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Chelsea board outline sacking strategy

Chelsea football club have today outlined their long-term strategy for sacking managers, less than two hours after sacking current muse, Roberto Di Matteo. In an interview with our business...

Old Hat 24.11.12 8:49am
Justin Welby sex change plot to defeat synod anti-women vote

The next Archbishop of Canterbury may undergo a sex change in a plan to overturn the recent Church of England vote to prevent women becoming bishops. 'Normally we would have to wait years to get the...

roybland 24.11.12 8:46am
UN to assemble crack team of Internet commenters to solve Arab/Israeli problem.

The United Nations has announced that they are seeking a team of internet commenters to assist them with a bid to solve the Arab/Israeli problem once and for all., Secretary General Spoony Banks...

Gaz 24.11.12 8:44am
UKIP couple lose foster children who 'might grow up like Nigel Farage' 0
roybland 24.11.12 8:12am
Starbucks introduce new "Fairtax" coffees

Starbucks announced that following on from the success of the Fairtrade coffee drinks -in which the growers are paid slightly better- that a new "Fairtax" suite of products will be launched next week...

steve_l 24.11.12 7:58am
Old Trafford cordoned off as naked woman squats on head of Ferguson statue

Salacious pix soon...

pinxit 24.11.12 6:49am
'Poison dwarf held for questioning' say Dallas police. 0
pinxit 24.11.12 6:46am
Sue Ellen orders black shoulder pads 0
Queen of Tarts 24.11.12 6:43am
Queen of Tarts
.. 1
Yikes 23.11.12 11:45pm
New Police Commissioner disappointed at lack of Bat Phone 2
custard cream 23.11.12 11:26pm
Librarian bans talking books 2
Dick Everyman 23.11.12 11:03pm
Dick Everyman
‘We comply with all countries’ tax laws’ – Amazon spokesman Lance Armstrong 0
Yikes 23.11.12 10:56pm
EU Budget stance 'inspired by SuperScrimpers', admits Cameron

David Cameron stated today that his robust stance on the EU budget was due to being encouraged by the Chancellor to watch SuperScrimpers on TV. The PM said he realised the UK had 'sleepwalked' into...

Squudge 23.11.12 10:51pm
Kevin McCloud to embrace austerity Britain with new show Humble Designs 2
Sir Lupus 23.11.12 10:46pm
Sir Lupus
Baron Cameron criticises EU for 'not living in the real world'

more tantrums later...

virtuallywill 23.11.12 9:30pm
Welsh fans upset by new Oasis single called 'Don't Look Back In Bangor' 1
custard cream 23.11.12 8:15pm
custard cream
Egypt's Mursi's new powers; "Mostly political, some super."

More to follow...

apepper 23.11.12 7:46pm
Kevin Bacon to be next Chelsea Manager. 0
Al OPecia 23.11.12 7:39pm
Al OPecia
Bungling hospital named as Cambridge University NHS Trust

No, it really is...

antharrison 23.11.12 7:24pm
European budget to increase to pay for European budget meeting

European leaders may not be able to agree the latest EU budget after the final bill for the current meeting came through. Although MPs voted for the Prime Minister to fight for a cut to EU funding,...

Perks 23.11.12 6:43pm
Dead WW11 carrier Pigeon starts Bird Pun epidemic

Fears increased that the spread of Bird puns has now reached epidemic proportions among headline writers following the discovery of the remains of a WW2 carrier pigeon. Bird Puns are known to be...

beagle 23.11.12 6:42pm
Bishop Penis Requirement Causes OED to Add New Definition For Word "Bishopric"

The recent vote won by conservative members of the Church of England requiring that Bishops be males has caused the Church to do some soul searching, and also some searches between the belt and the...

Supremecourtjester 23.11.12 6:07pm
Office of Fair Trading fed up with swings and roundabouts jokes 0
CulchaVulcha 23.11.12 4:49pm
Cockroach 'still traumatised' after appearing on 'I'm a Celebrity'

A cockroach is still undergoing trauma counselling days after an apalling experience that many are citing as 'a stunt too far'. Despite support from his extended family, many who found themselves in...

Squudge 23.11.12 4:45pm
Widespread disappointment in SW as floods fail to be worst ever

The halcyon days of blaming infrequent weather conditions on global warming appear to be at an end. This year's annual submerging of properties on the Severn flood plain failed to be the worst since...

grottymonty 23.11.12 4:41pm
Jailing Of UK Criminals To Be Outlawed Following EU Ruling

Prisoner's rights organisations were jubilant last night after the European parliament decreed that law breakers in the United Kingdom can no longer be incarcerated as this could be deemed as "cruel...

Jonny Shlep 23.11.12 4:14pm
Jonny Shlep
Women ‘not man enough’ to be church leaders

Women are going to need to seriously ‘man up’ before they’re given a shot at the top jobs in the church, claims a leading bishop. ‘Women just don’t make great paedophiles, queer bashers or...

DustyBinLaden 23.11.12 3:42pm
Met Police Intelligence Unit takes lead in UK oxymoron poll.

Neat-o but too late I see. Excuse: Currently in USA, six hours adrift of the real time of day...

weematt 23.11.12 3:05pm
Sculptor misses out on Alex Ferguson statue unveiling as guide dog gets lost. 0
Gaz 23.11.12 3:03pm
Peter Kay fans call him a Southern sell-out after he tells joke about Birmingham 0
Gaz 23.11.12 2:45pm