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Doctors: Merkel diet 'is 90% plankton' 0
hughesroland 17.02.12 1:01pm
God Uranus tires of constant bottom jokes, changes name to Mike Hunt 9
cinquecento 17.02.12 12:10pm
Greece enters administration and is banned from next year's Eurovision. 1
dominic_mcg 17.02.12 11:40am
Golgeau Treize
Armed robbers steal promotional and PR artifacts from London Olympia museum 0
charlies_hat 17.02.12 10:01am
Chelsea’s ‘invisible’ £50m to be investigated 0
Duncan Biscuit 17.02.12 9:33am
Duncan Biscuit
Cameron returns to London having made the case for Scottish independence 0
Duncan Biscuit 17.02.12 9:32am
Duncan Biscuit
British Museum unveils new collection of ancient Greek artefacts 0
Duncan Biscuit 17.02.12 9:31am
Duncan Biscuit
Isle of Wight technology company invents multi-coloured pen.

A leading research institute on the Isle of Wight has come up with the latest in high-tech devices aimed at bolstering the island's fledgling Information Technology sector - a pen with multiple...

bonjonelson 17.02.12 9:06am
Australian censors ban crude oil 0
bonjonelson 17.02.12 8:56am
Man admits to having an on/off relationship with appliance. 6
writinginbsl 17.02.12 8:26am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Musical Theatre to be reclassified as torture by UN

The hellish 'art form' of musical theatre is to be made illegal in most Western countries, it was stated yesterday. It comes as a spate of dreadful musicals have plagued theatre goers in recent years...

Shandy 17.02.12 8:25am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Queen thanks Sean Penn as she sees error of her ways and hands back Falklands.

'It was so obvious when I heard the paparazzi-punching amateur statesman' said the monarch yesterday as she handed the islands over to Argentina. The British public and military veterans alike hailed...

MADJEZ 17.02.12 7:13am
Le Creuset Fiend
Ambassador quits after one too many Ferrero Rocher gags at reception 0
hughesroland 16.02.12 11:26pm
Oscar for best flower arrangement in film goes to Florist Whittaker 0
Smart Alex 16.02.12 11:07pm
Smart Alex
Plan to superscript punctuation raises question marks

More to follow<sup>?</sup>...

apepper 16.02.12 10:44pm
Nick McCarr
Huhne offers to serve ex-wife's prison sentence...

just as long as it's to be in a womens' prison...

Smart Alex 16.02.12 10:42pm
Thinking outside the square swallowed up by vicious circle 0
Nick McCarr 16.02.12 10:42pm
Nick McCarr
XXX Olympiad to feature synchronised rimming

Tip of the hat to Golgo for the theme...

button 16.02.12 10:17pm
Gay bees easy to spot explains expert as 'they come out in hives'

[more soon]...

dicky37 16.02.12 8:35pm
Teenager to appeal to Strasbourg over right to be bored

Ipswich teenager Sharon Jones is appealing to the European Court of Human Rights over what she claims is a violation of her human right to be bored under article nine which guarantees freedom of...

roybland 16.02.12 8:33pm
'Southern Discomfort' whiskey may help bowel problems

Irritable bowel symptom sufferers could have their tempers sweetened by a new whiskey that combines traditional down home Tenessee style distilling with the latest in rectal relief therapy. Southern...

nickb 16.02.12 7:59pm
Scotland leaves United Kingdon, replaced by Belgium

In a stunning diplomatic coup Prime Minister David Cameron has announced the formal accession of Belgium to the United Kingdom, replacing the tired and grumpy Scottish nation. "It's been an open...

Zadok the second 16.02.12 7:52pm
Dyson announce bag-less, no-bin, no filter cleaner

The new Dyson, “The Dyson Black” will soon be unleashed onto to market, the first to utilise Large Hadron technology. No bag, no bin, just a black hole in a tube! Final trials are now underway in...

hero2zero 16.02.12 7:09pm
Man who doesn't want something disappointed because opponent does. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 16.02.12 6:19pm
Man's superior sexual technique fails after forgetting valentines day gift 0
Dumbnews 16.02.12 5:47pm
Man with flu goes online and diagnoses himself with cancer 1
Dumbnews 16.02.12 5:23pm
Apple board holds Seance-Ference Call with Steve Jobs to ask WTF Do we do next?

Senior Apple executives are in emergy seance talks with Steve Jobs as they try to hammer out an agreement over what the fuck to do next. Jobs departed this life leaving a lot of questions...

ronseal 16.02.12 5:01pm
David Cameron has a "Scottish surname" to get votes against independence

Prime Minister David Cameron has outlined he has a Scottish surname get votes against Scottish independence, he further announced that it mean "bent nose" and that ginger hair, a liking for deep...

simonjmr 16.02.12 4:58pm
New review site launches, "" 0
Dumbnews 16.02.12 4:48pm
Prince Philip seized by bailiffs as Greek debt crisis deepens 0
cinquecento 16.02.12 3:59pm