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More serious offenders face life. Silly ones let off with a fine. 1
Not Amused 27.10.11 4:12pm
New study adds nothing to the world whatsoever

A recent study being reported by the BBC has discovered a remarkably tenuous link between two factors which were previously thought to be unrelated. Undertaken by a six man team at a university, the...

Vertically Challenged Giant 27.10.11 4:12pm
UK's population to hit 70m on 23rd June 2027 at 4.28pm, estimate statisticians

The UK's population will hit 70m in 2027 with the arrival of a bouncing baby boy called Arnaud, the son of two first-generation immigrants from Lilles. The child will not be circumcised but will need...

27.10.11 4:09pm
Germany decides to leave Eurozone, and have a go in the Crystal Dome.

Old school tv...

Perks 27.10.11 3:44pm
Seven in a bid for Irish presidency

As Doc, Grumpy, Happy, Sleepy, Bashful, Sneezy, and Dopey announce their nominations, there are rumours that Israeli transsexual Dana International is also considering entering the presidential race....

simonjmr 27.10.11 3:23pm
Piers Morgan to be first space tourist - "return ticket under negotiation"

Virgin Galactic has named broadcaster Piers Morgan as the first space tourist to get a seat on the new SpaceShipTwo sub-orbital space craft. "His name was the first that came up.", explained Virgin...

apepper 27.10.11 3:11pm
Euro leaders put faith in car boot sale plan

European leaders have reached a "three pronged agreement" described as vital to solve the region's huge debt crisis. After talks late into the night the leaders said that each member state will...

A Wagonload Of Monkeys 27.10.11 2:59pm
GPs say Simon Callow DVD "cheaper and more effective" than Temazepam 0
Drylaw 27.10.11 2:06pm
Town is Dying, say Royal Wootton Bassett folk 0
Drylaw 27.10.11 1:54pm
John Terry 'fears a lynching' from the press 1
charlies_hat 27.10.11 1:02pm
North Face launches range of grease-proof clothing for the 'indoorsy type'

Fans of programmes about the countryside are flocking to the shopping channels to kit themselves out with North Face's latest range of 'high performance' clothing. Charcoal-impregnated to cope with...

27.10.11 10:46am
Roland Emmerich directs controversial film Anonymous; or does he?

Roland Emmerich's latest film, [i]Anonymous[/i], claims that Shakespeare didn't write his plays, but that the 17th Earl of Oxford did - including several posthumously. "That was quite the fashion in...

apepper 27.10.11 10:18am
Martin McGuinness vows to join the 'war against terrorism'

As the Irish electorate go to the polls, the high profile presidential candidate Martin McGuinness has vowed to join Britain in the war against terrorism. McGuinness, former IRA commander, told...

Perks 27.10.11 10:14am
Scottish Borders Council finds money for new website! But how?

Faced with education cutbacks, recruitment freezes, bins gone to fortnightly collection can you imagine my horror (whilst job hunting) to find that Scottish Borders Council has relaunched their...

vanessabeeson 27.10.11 9:34am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Film casts new doubt on authorship of Bill Bryson’s 'Shakespeare'

Following new doubts raised by the film 'Monotonous', an account of the life of Bill Bryson, a leading scholar has entered the fray with his views on the true authorship of Bill Bryson’s book...

Des Custard 27.10.11 9:24am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Applying both Lynx and Impulse creates ‘perfect sexual null point’

Medical researchers at the prestigious Edinburgh University have made a breakthrough in the fight against overly attractive people after discovering that simultaneously applying popular deodorants...

jp1885 27.10.11 9:13am
Singles website introduces speed carbon dating for unattached archaeologists. 1
Ian Searle 27.10.11 8:58am
Edinburgh Council poll asks "Are you Satisfied, Unsatisfied, Fucking Furious?" 1
Drylaw 27.10.11 8:56am
Milk of human kindness can cause allergic reaction

or 'may contain nuts'...

vertical 27.10.11 8:54am
Italian farmer with low straw yields asks Europe for a hay bale out

No more soon...

Perks 27.10.11 8:50am
Joanna Lumley sale to pay off Greek National Debt

A Greek Finance Ministry spokesman today announced plans to sell off National Treasure, Joanna Lumley, to pay off their mounting debt. "We've tried for years to get back the Elgin Marbles without...

Monsewer Crapaud 27.10.11 8:28am
Apple launches new iTalk and iListen apps

Defying market rumours that Apple would lose its creativity without Steve Jobs at the helm, CEO Tim Cook today launched two new, revolutionary apps named iTalk and iListen. Based on a combination of...

DorsetBoy 27.10.11 7:35am
Government unveils plan to make workplaces even more hellish

A new government report has recommended that the few people still in employment should be kept in a state of perpetual fear and trepidation. The report, entitled Keep Your Head Down, calls on the...

Darkbill 2.0 27.10.11 5:45am
Monsewer Crapaud
Art world out of touch, claims artist who dresses as girl, holidays with teddy

Dressed as his flamboyant female alter-ego, Claire, in gingham and pigtails, cross-dressing former Turner prize-winner Grayson Perry has accused the art establishment of being out of touch with...

Clarky 27.10.11 5:32am
Young “from all walks of life” encouraged to train for the monarchy

She has already agreed to change succession rules to favour future female royals. Now, it’s understood, the Queen is looking at the possibility of encouraging more young people from a diversity of...

nickb 27.10.11 1:21am
Annoying patient forces psychiarist to see a psychiarist 0
Dumbnews 27.10.11 12:49am
US Army admits antigay policy was 'way of dealing with its own sexuality issues'

(took a while to cram into a title - may have lost a bit in translation) The US Army revealed the feelings it had repressed since its inception to the United States Senate at a nice restaurant with...

gaijintendo 26.10.11 11:19pm
Lack of any 'junior managers' leads to self-styled 'Middle Managers' downgrading

More self awareness soon...

dvo4fun 26.10.11 11:12pm
ME link to EU

Researchers in Norway believe Chronic Fatigue Syndrome (CFS), also known as ME, may be caused by an over exposure to EU related news stories.The disease is thought to affect some 250,000 people in...

medici2471 26.10.11 10:38pm
Big Job For Cameron At Euro Crisis Meeting.....

.Euro leaders' messenger boy...

Jesse Bigg 26.10.11 9:27pm
Jesse Bigg