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Disaster as England team's plane lands safely 2
StoopyDeGunt 4 years

The England team that crashed out of the world cup has failed to repeat the process at Heathrow Airport, touching down uneventfully at Terminal Five. 'Where's Al Qaeda when you need them?' said one...

Wimbledon 1
AlexR 4 years

Pavlos Joseph spotted heading towards Serena Williams’ dressing room. More soon...

Nick Clegg can wear Spain kit in comfort now 1
simonjmr 4 years
Paint Manufacturers admit, “There are only seven colours”. 9
Ian Searle 4 years

An industry spokesman confessed, “All the others are just made up to sell paint.” They added, “What are Raspberry Bellini, Teal Tension and Pale Citrus anyway, they mean nothing. It’s just...

Man in a quandry falls between two stools and curses thoughtless dog owners 0
brownpaperreporter 4 years
RMT strikes in disarray as England crash out of World Cup 0
AndyP 4 years

The RMT were holding emergency talks today as a number of planned strikes dates no longer aligned with the remaining England Games. A tearful Bob Crow made statement earlier “After weeks of...

England squad wins Daddies Sauce Team of the Year award 0
StoopyDeGunt 4 years
Tony Hayward PR contract with Ashley Cole 0
AlexR 4 years

End is nigh for Tony Hayward's PR contract with Ashley Cole. More soon...

"Mullah's wives" top selling magazine in Iran 1
simonjmr 4 years

It's all in the eyes. More soon...

Government plan to deter cash-hoarders on track 0
hero2zero 4 years

The current Treasury plan to force those that hoard cash to bank it by voiding twenty-pound notes, overnight is running to plan. The notes, displaying a picture of Elgar will become illegal tender...

Cameron calls for calm as public demands "Fabio's Law". 2
dominic_mcg 4 years

A test run of Fabio's Law – the controversial scheme which allows the public to check whether their neighbours are England footballers – has shown that one in 15 people enquired about are premier...

Russia 'winning the race in attractive spies' admits intelligence chiefs 1
jp1885 4 years

Following the publication of Russian spy Anna Chapman's social networking photos, British and American intelligence agencies have been forced to admit that the Russian Foreign Intelligence Service...

Tickets for England 'Welcome Home' party to be allocated by ballot. 2
Griffin 4 years

Volunteers are sought to apply for the ten tickets to the 'Welcome Home' party of our glorious football team. The lucky winners will be chosen by a ballot. A specially chartered Ryanair flight will...

Pretty criminals to get early release 0
MrChigleysAunt 4 years
Mail reader still puzzled by number of asylums seekers from Iraq and Afghanistan 0
la maga 4 years
Pukka pies: Hold your nose and close your eyes! 1
StoopyDeGunt 4 years

As the scales fall from every football fan's eyes, and they finally see the world in all its high definition ugliness, products that traded on their football association are beginning to plummet....

Foreign Office claims Pope condom memo was just 'gentle ribbing' 6
rickwestwell 4 years

The Catholic Church - ribbed for your pleasure...

Ferguson is press stand-in for Quieroz after Portugal's World Cup exit. 3
Mrblacker 4 years
Ginger Tom to be called Titian Tom from now on 0
simonjmr 4 years
Tories combine policies: Volunteers to staff prisons 0
virtuallywill 4 years

so much more later...

Schoolboy footballer commits 'England team' error 2
Oxbridge 4 years
Cartographers admit error in trying to make 3D map of the world to scale 0
Ludicity 4 years
Osborne announces plan to: "cull the less fortunate" 3
AdrianJ 4 years

In a move aimed at cutting the country's £155bn deficit, the Chancellor, George Osborne, today outlined the Government's new plan to, "humanely dispose of the needy and less fortunate". Mr Osborne...

Black Cop shoots white person ,Tv critic welcomes the return of theTwilight Zone 0
arrghgarry 4 years

more soon ,maybe ,maybe not...

Small tiny diminutive Lilly Pad Nudedoll doesn`t think her job is special 0
arrghgarry 4 years

She does n`t think she is special ,she is just standing on the shoulders of others, to bring special relief to tall people...

Disappointment as Cameron's cabinet road trip fails to end Thelma & Louise style 0
Ludicity 4 years
Home Office considers paying criminals to retire from life of crime 0
hero2zero 4 years

Paying criminals to give up crime is one of the money-saving ideas being considered bye the government. A spokesman said, “We considered it over the Westminster expenses scandal, so why not for...

Virginia Water Women's Institute elects surprise 'Motherfucker of the year' 2
antharrison 4 years

For the first time in its 86 year history the Virginia Water branch of the Women's Institute located in affluent Surrey has elected a geographic outsider as its "Motherfucker of the Year". The...

Drugs debate re-opened as Tories re-classify cannabis as 'Working Class' 0
dicky37 4 years

In a bid to 'better reflect the socioeconomic status of UK users', drugs such as marijuana, crack and speed will be classified 'Working Class', while substances such as cocaine will be 'Middle Class'...

Autobiography titles announced- 9
ramblesnake 4 years

Gordon Brown's: "I Didn't Do It" David Cameron's: "It Was Like That When I Got Here"...