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Women just don't like sex, says big unhappy depressive virgin 0
ronseal 4 years
Fart-lighting competition in Irlam backfires 0
Sinnick 4 years
UK and France agree to ‘timeshare’ navy. 1
Fin Robertson 4 years

The UK government will today sign an historic armed forces treaty with France, which will see both countries sharing the same navy. Britain will have the navy Monday to Wednesday lunchtime, France...

Elephant smuggler caught by simple question: 1
ramblesnake 4 years

"Did you pack this trunk yourself sir?"...

Inmates are due to get own keys as part of latest prison reform. 0
flossie mcjava 4 years
PostOffice to increase revenue by running w'end raves in disused sorting offices 0
ItsReevesy 4 years

Of course you'll still have to spend hours queuing to get in behind confused pensioners...

Manchester knocking shop blown up. Colleen Rooney seen running from the site 0
Basil_B 4 years
Explosion in Irlam 2
Sinnick 4 years

Before and after photos demonstrate that less damage was caused than expected, during this morning's gas explosion in Irlam, Greater Manchester: Before:,...

French object to early surrender penalty in joint defence treaty 3
simonjmr 4 years
US raises terror threat level to 'magenta' 1
exigo 4 years
UK and France Outline Plans to Share Defence Resources 0
custard cream 4 years

Prime Minister David Cameron and President Nicolas Sarkozy will today outline plans, at their London summit, to make better use of defence resources. Mr Cameron confirmed the following practical...

Does it really? and Does it fuck! 3
ramblesnake 4 years

To be added to "Does exactly what it says on the tin" slogan for Ronseal "one coat" radiator paint, (not very brilliant white)...

New Airport Security Advisory System Launched 3
IABP 4 years

Black - Severe risk of large exploding parcels, Magenta - High risk of small exploding packages, Cyan - Elevated significant risk of exploding footwear, Yellow - Guarded risk of liquid explosives,...

Convicts demand right to elect own MPs 0
Des Custard 4 years

Following the landmark decision to give prisoners the vote, representatives of the prison community are now demanding their own members of parliament. Ron ‘Chopper’ Harris (no relation, he...

Record pumpkin sales herald the end of the recession, says Osborne 5
StoopyDeGunt 4 years

A surge in pumpkin sales, up 4000 per cent on the previous month, could herald the beginning of the end of the recession and the dawn of a new age, according to chancellor George Osborne. "The boom...

Woman attacks MP as protest against illegal violence 1
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Government says NICE represents poor value for money 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Criminals to get the vote to add to their existing right to pass legislation 0
Duncan Biscuit 4 years
Al Qaeda urges users not to buy cheap compatible unbranded toner cartridges 0
ronseal 4 years
'Convicts should vote for me', says Jeffrey Archer 0
Zadok the second 4 years

As tens of thousands of convicted prisoners look set to gain voting rights, former lag and rather poor novelist Jeffrey Archer has announced that he is spearheading a new party with the intention of...

You politicians are all the bleeding same, canvasser told by Broadmoor resident 0
ronseal 4 years

As prisoners are given the vote, canvassing volunteers are discovering a new seam of society that likes to get on its high horse about politicians. Many are furious at the way MP's maximised their...

Lib Dems 'can't wait' for their turn. 0
Andrew 4 years
Clocks go back an hour. 0
Andrew 4 years

It's more soon...

St. Aines to drop '.' & ' ' .... 1
thackaray 4 years

to lose unhelpful "up market and quaint town" tag...

Rowly 4 years

Would it be? "Have we got to lie down for this", or "I suppose this is the 'Till death us do..,.part"...

More proof that the UK is down the toilet... 6
MC One R 4 years

as Cheryl Cole's latest "musical" offering shifts more than 150,000 copies to the ignorant masses who probably watch X Factor and think it contains talented people with a musical future, in much the...

USA "can't be arsed" to go ahead with election. 1
FormerlyAlOPecia 4 years

To much hassle and arguing has put them off...

Toner cartridges to be banned from hand baggage on UK flights. 4
riesler 4 years

and stable door to be locked as horse disappears over the horizon. What a waste of time, as if 'they' will use toner cartridges again. What next.exploding shoelaces?...

Airport Security: "We must have more scanners" says MD of scanner firm 0
brownpaperreporter 4 years
New kings Cross PA Announcement Would the passengers changing sex 0
arrghgarry 4 years

on platform three Please mind the Gap...