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"Bonsai babies" are this year's must-have accessory for the boozy teen smoker

"Bonsai babies" that will fit in the palm of your hand until they are 3 or 4 years old have become the latest designer craze to create a buzz amongst the nation's teenagers. Schoolgirls up and down...

29
OllieP 20.10.11 12:39pm
witless
Wall Street Protestors 'dismayed' upon hearing historical account of Guy Fawkes

UK Protestors involved in the London version of the 'Occupy Wall Street' movement were today in disarray upon being confronted by a member of the public who claims to have a C in GCSE History. The...

0
Juggernaut 20.10.11 12:17pm
Juggernaut
Support Greece - buy olives. 0
Griffin 20.10.11 12:10pm
Griffin
Gaddafi capured by XTC

Former leader Colonel Gaddafi was captured by forces of the XTC (Xtraordinary Transitional council) today. Spokesman Andy Mohamed Partridge said "This is a great day for the people of this country....

1
virtuallywill 20.10.11 12:08pm
Midfield Diamond
Police in Ohio comment on Zoo shootings

Sheriff Matt Lutz said today "It was like, yeeeeeehaaa". Later he admits to having erection while gunning down dangerous animals. "They were coming right for us"...

1
brd888 20.10.11 11:40am
Drylaw
Tragedy as mime artist falls into aquarium at ‘Sea-world’. 0
John Ffitch-Rucker 20.10.11 11:30am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Police enter Dale by back passage

wish I'd thought of this yesterday...

0
Sinnick 20.10.11 11:18am
Sinnick
Revolving Scotland Yard sign " pedal-powered by News International Staff"

http://uk.reuters.com/resources/r/?m=02&d=20080206&t=2&i=3059987&w=460&fh=&fw=&ll=&pl=&r=2008-02-06T164506Z_01_L06502128_RTRUKOP_0_PICTURE0 It has been the icon...

1
nickb 20.10.11 10:35am
button
Innovative glass bottom bus tours excite asphalt spotters

ticker 2 mins, picture edit 2 hours. sheesh, http://tinyurl.com/6kzl3bx...

8
vertical 20.10.11 9:57am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Parents “to take children to England to hit them” if Welsh smacking ban succeeds

As the likelihood that child-smacking will be outlawed in the Principality grows, property prices along the Wales/England border are set to show a healthy rise. Theoretically, say estate agents and...

2
nickb 20.10.11 9:19am
simonjmr
Now sperm donors won't come for less than £750.

As out of pocket expenses for egg donors is set to triple, potential sperm donors are threatening to hold back unless they receive similar compensation for their time and trouble. "750 quid would...

8
Boutros 20.10.11 9:17am
Boutros
ITV to rebrand Dale Farm to simply 'Dale' 3
Perks 20.10.11 9:15am
Boutros
Fox 'misread' Werritty's advances

Dr Liam Fox MP has today told an inquiry into his conduct that he 'misread Werritty's advances'. 'Dr Fox would still be the Defence Secretary if he had just stayed for one more drink in the...

2
Perks 20.10.11 9:10am
Perks
Cameron laughs off Harman's Curse

"Well this is one PMQs I won't forget," laughed PM David Cameron today following an extraordinary outburst by Deputy Labour leader Harriet Harman from across the Commons floor. "I curse ye five...

2
Drylaw 20.10.11 7:29am
dvo4fun
'See you in Waitrose' warn coffin-dodgers

A pensioner who was criticised for holding up the queue at his local Waitrose has admitted he and his friends only do it to ‘wind up those precious young fuck-wits who still have a crappy job to go...

5
Gerontius 20.10.11 6:46am
John Ffitch-Rucker
Dr. Phil publishes new research on the positive effects of raising one's chin 0
Dumbnews 20.10.11 2:14am
Dumbnews
ASDA solve the pensioners-queuing-at-peak-times-for-no-reason problem

with a "Ten Years Left or Fewer" aisle...

15
gaijintendo 20.10.11 1:14am
Boutros
British Gas pledge to kill fewer than 3000 old people this winter 3
roybland 19.10.11 10:05pm
dvo4fun
Men urged to carry new 'sperm donor' cards to increase dwindling supply

It is the perfect example of the circle of life,' explained baby-gravy expert John Withers, 'there is always some 'left in the sac' when a man passes away, it's not like the gentleman in question is...

9
Screenie 19.10.11 9:45pm
Sinnick
Amnesty probes British public school "mortar boarding"

Human rights watchdogs have been investigating punishments at well known British public schools and have highlighted "Mortar Boarding" - where teachers dressed from the 1930s intimidate children...

5
apepper 19.10.11 9:31pm
vertical
Anne Robinson sues British Museum for revealing true age

TV presenter Anne Robinson has sued the British Museum for revealing her true age. Ms Robinson donated some her "leftover" parts following plastic surgery in 2008 and, after carbon dating, an...

6
apepper 19.10.11 9:28pm
CJWorkman
New Transport Minister's 12 point turn in Commons car park caught on video 0
Drylaw 19.10.11 9:05pm
Drylaw
Chadderton twinned with Sydney 0
Screenie 19.10.11 8:40pm
Screenie
Pregnant wife in 'giving birth to girl' shock 0
Screenie 19.10.11 8:40pm
Screenie
Wallabies refuse to recognise kangaroo court 0
nickb 19.10.11 8:19pm
nickb
Pooh Bear fails to shit in the woods. 2
nickb 19.10.11 8:03pm
nickb
Dale Farm residents to have language skills tests before they speak to media 5
brownpaperreporter 19.10.11 7:42pm
dvo4fun
Apple community in shock after first Siri suicide

Thousands of Apple fans across the world are in shock today following reports of the first iPhone Siri suicide.,  , Siri, Apple's artificial intelligence 'personal assistant' and the main feature...

0
roybland 19.10.11 7:25pm
roybland
Sperm banks finding things hard

Difficult times are hitting sperm donations...

1
apepper 19.10.11 6:45pm
Boutros
Essex Council breaking up a 'clothes peg community' say Dale Farm travellers 0
roybland 19.10.11 5:45pm
roybland