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Romney apologies for French gaffe, promised to get lobotomy if elected

In tears, GOP presidential candidate Romney apologized for his embarrassing speech in perfect French in 2002. "I appreciate this means I am not ignorant enough for the highest office in the land. I...

Tom55 13.01.12 5:28pm
Apple crumbles in China as Golden Delicious withdrawn from sale

Greengrocers have stopped sales of Golden Delicious in China today after a store in central Beijing was forced to close after a crowd waiting to buy the US fruit pelted the shop with eggs and started...

PReady 13.01.12 4:41pm
Republican candidates lambasted for barely speaking the Queen's English 0
simonjmr 13.01.12 4:08pm
Student deported to USA for driving at 56 mph 1
Sinnick 13.01.12 3:59pm
Half a million unhappy children 'not a problem' says the Grown Up's Society

Half million children across Britain are unhappy with their lives, research from the Children's Society suggests. But the rival Grown Up's Society says that its members are 'comfortable' with the...

roybland 13.01.12 3:58pm
Bond movies "give white cats a bad image" 0
kimllfixit 13.01.12 3:31pm
Taken back - bad taste 4
Ian Searle 13.01.12 3:10pm
Ian Searle
Ofsted report reveals "appalling levels of arithmetic and writing in Hogwarts"

Ofsted point out that no amount of magic can conjugate a verb or differentiate an equation. More on this soon...

quango 13.01.12 2:19pm
Unexpected celebrity chef in bagging area 0
Smart Alex 13.01.12 1:58pm
Smart Alex
Depressed mountaineer at rock bottom 8
medici2471 13.01.12 1:38pm
Bletchley Park boffins no nearer to cracking TEXTSPEAK Code say MoD

ITS NOT GR8 :-(...

tedweasel 13.01.12 1:21pm
Domesday Clock To Be Linked To Atomic Clock To Stop Continual Adjustments. 0
rob 13.01.12 1:04pm
Shares down amid nuclear apocalypse rumours 1
hughesroland 13.01.12 1:03pm
Teachers back plans to get rid of under-performing MPs after three months

And not to wait a full five years for a General Electon...

Ian Searle 13.01.12 12:43pm
Major Clanger
US military piss away opportunity for peace 3
Immunis 13.01.12 12:42pm
Major Clanger
Cameron to rethink controversial plans which affect people who vote for him

But will carry on closing libraries and day care centres, cutting the NHS and all the things which affect oiks!...

Ian Searle 13.01.12 12:27pm
Ian Searle
Inventor of Clearasil found guilty of spot fixing 2
jp1885 13.01.12 12:15pm
Fergie 'posed as donor' for undercover orphanage film. Gullibility Oscar likely. 1
dvo4fun 13.01.12 12:08pm
Complaints mount after latest Groupon offer for Dignitas assisted suicide.

A number of complaints have been raised after the latest Groupon discount coupon was published online offering a 70% discount on Dignitas assisted suicide services. Carol Poindexter, from Cardiff,...

bonjonelson 13.01.12 12:05pm
Major Clanger
Slow witted seamstress cottons on 4
button 13.01.12 11:43am
Down in the mouth, admits duck fancier 3
medici2471 13.01.12 11:27am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Adolecesents confused as Lynx 2012 doesn't get them laid

There was widespread confusion among young sex starved teens as new evidence emerged that Lynx's latest God awful toiletry will not in fact guarantee sexual intercourse. There is widespread concern...

Shandy 13.01.12 11:23am
BBC denies biased reporting of bid for Scottish independence from licence fee

The BBC was embroiled in a bitter row last night, after using the same unflattering picture of Alex Salmond in dozens of reports about his bid for Scottish independence. Officials denied the...

13.01.12 11:14am
US Marines in Taliban urination scandal identified by birthmarks 0
MrQ 13.01.12 10:22am
Duchess of York set to launch new Turkish porridge diet 0
Duncan Biscuit 13.01.12 10:06am
Duncan Biscuit
Poor teachers face the sack, Rich ones to get more holidays 0
charlies_hat 13.01.12 10:02am
Fake Tan Man Cameron Heads To Mid-East For A Top Up.....

Wow, whee! folks, his first genuine tan!...

Jesse Bigg 13.01.12 8:37am
Jesse Bigg
Cameron to get rid of poorly performing Education Ministers earlier. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 13.01.12 8:17am
Al OPecia
Tesco share dive reveals true extent of Worrall Thompson's pilfering 0
Boutros 12.01.12 10:50pm
. 0
Sinnick 12.01.12 9:17pm