anniversary of the death of [i]Great Gatsby[/i] author F. Scott Fitzgerald, and trigger a bonanza for stingy literature fans everywhere, who admire his work, but...

Golgo13 11.08.11 7:27am
News from Scotland Yard

The Met's Acting Commissioner, Tim Godwin, and his Senior Team Return to New Scotland Yard [url=]img...

arflaethel 11.08.11 7:22am
Norwegian tradgedies worsen - a-ha to reunite. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 11.08.11 6:47am
Al OPecia
Police sirens to be replaced with a recording of Brian Blessed. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 11.08.11 6:43am
Al OPecia
Stephen Fry to read young people The Riot Act

Every young person in Britain is to be issued with an audio book version of The Riot Act of 1715 read by the actor and writer Stephen Fry. The reading, described as ‘an act for preventing tumults...

Ludicity 11.08.11 6:43am
Al OPecia
Kaiser Chiefs in "we told you so "shocker

[More soon]...

dicky37 11.08.11 6:38am
Al OPecia
Police deny ‘favouritism’ after minefield is laid around Chipping Norton.

Thames Valley Police have today denied resource favouritism and overreacting to recent events after officers were seen raising a perimeter fence, laying a minefield and digging a moat around the town...

Corrigan 10.08.11 10:27pm