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Cheryl Cole tragically survives malaria 1
ED209 4 years

Talentless vanilla-pop semi-totty celeb-clone Cheryl Cole has left legions of non-fans heartbroken after tragically surviving a promising attack of malaria. Doctors said that her 'remarkable'...

Psychic Octopus rumbled after punters spot him in Ladbrokes. 0
MightyBlair 4 years
Michael Bublé audience to face swinging cnut. 0
wallster 4 years
Initial police report suggests that Moat fell down the stairs 0
MrChigleysAunt 4 years
Police surgeons "embarrassed" as further tests reveal gunman died of old age 0
Alan Sundry 4 years

Police surgeons were today given an embarrassing reminder not to take anything for granted after it emerged that gunman Raoul Moat, presumed killed by his own firearm, had in fact passed away...

"Just don't even ask them about the clitoris", sigh Northumbria Police wives. 10
allmyownstunts 4 years
Paul "Gazza " Gascoigne ,the former publicity seeking drunk says he had just 0
arrghgarry 4 years

about managed to keep himself out of the news and off the drink when a gun crazy killer whom he knew from his wife beating days called him for his help .Moaty telled us like "come prepared and dont...

Moat thought he was action hero – Woody from Toy Story 0
ironbridgeboy 4 years
Russia's returning spies will find it difficult to adjust their tax returns 0
ironbridgeboy 4 years
Gascoigne: 'okay, that was poor. I'll try Afghanistan'. 11
allmyownstunts 4 years
Bookies: Derrick Bird still favourite for Rampaging Gunman of the Year. 1
MightyBlair 4 years
I thought they said "Motty" says a confused Gazza 0
Iscariot 4 years

Nick Clegg promotes Newsbiscuit voting method as “The way forward” 0
BillyBitzer 4 years

“A system where you can vote for yourself as many times as you like can only be good for democracy” Nick Clegg said today. “Apathy is the curse of the election system in this country, and...

Scroat Moat Croaked. 1
MADJEZ 4 years
Will diseases become the new must have Celebrity accessory ? 1
mrlemoncurry 4 years

The coalition government has announced in Parliament the setting up of a department to find uses for minor celebrities . "It has come to our notice the strain on resources that these so called...

Moderate Bouncers condemn actions of Raoul Moat 13
Golgo13 4 years

The Council of British Bouncers (CBB), an organisation claiming to represent moderate, mainstream British bouncers, issued a statement to the media condemning the actions of Raoul Moat, the...

World Cup Octopus to Join Coalition. 0
Dun Dunkin 4 years

The octopus that has predicted every winner in the world cup is to join the Coalition Government. The octopus ,on £1 million a year, will pick 'which public sector staff will be sacked and which...

Ash from Heathrow fire ‘unlikely’ to lead to closure of all European air space 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Gove ‘not to blame’ as the wrong Campbell is asked to testify at war trial 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
25 million UK households to be asked if the National Census should be scrapped 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Women bishops row avoided after female clerics refuse to wear the same outfits 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Leyhill Open Prison to become Outward Bound Centre? 0
hero2zero 4 years

There have been strong suggestions that Leyhill Open Prison might adopt the philosophy and guidance of The Outward Bound Trust. The guiding principle, in the words of its co-founder, Kurt Hahn, “We...

Millions Seek Therapy After TV Death 0
Dun Dunkin 4 years

A soap opera about a man on the run has ended with millions seeking therapy to deal with 'trauma' and post 24news disorder' that the finale has caused. 'I watched every minute' said one suffering...

Psychopathic octopus predicts North Korean World Cup victory. 0
the coarse whisperer 4 years
IPCC to investigate Moat death. 0
Zen 4 years

Report expected August 2017...

Tabloids bemoan lack of gun toting madmen 0
antharrison 4 years
Ryanair’s O’Leary has nothing controversial to say. More soon. 0
ironbridgeboy 4 years

Ryanair’s CEO Michael O’Leary stunned the word’s aviation press today by holding a normal press conference, acting in a simple straightforward manner whilst revealing the company’s impressive...

Shock as 11th Commandment Discovered in Dead Sea Scrolls: "Don't Be a Twat". 1
FormerlyAlOPecia 4 years
Seven year old relieved to discover he was not brought by stork 0
Flying Squirrel 4 years
Monty Python declare parrot sketch is dead. Expired. Is no more. 0
ironbridgeboy 4 years

The remaining members of Monty Python announced today that the parrot sketch has reached the point in comedic value where it has passed on and is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone...