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West Coast Rail bid delayed by 'wrong type of civil servant' 1
philthefunk 04.10.12 9:28am
NUS Report Floppy-Haired-Indie-Kids are now “Critically Endangered”

As universities across the country return to lectures, the slow dwindling of the population of floppy-haired-indie-kids has now reached crisis point, with the NUS upgrading them from endangered to...

james_doc 04.10.12 9:18am
Ed Miliband

has apologised for any confusion that his speech has caused. The One Nation he was talking about was China...

philthefunk 04.10.12 9:09am
Public to Endure another David Blaine "Feat of Endurance"

Professional attention seeker David Blaine will once more subject the general public to another pointless, essentially risk-free stunt., Blaine's doctor outlined the risks and then described how in...

moanygit 04.10.12 8:58am
Women in Saudi IKEA catalogue “just got lost looking for the cafe”

IKEA has defended the publication of a catalogue for Saudi Arabia without pictures of women in it by asserting that the brochure was intended to feature both sexes, but that all their models had...

Sir Lupus 04.10.12 8:50am
looking sideways
Now then pop pickers....

here are some new entries for this weeks hit parade., In at 10 - Gary Glitter, At No.9 - Can I Touch You There - Jimmy & The Saviles, New Entry - No.8 - My Ding-a-Ling - The Mandevilles, No.7...

philthefunk 04.10.12 8:13am
Savile Row.....

.Suits the tabloids?...

Jesse Bigg 04.10.12 7:55am
Barber of Savile charged with grooming 0
medici2471 04.10.12 7:41am
Angry mob reconvenes after summer of sporting success...

Recent revelations about Jimmy Savile have brought an angry mob back together, following a summer of sporting triumph and a feelgood factor that, at times, has threatened to go off the chart. Bob...

Tripod 04.10.12 7:35am
New Beaujolais to be named after Savile,

as it uses the youngest gropes...

philthefunk 04.10.12 7:32am
'Forgotten 50% is a priority,' says shadow chancellor, 'but so is the other 60%' 5
DustyBinLaden 04.10.12 6:41am
Lightning Strike boy disappointed with [lack of] superpowers,

A schoolboy from Swindon who was struck by lightning outside his school is said to be disappointed at the lack of SuperPowers resulting from the incident., The boy, aged 11 is said to be stable but...

moanygit 04.10.12 6:38am
David Blaine accepts biggest challenge: joining lunchtime queue in post office. 1
Tripod 04.10.12 6:16am
An American Miracle, Following the first round of presidential debates in the United States, President...

thesilverflute 04.10.12 5:30am
Mario Balotelli spends quiet night in

Tradition is a word that holds special meaning in the minds of football fans up and down the land. As the sport inches further and further from the genesis of the rail roads and ship yards of...

Hooch 04.10.12 12:19am
Music-for-gameshow-headphones contract secured by Cradle of Filth

The battle to secure the rights to supply the music for the contestants' headphones on All Star Mr & Mrs has been won by Suffolk-based extreme metal outfit, Cradle of Filth. "We need the...

jamsieoconnor 04.10.12 12:18am
Survey Shows Definitively that House Prices are “All Over the Shop”

An analysis of house price surveys conducted during 2012 has concluded that prices are going up, down, and staying static all at the same time. “It’s an effect known as ‘Schrodingers Estate...

Quaz 03.10.12 11:36pm
Simon Cowell's New Show To Find Official Best Thing Since Sliced Bread

Simon Cowell today announced that his latest ITV talent show will for the first time feature inanimate as well as animate objects as he invites the public to vote for the official best thing since...

Carter 03.10.12 11:12pm
EU to split high street banks into 'heartless bastards' and 'reckless fuckwits' 4
FlashArry 03.10.12 9:21pm
Runestone Cowboy
West Coast Line

An expert claims takeover of the West Coast line is at a crossroads. An even bigger expert points out you don't get crossroads on train lines and is more likely to be a junction...

george.scofield 03.10.12 8:44pm
Tesco grab a special offer for Sale

A town in the North-West has today become the first to be bought outright by a supermarket chain. Tesco has invested 10 Million pounds in buying ‘Sale’ in a bid to secure the word for their sole...

Perks 03.10.12 8:32pm
Sir Lupus
Adele Confirmed to Sing New James Bond Theme

It was confirmed yesterday that Adele would be singing the title theme for the new James Bond film Skyfall, starring Daniel Craig, released later this month. Initially, Adele was reluctant to be...

christian.orr 03.10.12 7:35pm
custard cream
Now then now then

what do we have here ladies and gentlemen uuuuggghhhhhh?Dear Jimmy could you fix it for me not to have to nosh on your old smelly todger anymore signed susan aged twelve...

Dave Grigger 03.10.12 7:23pm
Guardian dating site offends readers with image of 'oppressively white couple'

The Guardian newspaper has reacted angrily to its own dating service, after the offensive image of two white, heterosexual professionals was used to advertise the business. Despite the wealth of...

Nunnion Splendacular 03.10.12 5:25pm
fall in female physics students blamed on 'the Cox-Miller effect'

In the blue corner, Brian Cox and Ben Miller, the charismatic media faces of physics., Erudite, photogenic and engaging, bringing a new, friendlier perspective to science. In the red corner,...

FlashArry 03.10.12 4:57pm
Northampton Shoe Magazine accused of trying to cause outrage

It has been discovered that local footwear magazine Northampton Shoe Magazine has been trying to garner a wider readership by needlessly courting outrage. It comes on the heels of the glossy Closer...

george.scofield 03.10.12 4:12pm
David Cameron to order LIb Dem cull ahead of next election 0
simonjmr 03.10.12 3:51pm
"I'm out!" says gay Dragon. 1
Ian Searle 03.10.12 3:48pm
Kevin Pietersen released back into the wild

The ECB has today revealed that troublesome ex-South African cricketer Kevin Pietersen has been returned to the wild and has rejoined his pack. He is expected to make a full recovery and will...

grottymonty 03.10.12 3:08pm
Embarrasing rail franchise U-turn as Virgin's brown paper bag ends up biggest

more bungs soon...

grottymonty 03.10.12 2:41pm