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Gardeners to benefit from ash cloud 0
simonjmr 4 years
Gordon Brown: 'We'll put a cap on Daily Mail readership' 5
roybland 4 years

Uncontrolled Daily Mail readership has been 'damaging' for Britain and would be capped by a Labour government, Gordon Brown said last night. He added: 'The fact that we have had uncontrolled Daily...

Ascot pubs ban World Cup Matches; Liverpool pubs ban women in floppy hats. 1
Ian Searle 4 years
Dunkirk spirit returns; German to torpedo Navy if they rescue stranded Brits. 1
Ian Searle 4 years
Rising membership of Scouts 'mostly Catholic priests' 0
Ludicity 4 years
US Government de-classifies ancient 'alien' stairgate 0
QorbeQ 4 years

Archaeologists excavating ruins near the Egyptian city of Giza have discovered a stone stairgate covered in hieroglyphs, the United States government have announced today. The US release claims that...

London's new airport to be built in Barcelona 0
Des Custard 4 years

says Mayor Johnson...

Trucker poll shows narrow lead for Eddie Stobart 0
Ludicity 4 years
New poll shows David Cameron almost as popular as Hitler 0
Ludicity 4 years
US Right Wingers Can Delight In New "Dial-A-Skank" Telephone Service. 1
rfreed 4 years

Extreme Right wingnut Ann Coulter new telephone 'Dial-A Skank' business venture began its services yesterday. Offering 24 hour titillation to the lusty imaginations of millions of potential far right...

Satan enters talks with Pope for leveraged buyout of Catholic Church industry 0
Dumbnews 4 years
Sting's tantric sex explosion sparked volcano, say experts 1
Oxbridge 4 years

Seismologists across the world have concluded that the eruption of a volcano in Iceland that has brought chaos to air travel all over Europe was caused by the sudden end of a five-year tantric sex...

Jesus of Nazareth in stag night/resurrection confusion, Herod Herald! reports. 0
MightyBlair 4 years

Controversy reigns in Galilee today, after it emerged that the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ was an elaborate stag-night prank. It was believed that the spiritual leader had been crucified...

Safety "all very well" say airlines, but can we fly again now please? 0
rickwestwell 4 years
Absolute Molasses - The Bullingdon Diaries of David Cameron, Part 1 2
Michael Allen 4 years

George rarely ceases to amaze. The cheek of him! Just this morning, while I was semi-recumbent on the divan, suffering from Tabasco poisoning as a consequence of an OD of Bloody Maries, in he...

Many born-again Christians suffering birth defects 5
Genghis Cohen 4 years

Doctors warned today that those embracing religion in adult life are often not receiving the vital medical attention they need to avoid potentially dangerous complications during labour. As a result,...

Volcanic ash blended into aircraft turbines 'a delight' say Masterchef judges 0
QorbeQ 4 years
Panic as North London hit by huge dust cloud. 0
Zen 4 years

Emirates Stadium trophy room cleaners apologise profusely...

Catholic church ponders ending celibacy 0
brownpaperreporter 4 years

A Dublin priest commented "you wouldnt get half the press attention if you abused your wife, and the added bonus would be your own crop of under-nine naughties if you have kids. A win-win I reckon"...

Cameron may miss next TV debate 'due to dental appointment' 0
roybland 4 years
Cocktesers : 0
edward hack 4 years

They melt in your mouth, not in your hand confirms Pope on visit to Malta...

Cuban cigar legend dies 1
brownpaperreporter 4 years

At his cremation, one end of the coffin was clipped and the other left to smoulder for hours...

Obsession with celebrity culture leaves stocks of ordinary folk dangerously low. 0
Ian Searle 4 years
Forfar 4 - East Fife 5, Raith Rovers 0 - ... aet, match abandoned 1
Michael Allen 4 years

A Word From The Chief Executive I am sure you will be as disappointed as I am with our most recent setback at the hands of The Blues. On this occasion their Cameroonian attack force proved too...

Egyptologist joy short-lived after discovery of ancient glyph-covered stairgate. 0
QorbeQ 4 years
Male Slimmer of the Year sees own penis for first time in 5 years 0
PluckyMunky 4 years

Speaking on Fox TV's Slimmers of the Year Show, 36 year old Daniel Fish said: 'I knew I had one, obviously, but it is reassuring to see your penis, in the flesh. It's not as big as I remember it,...

Iceland eruption 'caused by homosexuality' says church leader 2
PluckyMunky 4 years

Pastor Brian Parsley, preacher at the First Faithful Chapel Centre, said last night that the eruption of a volcano in Iceland was 'god's wrath being poured on homosexuals'. 'Homosexuals - or...

Panic Buying In Waitrose as Foodmiles Plummit 0
afternoonslow 4 years

“Stocks of Yellow Fin Tuna Fillets in Olive Oil dangerously low” Nigella Lawson buys entire shelf of, Asparagus & Parmesan Frittata (finished with a drizzle of truffle-flavoured oil, )...

Nick Clegg sold to Labour in record transfer deal 1
ED209 4 years

Former Labour striker Gordon Brown has been left seething after his replacement by arch-rival Nick Clegg in a record transfer deal. Signed last night, the deal will see Nick Clegg replace Gordon...

Tories and Labour launch military action aginst Lib Dems 0
ED209 4 years

In a rare show of pre-election unity, Conservative and Labour leaders have united to condemn the 'dangerous' Liberal Democrats and back immediate military action. Eyewitness reports of loaded...