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Budget cuts reduce Grand Old Duke of York's men to three territorials 1
custard cream 31.03.13 9:32pm
Starbucks 'suspended coffee' scheme fails as full cup lands on customer 0
custard cream 31.03.13 9:27pm
custard cream
Nelson Mandela made rapid recovery after Oscar Pistorius 'offered' to visit him 1
custard cream 31.03.13 9:18pm
North Korea stockpiling deadly monosyllables, warns UN 1
sydalg 31.03.13 9:09pm
Sunderland sack Martin O’Neill and sign Martin O’Neill...

Martin O’Neill has been sacked as manager of Sunderland Football Club. Ellis Short, the club’s owner, thanked the outgoing manager for his efforts over the past 14 months. “Football is all...

Tripod 31.03.13 9:08pm
custard cream
People who swim with sharks less likely to die of cancer, says Daily Mail 2
sydalg 31.03.13 9:05pm
Norfolk police officer in 'dangerous prick' fiasco

A police officer from Norfolk is suing a petrol station owner for having real sand in a bucket that was intended for putting out pretend fires., A letter from solicitors Patterson & Fuckwits...

Gerontius 31.03.13 8:59pm
Satire is Dead

Immi-Grants Storm the Bastille (sic) There is nothing racist about wanting one’s country to have traditions and a sense of identity. No one wants to visit Venice and find a greasy man from...

Thewoodenleg 31.03.13 8:56pm
Higgs-Boson Team to Lead Search for Nick Clegg’s Spine

It was announced today that Dr Lyn Evans, fresh from his success in finding the elusive Higgs Boson, is to lead a team of subatomic physicists searching for Nick Clegg’s missing spine....

deceangli 31.03.13 8:51pm
Millions of Bulgarians already crouched at border, starter pistol cocked 0
sydalg 31.03.13 8:35pm
Politicians decry Met Police 'leaking like politicians'

more soon, unfortunately...

Squudge 31.03.13 6:29pm
Harris relieved as police only quiz him on murder of Stairway to Heaven 1
sydalg 31.03.13 4:51pm
March weather explained as God shouts, "April Fools!"

People up and down the country are trying to laugh along with God after the revelation that unseasonably cold March weather was a "prank". "Don't I deserve a bit of fun?", asked the deity. "It takes...

apepper 31.03.13 4:44pm
Chancellor George Osborne revealed to be on Workfare placement

Treasury sources today admitted that Chancellor of the United Kingdom, George Osborne, otherwise known as Oik, was infact at the Treasury on a workfare placement. Questions were raised with regards...

shambles 31.03.13 4:33pm
Media offer reward for 1st picture of David Milliband awkwardly eating a Hot Dog 1
reforse 31.03.13 4:13pm
sredni vashta
'Players can referee their own games', says FA...

With the players convinced that they know better than the match officials, they will be assuming the duties of the referee and linesmen from the start of next season. Brian Beecham, Press officer of...

Tripod 31.03.13 4:11pm
Viral infection hits back at do-gooders

The lung infection affecting Nelson Mandela’s chest has hit back at the thousands of people who have been offering up prayers for the former SA president over the weekend, reminding them that it...

Gerontius 31.03.13 3:29pm
Families 'denied justice' as police chief escapes censure

David Cameron has denied that 'government pressure' was behind the death of a religious activist in the Middle East but assured relatives there would be a full investigation into the matter. The...

blacklesbianandproudofit 31.03.13 1:40pm
DPRK Apologises: Young un too busy eating Easter eggs to come out to play today.

More belligerent rhetoric from t' chubby North Korean lad tomorrow....

Nowherefast 31.03.13 1:33pm
Gregg Allman's autograph revealed in corner of Turin Shroud 0
Drylaw 31.03.13 1:29pm
Leading particle physicists involved in head-on collision

The world of nuclear physics was rocked today when two leading particle physicists, driving in opposite directions on the M25, were involved in a head-on collision. Professor Richard Feynman, in a...

blacklesbianandproudofit 31.03.13 12:33pm
Not Amused
Polish Shops

Apparently Polish is now Britain's second language. There are several Polish shops in my town. On the front of each shop is written 'Polish Shop'. So I went in and asked for a tin of polish. For my...

Thewoodenleg 31.03.13 11:55am
NHS to use Carry Ons as training films for new nurses

Extra large matrons will patrol wards, doctors will be encouraged to adopt silly names and there will be free access to laughing gas for patients under a new regime aimed at regaining the affection...

nickb 31.03.13 11:31am
Al OPecia
Arrival of pirate fleet from Barbary Coast immanent.

Moors soon. Seventeenth century puns - nearly as old as some of the other jokes on this site. Happy Easter...

sigmund 31.03.13 10:51am
Hilarity ensues as flowers pop out of North Korea rocket explosion

Kim Jong-un has been elevated to the status of ‘King of the Pranksters’ after launching a rocket towards Seoul, only for a bunch of roses to emerge upon detonation. The leader is said to be in...

kga6 31.03.13 10:21am
Ann Summers recall Rampant Rabbits following 'outbreak of myxomatosis'

Ann Summers have been forced to recall thousands of Rampant Rabbits following an outbreak of myxomatosis. This comes just weeks after the disease forced the quarantine of a Playboy Bunny. ‘We...

Perks 31.03.13 10:13am
Emergency services at Calvary took three days to respond

There has been angry reaction to the case of a crucified man who waited three days for paramedics to arrive last weekend. However, Golgotha Health Trust has denied any wrongdoing. "We were under...

sydalg 31.03.13 9:40am
Al OPecia
Easter Coming Up....

And we're already crucified, thanks to the Tories...

Jesse Bigg 31.03.13 8:08am
Politico says it sounds unbelievable I was raised by monkeys but its true

happi 31.03.13 8:01am
Lord Carey accuses government of getting rid of Easter "one hour at a time"

The former archbishop of Canterbury, Lord Carey, has accused the government of trying to remove Easter from the calendar "one hour at a time" under the guise of British Summer Time. "This is another...

bigyeti 31.03.13 1:11am