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Branson to take "irony gamble" with Newcastle United-Virgin Money shirt deal.

Richard Branson has executed a startling u-turn after he initially poured water on hopes that Virgin may have become a major sponsor for Newcastle United following its relocation to the north. The...

SingingHinny 04.01.12 2:54pm
Number of Confused Percy Grainger Clones to Emerge From Cern LHC Reaches 100 0
thisisall1word 04.01.12 2:23pm
More Horrifying Sequel To Thatcher Film, Soon To Be Released......

.."Thatcherism, Wasted Lives And Dave's Mates - The (W)Bankers."...

Jesse Bigg 04.01.12 2:09pm
Jesse Bigg
Unseasonably warm weather blamed for man’s outbreak of face-apples

A man with a full crop of face apples has blamed ‘an unseasonably warm December’. 35 year-old Derek Grantham has never fruited before, and biologists believe it is yet more evidence that changes...

04.01.12 1:29pm
Major Clanger
Berlusconi claims ownership of Roman brothel token found in Thames. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 04.01.12 1:13pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Minstrel on South Pole solo cycling bid admits having large black-up team 0
cinquecento 04.01.12 1:07pm
25 Million tune in to Freaky Eaters 'addicted to a balanced diet' special

A special episode of Freaky Eaters, broadcast on January 2nd, has attracted a staggering 25.6 million viewers making it the 4th most watched TV programme in UK history. This places it above the...

JonnyJP 04.01.12 12:35pm
Police to examine whether they are “institutionally stupid”

It has been a difficult week for the police force. First came the news that police officers were handing back guns to mentally unstable people “as part of a weapons amnesty”. Then the leaked...

nickb 04.01.12 11:06am
Man out walking his dog doesn't find body lying in the undergrowth

A man out walking his dog has returned home without having found a body lying in the undergrowth.,  , 'I raised the alarm as soon as I got home to the wife,' said Joe Williams (52). ' I've been...

roybland 04.01.12 10:43am
Vertically Challenged Giant
Lonely Heart requests 'no kissing, just hard CPR' 1
charlies_hat 04.01.12 10:29am
Andy Gray and Sergio Berlusconi to replace Alesha Dixon as strictly Judges. 0
godly1966 04.01.12 9:42am
Graham Norton-Holmes and The Strange Incident at the British Museum

It was one of those blustery grey February afternoons where London was weary from an interminable winter. Arch-sleuth, Graham Norton-Norton-Holmes was dozing by a blazing fire after a solid lunch of...

Inigo Unsworth 04.01.12 9:28am
Anti-tobacco lobby hails success of India's 'Smoking makes you a cunt' campaign

The link in case that seems like entirely gratuitous swearage:

DrTurmoil 04.01.12 9:26am
Loch Ness is giant spirit level, Customs and Excise admit. 0
Griffin 04.01.12 7:33am
Wolf In Sheep's Clothing Defends Alternative Lifestyle 3
sredni vashta 04.01.12 4:18am
Poteen Plays Leading Role In Frustrated Love Story

Poteen Plays Leading Role, In Frustrated Love Story It was late on the night shift in the CAF – Cosmic Air Force – bunker deep in the Hampshire countryside. Star Fleet Commander Fitzwilliam...

Inigo Unsworth 04.01.12 12:22am
Inigo Unsworth
John Terry appalled at being seen on fags. More soon. 0
Al OPecia 03.01.12 9:38pm
Al OPecia
"Guns may be dangerous" - new report

In a new shock report, it turns out that guns might pose a danger to the public. Lottery plans to offer guns as consolation prizes have been put on hold...

apepper 03.01.12 9:17pm
Queen fears Sandringham invitation to Duke of Clarence may have been a mistake 0
medici2471 03.01.12 9:11pm
Man walking dog arrested on suspicion of multiple murders 18
medici2471 03.01.12 8:58pm
White Flag unveiled as new Liberal Party Symbol

‘A new year, a new start, a new flag, but the same old Liberal Party’ announced Nick Clegg, deputy PM and party leader as he unveiled a plain white flag and waved it over his head to the tepid...

Immunis 03.01.12 7:42pm
Memory of 90-91 Ashes Tour finally too much for Atherton to bear. More soon. 1
Al OPecia 03.01.12 7:39pm
McVities wrappers found beneath seat on French train 0
medici2471 03.01.12 7:28pm
Only cab drivers without friends or family to be allowed to hold gun licence

more to follow...

medici2471 03.01.12 7:09pm
Met police advise that John Terry racisim case will be concluded in 2029 2
charlies_hat 03.01.12 6:41pm
UK in mourning as police reveal Sandringham body isn’t Fergie 3
Qoxiivi 03.01.12 6:12pm
Al OPecia
Police to investigate "Are shotguns too dangerous to be held by the suicidal?" 1
dvo4fun 03.01.12 6:09pm
‘We've Had No Complaints’ claim Samaritans after moving call centre offshore 0
Immunis 03.01.12 5:24pm
Thrifty couple shave pounds off Virgin space flight by taking 'leftovers soup'

An elderly couple from Dorset are looking forward to a ‘once in a lifetime’ holiday in space, after negotiating a discount for taking their own food. Until now, VirginGalactic has insisted on...

03.01.12 4:03pm
Pathetic Robots Woefully Behind Schedule to Enslave Human Race

Mankind today was yet again able to laugh in the rubbish metal faces of the world's robots as they once more failed to enslave humanity in the previous 12 months., Despite many great advances in...

thisisall1word 03.01.12 3:23pm