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Cameron and Merkel talks end in night of unbridled passion

Talks between UK PM David Cameron and German Chancellor Angela Merkel over the Eurozone crisis spilled over into a night of furious lovemaking. Initially, relations between the two leaders appeared...

7
Darkbill 2.0 18.11.11 9:21pm
Perks
Physicists measuring speed of light set to confirm existence of flying pigs

Physicists measuring the speed of neutrinos at CERN today have reported another case of the speed of light being exceeded. However, this time during the tests, members of the team witnessed what they...

2
kga6 18.11.11 9:11pm
dvo4fun
Norfolk Police helicopter grounded as locals 'no longer point'.

Police in Norfolk have today announced the disbanding of their force helicopter. The move comes as the local criminal fraternity have discovered what the 'magic flying thing' was. 'The force...

4
Perks 18.11.11 8:57pm
dvo4fun
Government announces meerkat cull after nationwide nausea epidemic. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 18.11.11 8:47pm
dominic_mcg
Ken Livingstone: "I didn't vote in the last series of X Factor"

Ken Livingstone has admitted that he didn't vote for Matt Cardle last year, claiming to have "never heard of him"...

0
mpaterson 18.11.11 8:34pm
mpaterson
Archbishop disappointed with same-sex wedding plans; wants to get married now

The archbishop of Westminster has expressed disappointment at government plans to introduce same-sex marriages in March 2012; "I don't want to wait; like many clergymen, we want to get married to our...

0
apepper 18.11.11 7:25pm
apepper
Jimmy Savile's grave topped off with concrete

"That's fixed it for him," says undertaker. "We just want to be sure he doesn't come back."...

0
Scroat 18.11.11 7:21pm
Scroat
Neutrino found to have taken artificial stimulants, record wiped from books. 0
Immunis 18.11.11 6:54pm
Immunis
Blatter - "I'd never say anything racist as most of my best friends are racists"

more handshakes later...

0
brownpaperreporter 18.11.11 6:48pm
brownpaperreporter
Farmer to pay back subsidies after EU discovers he planted his wife. More soon. 0
dominic_mcg 18.11.11 6:34pm
dominic_mcg
MoD spends £600m on consultants to decide who they can legally shoot

The Ministry of Defence has been criticised for wasting £600m on consultants, from a budget that could have been spent on ammunition, rendition flights and new sign posts for Royal Wootton Bassett....

3
18.11.11 6:09pm
Blatter suggests ending Stephen Lawrence trial with a handshake 11
Mark66 18.11.11 5:56pm
Long Distance Clara
MoD equipment purchasers to work at the front line

In a shock move by defence secretary Philip Hammond to improve the quality of equipment procurement, the civil servants that are responsible for purchasing military hardware are to be sent to the...

0
Immunis 18.11.11 5:52pm
Immunis
Blatter to ban black people from wearing poppies. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 18.11.11 4:55pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
Protestors take over USB...

now how will I connect my printer?...

0
John Ffitch-Rucker 18.11.11 4:53pm
John Ffitch-Rucker
I witness Tyrant Blatter finally run to ground: Foreign Latest

They gathered at dusk in the bars and restaurants of the teeming Zurich bazaar and by midnight President Blatter's HQ had been besieged and his bloodied corpse lay in the dusty street outside. I...

0
Drylaw 18.11.11 3:24pm
Drylaw
Rare Picasso portrait of German Chancellor entitled "Angular Merkel" discovered 0
simonjmr 18.11.11 3:06pm
simonjmr
Protesters admit error of inviting Josie Long to occupied UBS building

The occupiers of the deserted UBS offices admitted they 'should never have invited Josie Long to perform' in the building. Since the announcement, reports of almost half the occupying contingency...

3
ndbrown123 18.11.11 3:04pm
ndbrown123
The "Peston" adopted as the international unit of measurement of smugness

The International Standards Authority has to day confirmed that the Peston will now sit alongside the metre, gram and second as a unit of measure. Absolute Peston is defined as 273kP, the rest of the...

2
grottymonty 18.11.11 2:56pm
Screenie
"Won't pay? Then don't pay" says Treasury's Danny Alexander

Letters have gone out from HMRC to 6000 UK Swiss bank account holders, suspected of contributing to £14bn annual tax avoidance. "This tough no-nonsense letter sets out the options, asking two simple...

5
dvo4fun 18.11.11 2:55pm
dvo4fun
Norfolk County Council outlaws www.silf.xxx 1
grottymonty 18.11.11 2:29pm
kimllfixit
Cambridge and Oxford universities in row race 6
Screenie 18.11.11 2:05pm
Screenie
Vatican launches Home Exorcism Kit

Pope Benedict XVI has given his seal of approval for a special self-exorcism kit that members of the general public can use to tackle their own personal demons. The kit, comprising of bell, book...

14
Ludicity 18.11.11 1:40pm
kimllfixit
Arab League urges Syria stop shooting civilians.."Bombing much more effective" 0
hansens-scar 18.11.11 1:20pm
hansens-scar
Ex MI5 chief Manningham-Buller sends out for pizza during Lords debate 0
hansens-scar 18.11.11 1:15pm
hansens-scar
Blatter holding out for 'golden handshake' claim critics 0
Screenie 18.11.11 1:04pm
Screenie
Research shows Britain's pubs 'full of technocrats'

There may be hope for the ailing UK economy, after researchers found that Britain’s pubs are ‘chock full’ of technocrats. ‘After the resounding success of the new governments in Italy and...

4
The Paper Ostrich 18.11.11 12:48pm
butagirl
Fears grow as Domestos forces Yakult over to the Dark Side 0
grottymonty 18.11.11 12:42pm
grottymonty
Am-Dram society rallies after crossbow atrocity

Swaffham and District Amateur Dramatic Society confirmed today that this year’s performance of Aladdin will go ahead as planned, despite last Thursday’s crossbow rampage by Wishee Washee which...

0
allmyownstunts 18.11.11 12:33pm
allmyownstunts
St Paul’s first letter to the occupiers

Love is patient but I'm losing mine, so I’d love it if you’d all piss off now...

0
button 18.11.11 12:06pm
button